From Monday's Yahoo's TV listings:

 Las Vegas  NBC   Jan 05  Starting time 07:59pm

 Those bastards at NBC start the show a minute early just to screw with their viewers.
 They don't want viewers to like them, they want viewers to hate them.

 Mission accomplished, you greedy sons of bitches.
 Blow me.
 More proof you're in bed with the B.F.E.E., where greed is king.

 Letterman Monday night

 Dave took Paul and stagehand Biff to Baghdad on Christmas Eve.

 Sidebar:
 If I say something good about Dave, he goes off on a six-day, Clinton cock hunt retrospective.
 When I call him on his lazy-ass, sell-out, get-the-fuck-back-to-work, third-rate comedy writing,
 he comes back with a smart, heart-warming show and I find myself wanting to forgive him.

 Tuesday Night
 Continuing with his slide into being an unfunny, old man, Dave has now become a one-joke parody.
 Last night, he said Bush's New Year's revelation was to put less pressure on his knees.
 (He has a bad knee, similar to Ol Bart).

 But "knee" is a word that triggers an automatic Clinton joke.
 The problem is, Dave can use every third word in the English language to tell a blow job joke.
 Other words that triggers Dave's once-funny sense of humor are,

 desk,
 down,
 blow,
 gobble,
 intern,
 oral,
 sunset,
 the,
 tire,
 choke,
 whistle,
 favor,
 red,
 hummer,
 pen,
 upside down,
 subordinate,
 gag,
 airplane,
 trigger - the list is endless.

 If Dave hears the word woodchuck, a unfunny Clinton joke pops into his head.
 Poor Dave is so far from the comedy shores he can't even see the tall buildings anymore.

 I'm so old, I remember when Dave was funny, but once he got that $42,000,000,
 he stopped trying and now he's just an unfunny old man who tells the same non-joke every night.

 It's so sad when a talented comic turns into a loser.
 Dave, welcome to Dennis Millerland.

 Jennifer Aniston

 I have the perfect idea, nobody else has ever thought of this.
 Jennifer Aniston told Dave she was getting the very last-ever script for Friends this Sunday.

 Most agree that Friends is going out on top, ..so, ... why don't they use their heads?

 They should sign a contract this week to come back five years from tonight
 and every five years thereafter and become television's first decades-later sit-com.
 We could check in with them at ages 35, then 40, then 45 and on and on.

 If they don't sign this up pre-flop, one of the six is likely to catch a set.
 If you have the cast, the writers and the director all in the same damn room at the same damn time,
 why not sign the damn contract now to avoid conflicts later?
 The Fifth Anniversary Friends Special would certainly be Number One the week it airs.
 

 Also on Dave

 A really bizarre, first-time extra-shaky vibe from Dave's stagehand Biff Henderson.
 I hate to be Doc Bart with no education from Oklahoma, but Biff is a changed man.
 I'm guessing he didn't handle the Baghdad trip all that well.

 His hands were shaking, his eyes were darting...
 We've known Biff for what 6-8 years?
 One reason Dave likes Biff was his don't-care-about-the-camera attitude, but he was aware of it Monday.

 What did Biff see that made him so nervous?
 Is his shakenness temporary?

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