Quotes

"I couldn't help wondering, what was Trent Lott thinking as he emceed
  the events for a man who got him dumped as majority leader?"
     --Howie Kurtz, with Cokie Roberts retired, probably the stupidest whore in DC,   Attribution

 Comments?

 Democrats defiant over Bush term

..

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 The US Democrats vowed to fight "extreme" Republican policies as George W Bush saw in his
 second term as president with a lavish inauguration.  Despite their poor showing in last November's
 elections, they said they would refuse to be sidelined.

 They have demanded a full debate in Congress before approving Condoleezza Rice as the new secretary of state.
 But some Democrats said they were heartened by the conciliatory tone of Mr Bush's inaugural speech.
 

 Yep, that's our Democrats for you.
 They see Bush as a good guy who wants to compromise.
 How can they be that gullible after all this Monster has done?

 Comments?

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 Bush is readying a new budget that would carve savings from Medicaid and other benefit programs,
 aides and lobbyists say, but it is unclear if he will be able to push the plan through the Republican-run Congress.

 White House officials are not saying what Bush's $2.5 trillion 2006 budget will propose saving fromcutting
 such programs, which comprise the biggest and fastest growing part.

 But lobbyists and lawmakers' aides, speaking on condition of anonymity, say he will focus on Medicaid,
 the health-care program for low-income and disabled people
 

 Bush screwing the low-income and disabled is certainly expected, but why is AP writer Alan Fram
 helping Bush by pretnding these cuts are "savings from" Medicaid?

 Doesn't Alan Fram have parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles who depend on Medicaid?
 Why should seniors have to get by without their medicine so Halliburton can steal more billions?

 Comments?

..

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 His wealth, the adoration of his guests ÷ particularly the many young comics whose careers he launched
 ÷ the wry tales of multiple divorces: Carson's air of modesty made it all serve to enhance his bedtime intimacy with viewers.

"Heeeeere's Johnny!" was the booming announcement from Ed McMahon that ushered Carson out to the stage.
 Then the formula: the topical monologue, the guests, the broadly played skits such as "Carnac the Magnificent."

 But America never tired of him; Carson went out on top when he retired in May 1992.

 E! Entertainment

 Johnny was truly the King of Kings.
 If Johnny liked you, you were going to be a rich and famous Hollywood star.
 Johnny was someone you'd invite into your house every night, year after year,
 and listen up, classless Jay Leno, Johnny did it without telling eating-poop jokes.

 The saddest thing in the world is a dead comic.
 Every comic owes Johnny a goodbye.
 If his funeral is public, I'd imagine the top 100 comics in America world will be there.

 Quotes

"On any given night he's hosting 'The Tonight Show,' there are 10 times
  more couples watching his monologue than making love,"  said Dr Ruth.
 

 I started watching Johnny every night around 1963 - and we watched almost every night
 until we saw his last show from a hotel room in Niagara falls in May of 1992.

  CNN Entertainment

 Quotes

"My 20 minutes on 'The Tonight Show' did more for my career than speaking for
  two days at the Democratic National Convention," said Bill Clinton.
 

 In the coming days, you'll see and hear hundreds of Johnny Carson stories.
 You kids out there who never knew him - trust me - he was the best.

 Quotes

"On the good nights, he was the second best thing you could do in bed
 -- but on his best nights, he was the best,"  Salon.com tribute.
 
 

 Dave always wanted to be Johnny Carson, same for Jay Leno, who FORGOT to mention Johnny's
 name the night he took over for him, which is one of the biggest show business fuck-ups of all time.

 I have thousands of hours of Johnny on audio and video tape.
 If only there was time to go thru them and pick out some of his best stuff...

 Quotes

"I don't know of a person in comedy or television who didn't sort of grow up
  with Johnny Carson as a role model," David Letterman once said.

 Did you see the time when Dave was a guest on Johnny's show, and Johnny had
 Dave's pickup truck stolen off the streets and brought to the studio?

  ABC News

 Johnny always resisted the urge to come back, the hardest thing for a performer to do.
 In one super-rare case, he agreed to drop by Dave's show in 1994.

