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BET to air Richard Pryor Special Tonight - Monday
 Jacque Reid will host "Richard Pryor: The Funniest Man Dead or Alive," at 7:30 p.m. EST.
(with an encore at 11 p.m.) featuring Jesse Jackson; Dave Chappelle, Chris Tucker, 
 Dick Gregory, Wanda Sykes, Paul Mooney, Mike Epps, Tracey Morgan, Mo'Nique, 
 Charlie Murphy, Alex Thomas, Steve Harvey and Lorne Michaels.

Pryor's wife and caregiver Jennifer Lee Pryor and other family members will also share anecdotes.   

BET salutes Pryor on Dec. 22 with, "Jo Jo Dancer, Your Life is Calling," at 9 p.m. 
 

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In Today's Tequila Treehouse... Safe for Theocracy  Bush's privacy rapes  Frist caught skimming  Columnist suspended  Jimmy Page Knighted Hot Monkey Mail Now Ode to Richard Rumsfeld Spies  Amber Brkich Poker   Quote of the Day "In the war on terror, we cannot afford to   be without this law for a single moment."        -- Dubya, on senators blocking the Patriot Act,   Link    But Monkey, the "law" you say you need   is actually the dismantling of the Bill of Rights.  You lied again.  I'm f-ing shocked.

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Quotes

Bush says his illegal, unconstitutional secret domestic spying program is "critical to saving American lives."
But that means following the United States Constitution is killing people.

Why do elected Democrats let him get away with lying and spying and stealing and killing?
 

 "We're afraid, Bart.     Mr Rove doesn't like it when we speak up."
 

  Comments?

Making the World Safe for Theocracy
  by Ivan Eland as seen on  consortiumnews.com

 Link

 Excerpt:
The Grand Ayatollah Ali al-Sistani, the most revered Shi'ite Muslim cleric in Iraq, has indirectly
ordered fellow Shi'a to cast their ballots for representatives of the Shi'ite religious parties that now
control the interim Iraqi government. A permanent Shi'ite-Kurdish government may prove even
more intransigent than the interim government in addressing Sunni concerns about being cut out
of Iraq's oil revenues—thus accelerating the incipient civil war in that nation.

The ever over-confident Bush administration, controlling the levers of authority in the globe's only
hyperpower, has never really bothered to understand important characteristics of nations it invades.
In its lust for the rhetoric of "spreading democracy," the administration has failed to notice that the
term means something different in countries with little democratic experience, such as Afghanistan
and Iraq, than it does in the United States.
 

Are soldiers are dying so Iran can control a now-religiously-insane Iraq?

Why is that a good idea, George?
 

 Comments?

Subject: 'Pat' from last issue

This "Pat"  (like SNL's Pat) seems to be amorphic...can't quite get a handle on their sex.
I'm guessing it is a woman though.  Cause there ain't a man alive that was once 15 and
wouldn't want to be man handled by a god looking lady teacher.  Hell I remember having
fantasies at that age about some dog ugly teachers.

Hey lady (Pat),  teenage boys get woodies in class listening to a teacher talk about Paul Revere.
You can't tell be these boys are ruined by their experience....spoiled yes...ruined no.
They probably weren't virgins anyway.

Was she guilty of poor jugement?
Yes,   but why can't I be a kid again.

Jim, from where polygamy is winked at
 

 Comments?

 Quotes

"We have a president, not a king, and that's the way he's talking.
What he's doing, I believe, is illegal.
And it's really quite a shocking moment in the history of our country.'"
     --Senator Russ Feingold, sounding like he's been reading you-know-what,   Link
 

Will Russ Fiengold follow thru on his bluff to filibuster the Patriot Act?
If he does, he could vault right near the top of the BartCop Heroes Hall of Fame.

I just made that up, there is no such thing.

But there could be - if we could get someone to stand the "F" up.
 

  Comments?

Bush: I OK'd privacy rapes
 America has no Constitution

 Link

 Excerpt:
Bush says he has no intention of stopping his secret eavesdropping program in the U.S.,
lashing out at those involved in revealing it while defending it as crucial to preventing future attacks.

