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POLITICS - SARCASM -
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Bart Cook BartCop Sports BC Entertainment Buzzflash Daily Howler Arianna Huffington Demo U-Ground Eric Alterman Mark
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Mike Malloy
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Quotes
"Howard Dean can roll up his sleeves all he
wants at public events, but as long as we see
that heart tattoo with Neville Chamberlain's
name on his right forearms, he's never going anywhere."
-- Former funnyman-turned Nazi Dennis
Miller, praising Bush's rush into an illegal war
Hey Dennis, if Bush is such a hero to you,
where are the WMDs?
Don't you think a bully needs a reason to murder smaller countries?
Will you praise Bush every time he murders a country?
Or is the murder of Iraq particularly close to your heart?
"Daddy
says it's not murder if oil is involved..."
Excerpt:
As Mr. Bush moves from fund-raiser to fund-raiser,
building the mother of all campaign stockpiles, states from
coast to coast are reaching depths of budget
desperation unseen since the Great Depression. The disconnect here
is becoming surreal. On Thursday the National
Governors Association let it be known that the fiscal crisis that has
crippled one state after another is worsening,
not getting better.
Taxes have been raised. Services have been
cut. And the rainy day funds accumulated in the 1990's have been
consumed. If help does not materialize
soon — in the form of assistance from the federal government or a sharp
turnaround in the economy — some states
will fall into a fiscal abyss.
It's not going to get better, it's going to get worse. The whole
country is sliding into the fiscal abyss,
but Bush, the networks, cable TV and talk radio say "This
is all Clinton's fault - he had sex."
...and the poor sheep believe everything they hear.
Quotes
"People are forgetting that there were a broad
range of reasons given for dealing with
the Iraq situation now rather than
later. The WMD issue was one of them, but there
were a broad range of issues. And now
everyone is focusing on this. I think that there
is still a bias in the press. I don't
harp on it, I think we're past it, but the point is, the idea
that this administration has lied or
misled, to come to that conclusion now, that reveals a
bias in the media. And that's what
people are tired of. They are tired of it."
--Laura Ingraham, Is
Bush a Liar?
I still can't figure out why it's an impeachable offense to lie
about sex, but it's OK to lie about the
reasons for war where 200 brave men die for no goddamn reason
- and anyone who asks is unpatriotic,
and there seems to be not one on-camera reporter in America who
will ask that question.
Out of Control
Excerpt:
"While I cannot take sides in the Democratic
primary, I believe Wesley Clark, if he runs,
would make a valuable contribution because
he understands America's security challenges
and domestic priorities,'' Clinton said.
``I believe he would make a good president.''
Subject: scapegoating Nader
While I appreciate your cite for demonstrating
some courage,
I'm shocked and awed that you'd blame
Nader.
It's my understanding that if you vote
for the lesser of two evils you still vote for evil.
A vote for Nader is a vote for Bush.
If you want to vote for Bush, I can't stop you.
But don't be like Nader and whine that Bush gave his friends
$11 trillion dollars,
because President Gore would not have done that - you
see that, right?
Gore won Florida by more votes than Nader
received there.
The R's stole the election, plain and simple.
Quit blaming others and hold the criminals
responsible.
Of all the people involved in The Great Theft,
only Bush and Nader are smirking about it.
Quotes
"Coalition forces drove Iraq's terrorist leaders
from power. But Saddam never surrendered:
The remnants of the Baath Party and
the Fedayeen death squads faded into the population
and have reverted to a terrorist network."
Attribution
-- Rummmy, who, after 61 brave
men have been murdered,
seems
to recognize that there might be a slight problem in Iraq
Does
Gen. Clark have the hunger?
by Gene Lyons
Excerpt:
Judging by the calls and e-mails I get
from all over, Clark would have an excellent
shot at the Democratic nomination. His
appearances as an expert military commentator
on CNN have won him a following among Democrats
and independents who still feel
betrayed over the 2000 election, sick of
having their patriotism maligned by blowhard
country singers, standup comics and Fox
News bloviators, and eager to do a little
flag waving of their own.
