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Thurs-Friday, April 19-20, 2012 Vol 2863 - Irregardless
Quotes
"He's talking about him, that Ted himself will either be dead or in jail. Now, how does that relate to the president? I have a real hard time putting that together." -- Lying Jim Imhofe (R-Pissquik) Link I've never seen someone so stupid that acted even more stupid. Years ago, I used to say it a lot: "If I had been born Black, I'd either be in jail or dead by now." What does that mean? Being white, I have no idea what it's like to sit down in a restaurant and start to look at a menu only to have some Republican waitress come over and say, "We don't serve niggers here, BOY!" Had I been born Black, I assume I would have been raised to "take that" and live to fight another day, which is the smart move. But in my head, I'm thinking, "Bitch, you won't have a job tomorrow because tonight I'm burning this mother-fucker down..." That's what Ted Nugent means - that someday he's going to take drastic action which will either put him in prison or the grave - we can only assume he means he intends to shoot "that nigger in the White House." Wait, I can hear it now: "Bart, how DARE you assume Ted would use that kind of language." Really? After saying in concert, "Obama, he's a piece of shit - he can suck on my machine gun," Link you think that animal treats America's president with respect behind closed doors? Send e-mail to Bart Odds on Willard's Running Mate
courtesy of Bovada, Twitter: @BovadaLV Who will be the Republican Vice Presidential Nominee? Marco Rubio 5/2 Rob Portman 5/2 Possible - he has to pick an unknown. Chris Christie 9/1 Paul Ryan 9/1 Bob McDonnell 10/1 I think he'll pick "Bob's for Jobs" McDonnell Susana Martinez 15/1 Condoleezza Rice 18/1 Rick Santorum 18/1 Rand Paul 20/1 Mitch Daniels 20/1 John Thune 20/1 Bobby Jindal 25/1 Tim Pawlenty 25/1 Nikki Haley 25/1 Jeb Bush 30/1 Newt Gingrich 50/1 Ron Paul 50/1 Sarah Palin 50/1 Herman Cain 100/1 Donald Trump 100/1 Will Mitt Romney appear in an episode of Saturday Night Live in 2012? Yes -115 No -115 Jimmy Shapiro, Sports Publicist Jimmy, thanks for that. Send e-mail to Bart Shop Online
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Reporter: Democrats are wrong Forced wand rape isn't rape at all Link "It was vigorously uncomfortable," Carpentier wrote, partly "because the technician has to press the wand directly against the areas she wants to get an image of—your uterus, Fallopian tubes and ovaries—so there's more movement and more direct contact with pressure-sensitive areas of your body." Carpentier continued: You're also not lying flat on your back to facilitate access to the upper reaches of your vagina; and you're being penetrated with a longer, rigid object than is used in a regular pelvic exam. My uterus is "high," so she had to tilt the wand accordingly—and because it was so uncomfortable, she halted the exam before (completion.) It was not, however, like being raped, despite all the furor-generating headlines and "Doonesbury" cartoons that were printed. It was uncomfortable to the point of being painful, emotionally triggering (and undoubtedly is moreso for victims of rape or incest) and something that no government should force its citizens to undergo to make a political point. But it wasn't like being raped—and using language like that not only minimizes rape for its survivors but makes them and other women more frightened of the procedure, which has significant and important medical uses. I don't like the language she's using. First, she covered a LOT of ground, then basically called "Foul" on anybody who would call the insertion of an object into your vagina AGAINST YOUR WILL, rape. Seems to me "inserted against your will" is rape, but I'm no expert. For childless women, that Republican Religion Probe is likely the largest thing they'll ever have in their vagina - so I guess this is more "Get government off my back" from the GOP? And if she's right, doesn't this open a giant can of worms? I was a woman, I'd consider what Republicans force on women more of a rape than my date plowing me with alcohol and then trying to get "romantic" with me. At least with my date, I have the option not to get involved. With the state, you're forced to obey the law and forced to allow your object-rapist total access. I'm suspicious of a female writer who says she was "painfully penetrated," but it wasn't rape. It makes a "painlessly pentrated" rape look downright trivial. Roofies, anyone? The other thing: This reads to me like a "I was waterboarded and it wasn't bad at all" kind of column. I suspect that this writer had her column written before the procedure was done. URGENT Do We Need Sales Tax Online? I assume it's the