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In Today's Tequila Treehouse... Solving the Media Puzzle Was flush Koran story fake?  AWOL crisis hits military Bush's Anti-Worker Assault Priest goes Ribbon Crazy   Ted Rall - more "sap" talk  Miss America judges No Jail for AWOL sailor  Rove picks Supreme Judge    Quote of the Day "I was told my son was killed in the war    on terror. He was killed by George Bush's    war of terror on the world."         --Cindy Sheehan, whose son, K.C., died           two weeks after he arrived in Iraq,                                              Attribution

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Quotes

"Hey, wouldn't it be funny if they threw an election and one party won because of
  its firm commitment to moral values, a faith-based worldview and a stand against
  such repugnant deviancy as gay marriage? And wouldn't it be even more hysterical
  if some of that party's loudest advocates of moral values had in fact been boinking
  mules and watermelons, and treating their wives like prostitutes?"
      --Rebecca Traister, "Hideous Kinkies",   Attribution

  Comments?

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 American progressives finally are taking seriously the threat posed by the U.S. news media's
 swing to the right, which - perhaps more than any other factor - has transformed the U.S.
 democratic process into a mess of disinformation, fear and irrationality.

 Many of the depredations of the last four-plus years - from the war in Iraq and the collapse
 of America's image abroad to assaults on the teaching of evolution and inaction on the looming
 global-warming crisis - can only be understood by factoring in the Right's powerful propaganda
 apparatus and the mainstream media's complicity.

 Still, there remains widespread confusion on the Left about what can be done and how to get
 the most value from investments of money and talent.
 
 

 One of Parry's ideas on how to fight back is to support anti-Bush web sites.
 We've lost PBS, we've lost the networks, we've lost respect around the globe,
 we've lost 1600 soldiers and thousands of arms and legs so we'd better fight back.

 It's not going to get any better because their greed in insatiable.
 Things will only get better when we force them to stop.

 Maybe, someday, we can get the Democrats to join us.
 

 Note: Consortiumnews.com  is the most important site on the internet

  Comments?

 Subject:  Richard says hi

 Thank you so much for your great words---s'all true!!!
 We hope Dave [Chappelle] is doing ok...
 Richard sends love!
 

 Jennifer Lee Pryor
 President, Indigo Inc.
 Come join the discussion at www.richardpryor.com
 

 Jennifer, how great to hear from you!!
 It's thrilling to think my name was on Richard's mind for a second..
 
 I never made hearing from Richard a goal because I never thought it would
 be possible and you and Trudy made that happen!!  Thanks to you both.

 I'll mention your chat room on the page, and I always plug Richard's CDs
 and DVDs at gift giving time.  (Father's Day is coming up!)
 Richard's stuff always sells well with people who read  bartcop.com 

.......
   Funniest hour ever        9 discs of magic

  Click  to  Order - They are the Rosetta Stones of comedy

 It was either Belzer or Damon Wayans, at the Kennedy Center honors for Richard
 in 1998 who said, "Every comedian has stolen from Richard Pryor.
 And if you didn't, you're probably not very funny."
 That was great to hear because it's so true.

 Since this topic came up last week, many people wrote to tell me of others who are
 in Richard's league - Cosby, Mort Dahl, Steve Martin, Lenny Bruce, George Carlin,
 Robin Williams, Jonathan Winters, Carrot Top.,  etc.

 They are crazy.

 Some of them are very good, but there is nobody else in Richard's league.
 His face is alone on Comedy Mt. Rushmore.

 Thanks again, and look for some BartCop Radio CDs in your mailbox :)
 Getting your e-mail was an all-time highlight for me.

 Comments?

 Was that flush the Koran story fake?
  Did Newsweek pull a Rather, making Bush the victim again?

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 Newsweek Washington Bureau Chief Daniel Klaidman said the magazine believes
 it erred in reporting the allegation that a prison guard tried to flush the Quran down
 a toilet and that military investigators had confirmed the accusation. Many of the
 Gitmo 520 are Muslims arrested during Bush's oil-snatch primer in Afghanistan.

 Pentagon spokesman Bryan Whitman said in a statement that the original story was
"demonstrably false" and "irresponsible," and "had significant consequences that
 reverberated throughout Muslim communities around the world."

"Newsweek hid behind anonymous sources, which by their own admission do not
 withstand scrutiny," Whitman said. "Unfortunately, they cannot retract the damage
 they have done to this nation or those that were viciously attacked by those false allegations."
 

