Simon & Garfunkel put me to sleep 33 years ago.
They almost put me to sleep again Sunday night.
And why The Sound of Silence?
They were introduced by Dustin Hoffman, so I thought they'd do
Mrs
Robinson,
which is a livelier song, or Bridge Over Troubled Waters
since our nation is being
torn apart by the greed and malice of the Grand Usurper, but
nooooooooooo.
Next up was No
Doubt with the amazing Gwen Stefani.
That's rock n roll. I could watch her do that Keep
on Dancing song forever.
Then came Norah Jones, the big winner of the night.
I hadn't seen or heard her before - she seemed pleasant, but
not too intense.
Was it a little insensitive for her to have candles on stage,
considering Rhode Island?
By the way, Britney was up for a vocal Grammy - can you believe
that? The Grammys have the
credibility as TIME Magazine (not a compliment) They nominated
Britney not because she can sing,
but so the kids would watch. That makes the Grammys nothing more
than a whorefest. They exist only
to make more money for the Republican billionaires that own record
companies. Once a year, these
billionaires agree to go slumming with the negroes and the poor
- for the extra money....
So, we're 30 minutes into the show and nobody has said a word about stopping Bush's oil war.
Next came Faith Hill singing Cry a Little, the song that got country mad at her.
Jesus, can you believe she wore that dress?
Faith, we love ya but you're not a teenager anymore.
Your dresses should get within a light-year of your knees, at
least.
To make things worse, the K-Drag CBS affilliate was running school
closings
because it snowed so they scrunched the picture, making Faith's
dress even shorter
CBS would only show her from the waist up (shades of Elvis) unless
the camera
was really, really far away. She sang her ass off, tho.
Vanessa Carlton?
I don't get it.
John Mayer?
No way.
Who are these people?
James Taylor and Yoyo Ma?
I would've rather heard Yoyo by himself.
Taylor's another one of those sleep-inducing dudes.
The Dixie Chicks were next.
I don't understand the Dixie Chicks.
They're country, and no babes in the group.
I mean, what's the point?
So, we're an hour into the show and still nobody has said a word about the war.
..
Kylie Minogue, selling her product, sex.
It's not that I'm against selling sex.
I think legalize prostitution makes all the goddamn sense in
the world.
The GOP is always screaming about "less
government," until it gets to sex.
Then we need a Washington bureaucrat to micro-manage our sex
lives.
It's just more proof that they are lying!
Next up was Coldplay with the New York Philharmonic.
I didn't really understand what that song was trying to do, but
I mostly liked it.
It damn sure could've used some Shirley Manson hooks, that's
for sure.
Then Robin Williams won for "Funny CD" or whatever, and HE was
quiet.
Well, he made a joke about Jesse Helms and Trent Lott, but otherwise
he "behaved."
So, we're 90 minutes into the show and still nobody has said a word about the war.
How embarrassing for the United States.
A room full of rock n roll millionaire and billionaire rebels,
and everybody was
showing respect for the Idiot Warmonster and dissing Free Speech.
I guess that almighty dollar means soooo much to them.
For instance, what could CBS do to Dustin Hoffman?
Ban him from their lil' Nazi network?
What could they do to Robin Williams? Or Eminem?
Why is everybody bowing down to the Illegal King?
Fuck that.
It makes me sick to see people cower in fear.
By my count, so far we've had only one good rock act - No Doubt,
but that was about to change with the appearance of Avril Lavigne.
The first shot we saw of Avril was from behind while she showed
the audience
something written on the lining of her jacket. I jumped up and
down with excitement
because I thought she'd written down some anti-war statement,
and CBS shot her from
behind to hide the scandalous message of peace she might
have tried to convey
I told Mrs Bart it was a goddamn shame that an 18-year old
girl from Canada
had to remind America what Freedom of Speech was all about.
Turns out all her coat said was "Rock
on."
Damn, I was really pulling for her to be the hero of the night.
Her song Sk8r Boi was a hopper tho. It got the crowd back
in the evening.
I first saw Avril about six months ago, and she's gotten a lot
better.
Sidebar:
No Doubt won some award and when they came
out to accept the trophy I saw that their
drummer was wearing a bra under his sport
coat. Hey, if a guy wears a bra on TV,
he better be a damn good drummer
in one of the best bands on the planet.
