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The
Scary Black people at FOX News
by Spud Goodman
When I was little whenever the face
of that wicked witch on the Wizard Of Oz would come on the tv
I would start feeling really scared. Don’t know exactly why cuz she
doesn’t like murder a ton of people
and munch on their livers or anything. In fact I don’t think she even
kills anyone in the thing but still she
made me pee the bed a few times after being forced to watch her by my
older sister. Just a peek of her
black Gothy dress, green face and pointy nose would do the trick. Even
these days when I’m flipping the
channel and come across her I really, really quickly go to Sports
Center or The 700 Club and hope I don’t
have to change the sheets the next morning.
What I’m getting at here is I do
know what it feels like to be freaked out. Now I’ve said it. So when
other
people go through this I think I know how they feel. Most don’t like to
admit it. I mean who wants to seem
like a total pussy to everyone? Like right now I’m betting I’m gonna
regret telling you about my wicked witch
story but it does help me explain why the suits at FOX NEWS keep
pulling out their version of a wicked witch
(black folks) for the people who drink up their channel 24/7. They do
it cuz it works for them! Duh.
Now I know not everyone is scared of black people, I mean the NBA is
popular even in Oklahoma City
but away from the arenas and ballparks they still do the trick with a
lot of us Americans. Show them some
video of a black dude not smiling and it does get the juices going. Can
you blame them after they maybe lost
their job or girlfriend to one of them? Everyone knows that white
people are sick and tired of getting the short
end of the stick these days just cuz of the color of their skin so
thank god FOX NEWS is there for them.
Like where would they go to feel ok
about being so pissed off without this channel? Smacking the kid or
wife/husband is now against the law. They could take up cage fighting
or Australian Rules Football but what
about those guys with a beer gut who can’t see their toes or some lady
with a bad back? Angry white un
athletic people need someplace to let off some steam besides a militia
or tea party rally. To hear someone
besides themselves speak the truth about what’s going on in this
country otherwise they start to worry
they’re the only crazy person who thinks like that. I wonder if
everyone really understands how valuable
FOX NEWS is to America. Yeah a lot of liberals say Hannity, O’Reilly
and Beck play their viewers like
an accordion but I’m thinking they actually are doing us all a big
favor. If these guys were around in March
of 1968 maybe James Earl Ray doesn't shoot Martin Luther King, just
maybe he would have sat in front
of his black n white console glued to somebody who sounded like those
guys and knew his kinda country
wasn't going anywhere after all so maybe he didn't need to do something
stupid. It’s possible that Rupert’s
posse gives a bit of hope to a butt load of right wing wack jobs who
just might be shooting up the country
right now. There’s nothing scarier than someone with no hope right?
When this channel first came on cable tv in 1986 they had to make sure
it didn’t get lost in cable hell so
they figured out the way to blow up quick, speak to the abused white
guys who will never have much
money but will go to their grave thinking they will. From the get go it
worked pretty freaking well. It didn’t
hurt that they paid all the cable companies way more than the other
news channels to be carried so they
got put on basic cable everywhere. Like that “Catch A Predator”
socialist channel is on the package you
gotta pay a few bucks more for and CNN was so flipping boring it was
almost like a rigged game or something.
Ok it did take a little while to
get their act together and become mega popular with those Ricky Nelson
families
cuz the only real “Go To” monster in those days was Al Sharpton. Jessie
Jackson was still kinda big but he
was sorta rhymed out and nobody cared much about what he said anymore.
Al was the real deal for FOX
NEWS and they owe him big time but even he got too safe after awhile
(especially when he hosted SNL)
so they had to keep finding even scarier Negro’s. It must be a tough
gig for the suits there cuz like pro
wrestling, the show can’t go on without a bad guy, someone wearing a
black hat. I wouldn’t want their
job cuz I know they have to work their ass off to keep it fresh. Like
lately they’ve gone to the way,
way back machine by showing this leader of "The New & Improved
Black Panther Party” and his
8 followers to spook the bejesus out of the FOX NEWS nation. You can
still catch them there
whenever you’re surfing the dial but they really hit paydirt for a few
seconds with that totally sorta
racist Shirley Sherrod lady. You know, she was the black government
worker who said that years ago
she was still kinda bummed her father was murdered and no one cared
down there in the South so when
she had a job helping poor people from losing their farms she thought
about not really doing much for
this white dude when he asked for a hand in keeping his spread. I guess
someone taped it and later sent
a little bit of it to this nice man named Andrew Breitbart. He thought
it was so neat he put it up on his
website (for free). Aren’t the internets cool? Anyway, so everyone now
knows she did go the extra yard
for the guy and the farm is still in the family to this day but just
think, if no one ever came up with the
rest of her speech on that video she could have been way bigger than
ACCORN or even Hitler for
FOX NEWS. For real.
Now they have to go out and find somebody new to serve up, I mean they
could just use some old
Al Sharpton junk until they come up with someone else but that would be
pretty lame. I’m pretty sure
they’ll give this their best shot and maybe they will find say a rapper
who gives free crack away with
to fans buying a t-shirt and or posters at his concerts. Or a welfare
mom who ate her babies when she
ran out of snacks. Or a pimp who has a stable of horses for a very
special group of johns? Who knows
but it’s gotta be bigger and better than before cuz it just has to be.
If they don’t feed their fans what
they want, well things could get real, real ugly and fast. That’s the
dirty little (not so) secret with
FOX NEWS and it should make everyone in this country who says “it’s no
different than all those
left wing news channels” take a long shower and afterward maybe a spray
some Lysol all over too,
especially in those hard to find places. Later.
Spike Jensen
spudgoodman.com