"This is a highly classified program that is crucial to our national security  BFEE power-snatch," he said.

"This authorization is a vital tool. It is critical to saving American lives  stealing elections and getting richer.
. The American people expect me to do everything in my power, under our laws and Constitution, to protect them
and their civil liberties and that is exactly what I will continue to do as long as I am president," he huffed.

Angry members of Congress have demanded an explanation of the program, first revealed in Friday's New York
Whore Times and whether the secret eavesdropping program violates civil liberties. One Democrat said that Bush
was acting more like a king than the elected president of a democracy.

Bush said the program was narrowly designed and used "consistent with U.S. law and the Constitution."

Horseshit!
If it's legal, why did you keep it a secret?

And why did the New York Whore Times sit on this story for a year?
Again and again, the NYWTimes is Cheney's personal playtoy.
They hire shills for the White House to justify Bush's hardon for oil.
They plant stories by the dozen, then claim, "Even the liberal NYTimes agrees with us.".
 
 

Bush said they only secretly eavesdrop on people inside the United States who have been determined
to have "a clear link" to al-Qaida or related terrorist organizations.

Yeah, like the missing Texas Democrats who were tracked down by Tom Delay using the Patriot Act?

Y'know, it's bad when an honest and wise man has unstoppable power.
It's worse when crooked, bloody-handed sons of bitches have unstoppable power.
 

 Comments?

Subject: they let Zarqawi go?

Bart,

I may be confusing my Evil-Doers-Of-the-Month here,
but isn't Zarqawi famous for the artificial leg he supposedly got in Iraq?

The same artificial leg that helped him leap from a truck and disappear the last time we 'almost'
had him and had to settle for the cast of thousands in the Number 2 and Number 3 positions?

And they let him go?
How many guys with artificial legs do they have over there, any way?

Dave from Ohio
 

How many 6-foot, 6-inch terrorists are dragging a dialysis machine around their cave? (Osama)
 

 Comments?

Frist skimming from AIDS charity

 Link

 Excerpt:
Bill Frist's fake charity has been paying cronies nearly a half-million dollars in "consulting fees," tax returns show. . 

The returns for World of Hope Inc. also show the charity raised most of its $4.4 million from just 18 sources. 
They gave between $97,950 and $267,735 each to help fund Frist's efforts to fight AIDS.
The tax forms, filed nine months after they were first due, do not identify the 18 major donors by name.
 

I wonder how much Jack Abramoff donated to this "charity" that pays Frist cronies?
Every dollar stolen from that charity was laundered and given to Frist's friends.

I'm so old, I remember stealing from charity was frowned upon.
 

  Comments?

Subject: last issue's Ann Coulter picture

Bart,

There is something wrong with that Ann Coulter picture:
You can't see her penis or Sean Hannity's feet sticking out of her ass.

Ryan
The Pittsburgh Poker Shark,
formerly known as the The Chicago Poker Shark.
Same fish, different pond..cough cough
 

Dude, we missed you Chicago Pokerfest 2005.
Pokerfest 2006will be in a city of blinding lights.
 

 Comments?

Ode to Richard Pryor
 ...as seen on  blackcommentator.com

 Link

 Excerpt:
Even when his routine was generously sprinkled with "Nigger" and "bitch,"
he was laying down a vocabulary of empowerment.

Rich made it clear, he made it real and his humor made it bearable. Rich took the dialogue of the street corner,
the barbershop, the Black church, the Black family and the Black community and aimed it at mainstream America
with laser-like focus - revealing white America's true thoughts and intentions about race and racism without even trying to.
That was the true social genius of Richard Pryor. He was the incidental activist, the disaffected philosopher.
He concerned himself first and foremost with answering the question: Is it funny?
 
 

  Comments?

Both sides want Bush spying probe
 The GOP is starting to hate Bush, too

 Link

 Excerpt:
Democrats and Republicans called separately Sunday for congressional investigations into Bush's
decision after 9-11 to allow domestic eavesdropping without court approval.

