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In Today's Tequila Treehouse... Oklahoma City - 10 years after  Wes Clark to run in '08  Is Lasik cheating at sports? Dowd: FDR's gorgeous hussy  What exit strategy?  Court rules against Wiccan  Power for Power's Sake  Iraq as bad as ever...  Who was Robin Bush?   Quote of the Day "Bush gave a speech to the newspaper editors.    He said, 'Thank you for Marmaduke.'"          --Conan O'Brien,

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Quotes

"The difference between the case of Terri Schiavo and the case of
  a convicted killer is the difference between guilt and innocence."
     --Murder Monkey, saying that if someone is convicted of a crime, (especially a black person)
        there's no need to "err on the side of life"  Attribution
 

..

  Comments?

 Oklahoma City - ten years after
 
..

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 Parsley, 57, was driving her car and noticed thick black smoke over downtown.
 She thought it was a fire at a tire plant until she turned on the radio and heard that it was the federal building.

 She drove to her husband's office and discovered that her college-age son also was there.
 Both her husband and son thought she was in the building when the bomb exploded.

"They were crying," she said. "When I got there, I just fell apart."
 

  Comments?

 Wes Clark announces '08 run for White House
   Can you imagine a Clark/Hillary primary debate?

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 As the General was addressing the growd he said, "some of you have been asking whether I am
 going to run in 2008" and the crowd went wild and started chanting "Go Wes Go". Clark said "I am".

 Somewhere in between he cracked a joke about how he was drafted late '03 and blamed us. Then Clark said
 that he thought if he ever got drafted again he would make sure to get an early start and then followed with
 THIS TIME he wants to make sure that he gets enough funds, so he won't be in '04 situation. Clark 08!
 

 Thanks to Tally

 Comments?

 Quotes

"Bush chose Michael Griffin to be the new NASA administrator and he has
  ordered him to save the Hubble telescope and build a new manned space vehicle.
  It's ironic - George Bush telling a rocket scientist what to do."
      --Jay Leno,

 Mr Bracewell

 Thank you for the mas fina donation.
 My thank you came back as "undeliverable."

 Funny - PayPal thinks your address is real

 Comments?

 The Beam in Your Eye
  If steroids are cheating, why not Lasik?

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 A month ago, Mark McGwire was hauled before a congressional hearing and lambasted as a cheater
 for using a legal, performance-enhancing steroid precursor when he broke baseball's single-season home run record.

 A week ago, Tiger Woods was celebrated for winning golf's biggest tournament, the Masters, with the help
 of superior vision he acquired through laser surgery.

 What's the difference?
 

 Damn, they beat me to it before I had a chance to get it in print.

 A few weeks ago, I started tilting towards the pro-steroids position.
 Not that I'm really pro-steroids, it's just that I don't think the government has any right to tell someone
 they can't enhance their chances at making more money.   I mean, this IS America, right?

 They're wanting to ban suspects from the Hall of Fame (racism again?) if they THINK they might have
 used steroids in their performance, but that's not fair.

 How do we know that Ty Cobb and The Babe weren't using something to juice up their action?
 How do we know?

 If a pretty girl goes to Hollywood and gets "dangerous" breast implants to make more money,
 should "artificially enhanced" girls be prevented from making money or winning an Oscar?

 If a fat actress gets liposuction, is she cheating?
 If a balding actor gets a hair transplant - or even a wig - is he cheating?

 Years ago, Eldrick was a decent golfer, then he had surgery to get 20-15 vision,
 which means something that's 20 feet away looks like it's only 15 feet away,
 That's like having a telescope implanted in your cornea and that's cheating, right?.

 Plus, Eldrick's surgery could've gone wrong, so that's "dangerous," right?

 How about "Tommy John" surgery, where they take a ligament from your leg and transplant it
 into your arm so you can throw with the strength of a leg - that's cheating, right?

 And for the moment, leave the kids and the "horrors" of steroids out of the argument.
 Kids shouldn't do whatever the pros do, so that's not a valid point, and the "dangers" of steroids
 are comparable to the "dangers" of liposuction or breast implants, so let them make some money.

 Seems to me, if the ball goes over the fence, it's a home run.