Democrats pushing for this? They won't be happy until they kill the Innertubes Link "Should customers on Amazon.com pay the same sales tax as those at Wal-Mart? Surprisingly, both companies agree that the answer should be yes. Almost two decades after it started, the online retailer has joined forces with bricks-and-mortar chains to push for state sales taxes to be uniformly applied to online purchases, reports CQ’s Ambreen Ali. Amazon.com has joined Wal-Mart, Target and Best Buy to support bills that would simplify sales tax collection online. Opponents include eBay and an industry group whose members include AOL, Expedia and Facebook. States say they have paid dearly for their inability to collect tax on online purchases. On average, states rely on sales and use taxes for almost a third of their revenue. Their inability to collect from online sales has cost more than $52 billion over the past six years, according to a study. This year, states are expected to forego $11.4 billion in sales taxes on online purchases. I know - instead of killing the Internet, why don't we make the super-rich corporations (that our Supreme Court insists ARE people) pay some goddamn taxes? I coulda sworn this sticker would've been a hot-seller, but no, I probably had 50 left when clumsy-ass Rusty knocked my diet Cherry Dr. Pepper into the swag box. Send e-mail to Bart Subject: Re: Obama can legally kill Hi Bart, The better alternative might be to have checks and balances, like the Constitution says. I like the Consitution, but it doesn't help much when you're under fire. Remember when the whole warrantless wiretapping thing happened under Bush (which of course he got away with and I believe Obama still continues, which is what happens when there are no consequences for breaking the law)? They are supposed to go through the FISA court for approval first, but of course the whole argument was "What if there's no time!?". Bullshit. There has to be a way to set up some kind of 24-hour congressional committee or court that could approve such assasinations at any hour of the day or night if absolutely necessary. And if not, at least make the POTUS have to answer to one of the other branches the next morning. That's how America was set up, to keep the POTUS from becoming a king: for big decisions the other branches have to have a say. Keep swinging that hammer! Jake in L.A. Jake, I'm not anti-Constitution, but anything taken to the extreme can be bad. IF my choices are staying alive or strictly obeying the Consitution, I'm going to vote to stay alive. I'll fight (but not die) for a terrorist's right to a trial. Send e-mail to Bart Marty
has
new stuff every
day
on her fine, fine Entertainment Page Marty's TV Listings are the best! De Niro, with his white wife? Marty always has good stuff. Subject: Re: Nam days
I faced the draft back in 1971. I had no drivers license, no affiliations, no nothing except an alternative High School enrollement. I never registered for the draft. They only had punch card computers and I figured they'd never find me. It worked really, my draft lottrey number was like 200 and they only took 230 and up, my year. It made me a Federal Draft Doger, but who cares if you are not in Jail OR being shot by VC. I had a lovely young lady at the time, pregnant with my first born Son as well. So I lived, quietly and then President Carter proposed Amnesty for vietnam Draft resistance. I was astonished. They actually made a law about ME! I went forward, they were "grumpy" but the law saved my butt, seriously. First time ever that a law actually made a positive difference in my life. Thank YOU "Jimmy Carter" w3ski I, too, faced the draft in 1971 - my number was 56 or so. My Draft Induction Physical is a funny story that I'd like to put in the Bartcop Autobiography but where/when will I get the free time to write that? Send e-mail to Bart GOP to Bring Back Poker? Obama's on the wrong side of this issue Link One year after Obama cut off U.S. access to the three biggest online poker sites, players are sending a message to Congress: We will not fold. The nonprofit Poker Players Alliance last week launched a grass-roots advocacy campaign timed to coincide with the first anniversary of “Black Friday,” when Obama on April 15, 2011, seized the Internet addresses of PokerStars, Full Tilt Poker and Absolute Poker and charged the owners with bank fraud and money laundering. On its website, the alliance declares “The players will never fold” and urges support for a bill introduced by Rep. Joe Barton (R-Texas) that creates a federal framework for regulating online gaming. “It is more important than ever to have a national standard for everyone in every state that wishes to allow their players to play for money on the Internet,” Barton said in an introductory video. But creating that framework could prove difficult with a Poker-hating busy-body in the White House who thinks it's his f-ing business how I spend a dollar on a Friday night inside my home. Thanks for the protection, Barack. Wall Street may have stolen our homes, our jobs and our life savings but don't worry, Obama is busy protecting us from the "evils of poker." And the GOP is going to ride in and fix Obama's mistake? Gore lost The White House over a few hundred votes, and Obama is doing his best to piss off about 30,000,000 poker players just before his chance at re-election? Democrats... they never change. Send e-mail to Bart HBO's