Finally, 109 minutes into the show, America got a sliver of Free
Speech.
And of all people, it came from Fred Durst, Nailer of Britney.
He said, "We gotta get this war thing
over as soon as possible," which is an awkwardly
worded statement that could go either way, but I trust that he
meant "Stop this senseless war."
Then came The Boss doing The Rising.
I actually started getting into Bruce this time.
I saw the Bruce magic everyone's been talking about for 20 years.
Hey, this guy's good.
At some point, N' Sync did an a capela Bee Gees medley
that I surprisingly enjoyed.
I never was much of a Bee Gees fan, and Koresh forbid I don't
know any N Sync songs
besides Bye, Bye, Bye, but somehow it didn't offend me.
Must be part of getting old.
I see a note I wrote to myself that says, "Ashanti and the
kids were cool. She's a hottie,"
but I forget what she/they did.
Now we're 140 minutes into the show, and Fred Durst is my only
hero.
Fred Durst, he lives the life. I don't know anything about
Limp Biscuit, but I saw him
at some British awards show sitting next to Jimmy Page, and that
gives him cred.
Putting the nail on Britney gives him cred, and now he gets a
nod on bartcop.com.
Fred Durst, he lives the life.
Next up is Eminem. Hey, I tried to hate him but it wouldn't stick.
We can hate Eminem all we want, but he's not going away. He ripped
off the name
of one of the best non-South's Finest Chocolate treats ever.
But like with Limp Biscuit
and John Mayer and the others, I don't know that much about Eminem.
They say he's a gay-basher, but if Elton says he's cool, I should
argue?
Enimem is on fire.
He works a camera like f-ing Madonna.
If my notes are correct, Eminem wore a shirt saying "Free
Yayo."
I know as much about Yayo as I do John Mayer, Norah Jones,
et al,
but it would've been cooler if his shirt said, "Free America."
I guess we'll have to wait a little longer for that t-shirt.
Sidebar:
I didn't find out until late on Monday
that Avril wasn't the hero.
I schlupt my ass out to Best Buy to buy
her CD as a payback for having balls.
In K-Drag Monday, it was ultra-snow and
16 degrees, and here I am at Best Buy
buying a CD to thank a gal who wrote "Rock
On" on the inseam of her coat.
Clarification:
Avril didn't do anything wrong.
I mistakenly jumped to a wrong conclusion
and it's not her fault
Sheryl Crow and (choke) Kid Rock
did a song.
Sheryl had "No War" on her guitar strap, a shot of Chinaco
for Sheryl Crow's balls.
OK, brace yourself, because now were getting down to real f-ing business.
Guy from the crowd yells, "Bring it home, Bart!" so I will.
It was one of the coolest things I've ever seen.
At the Grammy's, they did a "Goodbye" to recently-departed rock
stars, Dave Bell, Otis Blackwell,
Lisa Lopes, Layne Staley, Rosemary Clooney, John Entwhistle,
Peggy Lee, Dee Dee Ramone,
and at the very end they flashed Joe Strummer's picture and the
Red Sea parted.
As the giant TV screens faded like senate Democrats, you could
hear the roar of the
opening chords to London Calling, and there was
some pretty good guys in the band.
Bruce, Silvio, Foo Fightin' Dave and Elvis Costello on guitar
and vocals
with the No Doubt rythym section.
ha ha
Bruce shouted, "This one's for Joe!"
Gave me chills.
The roar from the crowd was incredible.
It was f-ing monster!
I'm going to play that on the first BartCop Radio Show!
Jesus, could they have played that with any more heart?
Bruce sang a line,
Silvio sang a line,
Elvis sang a line,
Dave sang a line.
It was really f-ing hueueueueueuege!
Like Jack McCoy, I always liked Strummer and The Clash big-time,
but I didn't know they'd touched so many other people until we
lost Joe.
Whew!
If not for Gwen, Avril and London Calling, it would've
been a wasted evening.
In three and a half hours, all of these "wild rebels" kissed
Bush's feet except for
Fred Durst and Sheryl Crow. I'm so old, I remember when
the musicians had
a little fight in them, a little revolution in
them, but I guess those days are long gone.
I'd like to think Bono would be brave enough to speak out, and
I'm damn sure
Joe Strummer wouldn't have given a flying fuck about CBS's Nazi
rules.
Too many people got to have that extra nickle.
I need a drink.