 You see what happens when you attack Bush with rather-like "facts?"
 Newsweek gives Bush immunity from all "prisoner insensitivity" issues.

 Next time someone mentions the conditions at Gitmo, talk radio will bray,
"Liberal Newsweek made up those charges trying to bring down Godly Dubya."

 Why can't they just do their work?
 Why do they blunder into these Bush immunity situations, one after another?

  Comments?

 AWOL crisis hits the US forces
  Deserter-in-Chief gets just desserts

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 The case of Sgt Benderman and those of others like him has focused attention on the thousands
 of US troops who have gone AWOL since the start of Bush's so-called war on terror. The most
 recent Pentagon figures suggest there are 5,133 troops missing from duty. Of these 2,376 are sought
 by the Army, 1,410 by the Navy, 1,297 by the Marines and 50 by the Air Force. Some have been
 missing for decades.

 But campaigners say the true figure could be far higher. Staff who run a volunteer hotline to help
 desperate soldiers and recruits who want to get out, say the number of calls has increased by 50 per cent
 since 9/11. Last year alone, the GI Rights Hotline took more than 30,000 calls. At present, the hotline
 gets 3,000 calls a month and the volunteers say that by the time a soldier or recruit dials the help-line
 they have almost always made up their mind to get out by one means or another.
 

 Ordinarily there'd be some dishonor in desertion.
 But if your choices are dying for Halliburton or living - what would you do?
 

  Comments?

 Quotes

"The trend we're seeing in my party, in particular, is the growing influence of people
  who want to define what it means to be a good Republican in an ever-narrowing way."
      --Christie Todd Whitman, saying the GOP better knock off the religio-hatred,         Attribution
 

  Comments?

 Subject: Democratic Singles

 Bartcop -

 Have you discontinued the Democratic Singles Network?
 I don't see it on the site.
 I was wanting to join to see if I could meet that "special" man.

 If it's still active, can you tell me where to locate the "link" and also,
 is this a U.S. wide listing?  Any guys on there from Texas (Austin) specifically?

 Thank you.
 Carol
 

 Carol, Democratic Singles is an advertiser, not part of bartcop.com
 I'll bet they have lots of Austinite men signed up.
 Here is their link - and good luck!

  Comments?

 Quotes

"We operate within the law and we send people to countries where they say
  they're not going to torture the people. But let me say something: We have an
  obligation to protect the American people. It's in our country's interests to find
  those who would do harm to us...We still [are] at war."
      --Dubya, on the kidnapping and torturing of randomly-grabbed goat herders from Afghanistan
                                                                                                           Attribution
 

  Comments?

..

 Subject: no subject

 You are either simply young, moderately intelligent students, or you are pawns of angry,
 out-of-power, rich socialists. Right? So why are you so surprised when average [80% of
 the freaking population] do what they do??? [pray, not like high school taxes when little
 foul-mouther creeps will spoil anything good they build with their high tax- and give it to
 welfare state, learned-helpless, lowtax school districts, etc.]? That's never going to change.
 You do what you do, and we act to correct it. You want anarchy [or so you think. There's no
 foreign-film houses or software or espresso with anarchy, did you know that?]. So long as
 your whole political belief system is based on ~re-distibution~ [taking what healthy, happy
 hard-working people build; farms, industry, inventions] of wealth, the other side will object.
 But why all the xxxx/xxxx/xxxx verbage????
 
 Just makes you sound like you're on the ropes - - -but I know you'll always be around-
 so long as there are socialist universities and rich kids who don't know what to major in
 besides journalism or law [both of which require reading though, so I'm confidant there'll
 be plenty of ~undeclared~ malcontents for a long time to come].
 
 Oh btw, you scum, pig, stinky, rectal, pooh-pooh intestinal, rotting, rodent-like person, you.
 
 Nyah. Nyah.
 Rob
 

 Rob, I'll bet you could tear me to pieces in a live chat room debate, right?
 You sound like a guy who could wipe the floor with me and maybe make me cry.
 I will only agree to debate you if you promise to be gentle with me.

 When's good for you?
 I'm free Tuesday at 10PM CST.
 Hurry with your answer so we can draw a crowd.

 Got sac?
 

  Comments?

 Crazy Priest denies ribboners Communion
  Support for gays makes you unholy, says rape-tolerant priests

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 ST. PAUL, Minn. - A Roman Catholic priest denied communion to more than 100 people
 Sunday, saying they could not receive the sacrament because they wore rainbow-colored
 sashes to church to show support for gay Catholics.

