110802strange

General Strangefriend
Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Say Newkyooler
   By Ulysses S. Taxpayer


Ok, I admit it; I am a bit confused now. With the election season in
full swing and the sniper freshly caught and hung out to dry, I find
that everything has changed over in the Far East. Last I heard we were
loading bombs and embarking for Iraq. Now I understand that North Korea
has admitted to their nuclear weapons program, and our Intel agencies
report that they facilitated this through trading illegal arms with Pakistan;
a win-win deal enabling North Korea to obtain its bomb.
Now, I’ve been reading up on our National Security Strategy, and I have a
few follow-up questions I was hoping our Commander-in-Chief could clarify.

Firstly, are we sure Pakistan is our ally in the Global War on Terror?
I’m all for smoking out evildoers like the next guy, but even when you
couldn’t recall General Musharaf’s name, still you must have known he
is a military dictator who seized power in a coup d’etat, rearranged that
nation’s constitution in his favor, and engaged in hostilities with his
democratic neighbors threatening use of weapons of mass destruction?
After all, I believe many of these were reasons you cited for Congress
to grant you extraordinary powers to invade Iraq? I believe in right and
wrong, good and bad, black and white. How are we to discern between
friends and foes in these circumstances?

If that wasn’t enough, I now understand that many of Afghanistan’s
Al-Qaida terrorists fled to Pakistan during Operation Enduring Freedom
and remain there, free to this day. A nation that harbors our enemy is
not our friend. Now we learn that this dictator has furnished weapons
of mass destruction to a member of the dreaded Axis of Evil. It looks
like we hit the Trifecta, again! In what way should we attack Islamabad
for, well, being bad?

And what about North Korea? My television told me that you decided this
to be a matter for diplomacy. Isn’t that going to complicate our goal
of global hegemony? Congress has granted you unlimited power to
preemptively strike at any enemy, and I am concerned that these policies
are not being executed to the letter, if not spirit, of your wishes.
If we must invade Iraq to ensure that Saddam doesn’t obtain nuclear
weapons, than surely we must pursue regime change in North Korea as
well. Not only is that nation an enemy, but aren’t they still communists too?
That’s old-school evil, and President Reagan said so.
We’re not going to appease them and start a Second Cold War are we?

I obviously wasn’t elected to be the Commander-in-Chief of our proud
forces, but I do have the National Security Strategy plan laid out here
on my desk. Looking at my big world map, I see only two major threats
and they aren’t Iraq. Pakistan has demonstrated most recently that it is
a dictatorially led, terrorist harboring, Axis-aiding, nuclear armed menace
to the world. While we were preoccupied with Afghanistan, it took
advantage of our trust to antagonize its democratic neighbor India, with
live deliverable nuclear weapons no less!

And further East is North Korea, who of late has been testing missiles
over our finest Pacific ally Japan. Now with real nuclear bombs, they
can strike our bases in Okinawa, ensuring another Pearl Harbor, but this
time in Japan. You can see why I am confused here. I read that North
Korea is building missiles that will be able to reach Alaska, even perhaps
Hawaii! Then that would really be another Pearl Harbor, wouldn’t it?

As I can see it, these two countries, one our close Ally, and the other
a distant third on the Axis of Evil list, have now pushed Iraq out of
the running for Global Enemy Number One. For that matter, the Europeans
haven’t been too cooperative in helping secure the world against the
menace of Saddam. I think we will find better friends among India going
against Pakistan, and Japan going against North Korea. Obviously they
both stand the most to lose if their neighbor goes nuclear on them.
Then Saddam will learn just how lucky he is, and choose to go into exile,
allow the US a bloodless opportunity to impose regime change in Iraq.

As a US Taxpayer, I am glad to know that fine people like you are
striving to keep us safe. I appreciate you allowing me this opportunity
to submit my concerns on this issue. I figure if I’m going to pay for
this, we might as well hit the right people.

Ulysses S. Taxpayer

PS: Who should I vote for that is in favor of congressional oversight
into the faithful execution of the National Security Strategy as you
have envisioned it? I feel as if this is a sacred document that is
destined to get us through this time of trouble unitl we can return to
our peacetime Constitutional Republic.

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