"The president has, I think, made up a law that we never passed," said Sen. Russell Feingold, D-Wis.

Sen. Arlen Specter said he intends to hold hearings.
"They talk about constitutional authority," Specter said.
"There are limits as to what the president can do."

Harry Reid also called for an investigation, and House Democratic leaders asked
the Sweaty Wrestler to create a bipartisan panel to do the same.
 

  Comments?

Subject: hot for teacher

Bart, that 'Pat' person wrote:

> "I used to love your site, but now I hate you."

Ha ha

Isn't it great to see all your hard work and dedication
get tossed in the dumpster over a tongue-in-cheek comment?
 by
 
 

  Comments?

Subject: Church bastards

I'm certain you took the preacher's quote out of context, because that is just what you people do.
However, in case you actually didn't, here is what the preacher was trying to say.

"We're no longer allowed to sing Christmas carols IN PUBLIC,
or wish anyone a Merry Christmas IN PUBLIC, or display nativity scenes IN PUBLIC
because some ACLU loving, pinko commie secularist lunatic bastard might be offended and sue."

Hope that cleared it up for you.
Brandt the Troublemaker
 
 

Brandt, who is stopping them from singing?
Have you seen a lot of "Christmas carol" arrests on your local news?

I guarantee, you and your religious-nut friends CAN sing in public, 
you CAN wish everyone a Merry Christmas and you CAN 
display the nativity scene on any property that you own.

To suggest someone is stopping you just proves you're searching for clues in all the wrong places.

Maybe we should try the reverse:
Do *I* have the right to carve thousand-pound granite letters that spell out,
"Stop being an idiot - there is no God," and put that on the Courthouse lawn?

No?
Why not?

Is it because I have no right to hijack the property owned by the county?
Is it because my personal beliefs shouldn't be endorsed by the state?
Is it because government belongs at the courthouse and religion belongs in church?
 

 Comments?

Scottie the Underbear's Daily Denial

"I did not have sex with woman-beater John Fund.
 No wait, ...I did, ...but it was prison sex... Does that count?"
 

 "I beat women - Got any?"
 

 Comments?

Quotes

"Who cares if the Patriot Act get's renewed.
Want to abuse our civil liberties-Just do it!
Who cares about the Geneva conventions?
Want to torture prisoners-Just do it!
Who cares about rules concerning the identity of CIA gents.
Want to reveal the name of a covert operative? Just do it!
Who cares about whether the intelligence concerning WMD's is accurate.
You want to invade Iraq? Just do it.
Who cares about qualifications to serve on the nation's highest court.
Want to nominate a personal friend with no qualifications? Just do it.
And the latest outrage, which I read about in "The New York Times" this morning,
who cares about needing a court order to eavesdrop on American citizens.
Want to wiretap their phones conversations? Just do it...
What a joke.  A very cruel, very sad joke."
      --Jack Cafferty,    Link
 

After half a decade of being screwed by Bush, Jack I-f-ing-hate-Clinton Cafferty finally
discovers that indeed, there are worse presidential crimes than lying about having a girlfriend.
 

 Comments?

Whore columnist suspended
  The press likes to pretend they have ethics

 Link

 Excerpt:
The Copley News Service is suspending syndicated columnist Doug Bandow while it investigates
allegations he accepted payments from Jack Abramoff to write positive stories about Abramoff's clients.

"It has never been our policy to distribute work paid for by third parties whose role is not disclosed
by the columnist," said Glenda Winders, vice president and editor of CNS.

On Thursday, Bandow resigned from the Cato Institute after confirming a report by BusinessWhore Online
that said Abramoff paid him for writing between a dozen and 24 articles over nearly a decade.
The Washington think-tank's Web site Friday referred to Bandow as a "former senior fellow."
 

The GOP has to lie because the truth makes them look so bad.
Bush had to pay people to say his "No Child Left Behind" was a good program.
Bush has to pay reporters to say his bloody Iraq quagmire is a great success.