Subject: Bush Takes "em Away
One of the soldiers killed yesterday in
Iraq is from the town next to mine, Linden NJ.
This morning I went out to get supplies
in a Quik Chek store. As the grandmotherly clerk
was putting my stuff in a bag, she read
the headline about him and said "That poor baby.
You raise your kids up to a certain age
and then Bush comes and takes them away."
I didn't comment due to a hangover.
Yesterday we had our Legion picnic. Early
in the day, two gentlemen walk in and begin
handing out campaign business cards. When
they got to me they introduced themselves
and said they were running for state senate.
I said "Democrat, I hope."
They said, "No, Republican."
I handed the cards back and said "Keep it".
They left quietly.
Chaplain Rude Rich
Quotes
"U.S. officials need to get our [expletive]
out of here. I say that seriously.
We have no business being here.
We will not change the culture they have
in Iraq, in Baghdad. Baghdad is so
corrupted. All we are here is potential
people to be killed and sitting ducks."
Attribution
--Staff Sgt. Charles
Pollard
"Have
that coward whipped and beaten and thrown in the brig."
Subject: priorities
Bart, you wrote:
>"Jobs and budgets and losing your life's savings aren't important.
> What people want is the guarantee that their president isn't
having sex - that's all that matters."
Now Bart, we know that nobody has ever had
a blow job before, and it just follows that
nobody would ever lie about it. What
Clinton did could set a dangerous precedent.
We all know that this is not a healthy,
wholesome activity like getting people killed
and stealing and torturing cats.
migs
I mailed a bagload of stickers out lately.
You can get bartcop.com stickers
free.
Send a stamped, self-addressed envelope to
bartcop.com
PO Box 54466
Tulsa, OK 74155
Donations accepted, but not required.
Are U.S. journalists truly spineless?
Excerpt:
Justin Webb, a Washington correspondent
for the BBC, recently posed this question to his audience:
"Are American journalists simply spineless? Do
they toe the line because they love the President?
Or because their employers do?"
Webb raised the question after hearing Dick
Cheney deliver the following statement in reference to
the war in Iraq: "You did well - you have
my thanks." This praise was not directed to our troops or
members of the president's Cabinet; it
was lavished upon members of the American Radio and
Television Correspondents Association at
their annual dinner.
...and screw the poor
Funnyman Buddy Hackett Dies at 78
Excerpt:
Comedian Buddy Hackett, who appeared for
more than 50 years as a top act in nightclubs,
TV and movies, died at his LA home late
Sunday or early Monday. He was 78.
In the beginning, his material was suitable
for family audiences, but in later years nightclubs
advertised his show "For Mature Audiences
Only." His performances in those days were
noted for their prolific use of four-letters
words at a time when that just wasn't done.
Buddy Hackett was a giant. He had
a face for comedy, and he delivered the goods.
He's one of those rare people, like Robin
Williams or Jon Stewart, who was always funny.
I'm surprise this next story didn't make
the obit. I can't even tell you the decade, it was probably
the late seventies, but he was a semi-regular
on Johnny Carson.
One night, Carson went to a commercial,
and when they came back, Johnny and the entire
studio audience was in such an uproar they
had to delay the show for a few minutes.
Buddy used to tell these loooong stories,
but the punchline was always a killer.
This particluar story was too much for
TV, but the crowd got to hear it.
They were doubled over for so long, Johnny
kept apologizing for not being able to compose
himself, saying, "Oh,
how I wish we could tell that story on the air." They
talked about
that one appearance on Carson for years,
and I never got to hear the joke.
Any chance someone out there knows what
joke he told?
I'm almost 50, and owned two nightclubs
- I think I can handle it now...
Also surprising that Vegas wasn't in the
obit.
