The Latest

 New episode of West Wing tonight.
 Zoe's friend is arrested for using illegal drugs.
 (I'll bet the GOP blames Charlie, the black guy)

 Also, Law & Order starring Angie Harmon.

 Also, The season premier of South Park.

 Also, Falcone on CBS is no Sopranos, but it's pretty good.

 Speaking of the Sopranos, the Mother of All VCR Alerts this Sunday.
 More on that later.

 Update - Smirk's Dirty Air  (see below)

 From:  dirosnic@eos.ncsu.edu

 Subject: Smirk on Pollution

 Even worse...

 Suppose California institutes higher pollution standards.
 Then polluters may very well look to Arizona to set up shop.
 So California loses jobs because of high standards,
 and Arizona gains jobs because of the lower standard.

 What a GREAT idea!
 Let's have states COMPETE for the lowest environmental standards!

 David Rosnick

 Paul Begala Shoots the Bull

 The "Showdown in Miami" continues.
 Supporters of Elian's relatives in Miami have taken the following positions:
 they won't pledge to obey a federal court order;
 they won't allow local law enforcement to carry out lawful orders they don't agree with;
 they won't commit to turning the boy over to his father, despite rulings by the INS,
      the Justice Department and a federal court that only his father can speak for him;
 they break down police barricades and darkly hint at everything from peaceful civil
 disobedience to outright violence -- all so Elian can be raised in a country
 where we respect the rule of law.

 Required Reading

 From: christian06@earthlink.net

 Subject: The GOP and Blowjobs

 As the administration of the greatest president of our lifetime winds down,
 I've been reflecting and trying to put things in perspective, and the thing
 that keeps coming back into my mind is this: Bill and Monica.
 What's the big fucking deal?
 Upon recalling the GOP's cries of Clinton's immorality,
 I ask the tried-and-true BartCop question:

 Compared to who?

 Let's face it: The Kennedy administration was one big booty call. He swam
 naked with the White House interns, for God's sake. That place was like a
 French bedroom farce, women in the shower, women under the bed.
 Gene Tierney running out of one door, poor Jackie coming in another.
 "Don't look in the closet, Marilyn Monroe's not in there!"
 And nobody said one word.

 What did George Bush have to say to quell rumours of his little 'guma'--
 "That's a vulgar question, and I'm not going to answer it." End of story.
 Now stick with me, I'm getting to something.

 Now poor Bill, on the other hand, just looking for a little relief from what
 might be considered a high-stress job. Now I've done the math.
 He got, what 15 blowjobs from Monica, right?
 And the Starr investigation has cost approximately 50 million dollars, right?
 Well, that, ladies and gentlemen, shakes out at $3,333,333 per blowjob.

 Who paid for these blowjobs?
 Bill Clinton?
 No.
 Bill Clinton doesn't have to pay for blowjobs.
 Bill's a presidential hottie, and plenty of women would be
 glad to scratch that itch for the sheer pleasure of it.
 One female reporter who accidentally bumped knees with Bill
 while playing cards on Air Force One said she'd give him a blowjob
 just for the abortion issue alone.

 So whose idea was it to pay 50 million dollars for those blowjobs?
 The American People?
 I don't THINK so.
 I, like many Americans, have checked the box on my tax return that says,
 "Check here to give $1 of your refund to the Presidential Campaign Fund."
 But I never checked any damn box that said,  "Check here to give 50 million
 dollars to the Bitter, Prurient, Oversexed Republican Party's Campaign to
 Humiliate our President fund."

 So who DID decide to spend 50 million taxpayer dollars on blowjobs?
 You guessed it.
 Trent Lott and his fabulous goose-stepping GOP.

 I bet Bill Clinton could've found lots of better ways to spend that 50 million dollars.
 Like I said, he doesn't need to pay for his blowjobs.
 But what did the party of family values spend it on?
 Blowjobs. And not even for themselves.

 Morons.

 Now what, I wondered, could the party of Lincoln have spent that money on
 of a more productive nature, and I came up with a few things:

 1) School lunch programs
 2) Tracheotomies for Mrs. Hines of Alma, Arkansas, and the hundreds of
      thousands of other people poisoned by tobacco companies
 3) Shoring up social security
 4) Child safety locks for guns
 5) Pens for Bob Dole to hold
 6) How about 100,000 new cops on the streets?
 7) A year's supply of Maalox to keep George Butch from throwing up on foreign
     heads of state
 8) United Nations dues
 9) Anybody remember the homeless? I bet you could build one or two housing
      complexes with 50 million dollars
 10) The Dan Quayle Brain Disease Research Foundation
 11) New barber for James Traficant
 12) I bet we all know what Smirk would do with 50 million dollars...sniff sniff...

 Yes, I'm sure there are a hundred and one worthy causes the GOP
 could've spent that 50 million dollars on.

 But what did the party of family values, leaving a trail of slime wherever
 they go, choose to spend that 50 million dollars on?

 Blowjobs!

 I guess Republicans are used to paying for it.

 christian

 Smirk Needs a Muzzle

 From: jellobrick@disinfo.net
 

 TOPEKA, Kan. (AP) -- George W. Bush claimed victory in Tuesday's
 Kansas primary with thanks to all the voters who came out to support him.

