There is a high-powered New York publicity team that's going to help increase
 the size of the  bartcop.com  hammer. So far, I am damn impressed with their work.

 We searched high and low for the best place to make our splash.
 We looked at print media, but decided we'd get more bang for the buck
  if we did everything online, because it's just a click away.

 We looked at every web site we could think of.
 Most of the sites lefties might visit don't have any ads.
 That may be for the same reason that an anti-Hillary book will sell millions but the press
 won't even mention Newt putting his hooker fees on his American Express.

 So after looking at every option, we decided to put every dime (and some dimes
 that haven't materialized yet) into a one-day blitzkrieg, to use a GOP term.

 We got a much better deal than their posted rates, plus a bonus.
 They said we got the great deal "because we all love you here and we
 want to see  bartcop.com  make a big splash."

 ha ha

 ...and I didn't even get a kiss!

 We set up the blitzkrieg for the last full day we have under a smart president.
 This New York group (shall I name you guys?) is writing some funny ads
 and we have a top-notch graphics expert putting the ani-gifs together.

 This famous web site is going to feature three  bartcop.com  banners on their
 home page until every liberal on the web sees them. (Should take a day.)

 I need to start saving my very best stuff to be put up at midnight on the 18th.
 So if you send me a really good story or cartoon (that's not time sensitive)
 don't be surprised if it gets run that day.

 If every liberal in America is going to read  bartcop.com  that day,  that issue
 will have to sparkle like Susan McDougal at the Hardon Kenny lynching.

 But,  (there's always a but...)

 I expect to have the money to cover the check by then.
 You wouldn't believe how much advertising costs.
 We could've done Vegas in style for what we're paying them,
 but we want to be the Number One Smirk ridicule site on the Internet
 Every time Smirk offers to meet with Canadian Prime Minister Cheese Fries,
 we want people to know they can get the whole story right here!

 Is this a gamble?
 You bet your ass.

 Our choices are to teeter on the edge of extinction or fight, and I'd rather fight than teeter any day.
 You remember that classic Star Trek Galileo 7 where Spock and Scotty and the black guy from
 Land of the Giants were stuck in the planet of cavemen with bad teeth?

 They didn't have enough fuel to make it back to the Enterprise, so Spock,
 in a wildly emotional moment, decided to set fire to every drop of fuel they had
 to create a giant, one-second "emergency flare," hoping to draw attention.

 Scotty said, "Jesus Christ, Spock! Are ye daft?"
 But then he smiled real big and said,
 "Crikey! You were sending up a distress signal! It was a good try, even if it didn't work,"
 and then they resigned themselves to dying.

 Of course, since it was a TV Show, Sulu saw the flare and told Capt Clinton,
 I mean Capt Kirk, and the show had a happy ending, as always.

 Back to reality...
 Will the giant, one-second emergency flair work?
 Or will it just fry the ram in Marc Perkel's server?
 Will the extra exposure bring in enough new readers to make a second ad affordable?
 ...or are we just jerking off?
  (homage to Mel Brooks and Richard Pryor...)

 I guess we'll know in two weeks.

 Isn't it exciting, though?
 Taking the big gamble?
 But, ...what else can we do?

 Sure, we're picking up a couple of dozen new readers a day,
 and by my good Catholic math, by the end of Smirk's second term,
 we'd have about one-tenth of one percent of the Gore popular vote total.

 Teetering isn't something I can do forever.
 I'm getting old, and the GOP is getting stronger.

 Even though the Democrats won the popular vote in the last three elections,
 the whites-only, religiously-insane, gun-toting tobacco whores now control the White House,
 both Houses of Congress, the Supreme Court, the military and the media.

 We can't sit back and whine as the GOP continues their successful takeover.
 We have to FIGHT!

 We can't wait!
 I don't care what Sollozzo says about a deal.
 He's gonna kill Pop, that's it.
 That's the key for him - we gotta get Sollozzo.
 

 ...whoops, sorry, that's from Godfather One.

 But we can't wait either.
 We can't let them build up their strength.
 We've got to stop them early.
 We've got to stop them like they should've stopped Hitler at fucking Munich.

 We have to FIGHT and we have to FIGHT NOW!
 Jesus Christ, they've already taken over!
 If we don't fight back now, we may as well just start building pyramids.

 We've got two weeks to raise some money and prepare the big issue.
 I figure over 50,000,000 people are going to have a bad feeling in their
 stomach when they watch that moron mangle the oath of office.

 "I hereby swallowly snare..."

 The time to strike is upon us.
 We can fight back, or we can be sheep.
 Five weeks from today, maybe we'll have a bigger, stronger bartcop.com
 or maybe the gamble will have failed, it's impossible to say.

 But I'll be goddamned if I sit back and watch that idiot Smirk and Tom Delay
 and whites-only Trent Lott take over what's left of our freedoms without a fight.
 We've already lost the right to vote - what's next?

 Look at it this way:
 Susan McDougal went to prison for YEARS to prevent them from winning.
 Susan McDougal is a trooper!

 Nobody's asking you for a sacrifice that big.
 Maybe just a mention to a friend or a few bucks to feed the advertising monster.

 We need the BIG hammer working overtime.

I say we give the mother-effers hell!

I say we FIGHT BACK!

 Updates
 bartcop.com  thanks these people for their generosity
 

 Michael Altose
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 (for the Hammer)
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 (For: Freedom & Reason)
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