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 Quotes

"And I said on my program, if, if the Americans go in and overthrow Saddam and it's clean,
  he has nothing, I will apologize to the nation, and I will not trust the Bush Administration again."
     -Fox's top spinner, Bill O'Reilly, on Good Morning America, March 18, 2003
 

 This liar doesn't know how to set up a bet.
 This liar put himself in this position:  If Saddam had what Bush said, he gained nothing.
 Having bet on the wrong horse, O'Reilly has lost credibility AND his president looks foolish.

 The only way to set up a bet is to make your dreams come thru when you lose.
 It's so easy to do.
 

"Hi, I'm Bill O'Reilly.
  I'm nobody's whore.
  Nobody but Bush, I mean..."

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 Reporter's Question:  Saddam Hussein's alleged ties to al Qaeda were a key part of your justification for war.
 Yet, your own intelligence report, the NIE, defined it as -- quote -- "low confidence that Saddam would give
 weapons to al Qaeda." Were those links exaggerated to justify war? Or can you finally offer us some definitive
 evidence that Saddam was working with al Qaeda terrorists?

 The Monkey:  Yes. I think, first of all, remember I just said we've been there for 90 days since the cessation
 of major military operations. Now, I know in our world where news comes and goes and there's this kind of
 instant -- instant news and you must have done this, you must do this yesterday, that there's a level of frustration
 by some in the media. But it's going to take time for us to gather the evidence and analyze the mounds of evidence,
 literally, the miles of documents that we have uncovered.
 

 No, she asked you why did you invade and your answer was "give us time."
 She was talking about the past, and Bush told her to wait for evidence to be discovered.

 So, ...we invaded because the evidence mighht show up after four months?
 Why doesn't somebody ask a follow-up question and get an answer?
 Because they know Bush can't answer questions.

 I remember an old, black & white Perry mason where he caught the liar by having her recount
 once again what she saw. Then Perry had the court reporter read back the first answer.

 It was absolutely identical, each and every word exactly in the same place in both accounts,
 which proved it was memorized and not spontaneous.  That's how Bush answers a question.
 When you ask the Moron a question, his doesn't try to understand the question, he just has to
 decide which category the question is in and he gives back the phrase they wrote for him.

 It's like:
 Reporter: "Mr. President, why did we invade Iraq?"

 Monkey:  "If you're asking if the world's a better place without Saddam, the answer is yes."

 The next question was more of the same...

 Reporter: "There's a sense here in this country, and a feeling around the world, that the U.S.
                     has lost credibility by building the case for Iraq upon sometimes flimsy or, some
                     people have complained, non-existent evidence. And I'm just wondering, sir,
                     why did you choose to take the world to war in that way?"

 Monkey:  "Now, of course, the question is, will Iraq ever be free, and will it be peaceful?

 No, Monkey - the question was "Why did you choose to take the world to war in that way?"

 As long as the press refuses to stand their ground, Bush can answer questions that were never asked
 and never has to address a legitimate question that the press asks. Like Ari said on his last day,
"You're free to ask any question you want," but they will just refuse to answer the questions asked.

 When these whores write their stories, they won't say, "Bush dodges questions."
 Those headlines will be, "Our great and powerful leader is magnificent once again."

 We have no free press in America.
 We have sheep, acting out their roles for the cameras.
 .

Quotes

"We had the drumbeat to war. Remember on our TV screens it said, 'March to War,'
  every day from last summer until the spring -- 'March to War, March to War.'
  That's not a very conducive environment for people to take risk, when they hear,
 'March to War' all the time.
    -- The Unelected Idiot at Wednesday's press conference, explains why the economy sucks.
 

 Hey Moron, if war hurts the economy, and costs so much in lives and money and broken families,
 why did you fabricate reasons to get us involved in the damn thing in the first place?

 How many barrels of Iraq's oil are you stealing each day?  One million?
 How much did the Carlyle Group profit from the deaths of 246 soldiers?
 How much did Cheney and Halliburton profit from your secret pipeline to Kuwait?