Veep
HBO's Veep starts this weekend. I haven't seen it, but they say it's good. Most HBO shows are quality-packed, and we know "Elaine" can be funny so I'm going to give it a try. Google fined $25,000 for crimes They 'willfully' stonewalled the FCC Link Google intentionally hindered a federal regulator's probe into its Street View cars' "accidental grabs" of personal information off of Wi-Fi routers, according to the investigating agency. Google's penalty: A $25,000 fine. The FCC said in a report filed late Friday that Google repeatedly gave the agency the cold shoulder when it was trying to determine whether Google had engaged in any wrongdoing. Google "deliberately impeded and delayed" the investigation by failing to respond to information requests, the agency said. It added: "Google apparently willfully and repeatedly violated Commission orders to produce certain information and documents that the Commission required for its investigation." But fining them $25,000? That will sure teach them a lesson. Good thing they weren't committing a serious crime, like pot or poker. Hell, if they downloaded a song, the fine could've been fined $200,000 per song, but our been-bribed congress-for-sale accepts cash to give the super-rich another loophole. Send e-mail to Bart Sarah Palin Nude Link Check out the news and toons at
Read all about it! on the Bart Blog! Scientists: Gulf fish sick BP greed continues to haunt us Link Two years after the massive Gulf of Mexico oil spill, scientists say they're finding trouble with sick fish that dwell along offshore reefs and in the deep waters — especially in places where the oil spill hit the hardest. A small percentage of the fish they're catching have large open sores and strange black streaks. The fish illnesses don't pose an increased health threat to humans, scientists say, but they could be devastating to prized species and the people who make their living catching them. Obama will know what to do. By God, he'll hit BP with a $25,000 fine for destroying the Gulf. That'll teach them. Send e-mail to Bart Business slow? Run a "We're Still Here" Sale! Think how many people/companies have left us since Bush stole the Treasury. Banner ads by the day, by the week, or by the monff Click Here to get more Hits Even if business is slow, remind them why they need you! Two day ads just $35 Subject: ease up on Ann Romney I was reading your site, and how you are down on Ann...come off it! She's a job creator (with five maids and nannies)! Russ Send e-mail to Bart We're
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you'll know when each new issue goes up. You should be watching Veronica Mars Reruns now running on SOAPNet Channel by some dude at HuffPo TV Link "Veronica Mars" is back on TV thanks to SOAPnet and you really should watch it. The cult-hit series is airing in syndication for the first time ever -- ever! -- and it's just as magical the second time around. You should watch for ... Kristen Bell. Yes, she is a reason to watch the show. Bell brought effortless charm to the character and you can't help but root for the scrappy, snarky heroine. Her best friend was murdered, her mom ran out on her and she was raped ... And that's just the first episode. You should watch because ... There's been nothing like it since. I had never become so invested in a show, and a particular character, before "Veronica Mars" came along. And l haven't since. There's something very special about "Veronica Mars" Season 1; it was lightning in a bottle. Everything clicked: the actors, the mysteries, the pacing. Season 1 of "VM" is a roller coaster ride and I will always put it at the top of my "favorites" list. We started watching again - it's been 4 years or so since we've seen an episode and I was re-struck at how good this show was and still is. Besides Kristen Bell, the writing is better than most feature films in today's theaters. Today's writers are so f-ing lazy - they always leave holes in the plot that are bigger than Pigboy's ego. Watching Veronica Mars, you never scream, "Well duh, stupid, why