Losing my religion
By Frances Albertston
December 20, 2000 | I was born and raised a Protestant in a
United Church of Christ. I was baptized, confirmed and married
on the same altar where my father was baptized, confirmed and
vowed to honor and cherish his lovely bride—my mom.
My family went to church weekly, but were never ones to
wear our Christianity on our sleeves. We were taught that
religion was deeply personal. We followed the same
schedule week in and week out. Church and Sunday School
followed by a visit with our grandma's and then a stop for
fresh-baked rolls and lunch meat on the way home. In fall
and early winter our visits to grandma's were shortened to
accommodate the Bears.
My extended family was always close-knit. My dad was one
of six children and holidays were always a blast with so many
cousins running around getting into mischief. I was especially
close to three of my cousins; three brothers, two of whom
were identical twins. We attended the same church that was
across the street from my grandma's duplex (my cousins' family
lived upstairs). Being the middle of three girls, my cousins were
the brothers I never had. Always a tomboy, they taught me how
to play sports with the boys and I loved them for it.
One of my twin cousins married an over-bearing woman who
promptly took over his life. The first thing to go was his backbone.
Her family was in; his was out. I heard they became "good Christians"
—big donors, active in their church. Nowadays, they spend their entire
Sunday at church. It was even rumored that my cousin had become so
close to God that he began speaking in tongues before his fellow parishioners.
They wear their Christianity on their sleeves for all the world to see.
Their sleeves serve as justification of their superior existence
and reinforce their belief that they are good people. They
only socialize with fellow church members. Those outside
their sect are viewed as the equivalent of infidels. My aunt
and uncle have been shunned and hardly ever see their
grandchildren. When they are allowed to see each other, my
cousin's wife interrogates her children to make sure that
grandma and grandpa stayed in line. Their children started
out at the same public school my children attended, before
we moved to another state, but that school wasn¹t good
enough for their kids, so they enrolled them in the parochial
school through their church. Unfortunately, the school was
open to infidels, so their children are now home-schooled
and their mom is reported to run the house like a boot camp.
They lead a very sheltered life.
I began to lose my religion on December 7, 1997, when my
mom died unexpectedly. In Mom's later years, she didn't
attend church regularly like she used to. She never said why
she stopped going to church, but I know she still believed.
At her wake, my cousin's wife greeted me with some empty,
meaningless bible verse, which to this day, I cannot remember.
The only thing embossed in my memory is that it was the coldest
display of compassion or Christianity I have ever encountered.
At Mom's funeral, many were brought to tears when our pastor
held up Mom's tattered, familiar and well-loved Bible, and made a
point of mentioning that "Nancy didn't wear her Christianity on her
sleeve, but in my hand I hold proof of her faith." Many relatives later
mentioned the stark difference between my mom and my cousin and his wife.
Since Mom's death, I have frequently questioned my faith.
My children were 5 and 3 when she died and they no longer
have a grandma to fuss over them as my husband's mom
passed away when he was only 16. It wasn't fair. How could
God take her from us when we needed her so?
At a time when I needed my faith reaffirmed, it was further
challenged. Losing my religion became easier as the days and
months passed because of the beating Christianity took at the
mouths of pseudo-Christians like Jerry Falwell, Pat
Robertson, James Dobson, Henry Hyde, Ralph Reed, Newt
Gingrich, Bob Barr, Dan Burton and the biggest hypocrite of
all, William Bennett. These characters preach hatred from
behind a facade of Christianity. They have given my religion a
bad name and have left it badly stained.
The height of their hypocrisy occurred in December of 1998,
when the Republican House of Representatives impeached
President Clinton for doing something many of them have
done themselves. Never in my life have I witnessed so much
vile hatred from a group of pseudo-Christians for one man
and his wife. Mrs. Clinton was berated for not giving her
husband the boot when his infidelity was exposed. Why were
these pseudo-Christians poking their noses into the Clintons'
marriage by encouraging her to break an oath she took
before God, while at the same time castigating her husband
for breaking the oath he took? I thought divorce was
frowned upon by Christians. So serious is divorce in some
doctrines of Christianity, that once divorced, one cannot
marry again unless the first marriage is annulled.
These folks constantly quote God for political gain and from
listening to them, you'd think God and Jesus were
conservative Republicans. But this could not be further from
the truth. From the teachings I remember learning as a child,
Jesus was a staunch champion of the poor and the
downtrodden. This is evident all the way back to the very
first Christmas. The star of Bethlehem brought people from
miles around to praise the newborn King. The three wise
men brought gold, frankincense and myrrh to lay at the feet
of the Savior, but who was it that made Jesus smile? The little
boy who was too poor to offer anything but a gift from his
heart; a song on his drum. If Jesus graced the Earth today, he
probably would not align himself with any political party, but
there is no doubt in my mind that he would support causes
liberals hold dear.
When George W. came on the national scene citing Jesus as
his favorite philosopher, I was reminded of someone I used
to know: my cousin, the one without the backbone who
wears his Christianity on his sleeve.
The Republicans promised to raise the bar of the presidency
after what they called "the staining of the Oval Office" by
President Clinton and then they offered up Dubya as the
antidote to him! A man who drank himself into a drunken
stupor for the first 40 years of his life, abandoned his military
obligation, has all but admitted to using illicit drugs through his
non-denial denials, is reported to have illegally aborted a
child he fathered and who is rumored to have ended an affair
just prior to his announcement of running for president. The
media hit bottom when they adopted this man as their new
darling and became his enabler the moment they allowed him
to refuse to answer questions pertaining to his "young and
irresponsible" decades of adulthood simply because he
wiped the slate clean and claimed redemption. The
pseudo-Christians fawn over him like they are witnessing the
second coming. I'll have none of it.
My family recently relocated and we haven't yet found the
time required to navigate the road to finding a church. What's
holding us up? I'm not sure I can worship in a church with
people who believe the hatred emanating from Washington
and the religious right is a form of Christianity. I hope to find
a church again someday, but I must find one that practices
what it preaches and teaches the true doctrine of Christianity
and not the demoralized and diminished version made famous
by pseudo-Christian conservatives.
What a strange affect the Reverends Falwell and Robertson
and their followers have had on me. They are supposed to
bring more people into the fold of Christianity by spreading
the word of God. Thanks to those who are Christians in their
own minds, the bushel seems to be falling fast on the light of
my Christianity and I fear I am losing my religion. I hope my
light shines again one day, but until it does, I would rather
burn in hell by worshiping my own way than die a hypocrite
by breaking bread with a True Believer.
I know I am not the only person who has struggled with similar feelings.
A few months ago, former President Jimmy Carter ended his long-standing
relationship with the Baptist church.
One of the most unsettling aspects of George W. and the
agenda of the Christian conservatives is their desire to chip
away at the separation of church and state. It's clear to me
now more than ever that the separation must remain intact.