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Quote of the Day "You know, I know gas prices are high.    There's no magic wand to wave."       -- Dubya,    Link    The Commander-in-Thief, giving us a preview of his, "Sorry there's no money left for Social Security   or Medicare and there's no magic wand," speech.  Trust me, that's coming.

In Today's Tequila Treehouse... Bush's Hypocrisy  Tax Evaders & McCain  Tony Snow (R-Whore)  The GOP is Screwed  Four Years Ago Today  Glenn Beck Punked  The Death Penalty  20 Facts About Voting  Keira Knightley Ads

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Quotes

"There was bombings today in Egypt."
    -- Der Monkey, a product of Yale,   Link
 

  Comments?

Bush's Hypocrisy: Cuban Terrorists

 Link

 Excerpt:
Like an aging rock star singing a beloved oldie, George W. Bush can count on cheers whenever he delivers
a favorite line from the Bush Doctrine enunciated after the Sept. 11, 2001, terror attacks: Any country that
harbors a terrorist is equally guilty as the terrorist.

Bush got a round of applause at an Indianapolis speech on March 24, 2006, when he declared "one of the
lessons learned after September the 11th is that we must hold people to account for harboring terrorists.
If you harbor a terrorist, if you feed a terrorist, if you house a terrorist, you're as equally guilty as the terrorist."

But the moral clarity grows hazy when it's Bush and his family doing the harboring of right-wing Cuban terrorists.
 

Note: consortiumnews.com  is the most important site on the internet

 Comments?

Tax Evaders for John McCain

 Link

 Excerpt:
By now, thanks to ABC News, we know that John McCain took contributions from the Wyly Brothers
of "Republicans for Clean Air" fame. In 2000, the Brothers ran $2.5 million in anti-McCain ads in key
primary states. At the time, McCain told them to "keep their dirty money in the state of Texas."

Maybe the "dirty" part doesn't apply to money McCain goes to Texas to pick up
as the Wylys are cohosting a fundraiser for him in Dallas.

Regardless, McCain still has to deal with the fact that the Wylys are still under investigation
by a federal grand jury and a U.S. Senate subcommittee for tax evasion.
 

I'm so old, I remember when McCain has an ounce of self-respect. I remember when
he was a man, back before he became a slug for the goons that mocked his family.

How caaaaaaaaaaaan McCain be that stupid, to think the BFEE is going to make him president?

He's going to be reeeeeal pissed of when they screw him.
Why can't he see that coming?

 Comments?

Snow Makes Whoredom Official

"I whore for Bush"

 Link

 Excerpt:
Bush on Wednesday named Uber Nazi Tony Snow as Official White House Liar,
putting a new, yet very old face on an administration racked with lies and scandal..

Snow, a Fox news whore with 600,000 miles on him, replaced Scottie the Underbear
who resigned in a personnel shuffle intended to re-energize the Bush White House and
lift the president's you-wouldn't-believe-how-low-they-are approval ratings.

"My job is to steal money and kill soldiers, and his job is to cover for me to the press corps
and the American people," Bush said, with Snow and The Underbear at his side, beaming.
 

 Comments?

Why the GOP is Screwed

 Link

 Excerpt:
Bush's approval rating is at an all-time low, gas prices are near an all-time high, and Iraq continues to burn.
Voters have an even lower opinion of the GOP-controlled Congress. Ideological disputes within the party
make it hard for believers to pick sides, and incompetence at the top makes it difficult to follow through on
the agenda items Republicans do agree on, like reducing the deficit. Bad news from Iraq and any number of
scandals tied to the GOP erupt regularly. A month ago, the Republican political class was merely worried.
Now its members are talking about "avoiding catastrophic losses." Conversations about the state of the party
used to have two parts: all the bad news followed by signs of hope. I'm just hearing a one-act play now.
 

 Comments?

Subject: gas prices

The U.S. consumes 40% of the world's gasoline and makes up only 5% of the population.
People whine and moan but they still drive their gas hogs, when they could get off their fat
American asses and walk on occasion or ride a bike, take public transport.

If we could cut our consumption by 10% that would be an extra 2,000,000 barrels each day.
Supplies would increase, prices would decrease,  our air would be less polluted, it would curb
greenhouse emissions and we might even drop a few pounds and live longer.
We must change our lifestyle and bad habits.

JD
San Marcos, Texas
 

JD, we must vote Democrat, too.
Team Bush manufactured this "crisis."

With Clinton, we had dirt-cheap gas and zero dead soldiers.
 

 Comments?

Quotes

"We're going to do something about energy.
  I aim to be a competitive nation."
     -- Dubya, who'd be our funniest president if it wasn't for all the blood,  Link
 

 Comments?

Subject: road sign spotted on Maui

Hey there Bart!
We took a field trip on Sunday and came across this little gem.
Fortunately, I brought the camera :-)

Aloha,
Michelle (and Brian)
 

  Comments?

Four years ago today...