If America had a free press and tyhe right to have our votes counted
we could, one day, return to being a great nation,

  Comments?

Subject: Hi from Kerry

My Dear Bart,

Thank you and your 'angels' for the generous check you sent me.
That and all you have done for me has made this the best Christmas I have ever had.

As soon as the weather clears I will go to the bank and then to Klamath Falls and
spend a bit of it for some special things I have not had in a long while.

A box of chocolates for one and a steak and maybe a small bottle of some nice brandy
to sip on while I soak in a tub full of hot water and bubbles and listen to symphony music.  LOL

Kerry, I know the top chocolatiers in the whole world.
They are The South's Finest Chocolate Factory
They own chocolate like John Kerry wife own ketchup!
I'll contact them and see if I can get you a box o' chocolates..
 

The rest I will save until weather warms up and use for gas to get to Dorris and Alturas to get
some new eye glasses and my dental work done, so you know how much I appreciate the gift.

Big Hugz to all,
Kerry, HRH & Kalliope

P.S.  If you don't hear from me I will probably be "waterboarding"
         in some undisclosed location with the rest of the "terrists" below!  LOL
 

 Rumsfeld Spies on Quakers and Grannies

  Link

 Excerpt:
The Pentagon also surveilled Code Pink and the Raging Grannies in Northern California, starting
a file on a November 10, 2004, protest at the Sacramento Military Entrance Processing Station
("Disposition: Open/Unresolved," the document states) and a May 7, 2005, counter-recruiting
protest at the San Francisco Recruiting Station ("probably peaceful," it notes).
 

  Comments?

 Subject: Hilliary's Quislinghood-by-proxy

Bart:

What's with Hilliary?  First, she comes out against burning the flag - but nary a word about
the Constitution's being "just a piece of paper"? And now she's actively  working for a three
month extension to the Patriot Act, instead of aiding Feingold with his plans to filibuster it.

Where's her leadership?
She's coming across more and more as a milquetoast Machiavelli, more at home with political
ass-covering and maintaining her stature than leading a Democrat drive to stop the rape of America.

Matt
 

Matt, if Hillary joins the fight too soon she could lose the White House.
We want to take it back, don't we?

But yes, shame on all the other Democrats who remain silent.
 
 

 Subject: Hilliary

Bart, last issue Dave wrote:

> "And I'm supposed to back someone that won't fight for themself?  Been there, done that. "

Personally, I'd prefer to back someone who would fight FOR US.
Notice that Ms. Clinton, Mr. Kerry, and Mr. Biden are all curiously silent on
the NSA spying issue that might well provide grounds for impeachment.

Note that each member of this trio has plans to possibly run in 2008.
Note that they have put their personal politics above a violation of the Fourth Amendment
of the Constitution, which the president took AN OATH to protect and defend.

Note that three are absolute whores who are spending too much time lying on their backs collecting money.
But I forgot, their just fighting for themselves.
RM
 

RM, I agree, Kerry and Biden should be screaming their heads off.
Neither has a chance to be president. They need to do their damn jobs.

Every member of congress is a whore.
You have to raise - what is it - $10,000 a day to stay in power?

I trust that Hillary is ruthless and cunning enough to pull this off.
 

  Comments?

FOX News and our "stolen" Christmas

  Link

 
 Too hot for an excerpt.
 

 Comments?

Subject: Redskins kicking Cowboy ass

Hey Bart,

Ain't it great when the self-rightous Cowboys get their golden asses kicked?
As a life long Virginia girl I am smiling.

Anytime the Cowboys lose, it's a great day!
 

Almost makes up for being laid off this week,  not quite.  :)
Hope you're doing well and a very Happy Secular non-insane Christmas ;)

Love and regards,
Nancy

P.S.  Here's a very cute picture of my cat Pad Thai in the Christmas Tree.

Nancy, thanks for that.
 

 Comments?

   Click

Subject: donation

Bart, may your Christmas be the Merriest!
Peggy in Georgia
 

Peggy, thanks.
Send me your e-mail address so I can give you a subscription.
You have a package coming your way, too.
 