After Buddy turned blue, (in what, the
late sixties?) Vegas was his bread & butter.
His best stuff couldn't be told on TV,
so where else could he go?
Just guessing, but back in the daus when
Richard Pryor and Redd Foxx were working blue,
there weren't many white comics doing strong
material besides Buddy Hackett.
I'll miss Buddy Hackett. He was a
giant.
Subject: Sexist Standards
Bart, you wrote:
> Did you see Beyonce on the Essence Awards?
Aah, for the good old days when R&B
singers had hits because of their SINGING, like Aretha Franklin.
OK, there was Tina Turner, but can ANY
black female who isn't a BABE make it anymore?
Contrast that with the black males, who
not only can be fat but don't even have to be able to sing at all.
These people who think criticizing popular
culture is necessarily reactionary have their heads up their asses...
PA.
Dude, you got it all wrong.
Beyonce can sing - she's got the whole package.
Click to Order
Is
Bush gay?
Betty Bowers builds a case
Move Over, Pigboy: The Liberals Are Coming
Excerpt:
Clear Channel Radio announced that in the
near future this corporate owner of over 1,200 radio stations
is considering programming some of their
talk stations "in markets where there are already one or two
stations doing conservative talk" with
all-day back-to-back all-liberal talk show hosts.
I don't believe them - not for a second.
I think they've become so closely allied with Bush and the Nazi
right that they're
floating this story to make people think they're trying to be
fair.
When are Nazis ever fair?
Subject: MStrom Thurmond
Bart,
I am sitting here watching MSNBC's effusive
coverage of Strom Thurmond's funeral, and I am
growing increasingly sick. Mother Teresa's
death didn't receive this kind of salivating, effusive coverage.
The media has gone on and on about how Thurmond
"changed." He hired the first black aide, we are told.
He supported the MLK Jr. holiday. I can
say one thing to this: Whoopty shit. The man was a racist.
His change was one of political convenience,
much like George Wallace's. It took a bullet to "change" Wallace.
Thurmond had no such life-changing experience.
Claiming that one should respect Thurmond
because he made a few token gestures toward "nigras" (his term, not mine)
is like claiming that one should admire
John Wayne Gacy because he didn't kill anyone once he got to Death Row.
The damage had already been done.
Thurmond's gift was one of longevity. Simply
because a person lives through a lot of history does not mean that they
are a respectable part of that history.
Thurmond is a shameful part of that history. Kept in office for nearly
half a century
only because he said what people wanted
to hear and because of his special ability to funnel pork into the state
of South
Carolina, he is a testament to why both
term limits and senility tests should be prerequisites for public service.
Goodbye Strom, and may your ideas die with you.
John H.
John, great points you made.
Carolina elected him again and again BECAUSE he was a racist
bastard.
They sent him to DC, "to keep the niggers from getting too much
civil rights."
The
Innocent Are Victims, Too
by Joe Conason
Excerpt:
The name of Sunny Jacobs sounded familiar
to me, but I didn’t remember why until she mentioned
her common-law husband, Jesse Tafero, who
was sent to prison with her for the same heinous crime
in 1976. They were convicted on the word
of Walter Rhodes, a felon and friend of Mr. Tafero who
avoided the death penalty by testifying
against them. He swore that Mr. Tafero and Ms. Jacobs had
each somehow fired rounds from the same
pistol that killed Florida Highway Patrol trooper Phillip Black
and his friend, a Canadian constable named
Donald Irwin.
Quotes
"Dennis Miller no longer has an agent. He now
employs a pimp."
Barry Crimmins, at barrycrimmins.com
U.S. Troops Trapped In Iraq
Excerpt:
According to Rummy & George, the Iraq
War is over, there are only small pockets of criminals;
according to this Vietnam veteran, the
war has changed to a guerrilla war the U.S. will lose.
Nearly two months after Bush declared an
end to the war in Iraq, with great fanfare and total self-confidence,
61 U.S. soldiers have died and the Iraqi
attacks are escalating on our troops. Clearly the fighting is not over,
some say it’s only beginning. But what
kind of fighting?