 One problem:
 The primary was canceled back in February.

 ha ha
 (Please God, you gotta let this idiot win.)

 ''Thank you Pennsylvania, Wisconsin and Kansas,'' the Smirk said in a statement.
 The release said Tuesday's victories ''added to a groundswell of grass-roots
 support for his campaign to the White House.''

 Smirk and Al Gore coasted to victories in Pennsylvania and Wisconsin.
 But Kansas officials, citing a tight budget and probably lack of relevance,
 said, "fuck it" and did away with their primary to save the money.

 ''There's a technical term for that news release. It is called a goof,''
 Bush spokesman Ari Fleischer said today in Austin, Texas.
 Bush also claimed he won Kansas's 35 GOP delegates.

 Ed. note: The Republican Party won't select delegates until May.

 Counsel Clears Labor Secretary Herman
  By James Vicini

 WASHINGTON (Reuters) - An independent counsel said on Wednesday he
 cleared U.S.  Labor Secretary Alexis Herman of allegations she took part in
 a scheme involving cash kickbacks and the soliciting of $250,000 in illegal
 campaign contributions when she was a White House aide.

 In a one-sentence press release, independent counsel Ralph Lancaster said
 he has completed a nearly two-year investigation of Herman and that he would
 not bring any criminal charges against the member of President Clinton's Cabinet.

 Lancaster investigated allegations that Herman solicited the illegal campaign
 contributions and engaged in influence peddling while she was a White House
 aide during Clinton's first term in office.

 Clinton said in a statement from the White House: ``I am very pleased to
 learn that the independent counsel, Ralph Lancaster, has concluded his
 investigation. As I said at the start of this inquiry nearly two years ago,
 Secretary Herman did nothing wrong.''

 So, after two years of the nasty Pigboy screaming,
 after two years of Paula Zahn screaming,
 after two years of Bill O'Reilly screaming,
 after two years of Sean Hannity screaming,
 after two years of Gordon Liddy screaming,
 after two years of Ollie North screaming,
 after two years of John MgLaughlin screaming,
 ...there never was anything there in the first place.

 Just like Whitewater,
 just like Filegate,
 just like Travelgate,
 just like Vince Foster's "murder,"
 just like Mena Airport,
 just like Ron Brown's "murder,"
 just like Mike Espy's "illegal football tickets,"
 just like the burial plots at Arlington,
 just like every goddamn thing
 that Rupert Murdoch and the Fox Whores have tried to invent,
 there never was anything going on besides a little tongue action.

 Of course, Susan McDougal had to do two years in a fucking hell-hole
 because Hardon Kenneth couldn't find anything substantive on Clinton,
 and we owe her for that.

 Don't forget:

 If not for Susan McDougal, we'd be in Gore's first term now,
 and Smirk would be whining about "two peas in a pod."
 If she had caved, your vote would mean a little less from now on
 because why fucking bother to vote if the majority party is just going
 to yank the winner out without any reason?

 We owe Susan McDougal BIG-TIME!

 Look at her, in those fucking leg-irons.
 You know Hardon Kenneth really had a good jerk over that one.
 She kept her cool, and she kept her dignity.

 Long-time readers know I was in the room when she gave her
 first speech since getting freed from those horrible prisons.
 Thanks toMarc Perkel, I was able to meet Susan,
 and even have a small, private conversation with her

 That was something I won't forget.
 Thanks to the next senator from Missouri.

 Suze, you're a trooper!

 An extremely rare double-shot of Chinaco for Susan McDougal.
 

 Slappy Continues to Whine

 "The last few weeks at the court have been very difficult," he whines.

 Awwww, poor bay-bee!
 Did Slappy get a headache trying to figure out the hard, hard cases?

 "The cases have been getting harder," he continued to complain.

 ha ha
 You poor thing.

 Hold on, let me get my world's smallest violin so I can play while you whine.
 Slappy doesn't seem to understand that he was appointed to this job,
 by a quota-conscious knumskull that was so incredibly stupid that he
 actually picked Dan Quayle to lead the planet if he were to die.

 Dan Quayle and Clarence Thomas?
 Those were the decisions President Butch afflicted us with?
 Oh, Butch, what did you DO to America?
 Now, your spoiled-idiot son wants to continue the job Daddy started.

 Is it too early for a drink?

 Gag Me!

 As I type this, Pigboy is reading one praise letter after another,
 talking about how "fair" and "honest" the lying, Nazi bastard is.
 He's whoring for a spot on Monday Night Football.

 Koresh!
 Pigboy just said he'd be the greatest at MNF because,
 "a good announcer knows when to shut up."

 Pigboy, when have you ever shut up?
 Surely not in the eleven years you've been hated by America you haven't.

 The Methane Factory is the biggest whore in the world at this,
 even worse than O'Reilly at reading his praise mail on Fox News.

 Can you imagine what the nasty Pigboy would be like on MNF?

 One team would be the perfect, patriotic team of honesty and goodness,
 while the other team would be a bunch of hoodlums, intent on cheating
 and breaking the arms and legs of the good and decent team.

