 TM
POLITICS - SARCASM -
FINE TEQUILA - VEGAS
http://www.bartcop.com/members
Click Here to subscribe
|
||||
|
|
||||
|
BlackBoxvoting |
PayPal to bartcop@bartcop.com .Support Bartcop.com PO Box 54466 Tulsa, OK 74155 |
|
Bart Cook BartCop Sports BC Entertainment Buzzflash Daily Howler Arianna Huffington Demo U-Ground Eric Alterman Joe
Conason
|
|
Click to order or read the free Chapter
Quotes
"The Iraq critics think that the prime minister
has betrayed his country to a Texas gunslinger."
--William
Rees-Mogg, on Tony Blair, Blair
a likely casualty of Bush's war
"They
call me 'Quick Draw McSmirk!'"
Lee Hamilton?
Hi,
I'm Dubya's pet poodle, Lee
Being a one-man band, there are hundreds,
if not thousands of important things that get by me,
but I didn't realize Lee Hamilton was VP
in charge of the 9-11 commission.
Lee Hamilton can NOT be trusted.
What the hell is he doing with his fingers
in this investigation?
It's time for everyone to drop their expectations
that Lee Hamilton will find ANYTHING wrong
with Bush's team in this dog-and-pony 9-11
investigation. This has really put me in a damn foul mood.
I believe this is a big story.
Click
Here for more that will turn your stomach, and demonstrate
why there's
no reason to spend another dime on the certain-to-be-Bush 9-11 whitewash.
Once again, Bush gets a free pass
and he won't be held accountable for any of his actions
or crimes.
Excerpt:
Since Monkey Pres announced the end of
major combat operations May 1, U.S. troops have been
enduring sneak attacks on almost a daily
basis around the country, resulting in deaths or injuries.
According to Pentagon numbers, between May 1 and Tuesday, 73 U.S. troops have been killed in Iraq.
Mission
accomplished, and I'm
America's
greatest living hero!
Two more soldiers dead in Iraq
The worst part of this nightmare is we can't
get out, like we did in Vietnam.
Or maybe it means we'll get out exactly
like we did in Vietnam, taking five years to do it
while losing a dozen men per week. Is there
room for another Wall in Washington?
And can we be honest enough to call it
"The Lying George W. Bush Wall of Dead Heroes?"
"Oil
makes the world go round - this is Clinton's fault..."
Quotes
"Here's a news flash for you, Mikey - those
'listeners in the gay community'
were monitoring you, waiting for you
to fuck up and say something stupid.
And you finally did. Congratulations,
idiot."
-- The editor for Blah3.com
on Weiner's pathetic apology to the gay community:
Terrorism Expert: U.S. Government Knew al-Qaida Might Attack
Excerpt:
Rohan Gunaratna, head of terrorism research
at a Defense Institute in Singapore, told an independent
terrorism investigative commission here
that U.S. leaders had to know their homeland would eventually be targeted.
"You knew the intention of al-Qaida was to kill
American people where they could be found, but still
you did not act, and you paid a very heavy
price for it," said Gunaratna, the first witness at the hearing
on terrorism, al-Qaida and the Muslim world.
"My
month-long vacations are important - because I work so hard..."
Subject: You are gonna catch hell
I suspect your observation that people whose
ancestors are from the equatorial regions of the globe
(Africa, Central and South America) are
better suited to handle heat than people whose ancestors are
from further North (Western Europe) will
raise the predictable hue and cry from liberals who have
allowed their egalitarian view that everyone
should have an equal chance in our society to morph into
the idiotic belief that genetics are irrelevant
to the actual chances of those individuals, independent
of society's bias and prejudice.
Good for you.
The truth is the only truly sacred cow.
I was hoping someone would argue with me
on that.
I tried to contact blackcommentator.com
for a quote before I ran that, but they're on, I believe,
a summer schedule and I didn't think I
would get an answer back in time for yesterday's page.