Excerpt:
...the only freaking news station I can
get is Fox News. This means that Shepard Smith, TV's answer to getting
blasted in the groin with a shotgun, is
more or less the sole source for televised news I have available. I've
been
studying this Shepard Smith, as I feel
it is important to have a firm understanding of your enemy's methods and
behavior. This study has left me with one
lingering question: why is Shepard Smith such an asshole? I've spent
more than enough time thinking about this,
and I've come up with some theories that I think may well shed better
light on the mystery of the giant bug that
crawled up Shepard's ass and laid its eggs, which in turn hatched creatures
that excrete a pheromone that causes asshole-like
behavior. Don't get confused there, that line about the bugs
and the asshole pheromone wasn't one of
my theories – I was just being poetic.
Harry
Potter and the Fruits of Denial
by Tamara Baker
Excerpt:
Strom Thurmond dies, and not only does
the man currently occupying the White House praise the old
race-baiting mountebank as "extraordinary",
not a single one of the media euologies I've seen or heard
-- in print, on the radio, or on TV --
dares mention the words "Southern Strategy." The closest the US'
GOP/Media whitewashers come to it is when
they disingenuously state that Thurmond left the Democratic
Party in 1964 "to support Barry Goldwater's
presidential campaign against Lyndon Baines Johnson."
The US media, however, won't mention why
Thurmond preferred Goldwater to LBJ. I however, will:
It was because LBJ was the strongest president
on civil rights since Abraham Lincoln himself.
This is a great point.
Reagan, Heston, Thurmond and Lott were all Democrats at
one time.
But when Democrats wanted civil rights for blacks, these sons
of bitches bolted.
They wanted a whites-only party, and the modern day Republican
Party was born.
Bush Pins Slump on Clinton
Excerpt:
"Two-and-a-half years ago, we inherited an
economy in recession," Bush lied.
Then, last summer, Bush revised his history
of when the recession began. Beginning in August 2002,
he began to say that "we did, in fact,
inherit an economic recession." Addressing Republican governors
in September, he declared: "I want you
all to remember that when Dick Cheney and I got sworn in,
the country was in a recession." In May
of this year, Bush even gave the recession an official starting date
three weeks before he took office, saying
"our nation went into a recession, starting January 1 of 2001."
He's such a liar, and NOBODY will call him on it but a
few websites.
He started out saying we had to have those wacky tax cuts because
the economy was booming.
Now, he says he inherited a recession, it's all Clinton's fault
and, of course, the press agrees with him.
He's the most dishonest presuident in American history, but why
should he stop lying
if the Democrats and the press agree to back up every lie he
tells?
I imagine our 2004 presidential nominee will be "too polite" to mention any of this.
Crim Quips
Excerpt:
Get this: Bush is making an active effort
to shore up his support among the right wing. WOW.
I guess the destruction of the tax code,
rampant militarism, the appointment of federal judges
that did their law clerking for Genghis
Khan, environmental policies that will soon turn make
our national flower the tumor and the integration
of church and state just wasn't enough for
the paranoid right to believe in Bush's
absolute subservience to their cause.
...while Democrats hide
hey bart-
been a while since i've heard from you...aren't we good friends anymore?
hee hee, i suppose you are mad at me for
telling you that the lynch story
was bunk way back when you fell for the
propaganda and worried about
iraqis liking her (too much) for her blonde
hair...
MM
MM, can you see Earth's sun from the planet you're on?
What did I say about Lynch that wasn't true?
My praise for her was for her bravery.
And if she ever tells her story, I'd like to be wrong about the
blond hair.
Quotes
"The truth has become apparent. The Americans
painted a picture that they
would come, provide good things to
the Iraqi people, spread security,
but regrettably...Iraqi people hate
the Americans. There's no security,
there's no stability in Iraq. I swear
to God, things are going to get worse."