 Each time Pigboy's favored team loses, he would explain,
 with his precious talent on loan from almighty God,
 that it was because the referees were all on the take,
 cheating to help the hoodlum team defeat the good and decent players.

 ...and after all, if God gave the nasty Pigboy this talent,
 he'd never misuse that talent to lie - would he?

 Oh, God!
 Now Rush is saying he doesn't want to spend a lot of time praising himself,
 even tho that's all we've heard for the first 51 minutes of today's show!!
 El Grande Puerca, when have you ever stopped praising yourself?

 Koresh!
 Now he's going to the phones so the callers that the screener deems are
 suffieciently grovel-worthy can heap further praise on the insecure shit.

 In this hateful moron was allowed in the Monday night booth,
 he would do to sports what he's done to politics.

 ..and that's just what we need.

 How Do You Do, Mr. Wyly?

 Sam Wyly, the Texas polluter who financed a stealth campaign in
 New York, buying $2,500,000 worth of TV time so Smirk could call
 John McCain "pro-breast cancer" and a "big-time polluter" gave a
 speech to the Climate Institute of Seattle saying he was "quitting politics."

 He said he quit because Kenneth Cook of the Environmental Working Group
 suggested a boycott of his company GreenMountain.com.

 Oh, the gall of this polluter!

 He thinks his pollution won't damage the environment
 if his web site is called "Green Mountain?"

 Even tho he's trying to slither back under his rock,
 after paying for Smirk to call McCain "pro-breast cancer,"
 I don't think the Gore campaign is likely to forget Mr. Wyly.

 And the snotty Smirk wants to make campaign reform an issue?
 After Wyly threw away $2,500,000 to help him when he was broke?

 How can we have finance reform if Smirk's rich, pollutin' buddies are
 allowed to circumvent all campaign laws by pretending they're independent?

 And what will Smirk allow this monster to do to the air and water in the
 great state of Texas to repay Wyly after he loses to President-elect Gore?

 New York Murder Rate Up 12 Percent This Year
 Headline in today's USA Today

 Actually, that headline is a little misleading.
 Techinically, murders are down slightly, but if you factor in
 the New York City police shootings, it's up by 12 percent.

 Go Rudy!

 Strange but True

 From:  dirosnic@eos.ncsu.edu

 Subject: Newt and Fidel

 Oh boy, good stuff today...

 We have Clinton called a panderer for his position on the Elian case,
 and Gore also demonized for the same,
 even though he has the opposing view.

 Gee, do you think it *matters* what position a Democrat takes?
 Or does an opinion expressed by a Democrat imply pandering?

 David Rosnick
 

 ha ha
 Good one, Dave

 Have You Heard?

 Hillary has done such a good job stomping this lil' kitty,
 the New York GOFP may decide their money is better spent
 by running Rep Rick Lazio (R-Rightwing loser) instead.

 This is not fair!
 I wanted to see the lil' kitty get stomped.
 Looks like that's not going to happen.
 Remember, he hasn't even formally announced he's going to run.
 Said it was "bad luck to declare."

 Yeah, that's what I'd say if some woman was beating my brains in.

 C'mon, Rudy, fight back a little, would you?
 You're suppoosed to be the tough-as-Angie Harmon prosecutor!
 Where are your balls Rudy?
 For that matter, where's your wife?

 Sidebar:
 Once again, special thanks to JennyQ1@aol.com  for the great
 animated gif. Check those eyeballs as Hillary's shoe comes down.
 ha ha
 A shot of Chinaco to JennyQ1!!

 We know Hillary's going to stomp whoever has the malo fortunado
 to run against her, but I wanted to see the lil' kitty get stomped.

 C'mon, Rudy, you can do it!

 The Wrong Chocolate

 From:  jellobrick@disinfo.net

 Subject:  Chocolate Craving Brings Thief 16-year Sentence

 A Tyler thief, whose first crime was stealing Oreo cookies as a teen-ager,
 has been sentenced to 16 years in prison for stealing a Snickers candy bar.

 Kenneth Dude Payne III's tough sentence for a chocolate craving that normally
 would have meant a shoplifting charge is the result of a life of crime, albeit
 mostly nonviolent crimes, prosecutors say.

 "I know it's kind of goofy when people look at it," said Smith County
 prosecutor Jodi Brown. "It wasn't about stealing a Snickers bar, it was about
 a lifestyle essentially. ... It was a lifestyle that he chose and has been
 choosing since he was 16 years old."

 His sentence for the December theft at a Tyler mom-and-pop store was handed
 down last month under the state's habitual offender law.

 The 29-year-old man's criminal history dates to 1987 when he was 16 and was
 first arrested for stealing the cookies.

 "He's a pain in the butt to have in your neighborhood, but he's not dangerous,"
  store owner Bob Castlebury said.

 Brown said she had been concerned the jury might feel sorry for Payne and buy
 his attorney's argument that it was only a candy bar.

 "I think he needed to be taught a lesson," Brown said. "I think that the
 community needs to see that regardless of what you go in and steal, if you
 engage in that type of lifestyle then that's what you're risking."
 