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 It was my turn, I came up and shook his hand, and gave the usual, 'Honor to meet you Mr.President!',
 He asked for my name, and told me it's great to meet me, too.  They took the picture, but before I walked
 away I handed him a photo that I took in the summer of 2001 from my house in Queens, WTC in sunset with
 a plance flying over it (I think I've sent it to you before?).  He looked at it, and said 'Wow, this is amazing!"

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 Josef Stalin ordered hitmen to kill movie idol John Wayne, it was claimed yesterday.
 British historian Michael Mann said: “Stalin saw him as a gigantic propaganda symbol against the Soviets.
 He was much more subtle than the atomic bomb but Stalin saw him as no less deadly.”

 The death sentence on Wayne ended when Stalin died in 1953.
 When Kruschev took over he ordered the KGB to stop plotting against Wayne — his favorite actor.

 A Chief Moose Moment?

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 A woman who called the parents of a missing girl and claimed she might be their
 long-lost daughter was charged Wednesday with committing a cruel hoax.

 Six-year-old Shannon Sherrill vanished in 1986, as she played hide-and-seek in Indianapolis.
 Her father, William Michael Sherrill, broke down in tears during a news conference
 Wednesday announcing that the call was a hoax.

"I wasn't expecting this at all," he said. "I thought they were going to bring Shannon in here." .
 

 I saw this live on FOX Whore News and I couldn't believe what I was seeing.
 The Indiana DA called the family to come to a nationally televised press conference,
 and 15-minutes before they went on live, they told the parents of the missing girl that
 they were the victims of a hoax and the woman involved was not their daughter.

 Click  Here  to get an idea what this poor guy went thru.

 What was the point of having the just-screwed family there in the first place?
 How is a mistake this big possible?
 Why didn't they tell them and then drive them home so they could react?

 The FOX anchor-prick of the moment, Sheppard Smith (R-Asshole) remarked,
 "Apparently somebody wanted to get their face on TV."

  Click  Here

 A great e-mail from a real-life conservative.
 I wasn't sure there were any on the internet.

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 The President and members of his cabinet repeatedly warned that Saddam Hussein would
 someday provide Al Qaeda with the most deadly weapons ever made, creating the imminent
 threat of an immense atrocity far worse than Sept. 11.

 As Mr. Bush put it, "Iraq could decide on any given day to provide a biological or chemical
 weapon to a terrorist group or individual terrorists. Alliance with terrorists could allow the
 Iraqi regime to attack America without leaving any fingerprints." In his famous Oct. 7, 2002,
 speech in Cincinnati, the President stated: "We’ve learned that Iraq has trained Al Qaeda
 members in bomb-making and poisons and deadly gases."

 Was any of that terrifying rhetoric based in truth?

Quotes

"My orgasm is the most important thing in the weorld to me,
  and my orgasm should be the least important thing to you."
   -- Former comic Dennis Miller, during impeachment, before he became "Bush's young man."
 

 Hey Dennis, you know what else is sad?
 You can't even apologize and come back.
 You're gone, Dude.

 You've shown that you can be bought - that you're a whore.
 You can never be taken seriously as a comedian again.

 You belong to Rupert Murdoch now, Dennis.
 Enjoy all that the money...

Subject: corn challenge

here in pennsylvania, we take our corn pretty seriously.  i live in
lancaster county, the most productive and fertile non-irrigated farm land in
the entire world -- you know, the place you instantly associate with the
amish, witness, and (even better) king pin.  to me, this has always been the
corn capital of the world.

we have many fantastic types of corn in lancaster, pa, but my favorite
strain of corn is called "frosty" since it is as white as snow.  it's
sweeter than candy, with a big, deep kernal and a narrow cob, and a very
nice crunchy skin.  i've never had any bixby corn, but i'd like to wager
that frosty will stand up to any strain you've got growing in oklahoma --
the ag school up at penn state has developed some killer corn in the past
ten years or so.

anyway, maybe you'd be willing to mail me a dozen ears of the finest corn
you can find, and i'll do the same to you.  we'll both report on our
findings and try to be as objective as possible.

i'd be willing to fedex in order to guarantee freshness.

whaddya say?

andrew r

p.s. i'd also be interested in writing a daily or semil daily food column
for your site, perhaps just some recipe and food ideas to be incorporated --
it would make bartcop a more useful and fun site (not that it's not already
the most useful and fun site on the web!).
 