--Sgt. Sami Jalil
Attribution
"Shoot
him
in both knees!"
Subject: Re: Clinton never losing any men in battle
Perchance do you have a link?
AB
Al, I have my link explaining the truth,
but good luck finding the truth about Somalia
in the Bush-owned media.
http://www.bartcop.com/somalia.htm
The 18 that died in Somalia were, apparently, much, much
more important to American history
than the almost-1000 that died from Reagan/Bush/Bush neglect
and bungling of foreign policy.
Why?
Because Reagan, Bush and Bush "knew
what they were doing, and Clinton had sex."
Our first ever "must have" store stuff.
Deficit mugs and shirts!
Give to your snotty GOP brother in law.
Prove what a genius
Clinton was.
Show him what a working president can do.
Make your ditto-monkey friend feel shame!
Excerpt:
There's a serial cat killer on the loose
in the West.
Has anyone checked Bill Frist's alibi?
ha ha
Click to Enter
U.S.
Arrests Iraqi Governor Over Kidnap Charges
Bush
sure knows how to get like-minded people to work for him.
Excerpt:
U.S. forces in Iraq arrested the Bush-appointed
interim governor of the holy Shi'ite city of Najaf
on Monday on charges of kidnapping,
holding hostages and committing financial crimes, officials
said.
What?
Kidnapping, holding hostages
and
committing financial crimes?
Those aren't crimes in the B.F.E.E. - those are sacraments.
That's how the B.F.E.E. got into power.
Bush made an illegal deal with Islamic Jihad to
keep our hostages until after the 1980 election.
And Grandpa Prescott Bush had to pay a fine for his financial
crimes with Adolph Hitler, but that's
not as important as the BIG questions - like "Did Clinton's
mother gamble in Hot Springs?"
I very much dislike the whore press in this once-great country.
Marty's
E! page
Reader Review of '28 Days Later'
CNN's Kate Snow re-locating to ABC
Distribution fees too high for 'The Hulk' in Germany
New Edith Piaf
BBC under scrutiny
Pickles & the surprise party
'Vegas', the magazine
Iggy Pop & 2 Stooges tour
Last Post ceremony in Ypres, Belgium
Twisted Sister plays family-friendly venues
And, what the hell washed up on the shore in Chile?
click
Grand
Old Gay Bashers
Scalia is
raging against the coming of the light
Excerpt:
Scalia's dissent from last week's epochal
Supreme Court decision striking down Texas's anti-sodomy
statute confirms Ayatollah Antonin's standing
as the intellectual leader of the forces arrayed against equality
and modernity in the United States.
In establishing the deep historical roots of anti-gay sentiment in America,
for instance, Scalia took pains to note
the 20 prosecutions and four executions for consensual gay sex conducted
in colonial times. He noted, approvingly,
that even today, "many Americans do not want persons who openly
engage in homosexual conduct as partners
in their business, as scoutmasters for their children, as teachers in
their children's schools or as boarders
in their home."
.
"I was
kinda gay back in college, but they made me to it."
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Zimbabwe calls Powell 'Uncle Tom'
Excerpt:
Zimbabwe hurled racial epithets at Colin
Powell, yesterday, including branding him an "Uncle Tom"
after his attack on President Robert Mugabe
in the New York Times last week.
In a deliberate echo of remarks made last
autumn by the entertainer and activist Harry Belafonte
- who said that Mr Powell adopted a docile mien
to preserve his status - the official press called him
a liar and a self-effacing servant of his
white masters.
ha ha
Better be careful - this White House will claim you have oil, invade your country and murder you.
Call the 
918-493-1500
You have two minutes to rant away.
http://www.iknowwhatyoudidlastelection.com
From: ashnak
Bev Harris says she can prove that the last
election was fixed.
Link to Democratic Underground thread and
story.
She is looking for people to safeguard
her evidence also.
