Volume
1067 - Flick of the wrist
Dozens will see it.
Wednesday,
May 14, 2003
Quotes
“I opposed the American war in Vietnam...That
war was a disastrous folly. We were never
more isolated from the international
community than when our troops were deepest in the
Vietnam jungle. A close second
in isolating us from the international community was the
invasion of Iraq, a largely defenseless
little desert state that posed no threat to us and had
taken no action against us. I
am opposed to the Bush doctrine of "preemptive war"
-- what heretofore has been known as
aggression or invasion.
--
George McGovern, genuine war hero,
"A
More Constructive Internationalism",
"This
guy is still alive? I want him dead - and anyone
who disagrees with that? I want them dead, too!"
Don't
let GOP give away the bank 
by Jesse Jackson
Click
Here
Excerpt:
The parents learned that if they got 100
volunteers to give blood plasma--a much more difficult and painful
procedure than giving blood--they would
be paid enough to keep a math teacher on the job. So Beth helped
round up the volunteers and became one
herself. She had to go five times to donate the plasma--and she
passed out each time. But she continued.
This was about math for her child, after all, and worth the sacrifice.
While she was literally giving her blood,
in Washington the president and the Republican majorities in the House
and Senate are having a predators' ball.
They are squabbling about how much of a tax break they are going to
give millionaires and refusing to do anything
to help with the worst state and local fiscal crisis since World War II.
Bartcop Radio is Here!
Well - not quite, but the members area is being set up and a membership
system is being installed.
The move to the new system will take several weeks, and the plan
is for the subscriptions generated
will (more than, hopefully) pay for the increased costs of transmitting
the giant sound files.
Just $10/Month!
Sidebar:
Maybe during the transition, we can come
up with an idea how to
handle individual, snail mail, month-to-month
subscriptions.
if you have any ideas.
I need all the help I can get.
Quotes
“In San Diego, the supercarrier USS Abraham
Lincoln finally docked after nearly 10 months at sea.
We’ll have more on the reunion with
eager loved ones in just a moment, but these soldiers, of course,
are coming home to a sober reality as
well. An economy that, if anything, is struggling more than it was
when they set sail. The government said
today the unemployment rate is up to six percent. More than
half a million jobs were lost in the
last three months.”
– Claire Shipman anchoring World News Tonight, Sailors
Better Off in War Zone
Quotes
"When we got into office, the thing that surprised
me the most
was that things were as bad as
we'd been saying they were."
--John F. Kennedy, forty two years ago
Dick
Morris - tax cheat
Toe sucking FOX liar owes a quarter million
Click
Here
Excerpt:
Dick Morris, now a commentator for Fox
News owes $257,624 in state income taxes and is ranked sixth
on the state Department of Revenue Services'
roster of "Top 100 Delinquent Taxpayer Accounts."
A spokeswoman for the tax department said
she could confirm only that Morris was on the list, which includes
the names of those who have not paid state
taxes for more than three months after all their appeal rights have expired.
She added that the department posts the
list on its Web site in hopes of "shaming" delinquents into paying up.
You can't shame the toe-sucker into anything.
If he'll work for FOX, he has no shame.
"Y.M.C.A., ...Y.M.C.A.!"
Where's the one of Bush going AWOL?
Subject: Blair to receive
Congressional Gold Medal
Click
Here
Bart,
Tony Blair may never get a Nobel Prize,
but his lapdog toadying has bought him
a Congressional Gold Medal. He sat
up, rolled over, begged, and played dead, just like
a good puppy, so now he has earned a Scooby
Snack.
This certainly debases everything that the
CGM stood for. I especially loved this quote:
"Mr Blair's steadfast support for the Bush
administration during the wars in Afghanistan
and Iraq made him hugely popular in the
US." Popular with thugs, maybe.
I wonder how much Tony likes being paid
in gold, rather than in silver?
R Lewis
Please visit our sponsors.
On
Barney, Bush's dog
"Sometimes he just disappears. The president
may be the leader of the free world," says our tipster,
"but Barney doesn't have a problem ignoring
orders and going AWOL when he feels like it."
Dog learns well from master chimp
Chris in fl
Attribution
"Kill
him. I want all people in Florida named Chris dead - by sunset!"
Subject: re: kiss
my ass
About the economic quotes in the article,
they were made before Hillary-care failed.
Mike, I have no clue which article you might
be referring to.
And "Hillary care" didn't fail because
it was never tried.
The gelding Democrats refused to back their
new president. The GOP hate machine revved up
and made health care into Willie Horton
II, and the pink tutu Democrats ran like cock roaches
when the Clintons needed support in changing
our then-biggest problem..