 Click  Here  if you want to comment, but let's leave kids and "dangers" out of it - for now.

 If Barry Bonds gets blackballed, Tiger should get blackballed, too.
 Agree?

 Subject: The Clintons

 Bart,

 Clinton wasn't impeached for having a girlfriend.
 He was impeached for holding a special primetime news conference to tell the country
 he did not have sexual relations with that woman and then later admitting he did.

 #1, that's not a crime
 #2, he had to hold that press conference because the GOP made that the only issue in America
       when we should have been focusing on things like Saudi students taking flight simulator lessons
 #3, it's none of our business what goes on inside Clinton's pants
 #4, compared to Bush lying 1560 soldiers into their graves, Clinton did nothing wrong
 #5, According to the law, Clinton never had "sexual relations" with Monica
 

 I was appalled by this.

 You were appalled that a powerful man had a girlfriend?
 Trust me - they all have girlfriends. The difference is Clinton was so good at kicking the asses
 of Republican war heroes they decided to throw away the unwritten rule book and impeach him
 for doing something they were all doing.  They had to cheat to beat him.
 

 If he has a girlfriend well that isn't an impeachable offense- but the flat out lying about it to the whole country!

 Dude, if lying at a press conference was a crime there'd be nobody left to run the government.
 If cheating on your wife made you ineligible to hold office, I'd be f-ing president.
 Plus, nobody died when Clinton told a white lie about a private matter that wasn't our business.
 Why no outrage at the lies that killed 100,000 innocent Iraqis?.
 

 I think it created a lot of anti-Clinton voters.

 Gee, I don't know.
 Gore won the popular vote, remember?
 

 I think "W" won against Gore because a lot of voters saw Gore as Clinton's replacement.
 Personally I was upset with all the Democrats who backed Clinton during the impeachment.
 After the truth came out I wanted him to resign.

 Clinton is, without any doubt, the most investigated man in all of recorded history
 and all they could find was a semi, sorta half-affair.
 If 1,000 reporters and every TV network spent 10 years and $100M investigating you and
 threatening everyone you ever met with death in prison if you didn't talk- how would you do?
 

 I don't think you can justify Clinton's actions by pointing out Republican shortcomings.
 Even after "W's" screwing the country/world Clinton's actions are no less dispicable.

 Cheating on your wife is despicable. You'll never hear me say it's not.
 Lying to get steal trillions of dollars while killing 1560 soldiers is also despicable.
 Yet somehow, I think one is worse.   I guess I'm guilty of moral relativism.
 

..
 "I wish my Daddy was still alive."
 

 I wish you would get off the Hillary bandwagon.
 I'll vote for whoever the Democrats nominate but I don't think Hillary is the best choice.

 Why get behind Hillary when we could nominate another Gore or Kerry to cave in during the summer?
 

 I can just picture Bill on his knees crying to Hillary,
"I'll make you a Senator - What state do you want? - ok New York it is - I'll make you the President."
 Hillary responds, "well I'll think about it just stay on your knees around me."

 James
 

 Gosh, and I thought the voters of New York made Hillary a senator.
 It shows what I know about politics.

 Comments?

 FDR's "gorgeous hussy"

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 Sleazoid lawmakers like Tom DeLay gulp down the graft from sleazoid lobbyists like Jack Abramoff,
 who took Mr. DeLay, the House majority leader, to play golf in Scotland in 2000 as part of a $70,000 trip
 with Mr. DeLay's wife and staff, and for a six-day "fact finding" trip to Moscow in 1997.

 If there are any ethics questions, Republicans helpfully gut the House Ethics Committee,
 while DeLay & Co. try to gut the New Deal.

 Before he became a $750-an-hour superlobbyist accused of defrauding Indian tribes of tens of millions
 of their gambling dollars and pitting them against one another to pay for lavish trips for congressmen,
 "Casino Jack" had never been a White House wise man or spent years in public service. He produced
 B movies like "Red Scorpion" and "Red Scorpion 2."

 Comments?

 What exit strategy?
  Rummy amends another politically sensitive term

..