 This is too good to be true.
 One of us is going to have better corn than before.
 On my end, this is hardly possible.

 For you, I wish the best of luck!

 ha ha
 You can't beat a bet you can't lose.

 Yeah, send me your street address.
 I'll overnight you some Bixby corn that f-ing rocks.

 Send me your best, and I sincerely hope you win this bet :)

 Air marshals pulled from key flights
  Move seen as bid to cut costs comes amid new hijack warnings

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 Despite renewed warnings about possible airline hijackings, the Transportation Security Administration
 has alerted federal air marshals that as of Friday they will no longer be covering cross-country or international
 flights, MSNBC.com has learned. The decision to drop coverage on flights that many experts consider to be at
 the highest risk of attack apparently stems from a policy decision to rework schedules so that air marshals
 don’t have to incur the expense of staying overnight in hotels.
 

 Note: Once Bush got word of the outrage from all directions, he reversed course and said,
          "Only an idiot would suggest we cut back on air marshalls in favor of more tax cuts for the super-rich."

 Proud-to-be-an-American Quotes

"Col. David Hogg, commander of the 2nd Brigade of the 4th Infantry Division, said tougher
  methods are being used to gather the intelligence. On Wednesday night, he said, his troops
 picked up the wife and daughter of an Iraqi lieutenant general. They left
  a note: "If you want your family released, turn yourself in."  Such tactics are justified, he said,
  because, "It's an intelligence operation with detainees, and these people have info." They would
  have been released in due course, he added later. The tactic worked. On Friday, Hogg said, the
  lieutenant general appeared at the front gate of the U.S. base and surrendered."
      --Thomas E. Ricks       Attribution
 

 "We have your wife and daughter.
   Do exactly as we say and they won't be harmed."

 Remember early in the war, the Pentagon said the Iraqi's were "cheating,"
 when they accused Iraq of not having uniforms for all their soldiers?

 And now we're kidnapping women and children to see if the Iraqi officers have any honor?
 It appears this one did.

 I'm so proud to be an American.
 This is MY government,
 and YOUR government,

 ...kidnapping children so they can murder their leader?
 

 Excuse me while I get sick...

 Hold-on-a-minute Quotes

 "This is a criminal regime that smothered that country in an unbelievable blanket of fear for 35 years.
  It’s difficult for Americans to imagine what it’s like to live in a country, not only where they can grab
  you at night and torture you, but they’ll grab your children and torture them in order to
  make you talk. It takes time to root out that kind of criminal gangs."
    --Dep Sec of Murder Paul Wolfowitz,    Meet the Whore
 

 So, Woofy says bastards who steal children in the night are "criminal gangs" who must be stopped?

 That's the first time he and I agreed on anything...

Subject: Serious question about why...

Bart,
Have you ever gotten a sense of why otherwise rational people think that Bush II
is a good president and leader?  Some sensible, reasonably intelligent people think
he's wonderful.  How?  Why?

Some people hated Clinton so much, they accept Bush's idiocy, Bush's wars, Bush's recessions,
Bush getting our boys killed for no reason besides personal enrichment and so on. They want to
believe Bush is the Second Coming of Reagan to the point where they say he's better than Reagan.

During the first debate, Bush stumbled and fumbled every question he got, and when it was over,
the talking heads said they were so damn impressed with Bush's command of the facts.
It flew in the face of logic, but they hated Clinton so much. You see, he had sex..
 

I have an acquaintance, a gay man, that likes Bush because "America was so wimpy before,
now we're acting tough and proud."   I simply can not understand what these people are thinking.
So I thought I'd see if you had an insight on this, not just another joke.

Thanks,
Cris
 

Another way men have traditionally proven how "tough and proud" they were was to find a
gay bar and beat the living shit out of the next few "fags" that walked out the door.

One big reason Reagan won in 1980 was Carter was seen as wimpy with Iran. The press kept saying
that Carter was "humiliated" by Iran, but in fact, he was doing everything he could to get those people
out alive. I failed to see how that "humiliated" Carter, but that's the way the American press reported it.
Then Reagan played the Cowboy card, and guaranteed America that he'd solve the problem by
blowing Iran off the face of the Earth.