The damage of the tax cuts were overestimated,
due in part from the continuing productivity
improvements stemming from the Reagan tax
cuts, and due in part to the Internet
(stock boom, cap gains tax windfall, etc.).
Best,
M2.
Mike, again, I have no clue if you're talking about Reagan's tax
cuts, Reagan's tax hikes,
Bush's tax cuts - you could be talking about anything from the
last 22 years.
Most of the time I'm floundering like a tossed rafter in the cold
Colorado rapids
so any and all clarifying clues would help when writing to Ol'
Bart.
In any event, who made the call that tax cuts weren't that bad?
A millionaire who wanted more?
Where's the "not that bad" on this chart?
When the right talks about tax cuts, they always say, "When
the rich get a tax cut,
they're able to hire more workers and
make the economy better for all," which is horseshit.
I'm "able" to go to Idaho tonight, but that doesn't mean I'm going
to.
Far
too far
Texas Republicans ensure an unhelpful government
by Molly Ivins
Click
Here
Excerpt:
"They just went too far, that's all. This session
of the legislature has been as brutal, callous and indifferent to the welfare
of the weakest, the most frail, youngest
and oldest Texans as it is possible to get. The level of pure meanness
is stunning.
They have just gone too damn far...There
is no excuse for this, and blaming it on the deficit will not wash. We
all knew
going in that some terribly hard choices
would have to be made, but what in the name of heaven was the governor
thinking when he had handicapped people
arrested?
POWs
on Dave
That did my heart good.
These guys had "America's best" written all over them.
Because of who they are and what they they did and what happened,
I completely forgave their religious faux pax and I'd
forgive them if they liked Bush.
These were two young bucks who took an f-ing with humor and they're
ready for more.
You can hate the military all you want, but when you and me need
some kid to charge that machine gun,
these guys are waving their hands, trying to volunteer.
...and what a country.
They've only been free - how long? - 30 days, right? And they
already had their schtick down.
They have a comedy routine worked up, and it was funnier than
last week's SNL.
Two dudes get freed from an Iraqi prison and they're funnier
than SNL's finest?
Dave did a super lame Monica joke tonight
(Dave, it was five years ago. Fire those writers - hire new ones.)
but when Dave gets down, I think he's the best at doing this.
Since we know Dave's a comedian, when he
gets serious, it means that much more:
Dave: (gingerly) Were you guys tortured,
beaten, or mistreated?
Hero 1: Yeah, and Randy got it worse
than I did. They were always beating on him.
Hero 2: That pissed me off. I said,
"Why
don't you smack my friend as much as me?"
ha ha
Dave bears in... (this is how I remember
it)
Dave: So, after you were captured,
what kinds of questions did they ask you?
Hero 1: The usual stuff, how
many troops we had, where we would attack next, struff like that...
Hero 2: I told 'em we were
coming to kick their ass. The baddest and meanest fighting force
in history was coming to kick their ass from every direction any second.
They got a lot
nicer towards us as our boys closed in.
He turned to the crowd with an Arsenio "Woof,
woof!" hand thing and they went wild.
Sidebar:
Hey, you military-is-bad Democrats need
to listen to Ol' Bart on this one. When it's
life and death (inside these two guy's
microcosm) rooting for your team is a good thing.
Dave: What were some of your scarier
moments?.
Hero 2: There was the time
when the building next to us got bombed and bricks
fell on top of us from our prison wall collapsing, that was pretty scary.
Dave: And how does something like
that
change you, as people, you're perpective on life?
Hero 1: It makes every day better
than before, each experience is more fulfilling.
ha ha
How good would some Chinaco Anejo taste after walking
a mile in his shoes?
How sweet would the South's Finest Chocolate taste
having been in an Iraqi jail?
Sidebar:
I've been in a Mexican
Jail, and I can truthfully testify that SF Chocolate totally
rules
How tasty would, ...be still my heart, ...Bixby Corn seem
after going thru a life-changing experience?
If I wore a safety helmet, and hired people to push foam bricks
on me - would it be the same?
Damn!
Survey says no.
Oh, one last thing on the POWs.
This was so true, you've could've seen it on bartcop.com
The pilots said when the Iraqi soldiers first captured them and
slapped them around, they accused
out boys of having pornography in the chopper. The Iraqi's
help up DVD's such as 101 Dalmations,
and accused our boys of possessing pornography.
So Hero 2 looks at Hero 1 and says, "You
been holding out on me? Dude, you had porn?"
And Hero 12 looks at the camera and says, "No,
I never had any porn, my wife would kill me!"
ha ha
Make him stop!
Between getting caught by his wife with porn, he'd rather be held
captive by an enemy army?