You can donate with PayPal...or  snail mail.

 bartcop.com
 PO Box 54466
 Tulsa, OK  74155

  Click  Here  to subscribe or donate

..

  Comments?

Jimmy Page Knighted
 It's "Sir" Black Magik now

 Link

 Excerpt:
Legendary guitarist Jimmy Page received his Officer Of The Order Of The British Empire (OBE)
from Britich Monarch Queen Elizabeth II in London on December 14.

Oh, that Queen Elizabeth II? The British Monarch Queen Elizabeth II?
 

The Only True God, 61, was honoured by the Queen for his tireless campaigning for poor Brazilian children.

I heard on Randi Rhodes that after knighting him, the Queen said to Page,
"No Dude, you rule."
 

  Comments?

Subject: size matters

Bart:

In my former career as an Aerospace Engineer (I'm retired now) going back to the fifties
and involved with the analysis and evaluation of  missile and rocket systems, both USA
and Soviet, we used methods common in the science of comparative analysis.

Assume King Kong is 25 feet tall.
The average male silver-back gorilla is  around 5 feet tall and 500 lbs. according to the Encyclopedia  Britannica.
If the height increases 5 times, it's reasonable to  assume that other dimensions increase 5 times; e. g., the hands
are 5  times wider and 5 times thicker, the feet also, legs, bones, head,  etc.   Weight, however, is a function of volume.

Thus, volume  increase ratio is the cube of the length increase ratio.  The volume  increase is therefore 125 times.
Kong's weight should therefore be  500 x 125 or 62,500 lbs. or around 31 tons.  I don't think his bones would
support that amount of weight.  The cross-sectional area of his  bones increase by a factor of 25 but the average
(weight related) stress (lbs./sq. in.) goes up by 5.  Same for his muscles.  He  certainly wouldn't be as agile as
portrayed in the film trailers I've seen.  He probably would be able to move like one of those 100 ton dinosaurs.

Oh well, it's mythology (and literary license)  anywise.  It's the curse of being a skeptic.
Keep on hammering,
RJ
 
 

 Comments?

Whore Mag honors Bono, Gates

 Link

 Excerpt:
Time Whore magazine has named Bill and Melinda Gates and Bono its "Persons of the Year,"
citing their charitable work and activism aimed at reducing global poverty and improving world health.

Bono has earned a remarkable number of political allies around the world and in Washington,
where he has courted politicians from both major parties, Time said.

"Bono's great gift is to take what has made him famous — charm, clarity of voice, an ability to
touch people in their secret heart — combine those traits with a keen grasp of the political game
and obsessive attention to detail, and channel it all toward getting everyone, from world leaders
to music lovers, to engage with something overwhelming in its complexity," it said.
 

Note: TIME doesn't mean it.
They are a whore magazine that would praise Mohammed Atta if it would boost circulation.

Sidebar:
Why is Melinda Gates honored?
Does she front the biggest, most politically-influencial supergroup in the world?
Did she steal someone's operating system and improve it and become super-rich?
 

 Comments?

Subject: The Dem 'insurgency'

It is the opinion of this writer (Whose I.Q. of 60 is below yours, Bart) that Bill Clinton was
the best President of the last 50 years. I wonder how much more his administration could have
accomplished if so much time (and tax-payers $) weren't spent removing all the knives from his back.

The Republicans always harken back to his administration to shift or assign blame for the failed
policies of the Monkey. Clinton did an amazing job considering how much sword play was going on.
Perhaps the "lifers" in Congress might have better served us by paying more attention to Osama and
national security than a stained blue dress. I can't help but wonder how much MORE effective the
Big Dog would have been if these so-called "public servants" had kept their eyes on the big picture.

It's real easy to say your neighbor is a bad farmer when you piss on his crops at every oppurtunity.

Keep swingin' the hammer, Bart
Jimmy Bones
 

  Comments?