 This is totally insane.
 The only chocolate worth doing time for is Break Up Chocolate
 made by The South's Finest Candy Company of Knoxville, TN

 I don't know how they do it.   Maybe I should go to Knoxville
 and ask them to let me watch them make this amazing chocolate.
 This chocolate causes the pleasure centers in your brain to explode.
 If you've never tasted this chocolate, you've never tasted chocolate.

 The French and the Swiss think they're so fancy with their crap!
 They don't have anything like this chocolate.

 And, just like cocaine, it works double on the women,
 and it's so much cheaper than cocaine, too.

 If you get caught stealing chocolate made my Mars or Hersheys,
 you're probably too stupid to be on the streets, anyway.
 That idiot belongs in Smirk's compassionate, Turkish prison.
 What does it cost to house a prisoner for a year?
 Isn't it $100,000 or more?
 The state of Texas will spend millions to house this dude over a
 goddamn stolen candy bar made from inferior chcolate?

 When you steal chocolate, make sure it's The South's Finest,
 the Chinaco of fine luxury chocolates.

 They did not pay me to say that.
 I don't even get a discount from them.
 (hint)

 Guest Editorial

 From:  DENNISC@iadb.org

 Subject: Compassionate Conservatism strikes again!

 House Passes New Organ Transplant Bill

 The House just passed a new organ transplant bill that strips oversight
 power from the Health and Human Services Department for regulation of the
 organ donor program. The main problem is the HHS policy of seeing to it
 that the sickest people are first in line for donated organs. The House
 believes that the private company handling the organ transplants should
 decide the priority for those waiting for donated organs.

 The problem is that this will lead to the rich being able to 'jump the line'
 and get organ transplants simply because they have the money to pay to
 upgrade their place in line. The potential exists to create a bidding war
 for donated organs. Suddenly greed replaces need as the main criteria for
 organ recipients.

 Once again the poor get screwed by the GOP.

 Dennis Courtney
 

 Dennis, No problemo.
 The good president will veto that bill.

 Great Scumbag Quotes

"Nothing has made me more tempted to get back into public life
 than the Clinton administration's pathetic pandering to Fidel Castro."
  --  Newt (3-wives) Gingrich, threatening to comeback over Elian
       during his Live Online discussion at washingtonpost.com
 

 Can anybody tell me what that means?
 I keep hearing "Clinton's horrible pandering."
 Is it because Clinton suggested the courts handle this court matter?

 Anyone have a clue what "pandering" is in this case?
 Or is this like, "Clinton won't prosecute gun laws,"
 yet no Republican can explain what that means?

 Please, God, let Newt come back.

 Smirk's Dirty Air

 From: dave@landru.dac.uga.edu

 Subject: environmental policy?

 Dear Bartcop,

 This is from the LA Times:

 Delivering his most detailed remarks so far on the environment--a traditional
 preserve of Democrats and an area of particular concern to Al Gore--Bush said
 that states, working with business, should have a freer hand in policing the health
 of their local communities. The key, he said, is increased flexibility--including lower
standards in some cases--and fewer mandates coming from the federal government.

 "The command-and-control structure out of Washington, D.C., won't work," said
 Bush, speaking at a U.S. Gypsum plant being built on the site of a former steel mill
 outside Pittsburgh. "The idea of suing our way or regulating our way to clean air
 and clean water is not effective public policy."

 Does this logic suggest that current polluters are destroying the
 environment out of spite? Just wondering.

 Dave
 

 Poor Smirk,
 He's scared and he's lying like a six-year old who broke a lamp.
 He makes stuff up.
 There are so many ways to attack this bullshit:

 First, of course control needs to come from one source.
 That's why Smirk has only one campaign headquarters, instead of
 letting each of the 50 states decide which Smirk message to promote.
 Power is always centralized to promote efficiency.

 Pizza Hut, Holiday Inn, Microsoft, Wal-Mart etc. have just one home office.
 To suggest that every state should have different levels of pollution,
 could only come from an on-the-take idiot who's letting runaway industry
 destroy the state to which he's been entrusted to protect.

 Second, everyone wants cleaner air and water.
 If DuPont wants to come in my state and hire 5,000 people, and they're going
 to dump one barrel of oil into our local river a year, that's OK with me.
 But if they're going to dump 50 barrels each day, for 50 jobs, it's not.

 Tell me, Smirk, how many jobs this this create?

 If it was less than 10,000,000 jobs, I'd say Smirk has taken the Texas air,
 kidnapped it, tied it up, thrown in the trunk of a car, driven into the woods,
 forced it to walk to an old mine, slit its throat and buried it in a shallow grave.
 There's a thing called logic and common sense that Smirk can't grasp.

 Besides, what's to prevent Texas from locating all their polluting industries
 on the Louisiana border so they suffer the consequences, instead?
 Republicans love to ignore the fact that we are the UNITED states.
 If Smirk can make some money by screwing Louisiana, I think he would.

 And, if we don't make the polluters pay fines for breaking the law,
 (lawsuits) what enforcement tool does Smirk offer in it's place?
 Is he going to ask profit-oriented companies to "do the right thing?"
 Some example Governor Blow Monkey is showing them, right?