...over 200 of us met at James Carville's restaurant in Washington DC
to drink Chinaco and party with some semi-famous political people.

 Click  Here  to read that story.
 

I intended to spend my entire online "career" in the Bart Cave..
This was my first time out.
 

 Comments?

Subject: lying government

People expect to be lied to.
What they really hate is to be told an unpleasant truth.

When you tell a young child that Santa brings presents, he wants to believe it's the truth.
If Santa is real, so much is possible.  It isn't a lie he choses to believe. It's reality.
He wants you to tell him a truth he wants to believe. He doesn't want to hear any other truth.

mj
 

 Comments?

Subject: Monkey Mail

Bart,

That "...glittering jewel" comment sounds like it's from The Pigboy.
He feels threatened and scared with intelligent people.

BTW, BCR Show 91 was good.
Can you maybe get that comic "Hurricane" on your show again?

Thanks,
 Jackie
 

Jackie, thanks for that.
I'll try to locate some more "Hurricane."
 

 Comments?

Glenn Beck Punked on his Own Show
 Guest translator not properly vetted, plays trick on Nazi Ass

 Link

 Excerpt:
During a rant about immigration reform, Glenn decided to have one of his callers - some guy named
Ramón - translate his sentiments for those would-be illegal immigrants too stupid to understand English.

One of Ramón's first translations was, "Glenn wants us to drink our own urine" ("Glenn quiere que nos
beben el orine"*).  Ramón mentioned Glenn sitting in his big, comfortable chair, drinking Corona beer,
and getting fat on tortillas.
 

 Comments?

Subject to the Death Penalty

 Link

 Excerpt:
Jamail presents the facts: "To keep the perspective right, let me repeat:
it is the high ranking officials in the Bush administration who are primarily responsible
for creating a situation in Iraq in which war crimes have been normalized."

Since the entire catastrophe in Iraq is primarily the president's handiwork, let it be noted that under
US Federal Law, the War Crimes Act of 1996 makes committing a war crime, defined as
" ... a grave breach in any of the international conventions signed at Geneva 12 August 1949,
or any protocol to such convention to which the United States is a party ... " punishable by
being " ... fined under this title or imprisoned for life or any term of years, or both, and if
death results to the victim, shall also be subject to the penalty of death." (Emphasis added.)"
 
 

 Comments?

Subject: Charlie Sheen

Odd that not long after Charlie Sheen spoke against the White House--he gets hit with this.
I'm not real big on conspiracy theories···.but·

Denise R
 

 Comments?

Musical Quotes

"The idea of hearing, 'Great gig, man,' one more time just turns my stomach over."
     -- Johnny Rotten, the oldest man in music,  Link
 

  Comments?

Subject: Re: "Not one drop of water will I give you..."

The late, great Bill Hicks said it best.

God: "Believe or die!"
Christian: "Thank you, forgiving Lord, for all those options!"

 Mike
 
 

  Comments?

Quotes

"A woman in El Salvador was arrested for smuggling a hand grenade in her vagina.
  In a related story, Bill Clinton is going to El Salvador to to look for WMDs."
     -- Jay Leno, eight years after impeachment, he still can't do a monolog without Clinton.
         That's the best he can do with a multi-million dollar budget and twenty writers?
         No wonder NBC fired his tired, unfunny ass.
 

  Comments?

.
Now on iTunes, just like 
See Del Castillo LIVE! Tell them "Bart says Hey!"

Thu - April 27 - Houston - Fitzgerald's
Fri - April 28 - Corpus Christi - Concrete St. Pavilion
Sat - April 29 - Austin - The Glenn @ The Backyard
Thu - May 4 - Iowa City, IA - Gabe's Oasis
Fri - May 5 - Urbandale, IA - Keyster's
Sat - May 6 - Kansas City, MO - Grand Emporium
 

 Comments?

Subject: kissing Hank's ass

 Link   (Now with working link!)

 Excerpt:
Mary: "Hi! We're here to invite you to come kiss Hank's ass with us."

Me:   "Pardon me?! What are you talking about? Who's Hank,
and why would I want to kiss His ass?"

John: "If you kiss Hank's ass, He'll give you a million dollars;
and if you don't, He'll kick the shit out of you."

Me:   "What? Is this some sort of bizarre mob shake-down?"
 

  Comments?

Subject: straight talk from the 32 % president

You knew we hated government.
Did you think we would run it with care?

You knew we scorned intellectuals.
Did you want analytical thinking?

You knew we favored wealth.
Did you think we would cherish workers?

You knew we made gutsy snap judgments.
Did you think we would plan ahead?

You wanted the down-to-earth guy clearing brush,
Not the brainy, articulate senator.

You wanted a regular guy.  You got a regular guy.
Now, get off my back!
 

Ellen Griffith
 

 Comments?

SNL Funhouse: "Conspiracy Theory Rock"

 Link
 

"Conspiracy Theory Rock" by Robert Smigel was shown on SNL in 1998, but edited out of reruns.
 

See what they don't want you to see.