On her worst days, I'd rather be with Mrs Bart
than in the custody of Iraqi soldiers.
(Please don't tell her I said that...)
In closing, a salute to these two men.
Five seconds into the interview you knew these were two corn-fed
country boys who embody
all the good things we'd like in our military.
Loyalty, bravery, adaptability, HUMOR
Did you hear the trench story?
The two were running from their Iraqi pursuers, when they came
to a river. Hero 1 stepped in.
The water was ankle high, he said, "So
far, so good." His second step submerged him completely.
He was surprised and confused and underwater all at the same
time, meanwhile Hero 2, knowing
the Iraqi soldiers were scant seconds behind them said,
"Dude, this is no time to be playing tricks."
Ain't that America?
Hey, two things to keep in mind.
You have to support the boys in the military.
You have to keep your sense of humor.
Just released!
Click on banner for more
"America's Nightmare
is an important book and needs to be widely read.”
-- Peter Phillips, Associate Professor of Sociology
at Sonoma State University and Director of Project Censored
Quotes
"If Lincoln freed slaves in the era of all-news
channels instead of in 1863,
they would have granted him half the
screen, the rest to Laci Peterson's memorial.
The discovery of the wheel would have
shared time with Scott Peterson's bail hearing."
--Howard
Rosenberg, Obsession
drives television news
Warning: Only do this is you want to pay less taxes.
If you want to pay more taxes - do nothing.
What we really need is The
BartCop Tax Plan
So simple, *I* can understand it
GAO
Won't Investigate 'Operation Monkey in a Flight Suit'
Click
Here
Excerpt:
Congress' investigative agency won't look
at the costs of Monkey's "Top Gun" party on an
aircraft carrier to declare an end to major
fighting in Iraq. Comptroller General David Walker,
head of the GAO, said Tuesday it would
cost too much and take too long to do the study.
They've already used that excuse once before - they couldn't investigate
9-11 or Halliburton,
or Harken, whatever, because it would cost too much.
But they had plenty of money when they sent 700 FBI agents to
comb thru the trailer parks
of Arkansas, coaxing little tramps into saying they had sex with
our last elected president.
We could afford a $250 million, never-ending safari into Clinton's
zipper because he didn't
bankrupt the country with billions in giveaways to the super
rich, so we punished him for that?
And the snot-nosed little bastard who never worked a day in his
life, who added to America's
bankruptcy with his little showboating on the Lincoln
gets ANOTHER
pass?
Bush will see to it that the country is broke the entire time
he's in office.
So he'll never be held accountable for anything
in his stolen presidency?
America is sick.
To: rush@eibnet.com
Subject: You...
You go after a (Democrat) President for
lying about who's sucking him off, but don't have
the balls or integrity to go after a (Republican)
Appointed President who lies about his reasons
for sending 145 American soldiers to their
deaths so that he and his cronies can line their pockets
while at the same time cutting veterans'
benefits!
The same Appointed Moron who pushes for
tax cuts for the wealthy -- oh, that's right, YOU're one of them
-- while leaving 95% of the American public
paying the bill AGAIN while the rich get richer!
Why am I NOT surprised?
Too bad someone with your intelligence and
clout has no integrity...
Al Franken was right, you're only lacking
the brown shirt...
John D
Ann Coulter gets a makeover
as seen on http://www.fauxnewschannel.com/
When
the Media Fails
by Mark Weisbrot
Click
Here
Excerpt:
"The last nine months have been truly Orwellian.
In a political move beginning last August that was as transparent
as it was cynical, the Bush team used
a manufactured threat from Iraq to remove from the electoral agenda all
the domestic issues on which it was politically
vulnerable. Among these: a series of scandals involving the
administration's highest officials (including
President Bush and Vice- President Dick Cheney), the economy,
the budget, Medicare and Social Security.
The strategy worked, and helped them win both houses of Congress
for the Republican party. They then invaded
Iraq, causing the media and the public to rally even more around
the President, and lifting his approval
ratings. Now the press is talking about whether he can "use the capital
from the military success to push forward
his domestic agenda."
Marty's
E! page
Disinfotainment Today
Alex's Entertainment Report
John Entwistle's guitar auction was seriously underestimated
Movie theater owners think patrons like commercials
'The Smoking Gun' is now a TV show
ABC's fall line-up
Tommy Chong admits he has used pot (!)
(Please God, say it isn't so!)
Disney comps military at their parks
An inflatable church
And, the WB's fall line-up
click
Hi Bart:
What is your opinion about Sierra Club?
Cheers,
Der
I know of no bad news about the Sierra Club.
Usually when we get away from K-Drag, we visit the mountains
and/or the desert.