Now, if you really want to set them off,
make the observation that having unprotected anal sex with
hundreds of anonymous partners in bathhouses
in NY and SF greatly enhances one's chances of getting
AIDS when compared to a monogamous marriage
between a man and a women.
Remember, there was a time when people didn't
know what was causing AIDA.
These days, everyone knows unprotected
anal sex is Russian Roulette.
...well, everyone except Andrew Sullivan.
Or make the observation that women, who
are on average less physically qualified for jobs
that require size and strength, such as
law enforcement and fire protection.
As you say, on average, that's true. But
if a 6 foot, 200 pound applicant for the fire department
or police department was female, there's
no reason why she can't have that job.
If being honest makes me a racist, sexist
homophobe in the eyes of some, so be it.
I would much prefer that to being willfully
ignorant.
brew
Wrong about soldiers in Iraq
Excerpt:
And yes, as a parent of someone over in
Iraq, I am outraged at the coke-head deserter
and the rest of the BFEE draft-dodgers.
I just can't tell you without geting into a vitriolic rant.
It
Ain't Stealing When You Admit It
by Gene Lyons
Excerpt:
In keeping with the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette's
new era of editorial accountability, I've decided not to write
my own column this week. Instead, this
space will be devoted to material culled from internet by our ace research
team at Unsolicited Opinions, Inc. I hit
upon this plan after reading that New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd,
aka "Kool Mo D," the Alpha female of Washington
wits, had been banished from the editorial page.
Dowd's sin was cleverly editing a pronouncement
by President Junior to turn mere boasting into vainglorious nonsense.
Such monkey-business may have been tolerable
when Bill Clinton was its target, but it has no place under the
benevolent reign of George W. Bush.
Subject: Radio Show #7
Bart,
That little snippet of show #7 was nice.
You've really improved since the first couple
of shows a few of months ago, which
I thought were horrible.
Good to see your voice finally starting
to match your writing.
Stay in attack mode!
Mike
Mike, thanks, ...I think.
Marty's
E! page
Hillary on a rerun 'Dave'
(Poor Dave - he must hate his job.
He hardly shows up anymore)
Turner Classic Movies is all Katharine Hepburn today
Warren Zevon & VH1
Daltrey on Townshend & Entwistle
Pearl Jam is opening for itself
Concert attendance is up, movie attendance is down
An ex-stripper sues Pam Anderson & Stan Lee over 'Stripperella'
The Hulk & his willy
Robert Wagner, 'Charlie's Angels' & a lawsuit
Faux documentary featuring Mike Tyson
And, a heat wave in Alaska
click
Hillary's
book surpasses 1 million mark
Meanwhile, Anthrax Coulter has sold 12,000
Last night on the it's-on-too-early-for-America-to-watch-it Crossfire,
they reminded Bow Tie Boy
Tucker Carlson that he promised to "eat his shoes" is Hillary's
book really sold a million copies.
He gave his Nancy Grace guarantee that it wouldn't.
Today, the publisher officially decalred Living History
a million seller, so on today's Crossfire,
as Paul Begala was asking him if he was ready to chow down, Hillary
walked out with a shoe cake.
Subject: strong language
Dear Bart,
Great stuff! Been coming to your site
now since just before the Iraq war.
Seems I got addicted, and I can't stop.
Kind of like King George and his minions
addicted to absolute power.
Anyway, thank you for the time and effort you put into the site, it is appreciated believe me.
Now if I may be so humble to offer one suggestion.
In dealing with these brainwashed conservatives,
do not allow yourself to sink to their
level with the use of expletives. I know, I know, sometimes a
good expletive directed at these cowards
feels sooooooo good. Your presence on the web is starting
to click and if you keep the edge and the
bite w/o the expletives, your point is so much stronger,
elevated and adds more validity to your
writing.
Just so you know, I cuss like a sailor, but in correspondence it becomes muted, not the message.
