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Tally's Lost Finale Review
Six years of amazing writing, acting, and production,
came down to 30 minutes of lazy writing and
basically running out of paper. WTF? Your download
of the latest Final Draft update didn't work?
I felt it could have been a complete show, but
someone, somewhere, just ran out of steam and seemed to stop caring,
or tried to please too many people, and in so
doing, pleased very few. I was really disappointed after six years of philosophies,
and faith, they went with the easy, let's please
the religious people, and didn't seem to stick with the BIG QUESTION -
of
WHO FUCKING KNOWS.
I would have been happier with answering more
details, and less answering of BIG PICTURE, because in trying to answer
it,
I feel like they missed. All those rules we spent
five other seasons establishing like Ben Linus not being able to kill Charles
Widmore?
Oh never mind.
Ok, what about the rules they've been busy laying
out this season, like, Desmond is the Failsafe, and is the only one who
can
survive all that electromagnetic energy stuff,
so he is the only one who can remove the Magic Plug deep in the Magic Glowing
Well
- oh wait, Jack can put it back and not get hurt,
and (I assume) magically float out of the Glowing Well so we can have a
Vincent
moment of his eye shutting in the bamboo so WE
REALLY KNOW IT'S OVER (like everyone didn't see that coming a mile away???)
Desmond is free to go home? Why isn't he on the
plane that everyone else is on and really has no chance in hell of getting
off
the ground on the Monty Python and The Holy Grail
runway if this is really the REALITY TIMELINE??? Oh wait, there's a boat
- Desmond can leave on that like he got here
on one.
But isn't that Smokey's boat? Where did it come
from, and why didn't Smokey leave earlier?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT DOESN'T MATTER???
Entire Sideways Timeline = Purgatory that Desmond
the Messenger of the Island had to beat everyone in the Sideways world
either
emotionally, or physically for them to "awaken"
to their island memories which are mostly in the future in the other timeline,
so Jack
could accept he was dead, because "there is no
NOW HERE", and "this is a place that you made together so you could find
one another"...
WITH WHAT? My Playdough Fun Factory? Inconsistencies?
Semi-Awakened Sideways Jack: "I need to go see
my son...."
Awakened Sideways Locke: "You don't have a son...."
Semi-Awakened Sideways Jack: "What?"
Awakened Sideways Locke: "You don't have a son,
Jack."
So basically the writers are laughing at me for
spending an entire season investing in characters that really don't exist.
PSYCH!
Thanks for putting that before Sun and Jin's
ultrasound being happy moment, and knowing they're going to have a daughter
together even though they know they drowned together
on the island (in the future), and Juliet and Sawyer's Apollo Bar,
getting coffee moment that we've been waiting
for ALL SEASON LONG - just so I know none of that really happened.
But then what about Christian Shephard's line
to Jack: "Everything that ever happened to you is real." WHEN WOULD THAT
BE?
Because "There is no now, here." And you just
told him it's a pretend, made up place. So only The Island was real? WHAT
PART?
Why show the 815 wreckage littering the beach
as if it was never used or washed out to sea years ago because the Island
isn't real either,
or if it is, everyone really died in the crash
of 815?? Even though "The most important part of [Jack's] life was the
time you spent with these people."
Which time?
The good part in the pretend Sideways world, or
the tragically comical part on the island, and then the three crazy years
being in
the Oceanic 6?
fuck. you.
I suppose I shouldn't let 30 minutes of a lazy,
craptastic, velveeta-cheese, every faith represented ending (except Mithrism,
Wiccan,
and Pagan - maybe I can slo-mo through the dvds
later to find them too), ruin six seasons of wonderful, smart, mysterious,
mythological
television.... even if it didn't answer most
of the questions. yeah well..... I'll work on that.
Jimmy Kimmel had an interesting take:
The island was Jack's test to get into Heaven,
and the sideways world was purgatory to meet up and let go.
So all 6 seasons were in Jack's head as he bled
out [in the bamboo forest] after the crash of Oceanic 815,
which is why they showed the debris field on
the beach at the end. It apparently just happened, nothing has
been used, or washed out to sea, and there were
no survivors.
I GET IT. I don't have to like it.
Six years of these writers putting in little clues,
hints, and easter eggs that said, "HERE! HERE IS A HINT!" and we all so
hungrily
ate up every morsel and studied Lostpedia as
if it were the Dead Sea Scrolls, and yet, it turns out, it all meant NOTHING.
Yeah, I'm not happy about that, at all.
I think I would have appreciated it more even
if the ending were the same, had they ANSWERED all that shit
and gave us the fucking banquet of knowledge
we were all so hungry for, and they teased us with, to go with the
crumbs they fed us. Because the brilliance was
felt, and the potential was there. Myself, along with everyone else
were hooked, and I thirsted for ACT V of the
Shakespearean EPIC it promised it was, and got the last episode
of Touched by Gilligan's Angel instead.
ha ha It felt like a fucking
snow globe dream.
Brilliance gave up and walked away, and is working
on the Untitled Star Trek Sequel.
Sidebar:
I remember early on, maybe the first year, the
producers swore the Island wasn't Purgatory.
Turns out it's not, it was "Heaven's waiting
room" - in other words, Purgatory.
Don't you hate it when they flat-out lie to your
face?
Has there ever been a a TV show that ended with every character dead?
I've read maybe a dozen reviews.
Robert Bianco at USA Today was the only one who had orgasms.
But I guess that's good.
Bianco was going to love whatever they gave him with all his
heart.