 He was supposed to do a comedy bit sitting at Dave's desk, but the ovation was so long and so loud,

..

 Johnny knew that whatever he did he couldn't follow that, so after waiting for the applause to die down,
 he just said, "Thank you and good night," and got up and left.  He was always the smartest comedian.

 Quotes

"I would give a week's pay for a peek under your blouse," Johnny to Dolly Parton.

 As always, you can't be too sad when someone dies at 79, but we'll all miss Johnny Carson.
 He took whatever Jack Paar was going in 1962 and changed it into what everybody's doing today.

 Johnny was the first comic I ever saw who ackowledged the jokes that bombed.
"You didn't boo me when I smothered a grenade at Guadalcanal..."

 Click  Here  to send in your favorite Johnny Carson story
 

 Quotes

"Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people
  you wish were dead. And, unlike communism, democracy does not mean having just one ineffective
  political party; it means having two ineffective political parties. ... Democracy is welcoming people
  from other lands, and giving them something to hold onto -- usually a mop or a leaf blower. It means
  that with proper timing and scrupulous bookkeeping, anyone can die owing the government a huge
  amount of money. ... Democracy means free television, not good television, but free. ... And finally,
  democracy is the eagle on the back of a dollar bill, with 13 arrows in one claw, 13 leaves on a branch,
  13 tail feathers, and 13 stars over its head -- this signifies that when the white man came to this country,
  it was bad luck for the Indians, bad luck for the trees, bad luck for the wildlife, and lights out for the American eagle.
    --Johnny
 

 My favorite:  One night, Ed was gone, so Doc Severenson sat next to Johnny. It wasn't planned,
 it wasn't rehearsed, it wasn't written by the writers, but every word out of Doc's mouth was damn funny.
 Johnny got tickled and Doc kept talking and before long, Johnny was gulping for air.

 The subject was alimony (all three were paying it) and Doc mentioned that he always mailed his in advance to be sure
 it got there in time to avoid hassling with her lawyer's threats. Johnny said he did the same thing, then Doc mentioned
 how Ed always delivered his personally, and that set Johnny off again. I guess Ed had the most trouble.

 Then Johnny asked Doc if he'd join him for Thanksgiving dinner.
 Doc said, "It's been 30 years, and you've never asked me to your home before (Johhny was howling!)
 and now you ask me on live, national TV if I can come over for Thanksgiving?"

 It took Johnny some time to get air, but finally he said, "So, can you make it?" and Doc said, "No!"

 That sent Johnny onto the floor, and when he finally recovered, he asked Doc if he could give him some
 of whatever Doc was taking to make him so funny (They always did Doc-musician-drug jokes) and Doc
 said, "No, but I can sell you some," and Johnny went back onto the floor, double up with laughter.

 In later "Best of" shows, the bastards at NBC cut out the funniest parts because they were "drug-related"
 and we must've had Michael Powell nannies back then. But it's a shame that they cut it because when the
 top comedian in America is laughing too hard to talk, it's a damn funny thing to see.

 Goodbye, Johnny - not many people can say they were the best for thirty years.

..

 Comments?

 Subject: the butter knife

 Bart,

 Finally, someone else who sees what a bunch of fucking wimps we Democrats have representing us.
 I have never seen anyone state the problem more clearly than you.
 We always manage to bring a butter knife to a gun fight.

 Every time I see Sandinista Rice being questioned and then sit there and interrupt the people
 questioning her by talking over them until they shut up amazes me. What gives with these wankers?

 Does Kerry really think he's going to endear himself us by putting up a halfhearted attempt to act
 like he's really got a set of balls and then turning around and folding up like a cheap metal chair?

 I don't understand what runs through the minds of these people, do you?
 This, "let's go along with the crowd for the next two years" bullshit is exactly
 what the Republicans and Karl Rove want and expect out of the Democrats.

 And our glorius elected officials are too happy to bend over and give it to them.
 We are in deep shit, Bartman!!