Mrs. Bart gets a letter from a wolf or a bear almost every day.
These people want to preserve the wilderness and the ecology
- can't get more noble than that.
If you're not a greedy Nazi wanting to rape nature, what's to
dislike about the Sierra Club?
..
A Democrat fights
back
Fiction,
by Mike Palecek
Joe Coffee tells his wife that he’s thinking
about running for Congress.
"Coffee Joe" speaks out against prisons and the
military and no one takes him seriously - at first.
Soon, terrified establishment politicians
try to stop him.
Joe Coffee’s Revolution provides
a refreshing alternative perspective.
Click
Here to order your copy today.
[Palecek is a former reporter, federal prisoner,
and seminarian.]
Also by Mike Palecek: Click
Here
Subject: The Tequila Twins
BartCop,
I was just reading your comments on the
Bush daughters, and thought about something...
I used to have the same attitude about
them that you do - they certainly seemed to have
gotten their father's brains (and liver).
After all, how could _anyone_ be that stupid?
Did they honestly think they could get
away with all the drugs and alcohol and _not_ get caught?
However, I then found out that they never
wanted their father to be elected. This made me wonder
if they are actually doing this on purpose.
After all, just because they are related does not mean that
they support their father, and after living
with them for over two decades, they probably know him
better than anyone. I wouldn't be surprised
if the Secret Service is not only there to guard them,
but also keeping them from protesting and/or
spilling secrets on their dear daddy. Their constant
use of illicit substances in public may
be their only way of protesting.
Then again, I think it was Julia Roberts
who commented that living with Bush could drive anyone
to drinking, and I can't argue with that
statement. There's also the possibility that they were concieved
just so Bush could look like a good family
man, and that they have been ignored and/or abused,
so that their activities are actually a
cry for help and/or attention. (Given what we know about
Bush's past, none of these scenarios seems
too far fetched in my mind.)
In either case, perhaps we ought to give
the girls a break. After all, we don't know what their
real motives for acting this way really
are. Besides, I feel bad for anyone who had to grow up
with Bush and Pickles for parents.
~Melissa
Melissa, I thought the most telling sentence in that story was
the SS agent asking Kutcher,
"Will they be staying the night?"
He should've said, "Christ, I hope so,"
I mean, how many men in our history have had
the chance to bag presidential twins? Hell, he could've
taped it and sold copies on eBay.
But I'll make you a deal:
I'll stop telling the truth about the Bush twins when FOX News
stops lying about Chelsea.
Subject: question
i contribute 10 a month from paypal , will
i have to spend 10 more to hear the radio show?
vin
Vin, great question, and the answer is "No."
Matter of fact, it would really help if you
cancelled your PayPal subscription and re-signed
with Perkel's new 2Checkout
system
We have to re-imput each subscriber e-mail manually, and then
send an e-mail to the subscriber
asking them to contact 2Checkout and sign up with their own password
and login name.
That's a time consumer all the way around, and lack of time is
our biggest enemy
Worse yet, people who donated by snail mail almost never mention
their e-mail address,
so that's a bridge we must figure out how to cross. If I had
a staff, they would need to hire more people.
This whole 
thing is just days away.
Tommy Mack lands in two hours. With this new Perkel
set up, we're there!
Is
worth $10
a month?
Click
Here to donate heavy.
Call 918-493-1500-
you have two minutes to rant away.
Did anything make you mad today?
Tell
us about it! 918-493-1500
VCR
Alert
West Wing finale is tonight, but I won't be watching
it.
Basketball game pre-empt the show again?
No.
Tornado alert knocked it off the air?
Probably, but the real reason is Tommy Mack is in the house.
I didn't pay for his Los Angeles to K-Drag flight so we could
watch TV together.
We'll tape WW and watch it after we conquer
Damn, his flight's arriving any minute - I'd better get moving.
Has
anybody seen the bridge?
"Bart will be right back to open another can
of whoop ass of some helpless ditto-monkey," or
"He has a hammer and he's not afraid to use
it - Bart will be back after this," or
"Back from cleaning his big boots, BartCop
is ready to dispatch another monkey," or
"I pity the fool who brings up 'Somalia' when
Bart's in the house," ...stuff like that.
Send your batches of snappy liners to
Shopping
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Use this portal and they'll
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Coming soon!
....
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Conason ....
MCMiller McDougal
Conason/Lyons Huffington ....
Palast
Lyons
Read the Previous
Issue
It had everything.
Copyright
© 2003, bartcop.com
I see no harm in this picture - do you?
Maybe someday Shirley will call to say "Hi!" on the Bart-Phone
at 918-493-1500
That would be cool.
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