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 The man who changed elite Republican guard  to Death Squad Enforcers, who
 transformed American Soldier into Liberator, who glossed a sanitary term like "transfer tubes"
 over the horrific description "body bags," who turned torture into the "excesses of human nature,"
 and who once made a public episode of self-satisfaction seem like an apology has done it again:
 from now on, Exit Strategy will be known as Victory Strategy.

  Comments?

 Quotes

"The White House (He means Bush) needs to remember that people who fight hard for you
  as a candidate and for your issues as a President deserve your support - aggressive support."
       --Sen. Trent Lott, (R-Confederate) slamming Dubya, who let him be taken down over his racism,   Attribution
 

  Comments?

 Subject: Tiger Woods

 I think Tiger acknowledged that the ball going in was a fluke. In his news conference after the tournament,
 Tiger said that he was just trying to get the ball close enough to the hole to save par an then "an earthquake happened"
 and the ball fell in the hole.  He also said he "choked like a dog" on the 17th and 18th hole which resulted in
 Chris Demarco tying him and forcing the extra hole.

 In 9 years of playing professional golf, Woods has won 9 majors.  His next 4 competitors in the world golf rankings
 have won 6 between them.  He has a 3 major lead on VJ, Ernie, Phil and Retief, combined.  He is half way to winning
 as many as Jack which is a record many thought would never be broken.  He is also the only player to have ever held
 all of the major titles at the same time.

 Every year, the Masters is played by the top 50 golfers in the world rankings on a course considered by many to be
 the best in the world.  It is certainly beyond the ability of most of us.  In 9 years, Tiger has beaten this field 4 times.
 No one else is even close.

 Keep hammering even if some of the sparks hit Tiger.

 Bill in Dallas
 

 It's good to know Tiger admitted his fluke.
 My big point with Tiger is that IF he's that good, he ought not
 to come in 24th, 45th, 66th, etc in so many tournaments that he plays.

 Is there a way to explain how he held the #1 ranking without winning a major for 3 years?
 Golf has BECOME Tiger Woods.
 Sometimes they pay him more than the tournament winnings
 just for showing up - that's legal but it's a crime in my book.

 A while back, I saw a complaint that the TV camera cut away from a potentially tying putt
 in a tourney to show Tiger lacing up his golf shoes - that's another crime. Nobody else will say it,
 but I'll bet Eldrick is the most hated man in all of golf.  I imagine the other golfers are as tired of
 the money-based media's never-ending, wall-to-wall Tiger-is-God worship as I am.
 

 Comments?

 Quotes

"This is going to be an issue in 2006 and 2008 because we're going to have an ad with a picture
  of Tom DeLay saying, 'Do you want this guy to decide whether you die or not?
  Or is that going to be up to your loved ones?' "
        --Howard Dean, talking like he's been reading  bartcop.com  Attribution
 

..
"I unplugged my Daddy!"
 

 Comments?

 Subject: Bush's failed economy

 I believe that the economic policy to destroy the dollar, run huge deficits, import less than we export,
 and pay way too much for oil is exactly the the economic policy that Bush wants.

 He is doing what Grover Norquist said he should, bankrupt the government so it can be shrunk
 small enough to drown in a bathtub.  But, he will carry it a step farther by selling what's left to big corporations.
 
 M. Frank Darbe
 

 The worse job Bush does, the more they love him.
 The senseless war, the ruined economy, our soiled reputation - they love him more than ever.

 Comments?

 Quotes

"I hope the national media saw that."
    --Tom DeLay, on his standing ovation at the NRA convention, Attribution
 
 

 How do you define 'crazy?'
 Crazy is when you're for cop killer bullets and you're against taggants in dynamite.
 That's today's NRA and they looooooooooooooooooove Tom Delay.
 

 Random thought:
 Usually the NRA holds their big rally on April 19th to celebrate Waco, OKC and Columbine.
 Why did they change it this year?

 Comments?

 Subject: Hate

 The Republicans aren't the only ones that have a problem with hate.

 satchmo##
 

 Satchmo, that's hot - and it sounds like a challenge.
 I'm betting you can make a clear case that  bartcop.com  is nothing but false, hate-fueled propaganda.
 
 When would be convenient for you?
 I'm good on Thursdays at 10PM EST - how about you?