 Good thinking, Smirk.
 Yeah, let's make this election about education and the environment.

 ...and where can I place my wager?

Smokin' Joe Conason is rapidly becoming a great writer.
Check it this very small piece he wrote about a slut you may not know.
Of course, my good friend Joe's manners are better than mine, but when
someone teams up with Rupert Murdoch to lie, cheat and distort for money,
I can't think of a more descriptive term than "whore."

Click Here

Good work, Joe.
Every piece of your work that I've seen or read has been superb.

 I don't print a lot of "jokes" because frankly, so few are funny.
 Usually, I can see them coming from a mile away, but this one snuck up on me.
 

 Stevie Wonder & Tiger Woods

 Stevie Wonder and Tiger Woods are in a bar.
 Woods turns to Wonder and says: How is the singing career going?"

 Stevie Wonder replies: "Not too bad! How's the golf?"

 Woods replies:  "Not too bad, I've had some problems with my swing,
 but I think I've got that right now."

 Stevie Wonder says: "I always find that when my swing goes wrong,
 I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it.
 Then, the next time I play, it seems to be all right.

 Tiger Woods says: "Wow! You play golf?"

 Stevie Wonder says: "Sure, I've been playing for years."

 Woods says: "But, you're blind. How can you play golf blind?"

 Wonder replies: "I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the fairway
 and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball
 towards him. Then, when I get to where the ball lands, the caddy moves
 to the green or farther down the fairway and again I play the ball
 towards his voice."

 "But, how do you putt?", asks Woods.

 "Well," says Stevie, "I get my caddy to lean down in front of the hole
 and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball
 towards his voice."

 Woods asks: "What's your handicap?"

 Stevie says, "Well, I'm a scratch golfer."

 Woods, incredulous, says to Stevie: "We've got to play a round sometime."

 Wonder replies: "Well, people don't take me seriously, so I only play
 for money, and never play for less than $10,000 a hole."

 Woods thinks about it and says, "I'm OK with that, when would you like to play?"

 Stevie says, "Pick a night!"

 Smirkwatch

 For days and days, the newspapers have been full of pictures
 of Smirk with Gov. Tom Ridge (PA) and Gov. Christy Whitman. (NJ)
 The talk is, which of them he will pick as a running mate.

 Doesn't he know both are baby killers?

 What's wrong with Smirk?
 Pat Buchanan will get more votes than Smirk
 if Smirk picks a baby-killing running mate.

 Besides, Ridge is Catholic and Whitman was born with a uterus.
 Did Smirk forget which party he's in?

 Slapwatch

 From: JennyQ1@aol.com

 Subject: Slappy calls Supreme Court coverage "frivolous"

 TAMPA, Fla. - Clarence "Slappy" Thomas Tuesday called some news
 media coverage of the court "frivolous" because it focused on keeping
 score of how the justices voted.

 Slappy, in a speech to the Tampa chapter of the Federal Bar Association,
 said such reports tried to characterize the justices by the way they voted,
 how many decisions they wrote and what kind of questions they asked
 during oral arguments.

 uhhhh..................What other criteria might that genius SLAPPY suggest
 the media use to characterize justices?

 ha ha

 Mail Bag

 From: WatsMata4U@aol.com

 Subject: Rush vs Gore

 Today that slob said if Gore wants the credit for the economy,
 he has to take the credit for the crash (that didn't happen).
 I assume this means E.I.B. Central is now crediting Gore with the economy
 because Rush is blaming him for the collapse (that didn't happen).
 No wonder Rush didn't go into the financial advice field.

 ha ha
 It was double-fun here in K-Drag, because we're on a two-hour delay.
When Rush was screaming "Clinton is responsibile for all this,"
 the news came on saying the Dow was almost even.

 While we're at it, why doesn't Pigboy yell at Reagan for
 appointing that judge who ruled against Microsoft?

 He keeps attacking Clinton for Reagan's judge's ruling.

Celebrity Mail

 From:  alsmudge@smudgereport.com

 (My good friend Al Smudge has a great website.
 www.smudgereport.com  is Top Ten on the whole www)

 Subject: Rush Boycott

 I see on your list, the U.S. Army advertises on Rush's show.
 Now, how many recruitment age kids do you think listen to talk radio?

 Shouldn't they be spending all their money on hip hop stations?
 Stations that 17 and 18 year old kids actually listen to,
 instead of the the stations that the 60 year-old Army brass listens to?

 Doesn't it gall you to think that our money, Army advertising money,
 is going to Rush?  There should be an investigation into this.
 Maybe a $52 million dollar investigation as to why the Army is wasting
 our money advertising to the old, senile geezers who listen to Rush.

 ha ha

 Good one, Al.
 Check back soon.

 Whatever we end up doing to the Rush advertisers,
  we have to think of something really special for these guys.

 Gag me with a swastika

www.gore2000.com

The Consumer Product Safety Commission says the Hasbro toy company
has agreed to pay a $400,000 fine because it delayed reporting that their
Playskool Fold N' Travel baby carrier might dump the baby on the ground.

"If I had known what happened to the other kids, I wouldn't have bought it,"
 said Kristine Kwiecimski, whose 5-week-old son was dumped out of a
 Playskool carrier four years after Hasbro began collecting reports
 of skull fractures.

