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In Today's Tequila Treehouse... Oil surges to $49 a barrel NY Cops can burst eardrums Nader vs. anti-Bush forces D-r-i-v-e   b-y   N-e-w-s  Offer for Mary Beth Cahill Church: "No Jesus for you!" XP Patches "worthless" Attempt: Boycott the Boss Dubya's Ukulele Farewell    Quote of the Day "I don't think the Swift Boat Veterans    are helping the Republican cause."     --Rep. Christopher Shays, R-Conn., Attribution     Bart Store

 

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 Quotes

"The President is there in the White House for you, it is not you who are here for him."
    --Walt Whitman, who never met the Unelected Boy King,    Attribution

 Oil Price Races to a New High, Over $49
  What did you expect with two oilmen in the White House?

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 Oil prices raced to fresh highs on Friday, carrying U.S. crude over $49 a barrel,
 driven by escalating violence in Iraq and unabated fuel demand growth from China and India.

 Unka Bandar said this week he had raised July output to help his frind Dubya get elected,
  but the increase had no effect as other nation's economies are surging past America.
 

 Talk about insult to injury!
 Gas prices are going thru the roof, partly due to Bush's failed and bloody war, and the
 second reason is the economies of China and India are surging while America's economy
 suck because Bush continues to reward the super-rich while the majority suffers.

 Can America afford four more years of oil greed in the White House?

 Vote your pockerbook - vote Kerry!

  Comments?

 Quotes

"We're going to win for the simple fact that the country is not better off and he has
  no plan for making it better. I like Kerry's chances better than I liked Gore's chances.
  We'll get every Gore vote, plus more. The Democratic turnout is definitely going to be
  bigger and stronger and more enthusiastic than it was in 2000."
    -- Mario Cuomo, predicting victory for democracy this year,  Attribution

 NY Cops can burst eardrums of protesters

  Click  Here

  Exerpt:
 It's called the Long Range Acoustic Device, developed for the military and capable
 of blasting warnings, orders or anything else at an ear-splitting 150 decibels.
 

 When I read they had a "long range accoustic device," I thought it was a sensitive
 microphone that could hear conversations from far away - but noooooo.

 Manowar, the world's loudest band is only 129 decibles.
 150 decibels will burst your eardrums and make you deaf - thanks RNC!.
 

  Comments?

 Quotes

"Everyone in Fallujah has been labeled a terrorist. These are all lies.
  If a stranger invades America and the people resist, does that mean they are terrorists?"
   -- Ahmed Manajid, who says if he were not playing soccer he would fight the invaders,   Attribution

 Subject: bartcop the racist

 Bartcop,

 You just can't help sticking your whole foot in your mouth.
 So you hate Alan Keyes, another Black man.
 You even called him a "carpetbagger" today and insulted his decency and intelligence.

 You are one disgusting racist, Bartcop.
 You are disgusting.
 And you call yourself a Democrat.
 KKK boss you mean!

 Tom Wright
 

 ha ha

 Take a Midol, bitch

 Tensions rise between Nader, anti-Bush forces
  Can fraud and forgery get Nader's name on the Oregon ballot?

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 Anti-Bush forces acccused Nader backers of engaging in widespread fraud and forgery
 in gathering signatures to put the pro-Bush Nader on the Nov. 2 ballot in this battleground state.

 Nader's supporters countered that Democrats and their union allies are resorting to "gangster" tactics
 by bullying and intimidating signature-gatherers in hopes of thwarting Nader's petition drive.
 

 ha ha

 Democrats? Using gangster tactics?
 Nader's accusing Democrats of fighting back?

 ha ha

 Nader please!
 
 

..
"I like Unka Ralf - he has a good heart..."

 Subject:  Mary Beth Cahill, Kerry Campaign Mgr

 <snip>

 The group behind this smear campaign calls itself "Swift Boat Veterans for Truth."
 But the truth is the last thing they are interested in.

 President Bush refuses to condemn this group. He wants them to do his dirty work.
 But this effort to distract attention from the issues that matter most has failed.

 <snip>

 Mary Beth Cahill.
 

 Mary Beth - I have a great idea.
 Let's stop complaining about that and make them eat it.