don't you just do this?" I doubt there's anything currently on broadcast TV that's this good. If you have NetFlix or Amazon-Plus - whatever, watch the pilot and see if you don't get hooked. Quotes "In short: overall greatness. The last 6 or 8 episodes of VM Season 1 are beyond phenominal. The season finale wraps the threads of season 1 up so well and so cleanly that I imagine the writers of every other show on television would look upon it and bow their heads in shame." -- Joss Whedon, creator of the Buffy vs The Vampires TV series Link I agree - this is how good TV can get. Send e-mail to Bart Subject: Brush with Greatness Link Send e-mail to Bart Moron steals gas from a cop car and posts the look-how-guilty-I-am photo on Facebook. Guess where the moron is right now? Link You any good at song lyrics? Link I could use some help with these song lyrics - anybody got some free time? We'll run lyrics from general songs that most rock lovers would know, but we have to use synonyms for some words to fool the Google. Sure, Bart, I could send some rock quotes! Subject: not only that, but Bart, you wrote: "Obviously, the super-rich bribed our crooked congress to get that loophole and if we had a Democrat in the White House he (or she) might correct that situation." Not only that, but if you closed that loophole, Social Security would have enough money to last forever AND be able to pay old people enough to live above poverty level. Jeff http://jeffcrook.blogspot.com Funny, we don't even have a debate about this subject. We just accept the screwing and go on with our day... Send e-mail to Bart If you have height issues,
this might make you dizzy. Today's Mystery Car
Link Is this the sexiest-looking car ever? Subject: last issue's Mystery Car Link Bart, that looks a lot like a 1960 Chrysler 300F with ‘wrong’ side trim in that it extends to the front rather than ending behind the door. The Chrysler logo on the side is wrong and the missing 300 logo in the side trim is wrong. Proof Some call this the first Chrysler muscle car. ole zenferret Send e-mail to Bart The GOP's War on America We're fighting the anti-progress GOP - can you help? You could PayPal something to bartcop@bartcop.com Click to Subscribe or Donate
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you could send a "love" check tobartcop.com PO Box 54466 Tulsa, OK 74155 We accept credit cards Thank you I Was Born in March/September Bart Thanks, they send me pennies... Today's Mystery Celebrity is quite hot. Link Subject: last issue's Mystery Celebrity Link Bart, yesterday's mystery celebrity is the American actress Ava Gardner, who was once married to Frank Sinatra, among others. Paula Send e-mail to Bart Link Subject: last issue's mystery city Bart, Last Issue's Mystery City is... Hood River Oregon. I worked there today at a brewery expansion. I tested their concrete and inspected their structure they were building. Great Pizza the Double Mountain Brewery. They had an ale called Dos Boot. I couldn't have any as I was on the clock. Nice owners, That's my answer Bart, I believe that is Lost Lake, Nancy and I Mtn Biked that area and it is so pretty close to Orchard with the world's best apples and pears. the soil and weather. If you were going for Portland, thats further away than the Hood. Love ya man. Keep Kicking Ass. Henry Send e-mail to Bart Today's History Mystery Link Subject: last issue's history mystery Bart, Last Issue's History Mystery ? Ye gods, it's Uncle Everett Dirksen, US Senator from Illinois was one of the leading Conservative assholes, a Vietnam Hawk. LBJ did get his support as the Senate Minority Leader for over a decade including helping to write and pass the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and the Open Housing Act of 1968. His speaking skills drove me nuts!!!!! Dale in Diamond Springs, CA Bart - that's Everett Dirksen (although he was hella more reasonable than the pack of rabid hyenas running his party nowadays). He's the one who coined the phrase "a billion here, a billion there, and soon you're talking about real money." Scott Peterson (no, not that one) Send e-mail to Bart Subject: donation Thanks to Gary in Gouverneur, NY You know, if a few Democrats with jobs could throw $25-$50 my way it would sure take the pressure off for the upcoming political season. Think of the tax deduction! I hate to spend time every day trying to raise money. If you're shopping online, it never hurts to check http://amzn.to/bartcop prices. 2 DH episodes left for Eva Longoria Check out over 2,000 sexy and tastefull photos of Eva Longoria in BC Hotties Thanks to Blue in Seattle for helping me corral the hotties. Marty always has good stuff. Shopping online?
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