 Terry D
 

 Terry, I wish I could say you were wrong...

 Comments?

 Subject: It is worse than the media tells us

 Bart,

 I have a daughter that recently deployed to Iraq.

 She told me the situation is "much worse" than the media reports it.
 All she hears each day is constant motor rounds going off and exploding,
 some as close as 300 yards away.....

 The situation there is dire and all we get back here in the States
 is "be patient" from goons like Rice, Cheney, and Rumsfeld.

 I think this link would be a good one to publish.

 Keep Hammerin'
 Sam in CA

 The Bush Crime Family Tree

  Click  Here
 

  Comments?

..

  Click  Here

  Comments?

 Getting the best of the hobgoblins
   by Gene Lyons

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 Washington Post reporters recently asked George W. Bush why nobody had been
 held accountable for screw-ups in Iraq such as nonexistent weapons of mass destruction
 or the citizenry's failure to strew flowers in the path of American invaders, as administration
 ideologues predicted.

 The president responded with a non sequitur. "We had an accountability moment," he said,
"and that's called the 2004 elections. The American people listened to different assessments
 made about what was taking place in Iraq, and they looked at the two candidates, and chose me."

 Louis XIV, 17 th century king of France, put it more succinctly:  "L'etat, c'est moi." (I am the state.)
 But I digress, and somewhat predictably.

 Comments?

 Subject: subscribing

 I would subscribe if you could somehow find it in your heart
 to apologize to Ralph Nader and his supporters.

 Matt Zeb
 

 Matt, I always apologize - when I'm wrong.
 I'd be foolish to apologize for the Naderites gloating that they made the difference in 2000.

 Sure, I could try harder to be all things to all people and get more subscribers
 but I still have to look at myself in the mirror and that'd be too high a price to pay.

 However, I would be willing to say "bygones" to mistakes and misunderstandings of the past...

 Comments?

 Subject: Ken Mehlman is gay

 Bart,

 Don't wait for any of the so-called journalists to confront this guy.
 Blitzer and Woodruff had the perfect opportunity on Wednesday afternoon
 when they interviewed Mehlman and the subject of Bush's moving away from
 the Gay Marriage Ammendment came up, and neither of these two idiots would
 touch it with a ten foot pole!

 Gary B
 

 Yeah, the American press has the same problem as the Democrats.
 They either love Bush or they start to tremble when they hear his name.

 Comments?

 Quotes

"The Iraqi War is serving as a great catharsis for multiple conservative frustrations: job loss, drugs, crime,
  homosexuals, pornography, female promiscuity, abortion, restrictions on prayer in public places, Darwinism
  and attacks on religion. Liberals are the cause. Liberals are against America. Anyone against the war is against
  America and is a liberal. "You are with us or against us." This is the mindset of delusion, and delusion permits no
  facts or analysis. Blind emotion rules. Americans are right and everyone else is wrong. End of the debate."
     --Paul Craig Roberts,    Attribution
 

 This is what blind faith does to you - it makes facts and common sense disappear.

 Comments?

 Subject: sign expense donation

 Bart!

 Congratulations on having an impact!
 One person can make a difference and you're doing it, my friend!
 I saw those signs on TV, knew they were your's and the people
 who helped you get it done and said, "Wow!"  Great job, Bart!

 Jerry
 http://kerouac.com/
 

 Click  Here   to help offset signage costs with a donation

 Psychic BartCop

 From Volume 385 - The Salon Issue  January 19, 2001 the day before Bush took over
 

> Say, a year from now...

> there's a flare-up in Bosnia or some other hot-spot, and we tragically lose some troops.

> Would that be Clinton's fault for getting America entangled in that awful quagmire?
> Or would it be President Smirk's fault for not protecting them better on his watch?

> The reason I'm asking is ...I remember Somalia.

> Trust me, I don't want this to happen, but Bush will lose some troops.
> And when he does, people like me will remind others that Commander-in-Chief Clinton
> never sent a man into battle that didn't come home safely to his family.

> Go ahead, read that sentence again, and don't be afraid to repeat it.

