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 Chicago Update:

 Chicago is a lot like Palm Beach - the hotel only has a 24K baud modem,
 so I can't check mail, get cartoons and even news is deadly slow coming in.
 By Monday night we'll have a hi-speed modem, so this will be an odd, short issue.
 

This is the Denny's in Palm Beach where the vulgar Junkie,  Rush Limbaugh, sent his maid slave to buy Hillbilly Heroin.  Back Issues  Contact us Your Ad Here The Forum The Reader Perkel's Blog Bart Cook Chinaco Anejo BartCop Bookstore LINKS 2004 Live CHAT Project 60 Stickers Bart Sports BC Entertainment Bush-Saudi Ties GOP Rap Sheet Pickles the Killer

In Today's Tequila Treehouse... Is Iran Bush's Next Victim? More Dead in Baghdad Chicago Pokerfest Winners D-r-i-v-e   b-y   N-e-w-s  Sunday in Chicago Torts claim Defense link Cheesborger and Cheeps Is bartcop a mole? Hi-speed hotel - where r u?   Quote of the Day "...if Democrats don't have the guts,    I call them girlie men."      --Arnold the serial sex offender  Attribution       Bart Store Thanks to Jim, David, Ron and C@

 

Support Bartcop.com PO Box 54466 , Tulsa, OK 74155PayPal to bartcop@bartcop.com

 Quotes

"I have never seen such secrecy. I've not--I have never experienced such a feeling of disdain
 for the Congress by this administration.  I see it in the Appropriations Committee, where the
 administration continues to try to seek more power, grasp more power. This administration does
 not like oversight by the Congress. And it is exceedingly dangerous. I've never seen anything
 like that in my experience.  Nixon had secrecy.  And some of his people are in this administration:
 the vice president, the secretary of defense, former secretary of the Treasury, Mr. O'Neill.
 ...and this is far worse. I've never experienced anything like this. I've never felt as afraid of
 what-- where we're headed as I feel now."
    --Robert Byrd, plenty of faults but lack of balls isn't one of them    Attribution

 Is Iran Bush's Next Victim?
  CIA has "good intelligence" 9/11 gang was in Iran

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 The New York Times, Karl Rove's personal news agency, reported that Iran ordered its border guards not
 to stamp the passports of Saudi al Qaeda members moving through Iran after training in Afghanistan, which
 could have made them subject to additional scrutiny upon entering the United States.
 
 
 

 If Bush's man in the CIA says "this is good intelligence," ...then it is.
 And if Rove's NY Times says that's a fact, well, ...then it is.

 Tehran - when Bush says, "God told me to murder Iran," he's really coming.
 Ask Oootie & Kootie about America's, "We don't need a reason" death squads.
 

..
"...and he giggles when he kills"
 

..
"I'm a shoot-straighting word of my man..."

 Comments?

 Quotes

"...I hope the Australian people throw Mr Howard and his people out of office
  for participating in this.  What is John Howard doing in bed with an idiot?
  What was he promised? He knew this wouldn't be popular with the Australian people."
      --Michael Moore, on Australia's 60 Minutes,  Attribution

 9 Killed in Truck Bomb Blast in Baghdad
  The news in Iraq is the same every day

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 One of Bush's "suiciders" in a fuel truck blew it up early Monday at a police station in Baghdad,
 killing 9 and wounding 60 as the inferno engulfed those waiting for their daily assignments.

 The Philippines, meanwhile, said it has completed the withdrawal of its forces from Iraq, meeting a
 demand by Iraqi "beheaders," but defying opposition from Washington.
 

 Yep, one can not hear any news and still know what's going on in Bush's Quagmire.

 Pokerfest Update

 Since I can't do anything substantive, I'll tell you about the weekend.
 Saturday I was up with the sun, cruising down Lake Shore Drive in my new Mustang convertible.