 Have Kerry say,

"Since the president wants to focus on the Vietnam War,
  we should add another debate to discuss our military service."
 

 Then they will shut up about Vietnam!

 That will take the war and the economy back to the forefront of the issues
 You can't let Bush steal the "war hero" issue.

 If Senator Kerry says those words in the next 7 days, I will guarantee a $1000 donation.
 Please say yes.

 Quotes

"Kerry volunteered to go to Vietnam and, once there, volunteered for dangerous duty.
  He killed enemy fighters, was injured and decorated. Then he came home and
  distinguished himself in opposition to the war. That a president who shirked similar
  duty would try to make an issue out of Kerry's war record is simply amazing.
  Bush won't get away with it - unless Kerry lets him."
    --Jacob Weisberg, speaking the truth in Slate    Attribution

 Church invalidates girl's Communion
  No wheat in the wafer means "No Jesus for You!!

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 The First Holy Communion made by 8-year-old Haley Waldman in April
 is considered invalid in the eyes of the Roman Catholic Church since the
 Holy Eucharist she received did not contain any wheat.
 

 Catholics says the hosts must contain some wheat, which contains gluten..
 Haley is allergic to wheat - so no Jesus for her?
 Guess who made her allergic to wheat?  God did that.

 And since He made her allergic to your communion wafer - no Jesus for her?
 What's wrong with you that you can't see that?

 Question: Is her family's money still welcome in your collection basket?

  Comments?

  Update
 Church invalidates girl's Communion
   No wheat in the wafer means "No Jesus for You!!

    Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 Haley's mom said the diocese offered to register Haley's communion
 if she would take a sip of low-alcohol wine - Haley's mom declined.
 

 What does this mean?
 They're tired of the little boys?

 Tonight - Del Castillo at Antones in Austin

..
                    Guitar Bad Ax

 Attack Pierces Fully Patched XP Machines
  Shouldn't Gates have to give back all that money?

  Click  Here
 

 Penis Pump Judge Rides into the Sunset
  With his full pension and he gets "the girl" too

  Click  Here
 

'Opie's' father killed, mother hurt
  Car wreck kills dad - mother hurt but should recover

  Click  Here
 

 Michael Moore to Publish Soldiers' Letters
 "Will They Ever Trust Us Again?" hits bookstores in November

  Click  Here

 Iraqi soccer team to Bush:  Bugger off!
  Unlike some, they don't like being in Bush TV ads

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
"Iraq as a team does not want Bush to use us for his," Sadir told SI.com,
 speaking calmly and directly. "He can find another way to advertise himself."

"How will he meet his god having slaughtered so many men and women?"
 Ahmad Manajid told me. "He has committed so many crimes. What is freedom
 when I go to the stadium and there are shootings on the road? Fuck Bush."
 
 

.
"Thanks to my great leadership,
  the Iraqi people are free to worship me..."l

 Comments?

 Q: What's the difference between a designer for Chrysler and George W. Bush?

 A: The designer for Chrysler is a Dodge drafter.

  Damon in Detroit

 Quotes

"Bill O'Reilly is the closest thing to the National Enquirer."
  --Editor Iain Calder, saying O'Reilly is television's Enquirer,  Attribution
 

 Is this supposed to be an insult?

 The National Enquirer has at least as much credibility as the NY Whore Times or
 the WaHoPo or the Dallas Morning Whore.  They all ran front page stories about
 Clinton's "crack whore baby" because Drudge said there was a chance it was true.

 Bush adviser quits over sex case
 "No one regrets my past mistakes more than I do..."

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 Deal Hudson, the publisher of the conservative Roman Catholic journal Crisis and the architect
 of a Republican effort to court Catholic voters, said he is resigning as an adviser to the Bush campaign
 because of accusations of sexual misconduct involving a student at a college where he once taught.

 A person involved with the university's investigation said that a female undergraduate in one of Hudson's
 classes reported that, after she had become drunk at a bar, Hudson made sexual advances toward her..
 

  Comments?