They knew that the faulty latch could injure or kill kids.
Did they make even the slightest effort to warn parents or fix the problem?
Nooooooooooooo, profits must come first!

Hmmmm...

Hasbro  is the company that distributes the Dr Laura board game.

It's whore city!

She's in bed with the WWF Smackdown people at Paramount,
and now she's getting money from a company who hid the fact
that seven tiny skulls were fractured due to their illegal silence?

Two-bit, cheap-ass whore...

Pull your pants up, Laura.
At least put your pubic hair away...

Has anyone gotten a copy of American Politics Journal's premier issue?

Has anyone seen it at a bookstore or drugstore?

The list of Rush advertisers is getting bigger.

If you hear one that's not on the list, send it in.

Click Here

ha ha

The words were too big?

ha ha

Click Here

Headline News

From: Nmmeeks@aol.com
 

Gore Questions INS Ruling on Cuban Boy, Suggests Courts Decide

This headline appeared in the Miami Herald on Jan. 7, 2000.

Rusty Limbhole was lying when he said Gore flip flopped on this issue.
What a prick.

John
 

The nasty Pigboy lied?
I'm shocked...

Mail Bag

From: Bells65@wwnet.net

Subject:  Rush's Slender Figure

BartCop,
I saw Rush on TV.
He was very slim.

He doesn't look like Hermann Goerring anymore.
Now he looks like Joseph Goebbels.

M Colwell

Eleanor Mondale

After watching her work that cigar,
Catholic men will need to go to confession.

Stupid-Ass Quotes

"Bill Clinton can negatively affect the American economy,
 but he can't affect it positively."
  -- The Nasty Pigboy, 4/3/00
 

 But Rush!
 If presidents can't affect the economy in a positive way,
 how can you give credit to Reagan for anything?

 Funny, with Reagan we got wars, debt, recession and depression.
 With Clinton, we have peace and tremendous, unheard-of prosperity.

 Is it all a coincidence, Rush?

 Oh, well...  Rush is always right,
 and his honesty comes from God.

Scalia Threatens To Quit When Gore Wins
by Robert Novak

When Al Gore defeats the snotty Smirk, Tony Scalia may
 retire at age 64 after 14 years on the high court.

Scalia, the Supreme Court's conservative anchor, was dissatisfied with
his colleagues even before President Clinton named two liberals to the
nine-judge court.   He grumbled privately that only Justice Clarence
Thomas joined him in interpreting the Constitution as it was written
instead of as it is imagined.

Oh, blow me!

Slappy wouldn't know juris prudence if it bit him on his johnson.
And if Tony doesn't like his job he should fucking quit!

Hey Tony - nobody likes you!
Your clerks think you're a weenie!
Your fellow judges think you're a stuck-up prick!
I guess this proves it, too.

You're too goddamn stupid to be on the Supreme Court.
When you leave, who will Slappy cheat off of?

 Tax Fax

 WASHINGTON (AP) -- Presidential wannabe Smirk donated $334,000 to
 charity in 1998, the year he sold the Texas Rangers baseball team.

 Al Gore and his wife gave away a little more than $15,000 in 1998, but
 it was a larger share of their taxable income.

 The Gores' contributions amounted to almost 7 percent of their 1998 taxable
 income of about $224,000, while the Bushes' donations represented just under
 2 percent of their taxable income of $18.4 million.

 Bush got more than $14 million when he sold his interest in the Rangers.

Got nothing better to do?

You could   Click Here

The Power of Money

I'm starting the Rush Advertiser's List.
Any help would be appreciated.

One other thing - if a national company advertises locally, that counts.
Lexus of Knuckledrag has commercials on Pigboy's show, that counts.

Click Here

Fun with Angry Sheep

Click Here

Pigboy Logic

"Since the President of Netscape is a multi-millionaire,
  I fail to see how Microsoft could have hurt that company."
 

Pigboy, your stroke has really impaired your thinking.
That's the logic you say liberals use when it comes to taxes.

You claim we say, "Why shouldn't Bill Gates pay more taxes,
if he's the richest person in the world?"

Now you, in your borderline-porcine way, have decided that if
Netscape's owner is a multi-millionaire, he should allow people
to screw him out of his money because he's rich?

So, if the woman-hating Pigboy has a hundred million dollars in the bank,
and I steal 95 million, that would leave Rush a multi-millionaire,
which, by Rush's definition, proves he wasn't hurt by the theft.
 

Pigboy - listen to Marta!
Take your stroke medicine!!

Hmmmmmm....
Mail is almost non-existent today, and hits are down by about 1,000.

Maybe there are more Fender fans than I thought...

Bush: Secret Service Cramps My Style
 By THOMAS M. DeFRANK
 Daily News Washington Bureau Chief

WASHINGTON ÷ Those humorless dudes with the buzz cuts, cool shades and
wires sticking out of their ears used to be status symbols for presidential wanna-bes.
Not this time.

When Secret Service agents started protecting Smirk at midnight March 14,
some of the GOP candidate's top staffers bemoaned the takeover.
"We can't be as spontaneous anymore," said one aide.

