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 Quotes

"The most important job is not to be governor, or first lady in my case."
    - some call him 'president'    Concord, N.H., Jan 29, 2000
 

 Smirky, you couldn't run the 'freedom fry' station at McDonalds
 

 Saw it on   bushisanidiot.20m.com

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 The Pentagon today said it would abandon plans to create a futures trading market to help predict
 terrorist attacks and assassinations in the Middle East, after fierce criticism by politicians Democrats.

 The initiative, called the Policy Analysis Market (PAM), was to allow traders to place money on
 an online market to back their hunches on, for example, a coup in Jordan or a biological attack on Israel.

 After details of the plan were disclosed yesterday,  Tom Daschle condemned the scheme as
"an incentive actually to commit acts of terrorism".
 

 So, the BFEE wanted to bet they knew when the next terrorist attack would come?
 That's soooo like them.

 First they steal the election,
 then they suspend the Bill of Rights,
 then they rape the Treasury,
 and now they want to make a profit on when their partner Osama will strike next?

 ...and what do you know - Dachle finally got one right.
 

 Hope Quotes

"Welcome to the Academy Awards, or as it's known at my house, Passover."
    --  Bob Hope, pretend complaining about never having won an Oscar.

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 America has 150,000 troops bogged down in Iraq as proconsul Paul Bremer is demanding
 thousands more to put down a guerrilla revolt that has broken out against our occupation.

 Each day brings reports of new American dead and wounded. Our enemies are said to be terrorists,
 Saddam’s Fedayeen, the remnants of the Ba’ath Party. But Saddam had hundreds of thousands of
 men in his army, Republican Guard, and Special Republican Guard. We did not kill a tenth of these soldiers.
 Where are they now?

 George W. Bush is in more trouble than he realizes.
 

 Bush is in trouble?
 He's not getting shot at.
 He's stealing a million barrels of oil each day.
 He's got a we'll-die-for-him press that's covering for him.
 He's got opponents who are afraid to speak out against him.
 He's personally gone from super-rich to incredibly-super-rich.
 He's going to be re-elected because the Democrats, like Tiger Woods, can't find their balls.
 
 Bush is doing just fine.
 It's the men dying in the sand for no goddamn reason who are in trouble.

  Click  Here

 Subject: a question...

 Could you asnswer me a question ?

 Why are they demolishing the building where udai and qusai were 'dismissed'  ?
 I don't recall hearing of other buildings that have been bombed being demolished.

 Thanks
 Kathy (member)
 

 Kathy, it's just a guess, but they probably don't want any evidence getting out,
 plus they don't want Iraqis turning that building into The Ootie & Cootie shrine.

 They would never do this in America, but the foreign press would be honest enough
 to run pictures of Iraqis holding pictures of Ootie & Cootie while wailing and crying.

 Hope Quotes

 "If I had my life to live over, I wouldn't have time."
   -- Bob Hope on his 95th birthday

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 Obsessed with capturing Saddam, American soldiers turned a botched raid on a house in Baghdad yesterday
 into a bloodbath, opening fire on scores of Iraqi civilians in a crowded street and killing up to 11, including two
 children, their mother and crippled father. At least one civilian car caught fire, cremating its occupants.

 The killings were scarcely 40 metres from the houses in which 16 civilians died when the Americans tried to
 kill Saddam towards the end of the war in April - whatever political advantages were gained by the killing of
 Saddam's sons have been squandered. A doctor at the Yarmouk hospital, which received four of the dead,
 turned on me angrily last night, shouting: "If an American came to my emergency room, maybe I would kill him."
 

 I think we have to go all the way back to Vietnam to find a bigger mess than this.
 Like Vietnam, we're "winning" the battles, but are we making any progress?

 We're on this apparently never-ending cycle where we lose 7 troops a week while killing and maiming
 the people we came here to "save."