 Sidebar: Avis claimed they coudn't find my reservation, but after I gave them my name I saw, "bartcop.com"
 on their computer screen, so it's just another case of a Republican billionaire corporation lying to their customer.
 After a while ( I was in a hurry) I said, "Can you give me anything right now?"  I'd hoped to get a car with
 XM Radio, to keep up with things, but nooooo.

 Meanwhile, the lady running the booth had problems of her own - she had to pee but her replacement suddenly
 had to go to the hospital so she wanted to solve my problems ASAP so she asked if a Mustang convertible would
 do and follishly, I agreed. I had no idea Detroit was still manufacturing cars with this poor level of quality. This new
 Mustang, the 40th Anniversary edition, is crap. Probably because it's a convertible, but it always sounds like all
 windows are rolled down, which means conversation or listening to the radio is impossible on a highway. It also
 has a piece of crap 6 cylinder with no pep at all. Who wants a sports car with no peop?

 But the drive down Lake Shore was very nice. I picked up Mrs Bart from Midway at 10:45, leaving just enough
 time to get lost and get back to the hotel where the game was by noon.  My phone was busier than Ann Coulter's
 zipper at NaziCon2004.

 When I got to the poker room, many quests were already there. We put on these name tags so we'd have a clue
 who each other was.  Our host Zendaba/Chicago Jim had stocked the place with beer, cokes, wine and whatever
 so we had a party just itching to break out. I was unable to locate any Chinaco locally, so I brought a bottle of Jack.

 Sam Dent was there as Poker Room Manager.  She worked the audio/video screens, assisted those in need of
 X and Y, and generally made things work smoother and better - a shot of Chinaco for Sam!

..

 Amazingly, the first game started on time - at 12:30.
 I stayed out of the first game to give the lesser players a chance to win a game. (cough)

 Game One was won by Corey, (LRB) who drove all the way from Minneapolis to take our money.
 Buck (shortened from Bushwheat so as not to alarm the locals) took second place, and Poker Queen,
 his wife, took third place, which was essentially getting her entry fee back.

 Vegas Dave was table general, assisted ably by my man Buck.
 It takes a near genius to divide those side pots after drinking a few hours.

 Game Two was won by Ryan, who was a local, I think.

 Sidebar: Ryan hinted that he supported my stand on removing the influence of the Invisible Cloud Being
 from our drug laws and I asked if he could prove his support - he could.  He had a strong case, too.

 Our host Zendaba Jim came in second and my good friend Joe B from Toledo won third place.
 Joe B has been a supporter since before support existed, ...which reminds me.

 Sidebar: Many new folk won't know the history of contributions, so let's skim over that. We started in
 February 1996, and we always refused donations. People would say, "Bart, love the page, can I send
 you a few bucks?" and I'd always say no, because I was making some really good money at the time.

 I stopped making real money on New Year's Eve 1999 because I switched to a job where I'd have more
 time to build up  bartcop.com   Money was terribly tight that year, but I had some stashed away to get the
 page going.  But when the Smirk stole the election in 2000, I became outraged and made the decision to
 accept money to build the pie higher and faster. I remember the first day we got PayPal working, (circa
 Dec 15, 2000) Tulsa had too much snow to leave the house but someone had sent $15 dollars so I was
 officially making money from home.

 There's more to Joe B's story, but I can't tell that until I hear back from the Roof Lady.
 Amazingly, I didn't not win, place or show in my first tourney :)

 About this time, Flagstaff showed up and very quietly asked if he could buy me a shot of Chinaco.
 I told him, "Dude, they don't have Chinaco anywhere that we know of here."   So Flaggstaff
 smiled and whipped out a bottle of God's Finest Work!!  I tried to kiss him, but he pulled away.

 Quickly realizing that I was stuck on the horns of a dilemma, I combined my socialist/liberal tendencies
 with my Republican greed and we decided to sell "slices" of the bottle for $10. The "slicers" got maybe
 2-3 ounces of Chinaco to sip and there was happiness in the room - and Flagstaff might have even made
 a dollar's profit by bringing the bottle, proving my combo theory worked :)     Thanks to Flagstaff!