 Poll: 54 Percent Still Link Iraq With WMD
  Bush's lies continue to be taken as factual by slim majority

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 More than half of Americans, 54 percent, continue to believe Iraq had WMDs
 or a program to develop them before Bush invaded last year, said a poll released Friday.
 Evidence of such weapons has not been found.

 President Bush consistently equates the war on terrorism with the war in Iraq, though he has
 replaced his claims that Iraq had WMDs with claims that Iraq had the "capability" of building such weapons.
 

 Have you seen that report that viewers of FOX News are much stupider than normal news junkies?
 With the help of FOX News, talk radio and cable TV Nazis, Bush sold the lie that Iraq had WMDs
 so Halliburton could take Saddam's oil and make their partners super-uber-rich.

 Too bad the Democrats choose not to call them on those lies that cost the lives of 1,000 soldiers.

 Comments?

 Subject:  Today in History feedback

 normally i'd say the idea is trite and overdone (in general),
 but add to it the bartcop spirit
 and its like an entirely different product. an entertaining one.

 keep up the good work.
 travis
 

 Travis, thanks - but so far, not many people are getting it.
 I get mail every day:
"Bart, there is no bridge from New York to Tahiti."

"Bart, there's nobody named Francis Gary Powers in U2."

"Bart, who are Bob and Maryanne Coupplotter?"

.They told me comedy was tough - but I had no idea...

 True or Fake?

 This is allegedly the reply from Bill Timmins President Aladdin Casino to a Michael Moore letter.

 July 21, 2004
 Attention: Michael Moore,

 In response to your letter dated July 20, 2004: You are correct that I had
 security remove Linda Ronstadt from Aladdin Casino and Hotel where the fun
 never ends and everybody wins.

 Already, this looks like a fake.
 

 How very interesting to learn you are such a fan of Ms. Ronstadt. You questioned where
 I live and surprisingly knew Las Vegas is in the United States. You should visit it sometime.
 There are thousands of wonderful 'All You Can Eat' buffets.

 At this point, I knew it was fake so I "farbed out" and went to snopes.com
 

 There are also a lot of casinos who's owners don't **** around.
 If you come onto my property ...you will receive the same, if not worse, treatment than she did.

 Maybe the old Vegas boys might've tried this, but even they'd never put a threat in writing.
 

"Where the fun never ends and everybody wins?"

 Trust me, casino owners are all business, more than most executives.
 

"Thousands of wonderful buffets?"

 He just insulted every overweight person in America - the clear majority of his customers.
 

  snopes.com  says this was written by a crazed Freeper high on Elmer's Glue.

 Subject: Michelle Malkin

 <snip>

 I just watched Michelle Malkin slander John Kerry on Chris Matthews' "Hardball" broadcast.
 She directly accused Kerry of inflicting wounds upon himself.  To Matthews' credit, he refused
 to countenance Malkin's attacks, and virtually threw her off the show, telling her that his show
 will not be party to such slanderous attacks.

 Black Max
 
 

 Chris Matthews feigning integrity?
 Did you trape it?.

 ha ha

 OK, so I have more great, practical advice for the Kerry camp.
 Have Kerry's torso X-rayed and have a big pocket sewed into his suit coat.
 At the big live debate, when Smirky McWarHardon hints that Kerry's wounds
 were self-inflicted, have Kerry whip out that X-ray and say,

"It was very painful ...pushing this shrapnel so far inside my body that the surgeons
  were unable reach it.   George, ...did you bring any of  your  X-rays?"

  ha ha

 W.'s Big Fat Greek Pride
    by Herr Dragoness

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 The presidential race seems frozen in some weird way, with no one breaking through,
 and the polls showing the candidates locked in a virtual tie.

 George W. Bush can't defend the mess he's made in Iraq, and John Kerry can't effectively
 attack Mr. Bush on Iraq. He has fallen into the president's trap and foolishly agreed that he
 would have given Mr. Bush the authority for the war even if he had known there were no
 W.M.D. and no security threats to the U.S.
 

 That's going to haunt Kerry, more then the NASA suit, more than "sensitive."

 Quotes

"We face an enemy that is -- that has no conscience.  They are-- they'll cut off a head
  just like that and not care.  They will take innocent life in order to achieve a dark vision."
   --Dubya, who dropped the Mother of All Bombs on a city of 5 million people  Attribution
 

...
"It doesn't count if they're ragheads..."