 Archbishop Harry Flynn told the group earlier this month that they would not receive communion
 because the sashes had become a protest against church teaching.

 Sister Gabriel Herbers said she wore a sash to show sympathy for the gay and lesbian community.
 Their sexual orientation "is a gift from God just as much as my gift of being a female is," she said.

 Ann McComas-Bussa did not wear a sash, but she and her husband and three children all wore
 rainbow-colored ribbons and were denied communion. "As a Catholic, I just need to stand in
 solidarity with those that are being oppressed," she said.
 

 Have the child-molesters all gone insane?

 They're playing a combination of poker and chicken with their Church.
 They're losing paid customers by the millions - and now they pull this?

 They won't sign a pledge to stop raping little boys, but they'll deny communion
 to anyone to thinks gays shouldn't be discriminated against?

 The Church has two choices:
 It can back down now and say they were wronf or they
 can back down later, after losing a few more millions of Americans.
 
 Poker and chicken  - it's a bad combination when you have a losing hand.
 

  Comments?

 Quotes

"Fuck George W. Bush."
   -- Richard Pryor,   richardpryor.com
 

  Comments?

 Subject: Mindy McCready attacked

 On your website you linked to a news report about Mindy McCready being attacked
 by her GOP ex-boyfriend. I clicked on the link,  but didn't see the GOP connection.
 I suspect you're probably right as (I believe) most perps do tend to be Republican,
 but I didn't see any evidence of this being the case.

 In any event, bartcop is one of the best sites on the web!
 Keep up the good work!

 Steve D
 

 Steve, Repubs think of women as property, so if they want to play rough with their "toys"
 it's nobody's business but their own and that makes them bad boyfriends.

 Dems respect women and treat them as equals, not toys.

  Comments?

 United Airlines & Bush Anti-Worker Assault

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 Destroy United, then go after the unions at rival firms.
 All as the Bush White House gloats at helping send wages in the industry plummeting.
 Terrorists hijacked United Flight 175 to destroy the WTC and plunge the airline industry
 into its downward spiral.

 But remember in the future that it was the pro-wealthy fundamentalists of the White House
 who decided to make sure the pain would deepen and continue for years for the workers
 at United and throughout the industry.
 

  Comments?

 Subject: radio feedback

 dang funny...just became a listener last week.
 if it weren't for all the cussin' I could imagine you on broadcast radio,
 ...but then I'd miss the cussin'

 Thanks for doing it.
 skip
 

  Comments?

 Don't be the only one without...

..

 Get your "Worst President Ever" bumper sticker
 FREE with a donation - while supplies last.
 

..

 Subject: Donation

 OK, Bart, I subscribed, as I promised.
 
 I'm actually more broke today then I've ever been, and the prospects more dire,
 but you know what Bart, you've always been there as the greatest political/humor site
 on the web, and I only pray you ain't preaching to the choir, and that we can make a
 damn difference.  It's important, dammit.
 
 Cheers.
 Chuck
 

 Chuck, thanks, I'll try to be worthy.
 BCR Show 75 is up now.

 Is this show any good?
 The feedback will tell.
 

 Click Here  to support  bartcop.com

 Or snail mail to

 bartcop.com
 PO Box 54466
 Tulsa, OK 74155
 

  Comments?

 Black and white and full of crap
  The truth about Pat Tillman & Jessica Lynch  by Ted Rall

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 Case study: the Washington Post's dutiful transcription of the Jessica Lynch hoax.
 Played up on page one and running on for thousands of words, the fanciful Pentagon
 version had the pilot from West Virginia emptying her clip before finally succumbing to
 a gunshot wound (and possible rape) by evil Iraqi ambushers, then freed from her
 tormentors at a heavily-guarded POW hospital.

 Like the Pat Tillman story, it was pure fiction. Private Lynch, neither shot nor sexually
 violated, said she was injured when her vehicle crashed. She never got off a shot
 because her gun jammed. As she told reporters who were willing to listen, her Iraqi
 doctors and nurses had given her excellent care. She credited them for saving her life.
 

 Every writer has one story they just can't get off.
 For Ted Rall, it's "Tillman the sap."

 He just can't wrap his head around the idea that Tillman sacrificed a cushy life of luxury
 because he wanted to help his country defend against the 9-11 invaders.
 People who give up millions to serve their country are "saps."

 I feel sorry for Ted.
 

 Comments?

