Bev Conover in Online Journal, April 10, 2000

http://www.onlinejournal.com/Media/Starr/starr.html
 
Ready for a laugh? Former Grand Inquisitor, er… Independent Counsel Ken
Starr is now claiming that Attorney General Janet Reno ordered him to
investigate President Clinton's relationship with Monica Lewinsky.

Next Starr will be claiming Reno had a hand in writing his porn report
that was posted to the Internet.

Starr made his latest allegation in a speech Saturday night before a
conservative Texas law group and the Associated Press dutifully – or
was that gleefully? – reported it. Shades of Drudge here.

Now Reno has done many weird things, such as buying into the lie that
tear gas was harmless to children (the Waco debacle) and ordering up a
criminal investigation of the Faux White House Emailgate (Rep. Dan
Burton's latest attempt to get Clinton), so it will be interesting to
hear her response to this one. That is, if anyone in the Washington
press corps asks her to respond.

More interesting is that during all the time Kenny was obsessed with
who had put what into whom, while sniffing Monica's semen-stained dress,
encouraging Linda "I'm Just Like You" Tripp to continue her illegal taping of
conversations with Lewinsky and giving Kathleen "The Prevaricator" Willey
immunity twice, he never breathed a word that he was just following Janet's
orders? Perhaps he will plead it was an oversight, because he had much
on his mind: sex, sex and sex.

Funnier still, Starr testified before the House Judiciary Committee that he
went to Reno with the Monica tale. What Starr didn't tell Reno was about his
involvement with the Jones case and the elves. And we still aren't certain
whether Kenny ever complied with David Kendall's (Clinton's lawyer)
request, made during Starr's appearance before the HJC, to turn over
Reno's letter authorizing Kenny to probe which of the president's
privates made contact with Monica's.

Soon Kenny will tell us that old Janet was getting her jollies by either hiding
in the bushes and peering into the Oval Office windows or she had
cameras secreted in the whole presidential office suite – remember the
prez and Monica supposedly did their thing in a short hallway – and caught
them in the act. Then Janet did what any fine, upstanding attorney general
would do, she called in Kenny and commanded him to investigate Clinton
for allowing Monica to perform fellatio on him. Kenny, who probably can't
get beyond the missionary position, will then tell us how shocked he was
that the prez was engaging in… ah… well… sodomy.

But the AP and its writer Connie Mabin were not about to let the facts get in
the way of Kenny's latest delusion. Despite all the AP's resources, why
mess up a titillating story by making a phone call to Reno to ask if
this was the way it happened.

The AP claims Starr made his latest claim while speaking to reporters
before receiving a jurist-of-the-year award from the right-wing Texas
Review of Law & Politics at the University of Texas.

Adam Ross, the chairman of the group, claimed Starr's visit to Texas
wasn't to help Gov. George W. Bush's campaign. The AP quoted Ross as
saying, "Judge Starr is coming in town to be honored by an academic law
journal. This has nothing to do with politics."

Why would anyone think otherwise? Don't choke.

Poor Kenny has problems. His old law firm, Kirkland and Ellis, wasn't
thrilled at having him return and was probably hoping he would disappear
down some deep hole. That way K&E stood less of a chance its reputation
being further sullied. (Remember it was another K&E partner, Richard
Porter, who was up to his eyeballs, along with Kenny, in the Paula Jones
case.) Kenny no longer has his plush Washington office, from which he
diligently worked to oust a twice-elected president. And he surely must
miss the corporate media critters that gathered outside his home every
morning to catch a glimpse of him, with a coffee cup in one hand and a
bag of garbage in the other, as they salivated at the prospect of some
comment falling from his guppy-like mouth.

Yes, Kenny may be gone from the Washington scene, but he refuses to be
forgotten. To that end, he drops little gems whenever a reporter is near,
such as the FBI believed Juanita Broaddrick's claim that Clinton raped
her more than two decades ago. To further his visibility, Kenny is now a
fundraiser for the Heritage Foundation – one of Richard Mellon Scaife's
favorite right-wing think tanks.

The Clinton-hating Scaife, who financed the Arkansas Project that got the
impeachment ball rolling, made a gift of $1,375,000, through his foundations,
to Heritage in 1998. Scaife also endowed a chair at Pepperdine University
especially for Starr, but poor Kenny wound up having to decline it, after
some hackles were raised by the corporate media (how dared they do that
to their boy?), in order to continue in his role as Grand Inquisitor.

If you recall, Kenny even denied at the time that he knew Scaife. And
the  rest of us regularly take tea with the Queen of England, right?

We can hardly wait for Kenny's next delusional tale. The saga
continues, while justice languishes.