Warm regards,
Jerry
Jerry, thanks.
You might want to skip reading the older back issues.
They were written in my blue period.
I'm cleaner than most comics working today, if I can call myself one of those.
Jay Leno will come out and do six jokes in a row about
eating feces.
You won't ever see that kind of vulgar humor on this page.
The last George Carlin I saw on HBO, he said "you
smell like an achovy's c**t."
You won't ever hear that kind of language from me.
Bill Maher and Robin Williams each did very loooooong
monologs about "eating p*ssy."
The list goes on and on
When I use the really strong language, it's generally about life
and death,
such as the soldiers dying each day in Bush's fake fucking war.
But you offer good advice.
Gaining readers is, for good or bad, pushing things towards the
mainstream.
If you don't have cable TV, here's what you're missing
Clinton is a bad man, Bush is the savior of America. Nobody cares
about WMD because Bush would never lie. Besides, Clinton was at fault,
anyway, so trust your government because Bush would never lie to you. Tax
cuts are good, screw the poor. God will protect us from Osama, and there's
no reason to catch Saddam because Bush says he's irrelevant, anyway. Liberals
are bad, the United Nations is bad, France is a bad country and Germany
is almost as bad. The good countries are the ones who followed Bush into
Iraq to murder Baghdad. Clinton is a bad man, Bush is the savior
of America. Nobody cares about WMD because Bush would never lie. Besides,
Clinton was at fault, anyway, so trust your government because Bush would
never lie to you. Tax cuts are good, screw the poor. God will protect us
from Osama, and there's no reason to catch Saddam because Bush says he's
irrelevant, anyway. Liberals are bad, the United Nations is bad, France
is a bad country and Germany is almost as bad. The good countries are the
ones who followed Bush into Iraq to murder Baghdad. Clinton is a
bad man, Bush is the savior of America. Nobody cares about WMD because
Bush would never lie. Besides, Clinton was at fault, anyway, so trust your
government because Bush would never lie to you. Tax cuts are good, screw
the poor. God will protect us from Osama, and there's no reason to catch
Saddam because Bush says he's irrelevant, anyway. Liberals are bad, the
United Nations is bad, France is a bad country and Germany is almost as
bad. The good countries are the ones who followed Bush into Iraq to murder
Baghdad.
Clinton is a bad man, Bush is the savior of America. Nobody cares
about WMD because Bush would never lie. Besides, Clinton was at fault,
anyway, so trust your government because Bush would never lie to you. Tax
cuts are good, screw the poor. God will protect us from Osama, and there's
no reason to catch Saddam because Bush says he's irrelevant, anyway. Liberals
are bad, the United Nations is bad, France is a bad country and Germany
is almost as bad. The good countries are the ones who followed Bush into
Iraq to murder Baghdad. Clinton is a bad man, Bush is the savior
of America. Nobody cares about WMD because Bush would never lie. Besides,
Clinton was at fault, anyway, so trust your government because Bush would
never lie to you. Tax cuts are good, screw the poor. God will protect us
from Osama, and there's no reason to catch Saddam because Bush says he's
irrelevant, anyway. Liberals are bad, the United Nations is bad, France
is a bad country and Germany is almost as bad. The good countries are the
ones who followed Bush into Iraq to murder Baghdad. Clinton is a
bad man, Bush is the savior of America. Nobody cares about WMD because
Bush would never lie. Besides, Clinton was at fault, anyway, so trust your
government because Bush would never lie to you. Tax cuts are good, screw
the poor. God will protect us from Osama, and there's no reason to catch
Saddam because Bush says he's irrelevant, anyway. Liberals are bad, the
United Nations is bad, France is a bad country and Germany is almost as
bad. The good countries are the ones who followed Bush into Iraq to murder
Baghdad.