 Subject: Ike's quote from last issue

 I turned against LBJ because of the Vietnam War, even though he was responsible for
 pushing through the Voting Rights Act. I had a lot of fellow Democrats with me.
 So how come "true" Republicans don't turn against Bush en mass?

 John F
 

 John, great question.
 The more soldiers die, the more right they think Bush was about his bloody invasion.
 The worse the economy gets, the more they love Bush's welfare for billionaires.
 Soldiers line up, ready to die by the thousands, for the BFEE and Halliburton.

 It makes no sense at all, but when you own the media, you own the minds of the sheep.
 

  Comments?

 Miss America judges

 Let's say you were a judge at the Miss America Pageant.
 Let's say there are nine judges.

 The cute redhead with the long legs, the black stockings, and the f-me boots could win,
 and you're certain after you hear her sing.  She makes the final five, along with other girls
 who don't have her looks, her talent or her stage presence - and you think she's a lock.

 But at the end of the show, it was a homely, not-so-attractive girl who wins, and it turns out
 she's the daughter of the pageant's biggest sponsor - but you chalk it up to "shit happens."

 After the gig, you gather with some other judges at the hotel bar and the subject of the sexy
 redhead comes up.  Turns out, FOUR of the judges, including you, voted for the cute redhead
 with the long legs.  Doing some quick math, even if you're Catholic, you determine that the odds
 of EVERY OTHER judge voting for the least qualified contestant are astronomical since there
 were FIVE finalists, meaning three of the finalists failed to get a single vote - highly unlikely.

 So you make a few phone calls and ask to see the ballots, but you are told by the pageant owners
 that the ballots had been thrown away and there was no paper trail to prove who voted for whom.

 
 We wouldn't stand for that in a Miss America Pageant, would we?
 Wouldn't America cry "FOUL!" and "FIXED!" and "WE'VE BEEN SCREWED!" ?
 
 Sure we would, because it's important to know who really won.
 

..
 

  Comments?

 Subject: Simpson's Bart-turns-Catholic episode

 Homer, to Bart, after getting expelled from school:

"and if you get expelled from that school, then you're going to military school,
  where you'll be sent to the next war quagmire. What will it be next, North Korea, Iran,
  Who knows? Anything's possible with Mr. Cuckoo-Bananas in charge!"

 Ann Richards, former Gov of Texas
 

 Ann, I have a feeling clips from that will be in BCR 76 :)

  Comments?

  Quotes

"We're losing influence abroad when we bring those troops home, and we lose the
  interaction with America when we create these super bases. Small communities lose
  sight of the armed forces. I like for the Army and the armed forces to be representative
  of the people they protect, not an elite organization."
     --Wes Clark, on Bush's desperate military consolidations,  Attribution
 

 BTW, have you heard Bush & Rummy are "bringing home" tens of thousands of troops from Europe?
 Yeah, they'll be home 10 days, then they'll get there Iraqi deployment orders.

 Good luck guys, Halliburton's stock is about to split.

..
 

  Comments?

 Subject: Almost like I wrote it

 Bart, you wrote:

> Of course, Zeppelin is still the best rock group 25 years after breaking up.

 Bart, I have been a Zep fanatic since album #1, and it still rocks out loud!
 I used to buy underground recordings of Zep before it was illegal (sorta).
 Na, I broke the law to get as much Led Zeppelin as I could.

 Here's a thought: Led Zeppelin doing a cover of "Bullet the blue sky".
 Mmmm... could have been very tasty.

 Thanks Bart.
 Barry G
 

 Barry, I saw an interview with Bono.  For "Bullet" he said he went to The Edge and said,
"Put Jimmy Page thru your speakers for this one," and a classic was born.
 
 I saw the first "Bullet" they did in America, opening night of the 1987 tour in Tempe, AZ.
 "Bullet" was the fourth song they did.

 Before the song was finished, I thought, "You guys played that song fourth?
 You oughta be closing with that monster," and by the end of the tour they were.
 

  Comments?

 Navy Judge Finds War Protest Reasonable

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 In a stunning blow to the Bloody Monkey, a Navy judge gave Petty Officer Pablo Paredes
 no jail time for refusing orders to board his ship before it left San Diego for the Persian Gulf.
 Cmdr. Klant found Pablo guilty of missing his ship's movement by design, but dismissed the charge
 of unauthorized absence. Although Pablo faced one year in the brig, the judge sentenced him to two
 months' restriction and three months of hard labor, and reduced his rank to seaman recruit.