 Reminder:  The GOP and Bush's good puppy media told us a thousand times that there's no reason
 for the president to be the smartest man in the room. All we needed in a president is an "aw-shucks" Texan
 who promised he'd never have sex - and now we're in this giant shithole called Iraq.

 How can this end?
 Does anyone think Iraq will "knock it off?"
 Does anyone think these Muslims will accept America's domination and occupation?

 Since Bush has the talent to make a horrible situation even worse, I'll tell you the next step:
Suicide bombers will start blowing up in Sak's and Macy's and Rockefeller Center in New York.
Bush the Idiot will tell people to "keep shopping" and hundreds more will die from flying nails.
Bush will raise his lil' Terror Alert to red-fucking hot, and the stock market will nosedive to 3,500.
Bush will be forced to withdraw from Iraq like Reagan did Lebanon and Saddam will return and slaughter millions.

 ...and America's reign as the world's only superpower will come to an end,
 all because we wanted the anti-Clinton to lie to us about something besides sex.

 From the Heartland
   by Richard Fricker

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 I  have this vision of Condi Rice handing out knees pads and lip gloss to White House staffers
 and well wishers while singing “Walk this way.”  Maybe there’s even a chorus with Bill O’Reilly,
 Clarence Thomas and Rush wearing thongs and singing harmony as George places his hands on
 the back of each head thus presented. And, being Bush, he won’t have that press corps/blue
 dress problem. It’s only a vision, but from the sounds of FOXNazi not far from truth.

 Hope Quotes

"When I talk, E.F. Hutton listens..."
   --  Bob Hope,talking about his wealth

 Subject: Lieberman

 Who needs Republicans when you got this asshole in your party?
 I haven't been able to stomach this man for years...for personal reasons as well as
 his political beliefs (he refused to help our family get my grandparents over here from
 Russia back in 1993, where Chris Dodd did all he could).

 I still believe without him Gore would've won, Florida or not.  Now he's got the balls to criticize...
 'Just war' my ass...Those primaries won't come soon enough, so he can pipe down and go back to kissing Bush's ass!

 Alex
 

 Lieberman Criticizes Fellow Democrats on Iraq

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
"Some in my party threaten to send a message that they don't know a just war when they see it,
 and, more broadly, are not prepared to use our military strength to protect our security and the cause of freedom."

 Seeking to emerge from the pack of nine Democratic contenders, the asshole said he felt he represented his
 party's "mainstream position," saying "being strong on defense is part of what it means to be a Democrat."

"Nothing we have learned since the end of the conflict should make us doubt that we were right to liberate
 the Iraqi people from Saddam and protect America and the rest of the world from his aggression," he said.
 

 Hey Joe, what aggression?
 Name an aggressive move Saddam has taken since your good friend Whistle Dick Cheney did business with him.

 C'mon Joe, let's hear about all these "acts of aggression" Saddam had taken in the last few years.

 And if "freeing people from dictators," is the goal, why did our fighting men sail right past Cuba
 to go an extra 10,000 miles to free some people enslaved by an evil dictator?

 Joe, you're Bush Light - get out of this race and resign your senate seat.
 There's gotta be a real Democrat in Connecticut who could take your place in the denate.
 Then you can manage the Bush Lie-berry.

 Hope Quotes

 "Imagine, after all these years, winning an Oscar. It's the first time
   I've ever left a party with a man and was happy about it."
     -- Bob Hope, after receiving his honorary Oscar in 1953
 

 Subject: Attribution

 Bart,

 I know you read my site, but how about some attribution for the "Ootie and Cootie" labels?
 Of course, you're always free to lift stuff from At Wit's End.   No kidding.  I'm honored.
 And you know just how much I've loved Bartcop since it was a newsletter.

 And when are we going to do another Bartfest in Vegas..or when are you and
 the Missus going to be there so we can meet up?