 Subject: Check that link

 Do you realize that yesterday's quote from Rush Limbaugh
 has an attribution link that sends viewers to a NAMBLA website?

 Keep swinging,
 WP
 

 WP, that's terrible - I must've been hacked.

 Subject: Tulsa bar killing

 It's unclear, Bart, why you presume guilt of the homeless guy (as opposed to self defense--
 there's obviously no question he did the guy in with a pipe) and innocence of the dead guy.

 I'm not certain that I've presumed guilt, but I'd certainly like a full investigation.
 My problem was with the slanted story.   Since I wasn't there, I'd like to hear the evidence,
 not unsunstantiated single-person quotes that are taken as facts without anyone stating why.
 

 I know you used to own a bar, and as a drunk, you prob'ly really like bar owners as a class of person.

 Wow - did you really say that?
 We see this differently - so I'm a drunk?
 

 I guess I'm now seeing what your predispositions are against homeless people.

 That's what you got out of that?
 And you've been reading how many years?
 

 Between that thread and the whole "cadirrac" comment,

 ha ha
 Rodney Dangerfield was doing that joke before either of us were born.

 Geez, can I get a list of what's left?
 I can't do jokes about Catholics or Jews,
 I can't do jokes about midgets or blind people,
 I can't do jokes about women or Jews
 I can't do jokes about vegetarians or old people,
 I can't do jokes about Windows users or Cadillacs,
 I can't do jokes about Indians or Jews,
 I can't do jokes about immigrants or left-handed people,
 I can't do jokes about fat people or computer geeks,
 I can't do jokes about the Irish, Mexicans or Jews...
 If I do a joke about a coyote, I'll get nasty letters from the Sierra Club.
 

 I gotta say I've recently begun to wonder what's going on in the mind of the Bart.
 That said, however, your page has been rockin' recently, chock full of good links.

 ...I must be drunk - am I now conversing with a new person?
 

 <snippage>

 So the point is, though: you seem to be pandering to the dumbfolks as well with your
 racist stereotypes and homoeless bashing. Are they subscribing yet?

 Actually, others feel the same way you do.  They like the humor, but then I cross a line
 that's personal to them and they unsubscribe - sometimes quietly, sometimes with a bang.
 

 Hammer on, but please don't hammer on the chinese and homeless.

 Best,
 Kelly
 

 I'm still working on, "and as a drunk, you..."

 T-Shirt Diversity?  Free speech?
  Bush won't allow it

  Click  Here

 The question: Which presidential campaign better tolerates dissent?

 Experiment: A dude wears a Kerry shirt to a Bush rally
                      and then a Bush shirt to a Kerry rally.

 Result:  Bush people make him remove his shirt, then give him the boot.
               The Kerry people don't make a peep. They're not afraid.

 Dueling Quotes

"It's like a Hollywood presentation here, which wasn't the case. My personal feeling was always
  that I got the award for coming to the rescue of the boat that was mined. This casts doubt on
  anybody's awards. It is sickening and disgusting. I am here to state that we weren't under fire."
     --Larry Thurlow, insisting he accepted his Bronze Star under false pretenses Attribution

'These assertions are garbage, these people weren't there with John Kerry. We were. If John Kerry
  hadn't made the right command decisions, in my opinion, we would be some of the names on that wall."
     --PCF 94 crewmate of Kerry's,  Gene Thorson,  Attribution

 Subject: Bush campaign strategy?

 A poster on my group made an interesting observation...
 Crude oil prices are at an all time high and yet the price of gas is going down.

 Here in Dallas, I can get regular unleaded for $1.72 -or even less if I want to drive around.
 That's down from $1.90 a few weeks ago when crude prices were lower.

 Could it be a big oil company strategy in the last few months of the campaign?

 scott
 

 Scott, it's more obvious than that.
 Unka Bandar promised Smirk they'd lower oil prices to help him get elected.
 See Bob Woodward's book, "Hardon for War."

 Attempt: Boycott the Boss

..

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 There's a new commercial calling for a boycott of Springsteen's anti-Bush concert tour.