> Clinton never sent a man into battle that didn't come home safely to his family.
 

> ...I just wanted to mention it before Bush's first military disaster

 Comments?

 This Just In...

 bartcop.com  makes Saturday Night Live's Weekend Update.

 Usually when we make Update, they steal a joke from the page.
 Jimmy Fallin was notorius for stealing stuff (see the back pages) but we forgave him.

 This time, they mentioned our sign project.
 In their opening skit Saturday, Tina and Amy pretended to be Jenna and Barb,
 drunk in their rooms, asking each other if Daddy was a good president.

"I'm not sure - we saw all those signs saying 'Worst President Ever'..."

..

 Comments?

 Subject: Neal's protest report

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 The protest organizers, International A.N.S.W.E.R., encouraged everyone
 to get to the security checkpoint by 9 AM, which was about when we
 arrived.  There was already a huge, two-block-long crowd backed up on
 the street waiting to get through the checkpoint. This crowd consisted
 of an uneasy mixture of protesters and Bushies. We set up shop at the
 tail end of the group and passed out the posters.  This mostly went
 well, and people were pleased and surprised that we were giving out the
 signs for free.  A couple of signs got into the hands of rethugs and
 were trampled in the slushy street.

 Once the signs were passed out, they mostly disappeared into the crowd.
 There were lots of journalists and I personally got interviewed five times,
 including by someone from the New York Times.  We had also brought
 along a banner that read ELECTION FRAUD IS NOT A MANDATE
 which we displayed to the checkpoint crowd, which had only grown larger.

 The Torture Thing
  I'm not Mr Torture, I'm Mr Realist

 This debate was supposed to be in today's issue.

 Because I stated some facts nobody wanted to hear, that in the rarest of cases under certain circumstances
 some torture might have to be allowed to save thousands or millions of innocent American lives, I've become
 "Mr Torture."

 That debate will need to take place on the radio show because it's too wordy to be typed out here - I ran out of time.

  Comments?

 Inauguration Report
  by Jay (Super_Steve) and Shawn

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 The sign giveaway also attracted the attention of the Bush supporters.  We were all surprised by the level
 of anger and bitterness of the Bushies.  You would think the election went the other way, considering how happy,
 excited, and jovial the protestors were and how pissed off the Bush supporters were.  As we were handing out
 the "Worst President Ever" signs, a very, very uptight young man came up to me and asked if I really thought
 Bush was worse than Martin Van Buren.      Martin Van Buren??      WTF?

 I can honestly say I have never laughed so hard at someone directly to his face before.  I didn't feel that his question
 merited a response, so I continued about my business. Red-faced and sputtering, he walked off.  An obviously
 Republican woman came up and asked me for a sign.  When I asked her what she wanted it for, she smirked,
 and said snidely that it would be good to sit on.  I told her that if she wanted to put her ass on Bush's face,
 that was fine with me. Needless to say, that put a dent in her pompousness, as she angrily told me that wasn't the point.
 I told her she should make her points more cogently, and then wondered if I should explain what "cogent" meant.

 In the third interaction of note, a man came up to take issue with our opposition of the war. He said he supported war,
 if meant killing all the bad guys.  I pointed out that we were also killing a lot of Iraqi civilians, including children.
 Did he think three-year-old Iraqi children were the "bad guys?" To my surprise, he said yes.

  Comments?

 Another Fake Crisis From Bush's Minions
  by Joe Conason

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 The most inspiring and venerable image was provided by Progress for America, a front group for
 the Bush White House, which recently aired a television commercial promoting the partial privatization
 of the pension system.  The ad shows Franklin Delano Roosevelt signing the original legislation that created
 Social Security in August 1935; it praises the late President for the "courage" he displayed back then and
 proclaims that similar fortitude will be required to "protect" the system now.

 The ad's not-so-subliminal suggestions are that George W. Bush equals Franklin D. Roosevelt,
 and that Mr. Bush seeks to honor Roosevelt.