The night before Fitzmas
    submitted by The Roof Lady

 Link

 Excerpt:
'Twas the night before Fitzmas, and in the White House
Every one was scared shitless, and Bush was quite soused.
The indictments were hanging like Damocles' sword
As verminous oxen prepared to be gored.

The perps were all sleepless, curled fetal in bed,
While visions of prison cells loomed in each head.
And Dick in his jammies and George in his lap
Were sweating and swearing and looking like crap.
 
 

 Comments?

 We lost John Spencer

 Link

 Excerpt:
Spencer played Leo McGarry, the savvy and powerful chief of staff to President Bartlet.
"John was an uncommonly good man, an exceptional role model and a brilliant actor," said Aaron Sorkin,
the genius who created the series, and Tommy Schlamme, an executive producers, in a joint statement.
 

Like most of us, I met John Spencer on LA Law, one of TV's first great series.
Maybe it was talent or maybe it was luck, but he was on two monster shows, West Wing being the second.

Probably my favorite-ever West Wing was the "Pockets" episode, where beat-to-hell Jed had a psychic visit
from dead Mrs. Landingham where she told him she'd always back him as long as he kept trying, but if he was
going to pussy out like a senate Democrat, well, then, "I don't even want to know you."

We were in Arcadia National Park the night we saw the "Pockets" episode, 100 days before 9-11.
(All praise to Mark Knopfler for his "Brothers in Arms" closing guitar solo, seared into my brain now...)

After Jed told Leo he decided to cave in, Leo warned the others to be prepared for the worst.
But when Leo saw his old friend on TV making the speech, when he saw the spark in his eye,
he realized that the lion was still hungry and he underplayed it with a simple, "I'd watch."

They say this is West Wing's last season.
Do they have abother dozen shows to go?
Will they have to write this into the series?
 

  Comments?

Subject: 'a laurel and hardy handshake'

Hey, Bart.
Still love the site (mostly.)

Wait, is that because I love to torture people?
 

Your reference to, "A laurel and hardy Thank you," rings a bell with me, but I can't place it.
What was it from?

Thanks.
Sally

P.S.  I was going to send you a million dollars, but then you wrote something that bothered me.
 

ha ha

Sorry, Tom Cruise can act, Rosie O'Donnell is a true friend, Tiger Woo   is God with a putter,
Ted Nugent can play guitar, Bush is smart and the Dallas Cowboys will win the Super Bowl!

ha ha
 

That's from Blazing Saddles...

Some night we should get sloshed and go thru Blazing Saddles a line at a time and pick out
which were Richard's and which were Mel's.   (Mel wrote the laurel & hardy" line.)
 

 Comments?

Housekeeping

Anybody got any good ideas about how to increase subscriptions?
I mean, besides, "Do more radio, more pages and do them better..."

Thinking up subscription ideas is hard work.
My brain hurt for days after coming up with the Triple Triple idea.
 

I do, Bart - I got so many good subscription ideas
I should probably be your subscription idea manager.

Pop Quiz Answer

Angela said, "You might recognize my dad."
Her famous Dad showed up, and in a classy move, they never
mentioned his name or the "organization" with which he is affiliated.

 It was Billy Gibbons
 

 Comments?

Subject: Der Monkey

Why does W take so many deliberate actions that seem to scream out that he hates us for our freedoms?

Maybe the Congress should demand the names of all those thousands of people who were spied upon
to see if there is an abuse of power, to see if those voicing their constitutional right of free speech by
dissenting were targeted in a disporportionate and goodly number of cases for if so: would it not
clearly indicate W hates us for our freedoms?

(withheld)
 

 Comments?

Amber Brkich charity poker

.

 Link

 Excerpt:
Tournament participants included Rob Mariano and Amber Brkich ("Survivor")
Dule Hill ("The West Wing"); Peter Berg; Snoop Dogg and Wanda Sykes.
 

  Comments?

A laurel and hardy "Thank you" to bartcop.com  subscribers.
Because of you, I'm able to pressure Bush's cowardly ass full-time.

 Read the  Previous Issue
 

 It had  everything.

 Copyright © 2005, bartcop.com

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