 Witkowski...
 http://www.atwitsend.org
 

 The "Ootie and Cootie" labels are examples of great comedy.
 All good writers should be recognized and credited.

 bartcop.com  regrets the error

 Vegas is in my future - we will share some fine tequilas,Dude.

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 Kneel's wife wonders whether he was unfaithful to her throughout their marriage as he has admitted he was
 at the end. She wonders whether Neil is the father of the baby born to Maria Andrews, the 40-year-old
 Houston woman he is dating. Sharon wonders why he used e-mail to tell her he was leaving and why he
 told her by phone months later, "You better move on with your life or you'll find yourself in a back alley."
 

 He's not kidding.
 If you can make trouble for the B.F.E.E., they say, "Fuck 'em, we're taking him (or her) out."
 They are stealing billions of dollars and they won't let anything get in their way.
 The stupidest one in the gang has the legal power to murder anyone he wants.
 Repeat:
 The stupidest one in the gang has the legal power to murder anyone he wants.

 "Mr. President, we've learned that Sharon Bush met Mohammed Atta in Hamburg in 2000."

 Poof, she's dead, and it's treason if you want to see the evidence.

 America Bush thinks he's a religion
 US leaders now see themselves as priests of a divine mission to rid the world of its demons

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 "The death of Uday and Qusay," the commander of the ground forces in Iraq told reporters,
 "is definitely going to be a turning point for the resistance." Well, it was a turning point, but
 unfortunately not of the kind he envisaged. On the day he made his announcement, Iraqi
 insurgents killed one US soldier and wounded six others. On the following day, they killed
 another three; over the weekend they assassinated five and injured seven. Yesterday they
 slaughtered one more and wounded three. This has been the worst week for US soldiers in
 Iraq since George Bush declared that the war there was over.
 

 
"That oil belongs to me and my family!
  God told me and he's never wrong!!!
  If it costs a few lives, ...well, those
  boys volunteeered and a deal's a deal!

 Subject: Good to have visited your site again

 Hey Bart!

 Just thought I'd drop you a line as a fairly hard-core Bush fan that I appreciate your material
 and the reminder it gives me not to take politics (or you, for that matter--"political humor", right?) THAT seriously.
 Keep up the loyal opposition!

 Your (open-minded) evil Republican right-wing Rush-fan wacko ditto-monkey friend
 who STILL thinks Bush is a great President,

 Mendy H

 P.S. When I run for office, I'm gonna have one left-wing advisor in my cabinet and you're it.

 Hope Quotes

"Poor Dan Quayle - he thinks Roe vs Wade are two ways to cross the Potomac."
 

 Update

 It's been suggested that if Bart were smart...  (Should I even finish that sentence...?)
 we would give half-price student discounts to those with an .edu closing their e-mail address.

 Would that be you?

 You'd have to subscribe thru PayPal or send a check by snail mail, but half price is cool.

 e-mail us at  bartcop@bartcop.com  in you're into that

 Plus, BartCop Radio is about to get a lot better really quick.

 Hope Quotes

"The stealth bomber, that's a big deal. Flies in undetected, bombs, and flies away.
  Hell, I've been doing that all my life."

 Subscribers

 Sam Dent has agreed to help wrangle subscribers who haven't gotten passwords.

  Click  Here

 If you are a subscriber who can't get in, or you have sent a snail mail donation in the past,
 write to Sam and tell her if you subscribed by 2Checkout, PayPal or snail mail.
 She has my phone number - she can call and get you a login and password right away.

 Sam is a great lady and has been very helpful for a long time.

 Have a question or a comment?

  Email Bart  bartcop@bartcop.com

 Bart,

 i've been down since last monday after knee surgery... torn meniscus and
 displaced knee cap.    the orthopedic doc thinks i did it at party poker.

 ha ha

 remember walter brennan's gait?  that's what i look like now that i can walk again.
 the best part of initial recovery was layin in bed on vicadin watching Queer Eye
 one right after the other.  i didn't even care that it hurt when i laughed because the
 quantity of laughter was more than anybody could hope for in one half hour period.

