Civics Quiz
 by Notorious B.O.B.

     America has a soul and its name is democracy.  America without democracy would be
like the Vatican without Catholicism or the University of Florida without football.
It's our very reason for being.  In light of the crucial role democracy plays in our
lives, I'm offering a civics quiz so citizens everywhere, but especially in Florida,
can make America a better place by honing our understanding of democracy.

1.  In America anyone can be president as long as he or she

  1.  is at least 35 years old and an American citizen by birth.
  2.  is a multimillionaire by birth.
  3.  is friends with lots of multimillionaires.
  4.  has taken money from lots of multimillionaires who nevertheless expect nothing in return.
  5.  all of the above.

2.  The most basic principle of American democracy is that every four years we

  1.  select our president on the basis of "one citizen, one vote."
  2.  cast our votes and wait to see which legal team is slick enough to get its rival's ballots thrown out.
  3.  cast our votes and wait for the Supreme Court to decide who should be president.

3.  Florida Secretary of State Katherine Harris has said repeatedly that she did not break the law in her
      tabulation of ballots in last year's election.  What she really meant to say was,

  1.  "I didn't break the law and I did my utmost to show that Governor Jeb Bush and I respect the democratic
              process."
  2.  "I didn't break the law and I did my utmost to ensure that the candidate selected by Florida's voters
              was the one who received Florida's electoral votes."
  3.  "I didn't break any major laws and I've got the ballots so, ha ha ha, we win."

4.  When Governor Jeb Bush's administration stripped thousands of predominantly Democratic minority voters
      of their right to vote last year he was

  1.  trying to see if minority voters were paying attention.
  2.  trying to remind black voters of what it was like in the old days when Florida was really conservative.
  3.  accidentally guaranteeing that Florida's electoral votes would go to brother George.

5.  When Florida's Speaker of the House Tom Feeney said there was no need to worry about the ballot count
      in last year's election, since the legislature could give the electoral votes to Bush in any case, he was
      trying to say that

  1.  he has the deepest respect for the principles of American democracy.
  2.  he has the deepest respect for the people of Florida.
  3.  he has the deepest respect for the way the law can be manipulated to get around both democratic processes
              and the will of the voters.

6.  During the ballot counting in Florida last year, Governor George W. Bush insisted that flawed absentee
       ballots, including military ballots, be counted, but only if they came from Republican counties.  He
       also rounded up a bunch of burly Republican men to intimidate ballot counters in predominantly Democratic
       Miami.  While doing this he accused Vice President Gore of being "willing to do anything to be president."
       When Governor Bush made this accusation against the Vice President he was

  1.  mistaken.
  2.  just kidding.
  3.  a big fat liar.

7.  President George W. Bush apologized to the Chinese Communists for imposing on them with our spy plane.  In
      light of this we can be sure that the president

  1.  will apologize to the voters of Florida for acting as though he didn’t care who we voted for as long as
              he won.
  2.  will apologize to the voters of Florida for treating the basic principles of democracy like so many pesky
              "government regulations."
  3.  will not apologize to the voters of Florida because Vice President Cheney says he doesn't have to.
 

Notorious B.O.B. is a Floridian who believes the Bush brothers will get what they deserve.
 
 

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