Clinton is a bad man, Bush is the savior of America. Nobody cares
about WMD because Bush would never lie. Besides, Clinton was at fault,
anyway, so trust your government because Bush would never lie to you. Tax
cuts are good, screw the poor. God will protect us from Osama, and there's
no reason to catch Saddam because Bush says he's irrelevant, anyway. Liberals
are bad, the United Nations is bad, France is a bad country and Germany
is almost as bad. The good countries are the ones who followed Bush into
Iraq to murder Baghdad. Clinton is a bad man, Bush is the savior
of America. Nobody cares about WMD because Bush would never lie. Besides,
Clinton was at fault, anyway, so trust your government because Bush would
never lie to you. Tax cuts are good, screw the poor. God will protect us
from Osama, and there's no reason to catch Saddam because Bush says he's
irrelevant, anyway. Liberals are bad, the United Nations is bad, France
is a bad country and Germany is almost as bad. The good countries are the
ones who followed Bush into Iraq to murder Baghdad. Clinton is a
bad man, Bush is the savior of America. Nobody cares about WMD because
Bush would never lie. Besides, Clinton was at fault, anyway, so trust your
government because Bush would never lie to you. Tax cuts are good, screw
the poor. God will protect us from Osama, and there's no reason to catch
Saddam because Bush says he's irrelevant, anyway. Liberals are bad, the
United Nations is bad, France is a bad country and Germany is almost as
bad. The good countries are the ones who followed Bush into Iraq to murder
Baghdad.
...and FOX is even worse.
There's baseball, roundball, soccer and the Tour de France.
Click to Enter
Again and again and again, I hear Bush's press talk about the "intelligence mistakes" that were made.
They assume the blame must be on the intelligence community,
because after all, get real,
this president would never lie just to enrich his crooked
family and avenge Daddy's biggest mistakes,
The press, and certainly the Democrats, won't even entertain
the possibility that Bush lied.
Remember after every Clinton press conference or statement, every
network would "parse" his words
and look for the secret, hidden lies, because presidents lie
all the time, right?
But not Saint George - he's above reproach - oh, and did I mention
two more soldiers have died?
How many hundreds of brave American soldiers will die before a Democrat questions Bush's honesty?
Quotes
"Viva Nihilism! It must be great working in
the Bush White House. Zero accountability. It's All Spin, All the Time.
Nothing matters but politics, hence
no unfounded claim requires correction or apology. Unless, of course, they
are
pushed to the end of the plank, as
they were recently with the tale about Niger and nuclear materials. Take
those
elusive Weapons of Mass Destruction.
Despite the failure of the concentrated might of the U.S. military-intelligence
complex to find anything that might
qualify in the remotest possible way, the administration labels critics
"revisionist
historians" and imperturbedly moves
on. The initial assertions and touted "discoveries" usually get more attention
than does the sound of a balloon deflating.
That's why polls find a sizable chunk of the American public still under
the
impression that WMD have been found.
Whatever Saddam's interest in WMD, the administration didn't know what
he had and didn't have solid evidence
to make the claims it did -- much less to launch a war over them."
--Russ Baker,
All Spin All The
Time
Uncle OJ Watts' brother facing murder rap
Excerpt:
The brother of former Oklahoma Rep. Uncle
OJ Watts was accused of fatally shooting
a man in a dispute over money.
Lawrence Watts, 52, was charged Monday with
first-degree murder in last week's killing
of Anthony Greco, 49, of Anadarko.
Greco was owed money for some work he had
done at Lawrence Watts' home.
"I always
said those darkies were violent people..."
I saw this on http://www.dailykos.com
Help the Democratic Party raise the money
it needs to defeat Bush,
while also showing the DNC the power of
the netroots.
Please chip in a little to help keep dKos
going strong (but only after the DNC!)
I say, send a letter to the DNC telling them you would have
included a check
if they were doing the jobs they were being paid to do, instead
of licking Bush's boots.
I don't think the Democrats can kick their "We love Bush" habit without some tough love.
Brand
New!