 I am soo busted...
 

 Comments?

 Court rules against Wiccan
  Only 'good Christians' can be involved in government

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 The federal appeals court in Richmond ruled yesterday that the Chesterfield County Board of Supervisors
 can exclude a member of the Wiccan faith from giving invocations at county meetings. The Virginia branch
 of the American Civil Liberties Union came to aid Simpson's case after she was rejected from joining the
 list of eligible clergy who may be invited to say the prayer during supervisors' meetings. The county policy
 limits that list to religions that follow Judeo-Christian traditions."
 

 Wait, why do Jews get a pass?
 They don't believe in Christ, so why do they get a pass?

 Who decided that Wiccan was a bad religion and, say, Catholicism was a good religion?
 Do the Wiccans have a recurring problem with child rape?  No, that's the Catholics,
 so why exclude the Wiccans and include the religion having a child rape problem?

 The men who wrote The Constitution would not approve.

  Comments?

 Quotes

"They go toddling down the primrose path of utopian idealism and, in the process,
  they will take away our gun rights and sacrifice the sovereignty of our nation on the
  altar of political correctness. Thanks to Americans like you, it ain't going to happen."
    --Charlie Daniels, (R-Racist bastard) emcee of NRA Hatefest 2005,   Attribution
 

 Hey Charlie, you racist bastard - do you still sing "It's 'Be kind to niggers week' " on your tour bus?

  Comments?

 Power for Power's Sake
  editorial in the New York Whore Times

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 When power and leadership come to politicians incapable of handling either, the results can be disastrous.
 The Democrats who controlled Congress into the 1990's grew so comfortable with their majority that they
 lost track of the country  refused to stand with their president, and it cost them the White House and
 both houses of congress. As House speaker, Newt Gingrich sacrificed his revolution to his swollen ego.
 And now there is Tom DeLay, the House majority leader, whose hunger for power has grown so insatiable
 that it has detached him from the nation's business, democracy and even the mainstream of his own party."
 

..

 Comments?

 Bush has slime-mold beetle named after him

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 Naming the slime beetles after Bush, Cheney and Rumsfeld was intended to pay homage to them,
 said Wheeler, who taught at Cornell for 24 years and now is with a museum in London.

"We admire these leaders as fellow citizens who have the courage of their convictions and are
 willing to do the very difficult and unpopular work of living up to principles of freedom and
 democracy rather than accepting the expedient or popular," he said with a straight face.

  Comments?

 Subject: Tequila

 Bart,
 I don't drink tequila, but I think Cuervo Gold is the best.

 ha ha
 Cuervo Gold isn't tequila - it's f-ing Tang compared to fresh-squeezed orange juice.
 What are you - nuts?
 

 Let's make a deal.
 I won't talk about Tequila and you stop talking about Tiger Woods.

 ha ha

 I never heard of you before now.
 Why would I make you this "deal?"
 What could possibly motivate you to...    wait,    ...Tiger, is that you?
 

 Yes Bart, it's me, and I'm very hurt by your recent comments
 Capiche?

 I.S.
 Los Angeles

 ha ha

 Ladies and gentlemen - it's Mr Perfect!

 Dude, can I say one thing?

 As my previous testimony will corroborate, I think as the 'best of all times,' you suck at golf.
 But, ...I have declared your eyesight to be absolutely perfect.
 To wit, I offer the following evidence - your naked wife.
 

 ..

 His eyesight is perfect!
 
   Comments?

http://www.cafepress.com/churchofreality

Monday night, I ordered the CoR Stein

and the CoR Mouse Pad

Its the least I could do.

Not only did the CoR's Marc Perkel put  bartcop.com  on the internet,
he's one of the driving forces in the marriage between Democrats and the Web.

Perkel has a dangerous mind.
Not all of his opinions concur with Karl Rove,
and he's smarter than the average bear.

...and that makes him dangerous.

 Quotes

"Making Bolton U.N. ambassador would be like putting
  Phyllis Schlafly in charge of a Planned Parenthood clinic."
      --Barbara Boxer,     Attribution
 

  Ms. Boxer, you know I'm a fan, but is that just a cute soundbite
  or are you promising your constituents you'll filibuster Bolton out of his job?