 Game Three was won by Poker Queen (they don't call her that for nothing).  We were trying to get more
 drinks in her to slow her down because she's tough at the poker table.  My good friend Ray, who drove
 all the way from Arkansas to play, came in second.  Ray is a lucky man, indeed :)  Coming in third was Trevor,
 the Canadian CIA agent. He was also very schooled at poker, so we drafted him to be the table general
 whenever he played - thanks, Trevor!

 Game Four was won, once again, by Corey (LRB). Thinking he might've been cheating, a few of  the guys
 stripped searched him, checking for hidden cards, which he seemed to almost enjoy.  Second place went to
 Flaggstaff, the most popular guy at the Pokerfest.   Third place was earned by Vegas Dave

 Then came the BIG game, with a first place grand prize of one thousand dollars points.  We filled up (?) both
 tables and when it got down to the final 8 or 10 we combined the tables and it turned into dog-eat-dog
 Fallujahfest for the grand prize and Chicago Pokerfest Title.

 Ryan and Trevor split fourth place - which was half their money back each.
 Ray from Arkansas came in third in the BIG game - 200 points - proving his luck continues to hold :)
 Big Tom from  funnyfarmonline.org  won second place (400 points) in the big game.

 But the big, BIG winner was LA Rick, who came all the way from LA and that's a funny story.
 He had some fancy ticket (business class, I believe) which included free drinks. His plane was stuck on the
 tarmac at LAX for three hours before the flight started, so Rick wisely instructed the flight attendent serving
 drinks to "keep them coming."  As far as Rick was concerned, he didn't care if this was a ten hour flight.

 Then in an amazing show of partisan unity, the winners of EACH
 tournament decided to DONATE their winnings to the Higher Hammer
 fund at  bartcop.com    Let's hear it for the super-generous winners!!!

 ha ha

 I just made eleven people faint.

 Just kidding guys - we'll get back to Tulsa Wednesday, we'll get everything straight and checks for
 points will be sent ASAP. If you think I don't have your home address, send that to me.
 If you want the points faster and don't care if PayPal steals a fee, let me know.

 Other players who helped make this a success were Ally the Roulette Queen from Vegasfest West 2002.
 She was new to the game, but she made several seasoned players fold their hands with her bluffing ability.
 John F played two games but had to leave before the final game - we missed you, John!

 Snabby was there, helping to corral chips and assisting in the table generalship. Thanks, Dude.
 Matt 2Fall, a senior pillar was smiling all night. I seem to remember him winning something,
 but I don't have you on the winner's list, Dude, so straighten me out if I remember "funny."

 Sidebar: The drinks and ICB buds were working their toll on me. About 4-5 PM I realized I needed to
 pace myself  if I was going to be alive at 10 PM to party at the Tequila Roadhouse at Wells & North.
 I went to 7 Up and water for a few hours to slow things down :)

 Larry the pillar-by-the-Sea made it all the way in from San Diego.  Larry and I were the "seniors" in the
 group and we were both flattered when Trevor the dealer would say, "That's $500,000 to you, young man" :)

 John D had a story - he lives in (I'm guessing) northern Chicago, and left in plenty of time to get to
 the big poker game, but he forgot there was a Cubs game. Apparently when the Cubs are playing,
 that part of Chicago turns to gridlock and he arrived after round two started, so he was the first guy
 in the big, BIG game. It was good to meet you, John D.

 Coop was there, offering to help us set up Pokerfest Northwest if/when that happens. Coop has hotel contacts
 all over the states and we'll be asking him to handle all the arrangements for every Pokerfest from now on :)

 During the game, Zomar, the James Carville lookalike walked in!

..
          James with Zomar!!

 Zomar drove 250 miles from NE Wisconsin just to say, "Hey!"

