America has a soul and its name is democracy.
America without democracy would be
like the Vatican without Catholicism or the University of Florida without
football.
It's our very reason for being. In light of the crucial role
democracy plays in our
lives, I'm offering a civics quiz so citizens everywhere, but especially
in Florida,
can make America a better place by honing our understanding of democracy.
1. In America anyone can be president as long as he or she
1. is at least 35 years old and an American citizen by
birth.
2. is a multimillionaire by birth.
3. is friends with lots of multimillionaires.
4. has taken money from lots of multimillionaires who
nevertheless expect nothing in return.
5. all of the above.
2. The most basic principle of American democracy is that every four years we
1. select our president on the basis of "one citizen, one
vote."
2. cast our votes and wait to see which legal team is
slick enough to get its rival's ballots thrown out.
3. cast our votes and wait for the Supreme Court to decide
who should be president.
3. Florida Secretary of State Katherine Harris has said repeatedly
that she did not break the law in her
tabulation of ballots in last year's
election. What she really meant to say was,
1. "I didn't break the law and I did my utmost to show
that Governor Jeb Bush and I respect the democratic
process."
2. "I didn't break the law and I did my utmost to ensure
that the candidate selected by Florida's voters
was the one who received Florida's electoral votes."
3. "I didn't break any major laws and I've got the ballots
so, ha ha ha, we win."
4. When Governor Jeb Bush's administration stripped thousands
of predominantly Democratic minority voters
of their right to vote last year he
was
1. trying to see if minority voters were paying attention.
2. trying to remind black voters of what it was like in
the old days when Florida was really conservative.
3. accidentally guaranteeing that Florida's electoral
votes would go to brother George.
5. When Florida's Speaker of the House Tom Feeney said there was
no need to worry about the ballot count
in last year's election, since the legislature
could give the electoral votes to Bush in any case, he was
trying to say that
1. he has the deepest respect for the principles of American
democracy.
2. he has the deepest respect for the people of Florida.
3. he has the deepest respect for the way the law can
be manipulated to get around both democratic processes
and the will of the voters.
6. During the ballot counting in Florida last year, Governor George
W. Bush insisted that flawed absentee
ballots, including military ballots,
be counted, but only if they came from Republican counties. He
also rounded up a bunch of burly
Republican men to intimidate ballot counters in predominantly Democratic
Miami. While doing this
he accused Vice President Gore of being "willing to do anything to be president."
When Governor Bush made this accusation
against the Vice President he was
1. mistaken.
2. just kidding.
3. a big fat liar.
7. President George W. Bush apologized to the Chinese Communists
for imposing on them with our spy plane. In
light of this we can be sure that the
president
1. will apologize to the voters of Florida for acting as
though he didn’t care who we voted for as long as
he won.
2. will apologize to the voters of Florida for treating
the basic principles of democracy like so many pesky
"government regulations."
3. will not apologize to the voters of Florida because
Vice President Cheney says he doesn't have to.
Notorious B.O.B. is a Floridian who believes the Bush brothers will
get what they deserve.