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The
GOP Dogfight Begins
How will we know who to root for?
Two remarkable events occurred over
the past month that, taken together, give us all
some idea of the forces gathering even now among Republicans and
conservatives as
they begin the long - and, if you're a political consultant or a local
TV station in Nashua,
New Hampshire, very lucrative - process of trying to find someone to
run against Obama.
The first is a now marginally viral
video of a focus group brought together for Sean Hannity by
Frank Luntz, the boyish charlatan who's been concocting spin for
conservative candidates and
causes for what seems like a century now, but who still manages to look
like the evil Cleaver brother.
ha
ha
I think he bears a resemblance to
the vulgar Pigboy.
Photo by http://ltsaloon.org/archives/4872
Anyway, Luntz got a group together
made up of people who are likely to be voting in the
Iowa caucuses, a quadrennial gathering of snowbound Caucasians given
entirely too much
responsibility for winnowing the field of candidates prior to the whole
shebang's moving along
to the even crankier white people of New Hampshire. An unhealthy number
of the people in
the group told Luntz that they believed that the president was a
Muslim. This made even
Luntz's wattles quiver, and Hannity felt compelled to step in and
explain that, as far as he
was concerned, the president was not a follower of The Prophet, but
merely an adherent to
a radical form of Christianity devoted to the Gospel According to John
Shaft.
Not long before Luntz gathered this group of our more mal-informed
fellow primates,
the new Republican majority in the Missouri state legislature made one
of its first orders
of business the repeal of a ballot initiative that established a series
of regulations governing
the state's notorious "puppy mills." Yes, there are conservative
legislators out in the American
heartland who take it upon themselves to go against the expressed will
of the electorate in
order to come out in favor of torturing puppies. Of course, many of
these people likely will
be delegates to Nazicon 2012, where they will choose a nominee and, if
there is a just god
paying attention, get bitten in the balls by a police dog.
That is pretty much your Republican primary process right there.
Suddenly, hereditary monarchy has a certain rational je ne sais quoi.”
So, the Rethugs think stopping the torture of animals is "too much government."
Funny, when it comes to drugs or abortion or Janet Jackson's right nipple or
Howard Stern's language, the GOP thinks the government is TOO SMALL.
It's almost like they're fucking crazy or something.