The logic behind that was "All the hostages will die, but it'll show the world we're tough."

People believed Reagan, and we didn't find out until years later that Bush had made a secret and illegal
(not to mention treasonous) deal with Iran to keep those Americans blindfolded and helpless longer.

Sidebar:
Even knowing that, I'll bet most of those hostages are GOP voters today. Isn't that a wild thought?
They forgive Bush for keeping them in torture an extra 100 days, and they hate Clinton for having sex.

America has become the overzealous rookie cop, like the LA cop who's been on TV all week beating
that black boy in handcuffs. Bush believes you HAVE to use force at the drop of the hat. He's from
the old school that most of us thought we'd gotten passed. On almost every issue, Bush goes back
about 40 years and searches for solutions.

Maybe it's a nostalgia thing, to harken back to the days when there were no gays and black people
knew to keep quiet of they knew what was good for them.

All we can do is hang on and hope one Democrat will want to be president.

  Click  Here

  No Excerpt - it's very short, please click on this one

 From: Dom White

 Subject: You are wrong again!

 Mr. Cop:

> You said "Of course, Uday and Qusay weren't taken alive because -- like the Iraqi captured scientists
> that the Bush Cartel will not make available to the media -- Uday and Qusay knew too much...."

 The facts are different.

 Wait, which part did I get wrong?

 Granted, the "real reason" Ootie and Cootie weren't taken alive is, admittedly, speculation,
 but reasonable people can look at a situation and sometimes make an informed assumption.
 

 They were surrounded by over 100 Marines.  They were told to surrender.
 Udai and his brother told his guards to fight to the death and killed three Marines after warnings to surrender.

 Whoa, time out.
 You know what Ootie told his guards after they were surrounded?
 You've got some good sources, my friend. Did you have a wire on the guard?
 Also, I didn't hear a thing about Ootie & Cootie killing three of our boys that day.
 That would tend to piss off the Republican in me, and nobody wants that.
 

 Finally, the order was given for the Marines to blast the brothers and guards to smithereens.
 They did swiftly and killed all of the Iraqi murderers.

 ha ha
 I believe that with all my heart.
 They say that's what makes Bush so "decisive," is that he can say, "Fuck 'em, take 'em out,"
 and then go play with Spot the Dog as if he didn't just order a bunch of human beings killed.
 Bush has years of experience at gleefully snuffing out life.
 

 Get your facts straight, Bartcop, you put so many lies and incorrect things
 in your web site it is disgustingly misleading to the reader.

 Well gosh and golly - I wish you would've pointed one out.
 

 Speaking of your readers
 it would be surprising
 if most of them were
 mentally stable and logical.

 ha ha

 From: Dom White

 They seem mostly angry and frustrated that
 socialism has not thrown out capitalism.

 They will continue to be frustrated forever.
 Just like you.

 Dom White
 

 Dom, you know who you remind me of?
 You remind me of a guy who could kick my can't-debate ass in a live chat room.
 I'll bet you could wipe the floor with me, my friend.

 You have command of the facts and you're not afraid to use them.
 This could be my Waterloo, ...seriously.

 If you could meet me in the bartcop chatroom, ...say, ...Thursday at 9 PM Central,
 I have the feeling that the result would be something dozens of people would like to witness.

 Let me know...

 bartcop@bartcop.com

 Subscribers

 Sam Dent has agreed to help wrangle subscribers who haven't gotten passwords.

  Click  Here

 If you are a subscriber who can't get in, or you have sent a snail mail donation in the past,
 write to Sam and tell her if you subscribed by 2Checkout, PayPal or snail mail.
 She has my phone number - she can call and get you a login and password right away.

 I got some feedback on  Show 9-3.
 Someone suggested this would be a good  clip to excerpt:

 Click  Here  to listen to four minutes of  BartCop Radio 9-3

 As always, it contains a language warning level of red.

 If your e-mail address ends with .edu  you can get members priviliges for just $5 a month.

 Is  bartcop.com membership  worth $5 a month when you're on a tight budget?