 While that reassuring ad was still running on the cable networks, a confidential White House memo leaked
 to the press. Written by Peter Wehner, an aide to Karl Rove, the memo outlined the President's strategy for
 pursuing changes in Social Security. After explaining why the White House must create a sense of crisis about
 the system's future, and arguing that there should be sharp cuts in benefits, Mr. Wehner touted the true
 ideological aim of this campaign.
 

 Thank Koresh there are honest journalists like Joe Conason.
 The Washington press whores are going along with Bush's raid on Social Security,
 even tho they know they're helping Bush kill Grandma's ability to survive old age.

 The whole country is going to hell and only the smaller voices are screaming about it.
 

..
"I'm Bush's Boy.
  I do what I'm told."
 

..
"Social Security is just socialism
  disguised as helping the poor."

..
"Thank God Dubya has the courage
  to dismantle Social Security
  before it harms more people."

..
"Social Security is for niggers
  who are too lazy to work.

 Comments?

 Quotes

"When the Americans came they opened borders and let all the terrorists in.
  Whether under American occupation or Tikriti occupation it's just the same."
     --Mohamed al-Saadi, speaking from the rubble of his grocery store in Baghdad,  Attribution
 

 Did Bush intentionally allow thousands of religio-wackos into Iraq just to cause chaos?
 It seems so, because he's using that chaos as an excuse to not account for the
 $100,000,000 a day that is missing from the pumping of 2,000,000 barrels of oil each day.

 Comments?

 So much is going on - we just had to have a bonus issue.

  Click  Here

 Quotes

"America has blundered into a needless and dangerous war, and fully half of the country's
  population is enthusiastic. Many Christians think that war in the Middle East signals "end times"
  and that they are about to be wafted up to heaven. Many patriots think that, finally, America is
  standing up for itself and demonstrating its righteous might. Conservatives are taking out their
  Vietnam frustrations on Iraqis. Karl Rove is wrapping Bush in the protective cloak of war leader.
  The military-industrial complex is drooling over the profits of war. And neoconservatives are laying
  the groundwork for Israeli territorial expansion."
        --Paul Craig Roberts,   Attribution
 

 And our elected Democrats are wetting themselves in fear.
 They feel that if they're going to lose, they might as well lose being a friend to Dubya.

 Me?  I'd rather go down fighting - with a bang instead of a whimper.

 Comments?

..

 Subject: "on his watch"

 Why do the lefties think traction can be gained by repeating that "on his watch"phrase?

 Because it demonstrates that Bush is a failed president, who is always on vacation
 when he should have been alerting law enforcement agencies about the possible threat.
 

 Clinton turned down BinLaden and everyone knows it.
 You can argue with me and your dozens of readers but it is an historical fact.

 No, that's wishful Monkey thinking.
 Besides quoting a known whore and liar, what is your source?
 You have no source because it didn't happen.
 Clinton was never "offered" Osama after proof was gathered.
 Besides, who do you think "offered" him to Clinton?
 

 When the twin towers were bombed Clinton didn't bother to show up.

 No, Clinton arrested them, prosecuted them and they are now in prison.
 Every f-ing one of them.
 You don't have any clue at all what you're talking about - do you?
 

 We were attacked during a humane effort to feed Somalis and nothing
 could be done because we were left short handed by Clinton.

 That's four in a row where you're wrong.
 Bush the Smarter sent our soldiers into known al-Qaeda territory without armor.
 Why do you forgive the guilty to falsely accuse the innocent?
 Have you ever read a newspaper or turned on a TV?
 

 The terrorists bombed us in Saudi and in two African nations and blew up a large portion of one of our ships.
 Was Bill Clinton supposed to be keeping a hairy eyeball on those places? Of course not.
 Was Bush supposed to be watching the towers to make sure everything is okie dokie? No.

 Clinton couldn't be expected to watch the entire globe.
 Bush only had to respond to PDBs that said "Bin Laden determined to attack inside the US"
 When Bush got that memo, he said, "Fuck a bunch of work" and went on vacation - again.
 