 Comments?

 Subject: Eric Rudolph the Coward

 Bart:  Marc Perkel hit it right on the head.
 Ever since I heard that this punk-ass domestic terrorist pleaded guilty to avoid the death penalty,
 I've been asking "But WHY isn't he willing to DIE for his 'noble cause'?"
 Because like all of these theofascists, he's a coward.
 Terry C
 NJ
 

 Yeah!  What you said Mark.
 I think the reason he plead is that he was asked to by the religious establishment to keep the religious fanatic out of the news.
 I mean if he came clean on the reasoning for his hatred, it would send a  bad signal to those moderates in the clergy.
 I mean come on is that what they want right now?
 Tim L
 

 I'm guessing Rudolph just liked to blow up stuff.
 If his cause was sooooo important, why didn't he demand a trial so he could
 take the stand and try to convince the local Georgia yokels he was right?

 Koresh knows he'd have a sympathetic jury in Jokelahoma

 Comments?

 Iraq as bad as ever...
 150 hostages and 19 deaths leave US claims of Iraqi 'peace' in tatters

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 Ironically, one reason why Washington can persuade the outside world that its venture in Iraq
 is finally coming right is that it is too dangerous for reporters to travel outside Baghdad or stray
 far from their hotels in the capital. (He read that on  bartcop.com  months ago)  The threat to all
 foreigners was underlined last week when an American contractor was snatched by kidnappers.

 Most violent incidents in Iraq go unreported. We saw one suicide bomb explosion, clouds of smoke
 and dust erupting into the air, and heard another in the space of an hour. Neither was mentioned in
 official reports. Last year US soldiers told the IoS that they do not tell their superiors about attacks
 on them unless they suffer casualties. This avoids bureaucratic hassle and "our generals want to hear
 about the number of attacks going down not up". This makes the official Pentagon claim that the
 number of insurgent attacks is down from 140 a day in January to 40 a day this month dubious.
 

 As long as the BFEE controls the American press, most Americans will never hear the truth,
 but the rest of the world knows exactly what's going on there and they hate us for it.

 Comments?

 Quotes

 "To show you how radical I am, I want carjackers dead. I want rapists dead.
   I want burglars dead. I want child molesters dead. I want the bad guys dead.
   No court case. No parole. No early release. I want 'em dead."
      --Ted Nugent, (R-"I'd rape a nun if she got in my way.")    Attribution
 
 

  But Ted, what if somebody wants washed-up, brainless, soulless, talentless guitar players dead?
  Should they just murder you?

  Comments?

 Tom Snyder diagnosed with leukemia
  Talker gets 'old people's leukemia" at age 69

..

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 Tom Snyder, a late-night talk show fixture for years, announced on his Web site
 that doctors have told him that he has chronic lymphocytic leukemia.

 "When I was a kid leukemia was a death sentence. Now, my doctors say
 it's treatable!  With pills or chemotherapy or a combination of both," he said.
 Despite the news, Snyder was as upbeat and opinionated as ever
 

 Tom, I have two words for you: Green Tea.
 Drink it like your life depends on it.

 Comments?

 Subject:  Tiger Woo

 Hey BC:

 I'm assuming you're referring to the shot that hung on the lip of the cup for a few seconds
 and then fell in.  (I can't watch your link - RealPlayer ram files won't work behind my firewall).

 I would characterize TW as the luckiest golfer we'll ever see.
 Every clown who's running off at the mouth about "the greatest shot" seems to have forgotten
 another lucky shot a few holes earlier, when TW severely hooked his tee shot. Instead of flying
 into the trees, brush, and at least a one stroke penalty, it hit a tree and ended up back on the
 fairway (or close to it). This happens to him quite often.

 Where other players would lose a ball or find it unplayable, TW almost always gets some kind
 of a break (let's not forget the fans moving a rock so he could swing more easily).

 Here's what really happened at the Masters: The luckier golfer won; the better golfer came in second.
 Joe

 Comments?

 Who was Robin Bush?
 And why did Bush's Mama want to pull her plug?