 So, after the very successful tournament (except for me not winning anything) it was time to go to the
 Tequila Roadhouse, and there's a funny story there, too. We visited the Roadhouse Friday to be sure
 it was suitable for our after party and it was. The bartender told us the Roadhouse was one of three
 bars in Chicago that could stay open until 5 AM.  The other bars have to close at 2 AM, because that's
 the law, but the Roadhouse had a "grandfather clause," which someone told me is Chicago-speak for
"We wrote a big check to the Democratic Machine, so we get to break the law legally."

 What did this mean to us?  Not a lot, but they told us the place doesn't get crowded until 2 AM
 because that's where all the waitresess and bartenders in the city go to spend their nightly tips.
 Sensing a wool being pulled over my eyes, I assigned LA Rick the task of staying at the Roadhouse
 until the wee hours to check the veracity of this claim.  More on that later...
 Toni C from Chicago was there with her friend whose name I forgot - I blame the Jack.

 ...and before I forget, we need to thank Zandaba Jim for making all this possible.

 He invested a lot of time and money into making this work.  He negotiated with the hotel, he stocked
 the bar, and for the poor bastards who went out of their tourney first, he got some gag prizes to give away
 such as a George Bush coloring book, showing the never-elected giggling murderer in his underwear, and
 he had an Ann Coulter blow up doll, and some other gag gifts that will be cherished heirlooms, I'm sure.

..
    Salute to Zendaba Jim!
 

 A little before ten, we hopped (not really) into four cabs and went to the Tequila Roadhouse.
 They treated us right, they had good food, some tasty Chinaco and scanty-clads on the dance floor.
 Pretty much the whole gang showed up and we bought each other shots a did a lot of lying.
 One of the Roadhouse managers is a  bartcop.com  reader - and he's from Tulsa.
 So we talked about politics, tequila and the mighty Oklahoma (2004 Champion) Sooners
 Thanks for the free shot, Dude!

 Then I ran into Disasterman, who scoped out the Roadhouse for us weeks ago.
 I owed him a shot, and he bought one for me so The Miracle of Canaan was flowing.

 Then - you'll never guess who I ran into - Pete Fascistan!!!!!
(Pete is an original 'fester from Carville's in 2002 and a voracious hellraiser in the BartCop chat rooms
 and the BartCop Forums.  When the feces hits the fan, I know Pete has my back.)

 After eleven and a half hours of sipping fine spirits, old age began to creep up on me.
 About 11:30 we decided too much of a good thing was too much, so we said our goodbyes
 and headed back to the hotel to get some rest for Sunday.

 I believe everybody had a good time, with many players asking about Pokerfest Northwest - coming soon.

 Quotes

"Whoopi Goldberg told some jokes people didn't like and a big corporation fires her.
  Dennis Miller implies that John Edwards and John Kerry are gay, then attacks my pal
  James Carville for the way that he looks and nobody says anything. I doubt CNN has even
  covered that story today at all. So why is it that a liberal comedian can make fun of Bush,
  but she gets fired? A conservative comedian makes really nasty sexual innuendoes about
  Kerry and Edwards and nobody says anything. So it's a double standard."
     --Paul Begala, speaking the obvious   Attribution

 Sunday in Chicago

 Sidebar:  Sorry, but without mail and graphics, and even the news comes super slow at 24K,
 let me upload some text and we'll get ourselves to a high-speed hotel ASAP.

 First, we took Sam to the aiport. She took some United puddlejumper back to Tulsa.
 I know how much Sam loves the no-track rollercoaster in the sky :)

 Now we had the day to ourselves so we looked around for something to do.
 Mentally, I'm nine years old, and I like boats, so we went boating.
 They told us we could take a boat tour around Chicago, so we did that.
 We got on a mercuryskylinecruiseline.com boat which was a lot better than I thought it'd be.

 We had to go thru a lock (like at the Panama Canal) to get to Lake Michigan, which looks more
 like the ocean than a lake because you can't see the other side. The tour guide explained the buildings
 along Chicago's fabulous shoreline - that was cool.