"This is a huge victory," said Jeremy Warren, Pablo's lawyer. "A sailor can show up on a Navy base,
 refuse in good conscience to board a ship bound for Iraq, and receive no time in jail," Warren added.
 Although Pablo is delighted he will not to go jail, he still regrets that he was convicted of a crime.
 He told the judge at sentencing: "I am guilty of believing this war is illegal. I am guilty of believing war
 in all forms is immoral and useless, and I am guilty of believing that as a service member I have a duty
 to refuse to participate in this War because it is illegal."

 Pablo maintained that transporting Marines to fight in an illegal war, and possibly to commit war crimes,
 would make him complicit in those crimes.
 

..
 A shot of Chinaco for Paredes for having the balls to stand up to the Bloody Monkey and also
 for the judge who had the balls to say, "Halliburton has gotten rich enough from Bush's war."

  Comments?

 US grabs the sixth al-Qaeda No 3

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 The United States has netted another al-Qaeda No.3, the sixth No.3 to be downed dead or alive
 in Bush's bloody crusade...the joke in media circles here is that will be the nomenclature for any
 al-Qaeda suspect besides Osama bin Laden and Ayman Al Zawahiri.    Previous al-Qaeda No.3s
 include, Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, Mohammed Atef, Ramzi bin Al-Shibh, and Abu Zubaida.
 

 The United States is a terror/laughing stock all over the world, partly because the US whore media
 won't even consider covering the stories the rest of the world is cringing/laughing about.

 Any time the military captures anybody with some dashes in his name, Bush and his good puppy
 media start screaming, "We got the #3 evildoer in Al Qaeda,"  but then a week later, they grab
 another never-heard-of-him #3 evildoer and the American press throws Bush another parade.
 

..
 

  Comments?

 Shirley someone got a screen grab of Shirley last Thursday on Dave...?...

 Subject: Shirley on Dave

 Bart,

 I hope you like it,
 Juha
 

 Koresh, she even stands like a rock goddess.
 Where has she been hiding those legs all these years?

 Do I like it?
 I want to fly that picture to Vegas and marry it.

  Comments?

 Housekeeping

 Last issue I wrote:

> Cross your fingers, Jethro's about to take the wheel...

 Jethro didn't take the wheel, as you can see.
 BCR 75 took longer to finish than expected.
 It must have 1,000 edits - can you hear them all?

 Plus, we're out of town later this week, and I didn't think I should learn
 a new system for 2-3 issues, then be gone long enough to forget it all.

 While were gone, we won't be doing regular pages because this is a
 once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to go where we've never been before
(Southwest doesn't fly there) and I'd be crazy to spend 10-12 hours a day
 in a hotel room working at a keyboard, right?

 But we are going to blog.
 I can blog for 45 minutes a day and still enjoy the islands.
 
 http://blog.bartcop.com
 
 

  Comments?

 Rove's judicial nominee
  Priscilla Owen is the insane slut from Hell

  Click  Here
 
  Excerpt:
 Even on the conservative, all-Republican bench that the State Supreme Court had become,
 Justice Owen occasionally stood out among her colleagues. In no situation was this more so
 than in cases involving the interpretation of a state law providing for a teenage girl to obtain
 an abortion without notifying her parents if she can show a court that she is mature enough
 to understand the consequences.

 In one dissent, Justice Owen said the teenager in the case had not demonstrated that she knew
 that there were religious objections to abortion and that some women who underwent
 abortions had experienced severe remorse.
 

 Funny that Bush, because he was super-rich, paid for an illegal abortion in Texas in 1971,
 would now deny that freedom to those who aren't super-rich enough to bribe doctors.

 That son of a bitch...
 

  Comments?

 Subject: AWOL monkey

 Bart,what was the chimp gonna do if he were told of the evacuation?
 Change into his flight suit, stuff a bunny down his pants, and get ready for a photo-op?

 What a worthless bastard!
 Missy in Little Rock
 

  Comments?

 Madonna feud rocks Israel
  Could cost Israel's ambassador his job

..

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 The spat centers on a request by Israeli Ambassador Ayalon for an official probe into
 whether Foreign Minister Silvan Shalom's socialite wife fired an embassy aide for failing
 to secure her an audience with Madonna.
 

  Comments?

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..
                                             Shirley Manson (D-Leggs)

 Shrl, send me an e-mail address and I'll make you a BartCop Member - for free!
 Catch you in Vegas at The Hard Rock -- this summer?  We need tour dates!

 bartcop.com  and BartCop are trademarks2005@ of attempts at humor.

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