 Getting to Know the General
  by Gene Lyons

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 As a CNN military analyst, Clark opposed the rush to substitute Saddam
 Hussein for Osama bin Laden as Public Enemy #1. Like many Army generals,
 he thought U.S. forces much too light on the ground--fearing precisely the chaos
 that's enveloped Iraq since Baghdad fell.The Bush administration, he warned in
 April, had "gloated much too soon."

 The great theme of the post-Vietnam military reforms that transformed the
 U.S. Army, he explained to Esquire, was personal accountability. "In the Navy,
 when a ship runs aground," he said "the commanding officer is relieved of duty,
 no matter what the reason. Now, I'm not saying we ought to hold politicians to
 that standard, but still..."

 The New World As Described by Mr. Jensen
     written by Paddy Chayefsky    saw it on whysanity.net

 Jensen: You have meddled with the primal forces of nature, Mr. Beale, and I won't have it, is that clear?!

 You think you have merely stopped a business deal -- that is not the case! The Arabs have taken billions of dollars
 out of this country, and now they must put it back. It is ebb and flow, tidal gravity, it is ecological balance! You are
 an old man who thinks in terms of nations and peoples. There are no nations! There are no peoples! There are no
 Russians. There are no Arabs! There are no third worlds! There is no West! There is only one holistic system of
 systems, one vast and immane, interwoven, interacting, multi-variate, multi-national dominion of dollars! petro-dollars,
 electro-dollars, multi-dollars!, Reichmarks, rubles, rin, pounds and shekels! It is the international system of currency
 that determines the totality of life on this planet! That is the natural order of things today! That is the atomic, subatomic
 and galactic structure of things today! And you have meddled with the primal forces of nature, and you will atone!

 Am I getting through to you, Mr. Beale? (pause)

 You get up on your little twenty-one inch screen, and howl about America and democracy. There is no America.
 There is no democracy. There is only IBM and ITT and AT&T and Dupont, Dow, Union Carbide and Exxon.
 Those are the nations of the world today. What do you think the Russians talk about in their councils of state
 -- Karl Marx? They pull out their linear programming charts, statistical decision theories and minimax solutions
 and compute the price-cost probabilities of their transactions and investments just like we do.

 We no longer live in a world of nations and ideologies, Mr. Beale. The world is a college of corporations,
 inexorably determined by the immutable by-laws of business. The world is a business, Mr. Beale! It has been
 since man crawled out of the slime, and our children, Mr.Beale, will live to see that perfect world in which there
 is no war and famine, oppression and brutality --one vast and ecumenical holding company, for whom all men
 will work to serve a common profit, in which all men will hold a share of stock, all necessities provided, all
 anxieties tranquilized, all boredom amused. And I have chosen you to preach this evangel, Mr. Beale.

 Howard: (humble whisper) Why me?

 Jensen: Because you're on television, dummy. Sixty million people watch you every night of the week.

 Have a question or a comment?

  Email Bart  bartcop@bartcop.com

 Subject: Rumor

 Is it true?

 That you are working with Sirius satellite radio channel 145,
 to have your radio program carried by them?

 MH
 

 MH, that would be a rumor.
 I would enjoy entertaining offers from Sirius satellite radio in a suite at The Bellagio.
 I can be taken advantage of in the Bellagio.
 If somebody wants to make me a dirt-cheap, grass-roots, get-in-on-the-ground-floor-for-stock offer
 at The Bellagio, they would certainly be speasking my language and I'd likey do something rash.

 Our last trip there, Mrs. Bart said she'd REALLY like to get a high-up room at The Bellagio
 that faced the fountains next time we went to Las Vegas. Those rooms aren't cheap.

 If somebody wanted to pitch a wild-ass offer, that would be the place to do it.
 Every dollar you send on hotel expense could be a thousand dollars less per year that I'd work for.
 Keeping Mrs. Bart happy is the Prime Directive.