Bush mushroom
cloud "Bring 'em on" shirts!
bartcop.com exclusive!
Buy a shirt, support bartcop.com and show the world
that you know there's an illegal monkey in the White House.
Quotes
"This information should not have risen to
the level of a presidential speech. There was reporting,
although it wasn't very specific, about
Iraq's seeking to obtain uranium from Africa. Just because
something didn't make it to the level
where it should have been included in a presidential speech,
in hindsight, doesn't mean the information
was necessarily inaccurate." Attribution
--Ari
Fleischer, explaining why it OK for Bush to lie us into a war, making over
200 American dead
Democrats
Block White House-Supported Malpractice Bill
I'll bet they tried to support Bush, but, being Democrats, they voted the
wrong way
Fight back with BartCop Radio
July
Special!!
Sign up for 30 days of 
for the low, low price of only eleven dollars.
I'll bet some of you are weary about signing
up for a "subscription,"
because some companies, like AOL
continue to bill you for months
after you send your 'unsubscribe' notice,
the bastards.
Remember
Bart's Law #2
Any time a person or entity makes
a "mistake" that puts extra money in their pocket,
expect them to make that "mistake" again and again
and again.
That's why refineries have fires now and then, because a fire
allows them
to scream "unexpected shortage" so they can gouge us on
the price of gas.
You could send your $11 to bartcop@bartcop.com
Or snail mail $11 to
BartCop.com
PO Box 54466
Tulsa, OK 74155
A month in the members section makes a great gift!
You might really like it, but if you don't, you've lost $11
but you still have 29 days to enjoy members priviledges.
.
They can't stop us if we're subscriber-supported.
Building
into a powerhouse - - - good!
Click Here to subscribe.
Streisand attacks 'destructive' Bush monster
Excerpt:
The three-page memo tries to rally the
Democrats against Bush because they seem
"paralysed, demoralised and depressed"
since losing the November election.
"How could such a destructive man be
so popular with the American people?" she asks of Bush.
I can answer that:
Bush has no opposition, none at all, and his good puppy
press says he's the greatest president ever.
That's why 2/3 blame Saddam for 9-011, because people are ignorant,
and Bush and the press told them
that Saddam was resposible, and the Democrats are too afraid
of Mr Rove to set the record straight.
How dare the Democrats ask us for our money and vote when they're too afraid to fight?
Subject: Blackhawk/Central City
Bart:
Come to Colorado and you've got a place
to stay and I'll even loan you my car for trips
up the Canyon to Blackhawk/Central City.
I don't gamble--I once lost a hand with a
natural royal flush (to five aces). I'm
a Democrat and a recovering Cub fan, so I just don't gamble.
ha ha
You've led a tough life!
The Lodge Casino evidently has some good
Poker tables, not Vegas quality, but the temperature
is 30 degrees less. Come in
October (25th) and Oklahoma will be in town for an Ass-Kicking (c).
Tim H
But Tim, are the hookers as pretty?
Just kidding...
By the way, you may have been cheated.
There are only four aces in a deck.
I'll give your bulldogs eight points...
Call the 
918-493-1500
You have two minutes to rant away.
Quotes
"I think the American people continue to express
their support for ridding the world of Saddam
based on just cause, knowing that Saddam
Hussein had chemical and biological weapons that were
unaccounted for that we're still confident
we'll find. I think the burden is on those people who think
he didn't have weapons of mass destruction
to tell the world where they are."
--Ari Fleischer, sounded as stupid
as his boss's puppet George
Attribution
The New Card Shark
Excerpt:
When an accountant named Chris Moneymaker
won $2.5 million in the World Series of Poker last May,
the chatter in the poker world wasn't focused
on his skillful bluffing, his tremendous luck or even the aptness
of his surname. Everyone wanted to know
how a man who had never before sat down at a tournament table
could clean out so many skilled professionals.