Until the federal takeover, Bush was protected by Texas Rangers and
plainclothes officers from the Texas Department of Public Safety.
The Secret Service was primed to take over Bush's detail on Feb. 19,
the day of the Carolina primary, but the Bush camp pushed back
the timetable a month. Even now, Bush has told friends he would have
preferred to keep his homegrown bodyguards.

"He really likes his detail and is totally comfortable with them," a Smirk aide
said of the public safety guards. "He was very reluctant to give them up."

Smirk - don't forget:
Your Secret Service guards will someday testify against you.
Thanks to your friends in the get-Clinton Congress.

Quotes

"At the end of the '96 election, we saw ... Clinton and Gore in the end zone.
They won the game, but ... they had chalk all over their shoes because
 they danced right along the sidelines, right into the end zone.

  --Former Justice Dept Investigator Charles LaBella
 

So this LaBella guy thinks MAYBE some investigations could've been
pushed a little further, but his bosses disagreed, so that's Tim the Whore's
cue to start screaming "Coverup!" in a try for better ratings.
 

You've seen Law & Order, right?

How many times have you seen Schiff, McCoy and the fabulous babe,
(there's been three) argue about who looks guilty and who doesn't?

How often does one of them quit, then call press conference to say
the others must be "criminals on-the-take" because they disagreed on
which charges to pursue against which individuals?
They rarely, if ever, do.

In Oklahoma, this kind of tactic is known as a load of horseshit.

Statistically, there were prosecutors who thought that Reno was going
way too tough on the Clinton administration, but, of course, they wouldn't
provide Tim the Whore with any red meat to feed the ditto-monkeys.

This unfortunate trend of always assuming the worst and kicking around every
possible self-serving illegal motive for higher ratings will continue, and that's
one reason why I'd love to see Smirk win.

I am so damn tired of playing defense for 8 years.
I'd sure like to play a little offense for a while.
It's my opinion the Finders of the Secret Sauce will continue to write books
on Clinton's Cock even after he's dead, but a few of them might want to
write some books on Smirk, if he wins, which he won't.

I can't wait to hear the right-wingers say how awful it is for people to be
violating Smirk's privacy, even tho they were openly masturbating when
Hardon Kenny went through Hillary's underwear drawer.

The Gods of Payback are very hungry...

My Kind of Town

Chicago has started a boycott against WLS AM advertisers.
WLS fired Mike Malloy, a talk radio guy who was getting good rating,

but ...he was a liberal.

Gasp!

http://login.internettrash.com/users/boycott_wls/index.htm
 

Which reminds me...

I will attempt to make a list of the nasty Pigboy's advertisers.
To me, it makes no difference if the ads is national or loco,
but there's no sense in trying to boycott "Bob's Used Cars" in Idaho.

I could use some help with this, too.

I will make a list, we can update it every day.
If you hear an ad on Piggy's show that's not listed, make a note of it,
send me e-mail   and soon we'll have our own list.

We'll make a list of She-Nazi advertisers, too, but they're mostly the same
uneducated, right-wing Hooked-on-Phonics losers trying to learn to read.

So if you hear an ad on either show, send me the advertiser's name, and,
if possible, their URL so we can bombard them.

To reduce the flow of mail, maybe wait until you have several to send...

 BartCop's FAQ

 From: leocarr@mediaone.net

 Mr. BC,
 What is this reference to Paul Harvey and a horse that you make occasionally??

 Leo
 
 

 Leo,
 Years ago, maybe 94 or 95, Paul Harvey said on his lil' hate show
 that Bill Clinton murdered 42 people to be president.

(Sidebar: That may've been the day I decided to start fighting back.
 I remember calling the K-Drag Demo party that day and asking them
 for their reaction to that shit and I believe the lady said,
 "They accuse this president of crazy stuff all the time.")

 Clinton hasn't killed anyone, so that worthless shit Harvey has no proof,
 so he had no business inflicting his stupid, wild-ass, Nazi opinions on his
 show while confusing his sheep by mixing his hate opinions with facts.

 So,

 That's the way we play the game?

 Fine.
 I like games, too.

 Paul Harvey likes nothing more than having sex with a male horse.
 He lives for it.
 He craves it.
 He can't get enough.

 He scares the hell out of the horses.
 You know why Paul Harvey switched to 901 Levi's jeans?
 Because the sound of a zipper kept scaring the horses away!!

 He buys certain horses for certain reasons.
 He buys some just 'cause they're cute!
 Isn't that disgusting?
 Paul Harvey the elderly role model from Oklahoma?
 He abuses these poor horses and I'm SURE about this.

 How do I know?

 I heard it from the same guy who told Harvey about the Clinton murders.
 If the mother-horser wants to sue me, let him fucking try.
 I'll subpeona that particular show and make him show proof
 that Clinton had those people murdered.

 When he says, "I meant that was just my opinion," fine.
 That's all I'm doing, too.

 It's just using their tactics against them.
 Please God, let one of them sue me.

 ...and when they call me to the stand, maybe I'll admit it was my opinion,

OR

 maybe I'll whip out a video I recently got from one of his employees at
the ranch and let the court see exactly what I've been talking about!.
 

