Have you wondered what happened to the Home Run Updates?

Well, it looks like neither Sammy or Mark will set any records.
I expect them to end in a tie at about 64 when the year's over.
Don't forget, they play each other six times in the last week or so.

But I'm angry at the pitches Mark McGwire is getting.

The strike zone is a fucking joke.
It moves around more than Butch's era of cocaine abuse.
Every umpire has his own definition, and that sucks.

Recently, when St Louis played Atlanta, they showed the balls nearing the plate
from the viewpoint of the overhead camera and it was a fucking joke.

They were calling strikes on McGwire that were more than a baseball's width
out of the strike zone.  And don't give me any crap about "camera angles."

Let's say a baseball is three inches in diameter.
When the ump called McGwire out on strikes, the replay showed that if you
froze the ball as it neared the plate, you could fit another baseball in-between
that hurled ball and the corner of the plate. That means the damn ball was
about four inches outside the strike zone.

Sometimes, McGwire is forced to gamble and swing at one of these balls,
but if he connects, even with all his power, all he gets is a fly to right field,
because the ball hits off the end of his bat and it won't carry.

So, McGwire either swings at a ball outside and can't reach it,
or he connects and flies out to the right fielder or he's called out on a ball outside.

The only way he can hit a Home Run is if the pitcher
makes a mistake and pitches the ball near the plate!!

I realize this is a partisan rant, but everyone who watches baseball
knows the umpires are really fickle about where the plate is this time.

That's bullshit.

Somebody needs to stop the hypocrisy.

Let's get one strike zone, and fire Helen Keller if he can't see the goddamn ball.
The batter is supposed to make a decision immediately,
but the umpire can't get it right with an extra second or two to decide?

While we're at it....

When I watch Cardinal Baseball, if it's a home game from Butch, ...sorry,
from Busch Stadium, one of the big sponsors is the Mississippi Queen Casino.
Following the casino commercail, they run an ad for the Missouri Lottery.

...and Pete Rose isn't in the Hall of Fame because he gambled?

Meanwhile, Lawrence Taylor, repeat cocaine-offender,
cruises right into the Football Hall of Fame without a whif of controversy?
Is that the message our kids are getting?

If you do hard drugs, you get into the Hall of Fame and the White House.
But if you patronize the Cardinal Baseball sponsors, you're out?

This Pete Rose thing is all fucked up.

Darryl Strawberry is on second-chance number 35, and Pete Rose,
the greatest singles hitter in history can't get in because he enjoys playing the ponies?

That's bullshit!

One last thing, Pete Rose has the record for Most Hits.
I forget the number, 4250 or something.
You know whose record he broke?

Ty Cobb, the meanest bastard who ever played the game.
They said Ty Cobb was so mean, he'd spike the living Koresh out of
the second baseman's leg, even if there was no double play to break up!

But the hardest-working man in baseball, still drug-free,
is shut out for a little harmless gambling?

I'm going to stop short of an "Eat Me," to baseball,
but I gotta tell you, I'm  thisclose.