..

 Then we went back inside the river and toured the city from the boat.

..
                       That's the world famous Wrigley Building on the right.

 Took bad we couldn't smoke one on the boat - that would've been nice.
 When we rent boats and I'm the Admiral, we smoke a little and sip the Chinaco,
 but only for ceremonial use, not to get high or anything. (cough)

 The 90 minute boat ride was only $18, I thought that was a bargain, plus it gave me something
 to write about until we get to a high speed modem.

 After the boat ride, we walked as much of Downtown Chicago as my left knee would allow.
 We saw a sign on Michigan Avenue telling us we had to go downstairs to see something:

..

 I wanted to eat there, but Mrs. Bart shot that idea down like my last name was Hamilton.
 We finally got some food at the Chicago Hard Rock Cafe.

 Sidebar: Apparently the Hard Rock people bought a skyscraper downtown that will someday be
 The Hard Rock Hotel, but it's still under construction.

 I asked for a tequila list, and the cute waitress said they had Patron and Tres Generaciones.
 I registered my disgust and drank a Coke as a protest, but let me tell you about the food.

 Decades ago, back when Moses wore short pants, we ate at The Shack in Little Rock.
 It was a teeny, tiny Bar-B-Q shack next to the Capitol in Little Rock. No doubt, Big Dog has eaten there
 many times because that food was super-delicious.  This was the first time I'd ever seen a "curb girl" on
 roller skates.  I'll be damned - the Hard Rock had a "Pig Sandwich" that tasted a lot like the old Shack food,
 but it wasn't as hot.  We put Louisiana Hot Sauce on those old Shack sandwiches - mmmmmmmmm, good!

 Then it was back to the hotel to keep the dawgs from barking too loud.

 Quotes

"I'm endorsing Kerry. I think the war in Iraq was ill conceived, has been proven to be a big
  mistake, and it's time for a new team to try to internationalize the fight against terrorism,
  and restore respect for the United States. It's so sad to remember that after 9/11 the whole
  world empathized with us. I don't believe Bush or Cheney or Rumsfeld are malicious, but I
  believe they got it wrong in Iraq, and it's time for a change."
    --Huey Lewis, (he was a pop star in the 80s) proving he's slightly smarter than Britney Spears Attribution
 

 Sidebar:
 Tommy Mack tells this story and he swears it's true.
 He and a bunch of people were walking in an airport when one of them spotted Huey Lewis.
 Tommy said, "Do you have time for a photograph?" and Huey said "...Sure," so Tommy
 handed him his camera while he and his group posed for the picture.

 ha ha

 Note: The top picture, the one of the vulgar Pigboy's Heroin stop-n-shop was taken out the
            back window of the Rent-a-Wreck as we fled the scene.  Thanks to my good friend
            Dean in Palm Beach for steering us to the proper Denny's.
            Accuracy is everything here at  bartcop.com

 Quotes

"Having presided over the two worst intelligence disasters since Pearl Harbor -- 9/11 and the
  misbegotten invasion of Iraq -- the Bush Administration and its apologists are now whining,
"Okay, we were wrong about Iraq's weapons and supposed threat, but so was everybody else.
  Besides, it was all the CIA's fault...

  This was no intelligence failure. This was strategic deception, a combination the Soviet KGB
  called "disinformatzia" and "maskirovka." This was facilitated by an ideologically and religiously
  extreme president; a Dr. Strangelovian vice-president lusting for war and oil; neocon ideologues
  and a cowardly Congress that violated its most basic responsibility to the nation. All that, plus a
  national security establishment that lacked the cojones to tell superiors or Americans the truth."
   --Eric Margolis,   Attribution
 

 Eric, don't forget Bush's good puppy press, chanting "march to war, march to war," and refusing to ask
 any decent questions after ten years of pummeling an elected president thousands of times for
"constitutionally imperative" questions about where his zipper had been, the lazy sons of bitches.