 9-11 was planned during Clintons presidency but may just as well have been planned during the tenure of a Republican.
 I think that your emotive nonsense and partisan happy horseshit has clouded your vision.

 So, if a terrorist was THINKING about attacking, Clinton should've known about it?
 Yes, clearly, one of us cannot think with any clarity at all.
 

 If you want to know why we were attacked why don't you ask the attackers why?

 We didn't have to - Bush's old friend and partner Osama spelled it out.
 He attacked us for putting troops in Saudi Arabia in the first unnecessary Bush war.
 Have you ever read a newspaper or turned on a TV?
 

 Our policies have sucked since '48 in regard to Israel and every other country in the Middle East
 so if you want to know if it happened on someones watch just look at the history of our government since 48.

 I refuse to play the 1948 Israeli game with a smart person or a Monkey.
 It's a never-ending wormhole of crap that I choose not to step in.
 

 As Yogi Berra once said "You can observe alot just by watching". You cannot, however, educate people
 by playing partisan bully boy and ignoring inconvenient facts while playing up others.

 If you have a fact that I've ignored, please list it for me.
 All I've seen from you so far is "history" by way of whores and liars like Rush and Hannity.
 

 In a great miraculous happening you are now president. What are you going to do?
 MMG  ( Monkey Master General )

 First, I admit Bush was a total greedy Oil Monkey and invite the UN to help in Iraq.
 If they get a piece of the billions Bush is currently stealing, they'll send in their troops.
 Once those troops are in, we can bring home 90 percent of our boys.

 See how easy that was?

 Comments?

 Housekeeping

 We bought out first house in November 1978 - paid $23,000 for it.
 We stayed there four months, then we were offered $26,000 for the property.

 We bought the current BartCop Manor and funny, all our problems were water-related.
 First, the foundation cracked due to the Okie tradition of building homes on f-ing sand.
 As the ground dried out in the summer, the house would settle and crack.
 We spent $7,000 to have the house lifted back into its regular position.

 The water pipes would crack, too, causing floods in the kitchen.
 Once, the water creeped into the vents, which then began to "gargle" as the air
 fought its way thru the water to the top of the vents - that's wasn't a lot of fun.

 In the mid-nineties, we got a new roof (which took much crookery) after an ultra-violent rainstorm.
 The Okie-bred Bozo who installed the roof put the flanges on f-ing backwards, which made the
 roof water flow INTO the house instead of onto the ground, flooding one bedroon.

 Last year, our hot water heater rusted out and flooded the kitchen causing a ton of trouble and I had to
 out-crook the recovery and insurance bastards to break even. So we replaced the kitchen carpet
 (only in Oklahoma) with fancy tile, only to have the kitchen water pipes break a second time.
 This meant the plumbers had to tear up Mrs.Bart's new tile that had been down only a month.
 After they fixed the pipe, all we could do was buy a rug to hide the hole the plumber dug.

 Last Saturday, Mrs. Bart stepped into the back bedroom and into a puddle of water.
 After the tears, she got fed up and issued an order:  "We're out of here."

 So we've been looking for a place to move for the last nine days, and we finally found a place behind
 a car lot (a sign from God?) that is NOT built on sand AND the ground slopes away from the house in
 all directions - so we're moving as soon as the place is ready - 3 weeks or so.
 It would be nice if water stopped being the enemy it has been for decades.

 I'll do my best to minimize the interruptions to the page.

 Comments?

 Subject: protest expenses (donation enclosed)

 i wish i'd been there!
 i was protesting in 2000 (you had a picture of us... "GORE MAJORITY")

 it was awesome to see those brave souls stand up to the evil empire.
 i KNOW how hard it is to fly/drive cross country to spend 10 hours in the cold.

 god bless the bartcoppers!!!
 mary anne
 
 

..

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..
            Shirley Manson of Garbage

 Shrl, call  The BartPhone, just to say "Hi!"
 Plus, leave an e-mail address and I'll make you a BartCop Member - for free!

 You can call the Bart-Phone at 918-748-1714
 That would be really cool, and we'll catch you in Vegas at The Joint on your next American tour.

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