I'm including two of her responses. maybe Bushco will bite the big one after all.
http://www.democraticunderground.com/duforum/DCForumID70/1995.html#190
(This is Bev talking now)
I will post at least one thread a day on DU. If for some reason you don't see me posting any more, that's a bad sign.
Oh, please!
There are others working on this as well.
I will check in with a source who will check in with each of them daily,
and we'll make sure no one disappears.
Is this a gag?
If you spilled the beans already, there'd
be no reason to shut anybody up - it would be out in the open
and you'd be safe, but I think somebody
is enjoying pretending they're Maxwell Smart.
That being said, I am putting anyone who
is following this on notice:
The files and the proof have been distributed
to a network.
That network has distributed them to their
network.
Those people have been invited to distribute
to their network.
I wish I'd been sent a copy. Don't you want
it distributed?
Dozens of people read this page.
The milk is spilled, and if anything happens
to any one investigating this, everyone at each level of the networks,
and their networks, has been notified to
consider that a trigger to blow the story open.
I have an idea - if you have something,
why
not post it?
What's with the silly cloak-and-dagger
routine?
If you have something, show it to us and
stop with these Joe McCarthy-type games.
"I have it, but I can't show you, but I have
it, but I can't show you."
Lawyers have been engaged.
We are now working with the level of attorneys
who protect activists from the government, in high profile cases.
We will henceforth be following the advice
of counsel.
This is crap!
Just post it - that is, if you actually
have something...
What was on that Diebold ftp site?
I'm told that the identified files are
the equivalent of the Pentagon Papers, perhaps worse.
Don't ask us questions - this is your
big scoop.
Why don't you tell us what you've got?
I don't like to be jerked around.
Bev Harris
Black Box Voting
http://www.blackboxvoting.com
(I believe we're back to ashnak now)
On edit: I was asked to post this so people
will know the evidence has been thoroughly seeded, and that any attempt
to muzzle those who worked on it will trigger
much more attention on a much bigger scale.
If Bev would SAY something, instead
of wasting time fearing for her life,
nobody could erase it from every
internet site that runs it.
I'm feeling really bad seeing all the "kudos
to Bev." They belong to someone else,
and I hope those people can receive appropriate
credit as soon as possible.
Look, I have no beef with Bev, I've never
met her, never talked to her, never e-mailed her etc.
I've heard her name come up in one conversation,
so I have no grudge to grind here.
But so far, this is one bighandjob.
Is there a good reason to pussyfoot this thing to Jupiter and back?
If
you have something, let's see it.
If
not, stop playing 007.
BevHarris (2991 posts)
Reply to post #2 6. Following the advice
of counsel on what to release and when
That being said, journalists for two publications
have it. One media source in the U.S., one outside.
Bev, are you selling this story?
Is that why you're playing "I got it,
but nobody can see it?" with us?
If you're selling this story, your motives
are suspect.
Have a good time today - that's an order.
Shopping
online?
Use this portal and they'll
throw bartcop.com four cents.
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Read the Previous Issue
It had everything.
Copyright
© 2003, bartcop.com
She has the sexiest brain in music.
Shirley - call me, just to say "Hi!" Leave a two-minute
message, if you would.
I'll play it for your fans at bartcop.com
Maybe
say some nasty things about George Bush.
As far as I know, Shirley, our politics are identical.
Bush
is a horrid madman and a savage killer.
He's
a stupid criminal and a greedy bastard.
Lucky
for Edinburg, Scotland has no oil :)
Bush
would bomb Scotland and steal your oil.
Plus, leave an e-mail address and I'll make you a BartCop Member - for free!
Please call the Bart-Phone at 918-493-1500
That would be really cool - and I'll catch you on your next American
tour.
bartcop.com and BartCop are trademarks of quality
humor.
Same for "ditto-monkey," "scum-sucking Republican bastards" and
Gov Bush (R-Racist monkey)
Hey, if Spike can do it, why can't I?