While the Las Vegas hype machine focused
on the rags-to-riches tale of a man who parlayed a $40 entrance fee
into a huge pot, many poker players recognized
that the amateur's success signaled the arrival of a new age in the game.
Mr. Moneymaker may never have been in the
same room as other players in a tournament of Texas Hold'em poker,
but he had played extensively online, where
the game is faster but the money is just as real. He was as much a rookie
as Ichiro Suzuki, who joined the Seattle
Mariners after nine years in the Japanese major leagues.
Y'know, there are more metaphors for life in poker than in any
other game I can think of. In poker, you can lose with
four aces or you can win with a Nine high. Every time you leave
the house, you're being dealt a different poker hand.
Life is about what you choose to do with the hand you're dealt
every day.
Think about the people who were born with severe handicaps - they
were dealt a bad hand. But many of them
played that bad hand into a winner and are living amazingly rich
lives. Then there's the other kind - the people who
were born rich, talented and beautiful, but they misplayed a
great hand and were found dead at the age of 21.
If you have a severe asshole for a boss, that's a poker hand.
You can chose to play that hand, and be miserable for 1/3 of
the rest of your life,
or you can fold, (quit) and ask for another hand to be dealt
- it's done all the time.
When you get on a motorcycle without a helmet, that's a poker
hand. Odds are, if you're just going to the corner 7-11,
you'll survive that short ride. But as often as you get Aces
in the hole, some kid will run in front of your bike and you'll
swerve to miss him and end up a vegetable for playing that hand
badly.
You know how they say you have a better chance of getting hit
by lightning than winning the lottery?
That's all poker - you play the odds - you place your bets.
...and most of life is just a bluff anyway, right?
During last night's exciting poker match, we talked about bluffing.
Let's say you're at the car dealership,
and that company has reputation to uphold. If you get legitimately
screwed around, you can tell them,
"My brother is the consumer watchdog for the
(local) CBS affiliate in this town. Why don't I call him
and see if he can hurry right over with
a camera crew?" Odds are, they'll fix your car properly.
When I had my problems with The Rio, I'm sure they entertained
the thought that I was bluffing,
so I threw in just enough court lingo that they decided they'd
call the next guy's bluff, not mine
And think about romance and looking for a life partner.
I was dealt a Royal Flush in that department, and that's made
my whole life a trip to f-ing Disneyland.
I know good people who are on wife #3, (not Rush) and they're
not happy because they bet on
bad hands three times, so they think love stinks or they think
all women are hos and bitches.
Think about it - every time the phone rings, that's a poker hand.
It might be an old girlfriend wondering if you're currently single.
It might be a job opportunity that will change your life.
It could be a warning that Nancy Grace is on her way with some
wild guarantee.
Bottom line? (Crowd does the wave)
You're playing poker with every decision you make every day.
What else can you do but weigh the odds of success and bet accordingly?
Poker is good
Learn to play poker.
Poker is your friend.
Play more poker.
Have a good time today - that's an order.
Shopping
online?
Use this portal and they'll
throw bartcop.com four cents.
|
||||||
........
.....
........
.....
Read the Previous Issue
It had everything.
Copyright
© 2003, bartcop.com
Shirley - call The
BartPhone, just to say "Hi!"
Maybe leave a two-minute message...
I'll play it for your fans at bartcop.com
Maybe say some nasty things about fascist, sex-starved Bush.
Shirley, as far as I know, our politics are identical.
Bush is
a horrid madman and a savage killer.
He's a
stupid criminal and a greedy, blood-loving bastard.
Plus, leave an e-mail address and I'll make you a BartCop Member - for free!
Call the Bart-Phone at 918-493-1500
That would be really cool,
and I'll catch you at the Vegas Hard Rock on your next American
tour.
bartcop.com and BartCop are trademarks of quality
humor.
Same for "ditto-monkey," "scum-sucking Republican bastards" and
Gov Bush (R-Racist monkey)
