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In Today's Tequila Treehouse... We lost Richard  Secret Witnesses  Hastert saves America  Wolfie Screws Pooch Bush to : Drop Dead  Hidden "war tax"  Truth for the Troops O'Reilly goes crazy  Paris Hilton for Xmas   Quote of the Day "Some say by liberating Iraq we stirred up a    hornet's nest. They overlook the fact:  We were    not in Iraq on 9-11 and the terrorists hit us anyway."       -- Unka Dick, still saying Saddam caused 9-11   Link    Think of 9 year old Dick, alone in the kitchen with Mom.  Mom leaves the room for two minutes and then hears  a crash, so she runs into the kitchen. She finds Dick and   the broken cookie jar on the floor.  Dick can't admit he broke the cookie jar because Mom  told him he couldn't have any cookies until after supper.  But - the cookie jar is in pieces on the floor.  Dick can't explain how the cookie jar broke, but he   gives his Mom his personal guarantee that he, Dick,   did not touch the cookie jar in any way.  That's the situation these greedy oil bastards are in.  They know they're caught, and they know we know.  But they can't admit the truth.

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Quotes

"The economy continues to move ahead, thanks in part to the Bush tax cuts, but that doesn't
seem to be doing much for the president's standing with the voters. Over 60 percent of Americans
say they are dissatisfied with the way things are going, and 58 percent say they expect economic
conditions to worsen. For Bush, there is no balm in Washington."
        --Irwin Stelzer,   Link
 

I doubt the BFEE is very worried about "balm."
They stole the $11 trillion from the Treasury and they're stealing over $100M a day in Iraq.
Bush can't run again, Cheney's too old and sick to run, so what to they care about reputations?

They have trillions in stolen loot.
Who needs a reputation when you've stolen trillions?
 

  Comments?

Jennifer Pryor: Richard is gone

 Link

 Excerpt:
Richard Pryor died on Saturday at age 65 after a long illness, his wife told CNN. 

"He was my treasure," Jennifer Pryor said in a telephone interview. "His comedy is unparalleled. 
They say that you are not a comic unless you imitate Richard Pryor. ... He was able to turn his pain into comedy."

Pryor's wife said he died of cardiac arrest at 7:58 a.m. PST after her efforts to resuscitate him failed 
and after he was taken to a Los Angeles hospital.

"He's been so strong for so many years," Jennifer told CNN. "He was an extraordinary man, as you know. 
He enjoyed life right up until the end. He did not suffer, he went quickly, at the end there was a smile on his face... 
He's a very, very, very amazing man and he opened doors to so many people."
 

I don't know if Richard died broke or wealthy, but you should own a few of these.

.........
          click  to  order                               click  to  order  

And a special salute to Jennifer Lee Pryor for taking care of Richard all these years.
That's gotta be the hardest thing to do.   She must be a saint.

Heartfelt shots of Chinaco to Jennifer and the great Richard Pryor.

 Comments?

 Quotes

"I don't give a goddamn. I'm the President and the Commander-in-Chief. Do it my way.
  Stop throwing the Constitution in my face. It's just a goddamned piece of paper!"
    -- Our Godly statesman President Monkey, on why we should bow to him.   Link
 

  Comments?

Saddam & Secret Witnesses
  by Robert Parry at  consortiumnews.com

  Link

 Excerpt:
Saddam Hussein remains a political figure that the U.S. news media loves to hate.
How else to explain the lack of concern over the use of secret witnesses in a trial
that is expected to lead to the execution of Hussein and other officials of the Iraqi
government overthrown by the U.S.-led invasion? The secrecy effectively denies
the defendants the right to confront their accusers -- and threatens to turn the
Hussein tribunal into a kangaroo court.
 

 Comments?

Wolfie Screws Pooch
 Crazy bastard admits Iraq hoax

 Link

 Excerpt:
Omigod - Paul Wolfowitz just screwed the pooch!!!

Speaking at the National Press Club, Wolfy confirmed that everything in the Downing Street Memos is true!

"If somebody could have given you a Lloyds of London guarantee that WMDs would not possibly be used,
one would have contemplated much more support for internal Iraqi opposition and not having the United States
take the job on the way we did."

What was "the job"? Ousting Saddam - a.k.a. "regime change"!

Bush was determined to overthrow Saddam whether or not he had WMD's.
 

  Comments?

Bush to Red Cross: Drop Dead
 No, you can't watch us torture the "suspects"

 Link

 Excerpt:
Once again, Bush has told the Red Cross (and the world) to take a f-ing hike by rejecting their call for full access
to terror suspects, saying some of those detained were "exceptional" and posed "unique threats" to US security.
The ICRC on Friday sought access to all detainees held by Bush in his "secret torture prisons."
 