 I agree - it'll make you laugh until you hurt.
 They pre-empt it in Tulsa (the NBC version) because these Okies can't handle
 the idea of funny, friendly gays seeming like normal, decent Americans.

 i haven't listened to any of 9 show yet.....  I need a fix.

 All of Show 9 has been posted.
 I figure it's the last of the lame-o shows.
 "Help is on the way" will be here in three days.

 speaking of Hope, a shot of chinaco tonite to the late, great.

 lynn
 

 Lynn,  I agree.
 A shot of Chinaco Anejo for Bob Hope, for entertaining our troops for 45 years.

Petaluma, I miss you

 Bart,

 You are a Supernova in the dark sky of media manipulation.
 
 Mike B
 

 Mike, thanks for that.
 That sounds so good, I might put that on my business cards :)

 Hope Quotes

 "You call what I do work? No way.  Mowing the lawn is work.
   Telling a joke and getting paid for it is stealing."
 

 Subject:  the difference between Vietnam and Iraq

 In Vietnam the VC and the NVA Army controlled the night.
 We controlled the day.

 In Iraq the resisters control the day
 ... and at night we hide in a camp somewhere.

 John S

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 Mickelson and Garcia, both winless this year in tournaments that count, stole the spotlight
 from the world's best two players Monday night by beating Tiger "Mr Perfect" Woods and
 Ernie Els, 3 and 1, in some doesn't-count golf game to perk up ABC's non-ratings.

 "What's wrong with Tiger Woods?" is on everybody's lips these days.
 
 Mrs. Bart wanted to watch "The Love of Money" last night, so I didn't get to watch a lot
 of  Mr perfect, but I got to scream "Hex on thee," as he was trying to make a ten foot put.

 He had a 10-foot birdie putt on the 12th to square the match, but missed.
 He missed from 12 feet on the 13th, pulled an 18-foot eagle putt on the 14th,
 and tugged  at his cap when his 25-foot birdie on the 15th stopped on the edge of the cup.

 ha ha

 Hope Quotes

"Bob Hope would do well in politics. He's entertained over 10 million troops,
  and he's been seen by over 100 million people on television. If you throw in
  the 27 people who've seen his movies, you have a sizable constituency."
    -- Ronald Reagan at Hope's Dean Martin Roast in 1975

 Has the Corrupt Commander-in-Thief given our boys orders to murder Saddam, too?

 What would be the harm in capturing him and letting him speak?

 What secrets must die with Saddam so the B.F.E.E. can continue to steal billions?
 
 

 VCR Alerts
 Bravo Channel presents Queer Eye for the Straight Guy
 This is the funniest show on TV - trust me.
(Its OK to watch, it won't turn you gay - probably...)
 Watch tonight because the five gay guys makeover a cowboy!

 Tomorrow:
 Now that the war is "over," right-wing NBC is bringing back West Wing.

 ...nevermind that my good friends Martin Sheen and Bradley Whitford were right.

 Hope Quotes

"It's not hard to find Gerald Ford on a golf course.
  You just follow the wounded."

 Subject:  Bill Clinton and Jessica Lynch
 
 Hi, Bart,

 A couple of comments on two stories on your site today.

 I can't quite figure that Clinton remark out. My tentative NSHO: he's being too sympathetic
 to a fellow president who's in a jam. Clinton's one major fault, in my eyes, was that he always
 gave his opponents the benefit of the doubt, even when they clearly didn't deserve it.

 On the other hand, the Republicans were falling all over themselves today trying to take shelter
 under Clinton's wings; this, after trying to blame him for 9/11 and everything else under the sun.
 Bush must be seething at being in the humiliating position of actually having now to run to Bill Clinton
 to help restore some of his damaged credibility. Revenge really is a dish best served cold.