Also, this Saturday's SNL is all Smigel's Funhouse and
did you know Smigel is also Triumph the Insult Comic Dog?

Click to Order

  Comments?

Oddity

Those new  stickers are our least popular stickers ever.

Our  stickers move twice as fast.

I'm surprised.
 

   Click

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Subject: Spartan Monkey in Heaven

Bartdude; you know what's really funny to me?
The sanctimonious "saved ones" who condemn others when the Bible they so love states

"Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not,
  and ye shall not be condemned, forgive, and ye shall be forgiven."
       ~Luke 6:37~
 

Isn't it sad when a "person of faith" is ignorant of his or her own scripture?
I'm an atheist and I'm more familiar with it than your Monkey Mailer.

Michael in Denver
 

 Comments?

Subject: Worse than useless

"Bart no like Dean. Dean tell truth WHOLE TIME!
 Dean STILL tell truth! He correct 100%!
 Everybody want Hillary, but she no like Dean.
 ...she no always do right thing if expensive!"

Quoting my Vietnamese court appointed attorney...

xoxo Marc
http://www.marcbohne.com
 

  Comments?

Big $$ Strike Set for May 1

Don't spend any money on May 1.
 

  Comments?

Quotes

"Fresh is clearly the order of the day at the White House. It's almost as if
  the president has pulled out his leadership keyboard and hit Ctrl--F5!"
      - Arianna Huffington,   Link
 
 

  Comments?

Subject: living in Oklahoma

Bart, I know the solution to ALL your troubles.
Move up here to Wisconsin!

Democrat governor, 2 democrat senators, (including the only democrat with
any balls, Russ Feingold,) and nowhere NEAR any Bushes!

-Ross
 

But Ross, I'd no longer be the smartest man in the state :)
 

  Comments?

Bush's Economic Typhoon

 Link

 Excerpt:
Gold traders love George Bush. They know that his blundering mismanagement of the economy will keep
gold soaring well into the future. In the last year alone gold increased nearly $200 an ounce capping off a
5 year run that has taken it from $274 per ounce to $635 at Friday's close.

These are serious numbers and they reflect the uneasiness with the global political situation (Iran, Nigeria)
as well as concern about the oceans of debt generated by our Oval Office numbskull.

After 6 years of looting the public till, the cupboard is just about bare. Bush has chalked up another $3 trillion
of public debt which sounds the death-knell for Social Security, public education, and the social safety net.
 

  Comments?

Subject: Democrats

My friend makes calls for "Friends of John Kerry."

Anyway, he's said that as of late he's had a LOT of people he's been calling tell him
that they won't give the Democratic party one more damn dime until they start fighting and winning.
When he told me this I laughed maniacally and shouted, "Bartcop!"
He just looked at me with the most  bewildered look I have ever seen...

Thought you might enjoy that, keep the truth hammer swinging strong...

-Andy
 

  Comments?

20 Facts About Voting

 Link

 Excerpt:
1. 80% of all votes in America are counted by Diebold and ES&S.

2. There is no federal agency with regulatory authority or oversight of the US voting machine industry.

3. The vice-president of Diebold and the president of ES&S are brothers.

4. The chairman and CEO of Diebold is a major Bush campaign organizer and donor who wrote in 2003
    that he was "committed to helping Ohio deliver its electoral votes to the president next year."
 

                        "So what's the problem, Bart?"
 

 Comments

Subject: re; Springsteen, you have not a clue

You know not what you talk about when you talk about Springsteen being out of material.

He was mining his unreleased catalog (for Tracks V2) when he fell (back) in love with some
sessions he did of him doing the Seeger sessions.  Sooooo, he decided instead of releasing
Tracks V2 at this time he would rerecord the Seeger sessions.

Lastly - have you heard it?  It is brilliant.
Great timeless songs done with a raucous passion by brilliant musicians.

Keep swinging, brother.
Pastor JeffD
 

Jeff, I have not heard it, but let me ask a question:

What if, instead of new material, I started recycling old Joe Conason and Gene Lyons columns
and adding my little sarcastic flourishes and printing them, saying, "I fell in love with those old columns."

Would you call that "timeless" and "brilliant?"
Or would you think I just got lazy?

I don't dislike Bruce, I just prefer rock to ancient "American classics."
 

  Comments?

It's always something...

I finally get the studio working again, now I have a sore throat.
It's not just a sore throat, I'm ten days into the worst sore throat I've ever had.

How sore is my throat?
I feel like Ann Coulter after a weekend at The Breakers with 300 Impeachment elves.

BCR 92 has a bunch of clips ready to go, but so far, no words from me.
Let's hope that changes soon.
 

  Comments?

Keira Knightley for Chanel

 Link

 Excerpt:
Chanel has selected Keira Knightley as the new face of its Coco Mademoiselle fragrance.
She will appear in Chanel ads beginning in 2007 unless she's suspected of recreational drug use.
 

  Comments

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I know you work hard for your money, so I take it as
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