My first cell experience was with AT&T I shopped and asked questions and made phone calls and received more promises and assurances than it took blocks of stone to build the pyramids. “Sir, we don’t have service there but we will within the
next couple of months.” These famous words from AT&T were over 4 years ago. They still don’t have service in the areas
I was inquiring about. “Sir, if you go over your minutes plan you just call us and we’ll change your plan so you won’t have
to pay all those ridiculous by the minute charges.” Famous words from US Cellular. “Sir you’ll be able to use your phone regardless of where you’re at because our phones work with everyones system” from Southwestern Bell. Yeah right.
A friend I know has a Sprint phone, it’s constantly not working and sprint has EVERY type of excuse for why their
NATION WIDE SERVICE doesn’t work sometimes. ALL guarantees are absolute lies.

AT & T had a map. They said my phone would work anywhere that map showed. I hope the guy that drew that map
doesn’t depend on drawing maps to make a living. It wasn’t even close. To this day I’m convinced that AT&T doesn’t
have a clue as to where their phones work and where they don’t. I kept my AT&T service for less time than any other
cell phone I’ve owned. The phone was a piece of junk and so was the service.

Apparently not having learned anything from the experience and being a complete glutton for punishment I signed up for
SW Bell just when PCS or digital service became available. Even got the dual mode phone where it would work with
either digital or analog. I decided one evening while standing in the deer woods next to a cell phone tower on top of a
mountain that if an SW Bell salesman ever approached me I would break my vow of peaceful existence and wrap my
fingers around his (or her) neck. If someone out there could explain to me why I couldn’t get service standing right next
to the tower when my hunting buddy was talking with no problem on his cell phone then I’ld love to publish the explanation.
I suspect the explanation will be full of the same double talk I got when I called SW Bell and asked the same question.

Finally my contract with SW Bell expired and having still not learned my lesson I signed up with US Cellular. They were
the ones that promised that if my minutes ever went over they would adjust the plan. For lack of a better explanation it
was an out and out lie. When I questioned them regarding this I was informed that at the time of the signing of my
contract they did that but they had since stopped and felt no obligation towards notifying their customers.

The US Cellular story doesn’t end there. In July we were in the process of moving from Tulsa, Oklahoma to Wilburton, Oklahoma and I knew we had gone over our allotted minutes so I called them on August 6th, 2001 to check on how many minutes we had used and to make the necessary adjustments to our cell phone plan. (We had two phones) The customer service representative informed me that not only did they not have any way of checking how many minutes we had used but they had NEVER gone back and changed a plan if someone went over their allotted minutes. Needless to say the ambient
air temperature in the room rose a few degrees. I was informed that she was willing to give me a $25.00 credit for a reason which I never did fully understand and was told to not worry about the next bill because of the credit. Having become somewhat distrustful of cell phone companies I sent them $110.00 in August anyway. On September 11th I received a
bill for $303.56. I’m fairly certain this was when I started developing heart trouble. Being an insurance agent I only get
paid ONCE a month sometime after the 23rd mostly because I have to wait on another of my favorite organizations the
US Postal Service to deliver my check. Keep in mind that I received my US cellular bill on the 10th of September.

On September 21st I was receiving calls from their collections department which they in an attempt to be politically correct have code named their “Financial Services department” demanding I make payment in full to them immediately. Please note
that at this time additional cardiac problems ensued. I explained to the lady making the call that I didn’t get paid until
sometime after the 23rd yet she insisted that I give her an exact date when I would remit payment. I explained to her again
that I wasn’t in the habit of lying and that I couldn’t give her an exact date because I was at the mercy of the post office.

She took it upon herself to note in my account that the $303.56 would be paid in full on the 23rd of September, which by
the way was a Sunday. How low of a test score do you have to achieve to work for US Cellular? On September 24th my
cell phone service was shut off. Upon my inquiry as to why I was informed that I had lied to them about when I would pay
the bill. Let me add that the gentleman that informed me of this was also from the “Financial Services division” of US Cellular and to this day I would love to invite him down to our 1000 acres for an ass whooping contest dedicated in his honor.

I again explained that I was waiting on the US Postal Service and would pay as much of the bill as possible when I got paid. This person (not gentleman) took it on himself to place in my account that I would pay the bill in full by the following Friday September 28th even after my telling him that I couldn’t give him an exact date when the post office would deliver my check. He also insisted on my contacting him on the 28th of September to confirm that I had sent my payment.

On September 27th the long awaited commission check arrived. I called the number I had been given for the US Cellular “Financial Services” department and after an hour on hold waiting for the man I was supposed to talk to I gave up and told
the lady that had answered the phone that I would send them all but $53.56 of the $303.56 bill that day and would make up the rest the next month.

On October 2nd our cell phone service was cut off. When I called to inquire as to why I was told it was because I had lied
to them twice about when I would pay the bill and how much I was sending. It seems the post office had decided to wait
until October 2nd to deliver my payment even though it had been sent on September 27th. I was further informed that I had
lied to them regarding the amount of the payment. All this over $53.56? My cardiac problems reached a critical phase but I resisted the urge to launch my cell phone into the middle of 1000 acres located in southeastern Oklahoma. I was also told
that until I paid the balance in full my cell phone service would not be restored. Privately I thought “Screw this” so in
November around the 10th (got my check early) I sent them $25.00, not the $53.56 that would pay the bill in full.
Quite honestly I was going to send them the balance one penny at a time for the rest of the length of the contract
because I certainly wasn’t going to take this kind of abuse from anyone.

On November 14th my wife had an accident involving a deer. Our boys and her wandered around in the dark and got
tangled up in a barb wire fence because in the middle of the country there are no lights and with no cell phone there’s
no way to call for help.

I’m going to skip ahead now to when we returned with our oldest son from the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit at St. Francis Hospital in Tulsa where he had been life flighted after suffering head injuries from the accident which resulted in a seizure
which lasted over an hour. It was a long and unpleasant ordeal. Had a neighbor not been coming home late our son would probably have died from the hour long seizure he suffered. Of course my family couldn’t call for help because the cell
phones weren’t working all over $53.56. Thankfully we only spent 5 days in intensive care and our son will fully recover.

When I walked in the door from bringing our son home my cell phone which had been left on the charger rang. Please note giant increase in cardiac situation. Who had been lying to whom. I didn’t pay the bill in full on purpose yet here my cell phone was ringing. I once again resisted the temptation to launch the cell phone into the middle of a thousand acres. Instead I started making some phone calls. Eventually ending up with a gentleman named Derek Estes, the head of ALL agents for US Cellular in a territory that sounds to me like the middle of the United States. Derek spent A LOT of time apologizing for what had happened and assuring me it would not happen again. Well, I just got my cell phone bill for the time that I didn’t have service, $175.00………..I’ld like to inform all the readers at  bartcop.com  that a cell phone may make a great fishing weight
but they definitely do not fly.

Next week we're working on an article regarding car safety and some comments that 2 Oklahoma State Troopers had regarding the lack of safety or children riding in Hondas. Still trying to get a response from Honda but we'll send it any way
if they choose not to reply.

Anyone really chapped your @ss lately? I’ld love to hear about it. E-mail to downingc@swbell.net