 On Jessica Lynch: I think she's a real hero. Not because she was captured; not because she may or may
 not have been beaten up - there seems to be a difference of opinion on whether her injuries were caused
 by the accident or by rifle butts; and not because she was rescued (or maybe not); but because:

1) When she was in Walter Reed, after weeks of silence, the Army said she was suffering from "amnesia."
 Her father, in a subsequent interview, denied that was the case. Reading between the lines, it seems obvious
 that her "amnesia" stemmed from her refusal to go along with the bullshit story of her rescue the administration
 was trying to promote. Think of it: a 19-year-old kid, hospitalized and in pain, showing that kind of moral
 courage, a courage that has nothing to do with guns and killing. This is heroism in the best and truest sense of the word.

2) At her homecoming, she thanked her family and her friends. She thanked the governor of West Virginia
 and Senator Rockefeller, both Democrats. She thanked the staff of Walter Reed. She thanked the Iraqis
 who helped her. She spoke fondly of Lori Piestawa and the others who lost their lives in the ambush that
 resulted in her capture. One person not mentioned in her speech?

 President Junior, our very own Commander-in-Thief.

3) Notice also that Junior, who usually can't wait to bask in the glow of such celebrities, has not come within
 a country mile of Private Lynch. Her medals, a Bronze Star, POW medal, and Purple Heart, were awarded
 to her at her homecoming, not at the White House, as one might expect. For such a national hero, wouldn't
 you expect at least a bedside visit while she was at Walter Reed from Smirky?
 But noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, not a sign, not even so much as a phone call.
 To me, that tends to confirm that my Reason No. 1 (see above), may be accurate.

 I say Jessica deserves a shot of Chinaco. How about it, Bart?

 Ann from Philly

 
 
 Ann, I agree.
 A shot of Chinaco Anejo for Jessica Lynch, for dissing the greedy, blood-thirsty monkey.

 Bush's American soldier body count in Iraq
 It now stands at  244 246

 Note: Believe this figure.
 It's from http://lunaville.org/warcasualties/Summary.aspx

 07/28/03 CENTCOM
 1 US SOLDIER KILLED, 3 WOUNDED, IN BAGHDAD - IMPROVISED EXPLOSIVE DEVICE

 07/28/03 CENTCOM
 1 US SOLDIER KILLED, 1 INJURED, IN VEHICLE ACCIDENT NORTH OF AN NASIRIYAH

 07/27/03 CENTCOM
 ONE US SOLDIER KILLED, 1 WOUNDED, IN RPG ATTACK NEAR AL HASWAH ON 27TH

 07/26/03 CENTCOM
 3 US SOLDIERS KILLED, 4 WOUNDED, IN GRENADE ATTACK IN BAQUBAH

 07/26/03 CENTCOM
 ONE US SOLDIER KILLED, 2 WOUNDED, IN ATTACK IN BAGHDAD

 Will we have 500 dead by Thanksgiving?  ...by Christmas?

 Meanwhile, the never-elected Smirky McWarhardon is working hard...

                     ...on his putting...

 Have a good time today - that's an order.

Search Now:

 Read the  Previous Issue

 It had  everything.

 Copyright © 2003, bartcop.com
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 Shirley - call The BartPhone,  just to say "Hi!"
 Maybe leave a two-minute message...

 I'll play it for your fans at  bartcop.com
 Maybe say some nasty things about fascist monkey called Bush.
 Shirley, as far as I know, our politics are identical.

Bush is a horrid madman and a savage killer.
He's a stupid criminal and a greedy, blood-loving bastard.

 Plus, leave an e-mail address and I'll make you a BartCop Member - for free!

 Call the Bart-Phone at 918-493-1500
 That would be really cool, and we'll catch you at the Vegas Hard Rock on your next American tour.

 bartcop.com  and BartCop are trademarks of quality humor.
 Same for "ditto-monkey," "scum-sucking Republican bastards" and Gov Bush (R-Racist monkey)