You just know Bush & Cheney have live video feeds to their offices so they can masturbate to the torture.
I can see Bush on the phone, "Make Number Three suck Number Six - then make 'em dance."

  Comments?

 Seattle charging 'war tax'
   They add it to your phone bill

 Link

 Excerpt:
For Seattle peace activist Bert Sacks, the monthly act of resistance adds up to only 59 cents. Symbolically, however,
refusing to pay the "war tax" on his Qwest phone bill represents a pocketbook protest against what he sees as misuse
of U.S. military power.

"I object to the U.S. government policy of using famine and epidemic as tools against civilian populations. That's wrong,"
says the retired engineer, who has fought for a decade to get economic sanctions against Iraq lifted.

Sacks is one of thousands of Americans believed to be refusing to pay the federal taxes attached to their monthly
phone bills -- money that helps fund military operations overseas. Many are taking the step as a protest against the
war in Iraq. And in many cases, the phone companies are helping them do it.

"We oppose the policies of 'pre-emptive war' and an 'endless' war on terrorism, which led to the Iraq war..."
reads the statement on  hanguponwar.org.
 

  Comments?

Scottie the Underbear's Daily Denial

"I did not have sex with Christopher Hitchens.
 Nobody saw us, you can't prove a thing..."
 

 Comments?

 Link

 Excerpt:
We rented a cheesy, $58 hotel on Sunset Boulevard.
First thing, I got the Yellow Pages and started calling comedy clubs.
The first club I called was a big one - the Comedy Store or the Improv
or the Laugh Factory, I forget, but it's on Sunset and it's still there as of 1998.

Anyway, I asked the guy who was onstage tonight.
He started rattling off names like it was a goddamn Friar's Roast.

Club Guy:  J J Walker (Kid Dy-no-mite) and Richard Belzer and yada yada
and someone else and yada yada and Richard Pryor and....

BartCop: Whoa, Cubby!
                 Richard who?

Club Guy: Richard Pryor.

BartCop: THE Richard Pryor?

Club Guy: Yes.

BartCop: THE Richard Pryor is on your stage - tonight?

Club Guy: Yes (starting to get a little agitated)

BartCop: Richard Pryor is on your stage tonight.
                How much is the cover?

Club Guy: Five dollars.

BartCop:  I can pay five dollars and see Richard Pryor
                 in your club on your stage tonight?

Club Guy: Yeah, but I got shit to do, anything else?

BartCop:  No,  .....thanks.
 
 

  Comments?

 Bill O'Reilly loses his mind
  Handjob to 'bring horror to anti-Christmas forces'

..
        "If you molest Christmas, I'll molest you..."

  Link

 Excerpt:
I am not going to let oppressive, totalitarian, anti-Christian forces in this country diminish and denigrate
the holiday and the celebration. I am not going to let it happen. I'm gonna use all the power that I have
on radio and television to bring horror into the world of people who are trying to do that.  I will put their
face and their name on television, and I will talk about them on the radio if they do it. There is no reason
on this earth that all of us cannot celebrate a public holiday devoted to generosity, peace, and love together.
So we are going to do it. And anyone who tries to stop us from doing it is gonna face me.
 

Hey Monkey - who's stopping you?
You're just acting tough because you know your enemy doesn't exist.
Bush's meltdown broke your heart, and now you can't think straight.

You don't mind Bush torturing "suspects" in "secret prisons" in Eastern Europe.
You don't mind the Constitution was raped and the Bill of Rights was murdered.
You don't mind Bush starting World War III for the BFEE's personal enrichment
but woe to the fool who fails to say, "Merry Christmas?"
 

Bill, have you gotten laid since you settled that sex lawsuit with your secretary?
 

  Comments?

Random Thought...

We'll never know how much Richard Pryor did for racial harmony.

I think comedy is stronger than most people realize.
If you have your sense of humor, you can beat anything.

Richard Pryor might have done more to heal this racist country than anybody.
 

  Comments?

For the hysterical Blazing Saddles

a shot of Chinaco for its co-writer, the great Richard Pryor..

 Comments?

Subject: BCR Show 85 Feedback
 

Okay Bart,
Good thing I'm retiring in 51 days or my bosses would kick my ass for taking
half a day (with pay) to listen to Show #85.  Here's my take on it:

#3 Music excellent to open segment, and opening of all the segments is darn good - sets the mood.
Ramsey Clark deserves to be trashed, and hard, for his phony "legal" activities.  And it's better if
Democrats do it, and liberals, than to let the donut eaters like Limbaugh do it.

#4  Getting Bush to mouth the words of "Imagine" was priceless, if you did it, or anyhow it got done.

