First Hour
 Tonight on CBS, the third Survivor crew is forced to drink blood.
 Remember when CBS was known as the "Tiffany Network?"
 Now they're known as the network where men get their jollies by forcing women to drink blood.
 Good thing Bill Paley is dead, eh?

 Friends continues their comeback (they beat Survivor last week) with a horrid story line
 about how Rachel got pregnant by a bigger dweeb than Tim Russert - Ross.
 Bush belongs in the White House more than Ross belongs in Rachel's pants.
 The only way the writers can get out of this is to decide Rachel has a false pregnancy.
 After all, she hasn't been to a doctor yet, has she?
 I mean, she can't have an abortion, because ears and Fed-Ex might drop their support.
 If she ends up having the kid, it'll kill the show faster than you can say, "Mad About You."
 Aniston isn't pregnant, so why did the writers dig this hueueueuge hole for themselves?

 Then, in the Yankees are scripted to beat Seattle again tonight.
 It's as scripted as tonight's Friends, so don't expect any surprises.
 You know it's fixed - it's on FOX.

 Can you imagine the money FOX would lose if the World Series was Seattle and Arizona?
 They will NOT let that happen.

 NFL Football on ESPN - Buffalo at Jacksonville.

 Second Hour
 C.S.I. continues their hot streak with a murder in a high school.
 Regis should have Robin Quivers in the hot seat tonight.
 On Charmed, the witches go searching for Shannen Dougherty's social skills.

 Third Hour
 The Agency is doing The Greg Palast story - Miners become hostages in Indonesia.
  This is the story that made the Bush Family Evil Empire sue Palast's paper.
 (In the real story, the miners were buried alive because it was cheaper for Barrick mining)

 On tonight's ER, ("Clear!") Sherry Stringbean rejoins the losers for a hueueueuge paycheck.
 Funny, she left when the show was a great show, and now that it sucks donkey, she's back.
 Who's in charge of your career, Sheery?    Donna Brazile?