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
"[Dr. Dorothy Wyvell, Robin's pediatrician] gave us the best advice anyone
 could have given, which of course we didn't take," Barbara Bush said.
"She said, 'Number one, don't tell anyone. Number two, don't treat her.
 You should take her home, make life as easy as possible for her,
 and in three weeks' time, she'll be gone.'"

 How's that for supporting a young girl's right-to-life?

 Comments?

 Subject: BartCop Radio

 Bart
 You keep me going - I don't understand how our country has gone insane.
 Keep it up until we regain our senses.

 BTW, have you thought about making your radio shows available as podcast?
 Having bought one of these MP3 Players (iRiverH320), podcasting would
 make it easy for me to have your show on my player so I can take it with me.

 Charles
 

 Charles, I'm confused - maybe I'm missing something.
 All BCR shows are in the MP3 format so they'll play on your MP3 player.
 Just download them and copy to whatever source you want.

 Others have asked, too, so maybe I misunderstand your question.

 Comments?

 TV stuff

 Last night on 24, the president had been shot down by terrorists and was near death so the VP took the oath. 
 His first order was to get the bunker ready so he could hide in it until all the danger passed.
 It reminded me of what a yellow coward Bush was on 9-11.

..

 Then...the producers MUST have been reading our failed debate on torture. The terrorists hijacked a nuke-u-ler bomb
 and the "football" with the detonation codes. The CIA has a guy in custody they KNEW was guilty - and how did they know? 
 The terror mastermind called Amnesty International for a lawyer when the suspect had no chance to make the call himself,
 so they KNEW he was working for the bad guys for sure - and here were their options:

 They could play by the rules and let the terrorists detonate the nuclear bomb
 OR
 they could get the answers from the terrorist in custody "behind closed doors."

 It's the classic BartCop scenario - a bomb that could kill millions and less than an hour to locate it.
 

 I'm sure we'd all rather that nuke explode and kill thousands or millions of innocent Americans
 because torture is always wrong.
 
 (no comments necessary)

 Housekeeping

 In an effort to generate income, we tried the blog ads.
 Because I really do have an IQ of 64, it didn't work.

 The blog ads wouldn't work on my horse-and-buggy browser (Netscape 4.something)
 and the newer browsers were too much for my small brain to handle, so we had to punt.

 The last 3 weeks or so have been extra, extra hectic, with lots of re-doing the same stuff
 over and over and finally, it was all I could stands, because I can't stands no more.

 Chicago Jim, who you Pokerfesters know, tried and tried and tried to get me thru this.
 He probably had more than 100 tedious hours in this adventure, constantly re-doing the page to
 erase my errant monkey-code that was gumming up the process.  He has the patience of ten men.

 So, a shot of Chinaco Anejo for Chicago Jim...

..

 He learned the hard way that I'm not kidding about my IQ of 64.

 We may try it again, maybe even soon, but I think it will require us getting together and him
 teaching me how to do a page from scratch, like I should've learned in the beginning.

 ...if I only had a brain.

 Radio Feedback

 In Issue 1533, I asked for suggestions for the 'best of' show 73 to use as excerpts.
 So, far, there are no suggestions - so I assume that means there were no highlights :)

 I will attempt to make Show 74 highlight-worthy.
 

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Computer Tyme Hosting is owned by Marc Perkel, who first put Bartcop on the Internet back in 1996 and keeps  Bartcop online today. Marc hosts several other political sites including American Politics Journal, Political Strikes,  Faux News Channel, and interesting sites like the Church of Reality - a religion based on believing in everything that is real.  Our motto for this year is - "No Anti-Bush Site Left Behind". So - if you have an anti-bush site and you are  choking on hosting fees or dealing with threats - let us know and we'll help keep you online.   We also have that strongest server side spam filtering on the planet.  Check out Marx Mail for info on how you can have a Spam Free Email Account.

 Read the  Previous Issue

 It had  everything.

 Copyright © 2005, bartcop.com

..
                                                         Shirley Manson

 Shrl, send me an e-mail address and I'll make you a BartCop Member - for free!
 Catch you in Vegas at The Hard Rock -- this summer?

 bartcop.com  and BartCop are trademarks of attempts at humor.

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