#5 The rant on Max Cleland's race for Senate and how he got smeared needs to be repeated again and again.
Goddammit, the Republicans keep getting away with it,- including with Kerry - and Democrats need to quit
laying down for this kind of abuse.  Give em hell!  They DO need you to be in their War Room, for god's sake,
to fight this kind of redneck slander.

The "Merry Christmas for Muslims" is going into a CD I'm going to play for my inlaws at Christmas.
These are the redneck Jesus-jumping inlaws in Tennessee who listen to Limbaugh and sneer at me for being a "libruldemokrat."

#6 The "fair" rant was most satisfying.  Fair?
When you get in a big fight, political or otherwise, you fight to win, not to be fair.

By the way, that "book" you were trying to think of to look up a word was a "dictionary."  J

ACTION RECOMMENDED:  Some of the outtakes and funniest stuff on the program had what sounded like
canned laughter, timed to mock the jackasses being quoted.  I suggest you create a couple of "mocking laughter"
sound effects, including one for braying jackasses, as well as people.  Do one of black people saying "sheeeit"
and stuff like that, for when you get into a rant that involves black people business!  Then you could do a rant
with timing breaks for "mocking laughter."

Regards,
Don the Day Trader
 

 Comments?

 Listen Here
 

  Comments?

   Click

Subject: donation

Bart, you were pissing in W's two-thousand dollar a pair handstitched Italian shoes
when everybody else was pretending he was the second coming.

Froggie
 
 

You can donate with PayPal...or  snail mail.

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..

  Comments?

For his 4-week TV show on NBC 

Click to Order

a shot of Chinaco for Pryor.

  Comments?

Truth for the Troops

  Link

 Excerpt:
"If, as Samuel Johnson said, "patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel," then "support our troops"
is very close by.   It is being used to deflect criticism of the war in Iraq, or to rebut those who call for
a pullout or question how incompetents seized control of the government in a coup by ideologues.

In the lexicon of some, the only way to support our troops is to ensure that more of them die."
 

We can start the wind-down now, or we can
let another 1,000 troops die and then start the wind-down.

What would we tell those 1,000 widows?
"Your husband died so Bush could look resolute?"

Is that the 'noble cause' Cindy's been asking about?
Bush's reputation?
 

  Comments?

Subject: Bird flu insanity

They tell us that we are on the verge of a world wide killer bird flu pandemic
where millions are going to die and the Republicans are cutting funds
to the Center of Disease Control.

We are a nation gone mad!

Marc Perkel
San Francisco, CA.
 

  Click  to  Get  Real
 

 Comments?

 Quotes

"There's no longer any serious doubt that climate change is real, accelerating, and caused
 by human activities. President Bush's policy is flat wrong on global warming. We'll have
 meetings like this 40 years from now on a raft unless we do something."
   -- Big Dog, slicing Monkey meat at the global warming conference in Montreal    Link
 
 

 Comments?

Hastert saves America

 Link

 Excerpt:
House Speaker J. Dennis Hastert (R-Sweaty Wrestler) pandered the following
handjob comments at the lighting ceremony for the Capitol Christmas Tree:

"One of our nation's most cherished traditions of the season is the lighting of the Christmas tree.
With its festive lights and ornaments, it serves as a point of reflection and celebration -- on both
the blessings of life and the importance of the sacred birth. This year, I am honored to be here
yet again to light what truly is this year, the Capitol Christmas Tree.
 

Damn crazy bastards, these Republicans.

They need someone or something to rail against so people won't think 
about the war,
or the poor economy, 
or their pensions going bankrupt, 
or Bush looting Social Security,
or Bill Frist's stock scam, 
or Tom Delay's indictment, 
or Cunningham's tearful confession,
or Bush's approval ratings,

so they rail against "the anti-Christmas" demons that don't exist.
 

 Comments?

TV Stuff

I was damn disappointed in SNL's 40-second "tribute" to Richard Pryor.

 Listen Here

It was like they didn't want to be bothered with it.
Didn't Richard help put them on the map?

But then, they only had about eight hour's notice,
and forty writers,
and the resources of NBC News and NBC's archives, etc
and a city full of Pryor-influenced actors and comics,

...so I guess they were all handcuffed, right?
 

  Comments?

Margaret Cho on Richard, six days ago

 Link

 Excerpt:
...you were the bridge between the Civil Rights Movement and the America that wanted finally to be itself. 
The stories you told were the ones that united the Black Panther and the 'honky,' the feminists and the pimps,
the playas and the fools, the us and the them. There were no more race war/battle of the sexes when you took 
the stage, there was just you, sweating like Muhammed Ali, because you were a fighter, but also a lover too, 
as you stopped our fighting, and started us on the idea that we could love each other. Because we laughed at 
the same things, we realized we had a lot more in common with each other than we thought. 

You should have money with your face on it.
 

Moral of the story: Don't wait.
How lucky for Margaret that she sent that while Richard was still here.
 