Petaluma, I miss you

 The monkey sat on a pile of stones
 And stared at the broken bone in his hand
 And the stains of a Viennese quartet
 Rang out across the land
 The monkey looked up at the stars
 Memory is a stranger
 History is for fools
 And he cleaned his hands
 In a pool of holy writing
 Turned his back on the garden
 And set out for the nearest town
 Hold on hold on soldier
 When you add it all up
 The tears and the marrowbone
 There's an ounce of gold
 And an ounce of pride in each ledger
 And the Germans killed the Jews
 And the Jews killed the Arabs
 And the Arabs killed the hostages
 And that is the news
 And is it any wonder
 That the monkey's confused
 He said Mama Mama
 The President's a fool
 Why do I have to keep reading
 These technical manuals
 And the joint chiefs of staff
 And the brokers on Wall Street said
 Don't make us laugh
 You're a smart kid
 Time is linear
 Memory is a stranger
 History is for fools
 Man is a tool in the hands
 Of the great God Almighty
 And they gave him command
 Of a nuclear submarine
 And sent him back in search of
 The Garden of Eden

 by Roger Waters

  Go to BartCop Sports,   then look on the right for the link.

 Davis Recall page is up.

  Go to Davis Recall

  Now we can get updates on the fascist bastard's attempt to subvert democracy in Cali.
 

 We still need a Scott Peterson point person.
 It would be great to have a member fill that slot.

  Contact us - bartcop@bartcop.com

 Subject:  WOW

 I love your site, esp Marty's entertainment----I read E first thing in the morning and BartCop
 in the afternoon about 4 PM after my nap.  I am an old person so the nap is mandatory.

 I would love it if you would date your posting at the top.  For me it would be easier to find
 archived posting and would let me know if the page is "new" or "used".  Some day (soon I hope)
 I will be able to afford to subscribe to radio.  Retired folks are really watching their pennies these days.

 Keep up the good work.  Am presently reading STUPID WHITE MEN and am sorry that I
 am just now getting around to it.  May have to up my blood pressure meds before I finish it!!!

 Wanda
 

 Wanda, great letter, thanks.
 Marty is the best, isn't she?

 The dates for each page are located just below the title, on the left.
 Thanks for reading.

 Queer Eye for the Straight Guy
  This show will make Bravo like The Shield made FX

 I laughed so hard and so often I got tired.
 This is sure to anger somebody, but doesn't it follow that someone who is very creative
 at fashion, or cooking, or decorating would also be inventive with verbal phrasing?

 It seems as though all these great lines are spontaneous, but you can never be sure.
 Right now, it's the best show on TV.

 This Has To Be Said
    by W. O. Coach

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 We are a disgrace because we pick on small defenseless nations. We are a disgrace because we pick on small
 defenseless people economically. We are a disgrace because we murder willfully under the guise of liberation.
 We are a disgrace because we allowed this to happen by being too complacent and not voting. We took Al Gore
 and Bill Clinton's economic miracle and diplomatic genius for granted. We have only ourselves to blame.

 Bart,

 I've read every issue from #1 on and this is the funniest line I have ever read.
 I nearly fell of my damn chair...

 You wrote:

> Dubya is the dumbest rock in a bag full of first-round picks at the professional dumb rock draft.

 Keep up the good work

 Mark H

 Quotes

"The best thing you can say about someone who is that famous after having met them
  is that they were everything you hoped they would be and more. That was Bob Hope.”
     --Rush the vulgar Pigboy Limbaugh, the most shameless name dropper in show business

 Review - Buffy the Vampire Slayer

  Click  Here

 Bush's American soldier body count in Iraq

 It now stands at  246 247

 Note: Believe this figure.
 It's from http://lunaville.org/warcasualties/Summary.aspx

 Have a good time today - that's an order.

Search Now:

 Read the  Previous Issue

 It had  everything.

 Copyright © 2003, bartcop.com
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 Shirley - call The BartPhone,  just to say "Hi!"
 Maybe leave a two-minute message...

 I'll play it for your fans at  bartcop.com
 Maybe say some nasty things about fascist monkey called Bush.
 Shirley, as far as I know, our politics are identical.

Bush is a horrid madman and a savage killer.
He's a stupid criminal and a greedy, blood-loving bastard.

 Plus, leave an e-mail address and I'll make you a BartCop Member - for free!

 Call the Bart-Phone at 918-493-1500
 That would be really cool, and we'll catch you at the Vegas Hard Rock on your next American tour.

 bartcop.com  and BartCop are trademarks of quality humor.
 Same for "ditto-monkey," "scum-sucking Republican bastards" and Gov Bush (R-Racist monkey)