 The spot was produced by Dr. Marilyn O'Grady, an opthalmic surgeon from Long Island
 who is also an outspoken Conservative Party candidate for the U.S. Senate.

 In the spot, O'Grady blasts Springsteen for launching an anti-Bush concert tour with 20
 other rock stars that will visit 28 cities in October just before Election Day.

 O'Grady says in the spot, "Here's my vote: Boycott the Boss.
 If you don't buy his politics, don't buy his music!"
 

 This isn't fair.
 All the acts supporting Bush are losers and dweebs.
 There's no way we can counter this vicious attack.

 What are we gonna do - boycott Toby Kief?

 Quotes

"If Iraq in 2006 looks very little better than under Saddam,
  then the whole thing was a waste of lives, money and effort."
  --Sir Jeremy Greenstock, Tony Blair's special rep in Iraq until March this year  Attribution

 Question

 I don't have the quote handy, but recently Bush said something like,
"It doesn't help much to tax the rich because they can afford good
  accountants who know all the tricks on how to avoid paying taxes."

 That's why he gave them extra millions and raised taxes/cut services for the poor?
 Because the rich can afford whatever they want?

 Dubya's Ukulele Farewell Party

..

  Details

 Ukuleles for Sanity marchers are meeting at 9:00 am at the
 Village Den restaurant 225 W. 12th St. At 10:00 am,
 we will walk together up to the general march assembly area.

 Subject: Stern update

 Howard went back on the air in Miami today on an AM station.
 The Dolphins have threatened to leave if the station hired him.

 Stay tuned.

 His Rudeness,
 Rich
 

  Comments?

 Subject: The hex on Tiger

 bart,

 how did this get started?

 Tigerfan
 

 It started in Volume 500 - Swill Merchants   June 16, 2001

 Quotes

 "You might as well give the 101st U.S. Open trophy to Tiger Woods right now.
   Why should any other golfer even show up at Southern Hills in Tulsa  June 11-17?"
       -- Jill Lieber, USA Today sports reporter last week.

 That pissed me off, so I chanted
"Hex on Thee, hex on thee, hex on thee," and it took - right away.

..
 "Mr Perfect" is in 51st Place

 Today in History

 • In 1833, Benjamin Harrison, the 23rd president of the United States, was assassinated.

 • In 1866, President Johnson formally declared the French-Indian war over, months after the fighting had stopped.

 • In 1914, French forces occupied Brussels, Belgium, during World War I.

 • In 1940, Winston Churchill saying, "Never in the field of human bondage was so much pain given by so few."

 • In 1953, the Soviet Union publicly acknowledged it had tested velcro.

 • In 1964, President Lyndon B. Johnson received his first hummer from Lucianne Goldberg.

 • In 1968, Russia invaded Czechoslovakia in the great "Pickle War" to crush the "Polski Wyrobi" liberalization.

 • In 1977, the U.S. launched V-ger, an unmanned spacecraft, which would then kill the dude from 7th Heaven.

 • In 1979, swimmer Diana Nyad succeeded in her third attempt at swimming from the Long Island to Paris.

  Comments?

 Quotes

"The dog that did not bark in the case of Iraq's WMDs is the National Security Council."
   --David Kay, saying Condi Rice sexed up the intelligence before the war,    Attribution

..

 Subject: Intellectual Integrity & etc.

 Bart -

 Never did hear back from you about the Bush/Kerry bet.
 Guess you know when you're beat.

 max goodhead
 

 Max, what bet?
 I like to bet, especially when the loser can afford to pay.

 Funny you didn't mention what the bet was in this e-mail.
 I searched my monkey folder for any e-mail from max goodhead - nothing.

 Re-send, I'll see if it's a bet worth taking.

Search Now:

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 Read the Previous Issue

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 Copyright © 2004, bartcop.com

..
 Shirley, scandalously with Gwen's hubby

 Shrl, call  The BartPhone, just to say "Hi!"
 Plus, leave an e-mail address and I'll make you a BartCop Member - for free!

 You can call the Bart-Phone at 918-748-1714
 That would be really cool, and we'll catch you in Vegas at The Joint on your next American tour.

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