 Comments?

R.I.P.  R.P.
  by Digby

 Link

 Excerpt:
I looked around me in that theatre that night, in which I and my little friend Kathy were among a fair 
minority of whites, and I realized that we were all laughing uproariously together at this shocking, dirty, 
racially charged stuff. As someone who grew up in a racist household (and had always had a visceral 
reaction against it) it was an enormous, overwhelming relief. 

I understood Richard Pryor, the African Americans in the audience understood Richard Pryor 
and Richard Pryor and the African Americans understood me. 

He was right up front, saying it all clearly and without restraint. He wasn't being polite and pretending 
that race wasn't an issue. And it didn't matter. Nobody, not one person, in that audience was angry. 
In fact, not one person in that audience was anything but doubled over in paroxysms of hysterical laughter. 
He had our number, all of us, the whole flawed species.
 

  Comments?

Eugene McCarthy dies at 89

 Link

 Excerpt:
Former Minnesota Sen. Eugene J. McCarthy, whose insurgent campaign toppled a sitting president in 1968 
and forced the Democratic Party to take seriously his message against the Vietnam War, died Saturday. 
He was 89. McCarthy died in his sleep at assisted living home in the Georgetown neighborhood where 
he had lived for the past few years, said his son, Michael.
 

  Comments?

His first stand-up concert,
the writing and delivering - for my money - 
this was and still is The Bible of stand-up comedy

Click to Order

..a shot of Chinaco for Richard Pryor.

  Comments?

Mission to be decided
  by Joe Conason

 Link

 Excerpt:
Howard Dean said exactly the wrong thing the other day. By suggesting that the war "cannot be won"
by our troops, he provided Bush with a badly needed distraction from his failing policies. His clumsy remark
also served to highlight the divisions among Democrats over the war and their difficulty in formulating a plausible
alternative, and to isolate him from other party leaders who don't want to be associated with his remarks.
 

Dean screwed up - he broke Bart's Law Number One:

> Bart's Law #1

> Don't EVER tell the truth in a political campaign.
> People want to be lied to.
 

  Comments?

Blue balls

Maybe girls don't know, for men, there's a very real condition known as "blue balls."
I've had it, and it's not a myth, it's damn real and I know because I've felt the pain.

I don't know what medical science calls it, but if a boy gets very sexually excited without 
an eventual release, his testicles begin to ache like a sore tooth - but "down there."

Why do I bring this up?
Because it reminds me of the funniest sentence to ever come out of Richard Pryor's mouth.

I haven't seen the clip in years, so I'll have to fill in the foggy parts, but Richard's dad was a mean drunk. 
One night, Richard was heading out on a date and his Dad said, "Bring me back a newspaper!!! 
Don't you dare come home without a newspaper, boy, you understand me?"

Richard was hoping to score that night, and he was all kinds of ready for his release but the girl
refused to give him any, so he went home with blue balls - and  he forgot his dad's newspaper.

When he got home without the paper, Dad started pulling off his belt saying, 
"Boy, I'm gonna whip your ass like crazy!" to which Richard replied,  "Can I jack off first?"
 

That floored me.
I couldn't stop laughing.
No other comic even thought about being that dirty or that funny back then.

He could take the ass-whoppin' - no problem there.
But first he had to get rid of his BIG problem.

That might be the funniest line I've ever heard.
 

  Comments?

The Memorial Service

You know every comedian in the world is going to be there.
Who is going to be "too busy" to show his or her respects to Richard Pryor?

Dave and Jay and Jon and everybody else should run a repeat that day so they can
fly to Los Angeles and pay tribute to the man who opened all the comedy doors.

Without Richard, comedy might still be, "My wife's cooking is so bad..."
This may be the biggest loss in the history of comedy.

I don't care if you're in Japan or working a cruise ship or whatever...
If you're somebody in the comedy world, you better be at that memorial.

What would be extra cool is if HBO had cameras there, because you know everyone
will have a Richard story they'll want to tell and I'd like to hear every one of them and
the stick-up-their-ass networks would censor and bleep everything anybody said so 
only HBO or Showtime could do the job right.

If you know someone at HBO or Showtime, call them right now and tell them.

We only get one chance to say goodbye to The King.
 

  Comments?

Be sure to visit  richardpryor.com,  too.

Paris Hilton heats up Xmas
 I say "Xmas" to piss off O'Reilly

 Link

 Excerpt:
Some neighbors aren't thrilled with Joseph Moretti's wild holiday display.
He made Paris Hilton pictures the center of his display this year.
He said he met her and was impressed with how nice she was.
But stick-up-the-butt Republicans hate the sexy photos on Moretti's front lawn.
 

  Comments?

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Because of you, I'm able to pressure Bush's cowardly ass full-time.

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