 Ohhhhhh........

 (shudder)

 The video will never, ever be shown on  bartcop.com   never!

 ...but I might play a little of the audio sometime.

ha ha

Paul Harvey done spit his bit!!

ha ha

 Update to Capitol Gang Outrage (below)

 From: politex@geocities.com

 Subject: granny fact
 

 Fact is, Bart, Granny was in Arkansas and came by a Clinton-Gore
 fundraiser unannounced, without an invite or someone to get her in.

 She asked an 8 year old kid at the door if she could come in.
 He said "no" and she went away.

 The truth is even funnier...

 Click Here

 Politex
(Bushwatch.com)
 

 ha ha

 Bushwatch is your primary up-to-date reference site on the web.
 If it's current, it's on Bushwatch.com

 bc

 Outrage mail

 From: VALERIE002@aol.com

 Subject: Can you BELIEVE this???

 Starr Sets Costly Record

 By The Associated Press
 WASHINGTON (AP) -- Congressional investigators say Kenneth Starr's
 investigation of President Clinton cost $52 million, the most expensive
 independent counsel inquiry ever.

 The General Accounting Office said Starr's Whitewater and Monica Lewinsky
 probe exceeded the $47.4 million record set by Lawrence E. Walsh in the 1980s
 for the Iran-Contra investigation, The Washington Post reported today.
 

 Valerie, yes, I believe it.
 Lawrence Walsh spent a lot, but he got so close to the truth, Smirk's daddy had to
 pardon the guilty BEFORE the trial to keep the serious crimes hidden.

 Meanwhile, Hardon Kenneth scared and threatened so many women,
 with his $52,000,000 and five years of digging, he found some blow jobs.

 It's not quite the same, is it, Kenneth?
 Is it Kenneth?

Right, Kenneth?
Kenneth?

Kenneth, don't just gimp there, say something!

Pundit Accountability!

Finally - finally someone is keeping score.
And big surprise which side is telling the truth more often.
Brill's Content keeps an honest eye on the media.

Good magazine, put out by my close friend, Steven Brill.
(He answered an e-mail of mine - I was impressed)

Stephie Judas Maximus, stealing from his bosses?
Sure looks that way, doesn't it?
ha ha

Hey Judas, did you stab anybody in the back this week?
Have you sold out a confidence yet this month?
It's early, so maybe not.
Traitor!

Let's take a look at the Top Six six in accurate predictions,
according to Brill's Content magazine, a fine publication.

The Top four, and four out of the top six are to the left of 1944 Berlin.
No surprise there.

Blankley and Kristol each have been called  bartcop Republicans
because it's possible for them to tell the truth sometimes.
This is backed up, once again, by Brill's Content.

Congrats to Margaret Carlson for beating all the boys.
(Not quite a shot of Chinaco achievement.)

OK, let's look at the half-honest people, the second-tier of honesty:

A Clinton-hater,
another Clinton hater,
plus Bob Novak, another bartcop Republican,
a back-stabbing Judas,
a shreiking creature that eats flies with her tongue,
and Cokie, the jack-skirted Clinton hater.

Now we get down to the REAL ditto-monkeys.

LOOK AT THIS!!!!
Look at Chippy the Chimp smoke the shit out of these lying whores!!
LOOK AT THIS!!!!

Plus, Chippy is unaffiliated!
ha ha

Chippy doesn't have the resources of ABC News, CNBC and the
Fox News Whores but he STILL got it right more often than the other four

Go Chippy!!
ha ha

I know what you're thinking, ...but this is no BartCop gag.
These are the scientific, mathmatical FACTS from Brill's Content.

Chippy beat these four lying scumbags!
Chippy has more accountability than George Will!!!!!
ha ha
 

Look at Fred Barnes, the darkest of the black holes.

I believe that those four lying whores are probably smarter than the chimp,
but they lie so goddamn much about every goddamn thing,
that Chippy beats them for integrity and accuracy!

Repeat - this is not a bartcop gag.

Holy Koresh!

If anyone ever showed me scientific proof that a chimp had more integrity
and brains than me, then I'd say "fuck it," and check out of Earth's hotel.

I hereby call on severely Catholic John McLaughlin,
and that smug bastard George Will,
and Morton Kondrake and Fred Barnes, twin-Fox Whores,
to do us all a favor and be take some sleeping pills with some vodka.
Buy the cheap stuff - you don't have to worry about a hangover!

You've been busted by a goddamn chimpanze!!

ha ha

I need a drink...

Please pass that last section around to your ditto-freinds.
Ask them to explain to you, how the best and the brightest of
the GOP lost a game of political skill to a damn monkey.
(Change what words you need to, but let people see that chart)
Print it out, and stealthly put it on the bulletin board at work.

If you want the chart intact, in a format that can be printed out
without any expert commentary or analysis from Ol' BartCop,

click here.
 

You see?

I told you they were ditto-monkeys...

Just so we don't forget what the truth sounds like
I have an example of the truth right here.
Like to hear it?
Here it go:

Great True Quotes

Margaret Carlson said something that cannot be disputed.

Click Here

See Previous Issue
 
 

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