 Subject: I am so pissed

 Not voting is a vote for Bush.
 A vote for nadar is a vote for Bush.
 Any vote that isn't for Kerry, is a vote for Bush.

 Anyone who votes for Bush is a monkey-whore that thinks sodomizing
 little Iraqi boys is fine, as well as videotaping it... with sound.
 I'll make a bet they weren't gay !

 I'm so pissed I'm beside myself.

 Hammer on, Bart-
 Kathy C

 40 in Pa. GOP See 'Fahrenheit 9/11' Free
  Will they believe Moore or their lying eyes?

  Click  Here
 

 Robot movie makes $53M, Spider in Second
  Fahrenheit 9/11 now at $93M, could a sequel be coming?

  Click  Here
 

 Conservatives to Protest Anti-GOP Protest
  Fake news story, probably planted by Karl Rove

  Click  Here
 

 Eldrick has great weekend, comes in tenth
  But he's still #1 - When did Don King buy the sport of Golf?

  Click  Here

 Private Torturers claim DoD link

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
"Afghan authorities have charged the Americans and four Afghan accomplices with
 hostage-taking and assault for allegedly detaining and abusing 11 men in a house in
 the capital. They face up to 20 years in jail if convicted.

 U.S. and Afghan authorities deny any links to the self-styled task force, describing
 them as vigilantes on a personal quest to fight terrorism.
 

 Wait - nobody has a membership list of the BFEE's private mercenary force.
 If someone gets caught torturing or murdering, all Bush has to do is cross them
 off the taxpayer's payroll and Bush walks away with complere deniability.

 If those Americans are executed, what does that mean?

 Tell them, George...
 

.
"Sacrifices have to be made.
  That Afghan pipeline is important to America's fight against terra...."

  Comments?

 From:  Bev Harris

 Subject: Is bartcop a mole?

 Clarification: Ms. Harris did not send that e-mail to me.
                        It was forwarded by an aghast reader.

 The dept of Homeland Security warned of a worm this week.
 There is a tinfoil thread on DU. I almost posted this morning,
 when they announced immediately that Bartcop had a worm
 and to download certain stuff due to the Windows flaw yada yada

 ...I'll tell you why.

 Bartcop is on linux. How do I know?
 I don't know for sure, but I'm pretty sure.

 This is an investigative reporter?
 

 When I was told by Bob Fertik to send files to fud, he had me send them
 there and he specifically said it took awhile to configure the ftp because it was linux.

 Just wondering...
 Bev
 

 I'm not sure why some people insist on fighting battles they can't win,
 but I wish the best for Bev and her secret crusade to save America from Diebold.

 Subscribe between now and the end of July and get 2-for-1.

 What do you get when you subscribe?

 First, you get  - which is completely uncensored invective
 aimed at the fascist goons who took away our right to have our votes counted.
 You've never heard radio like this before.

 We can say any fucking thing we want - and NOBODY can censor us or stop us.

  Click  Here  for a instant-load sample of 

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 bartcop.com
 PO Box 54466
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 Subject: Show 35 - Bush Beatdown

 Me again, bart.
 The steaming audio works for show 35, but the mp3's aren't there.

 Brian Adams

.
 Dude, I just fixed it.
 Repeat - Show 35, the Bush Beatdown - is now working.
 They were always there, burt Einstein (me) had the link muddled.
 You people are going to LIKE Show 35 - it's a brutal takedown of the never-elected thug.

 BTW, I loved "Cuts like a Kinfe"

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 Read the Previous Issue

 It had  everything.

 Copyright © 2004, bartcop.com

..
 Shirley Manson of the rock group "Garbage."

 Shrl, call  The BartPhone, just to say "Hi!"
 Plus, leave an e-mail address and I'll make you a BartCop Member - for free!

 You can call the Bart-Phone at 918-748-1714
 That would be really cool, and we'll catch you in Vegas at The Joint on your next American tour.

 bartcop.com  and BartCop are trademarks of attempts at humor.