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Carter calls
out Crawford Cowboy
by Alan Bisbort
Jimmy Carter, former President, Nobel Peace
Prize winner, bestselling author and international
figure of renown, could have gone quietly to
his grave and been eulogized accordingly. Perhaps
feeling that he didn’t want to leave this place
without speaking the truth about Bush—unlike
Gerald Ford, who bit his tongue about how badly
he felt Bush has butchered things—Carter
let loose a fusillade over the weekend. The most
quoted part of his surgically precise filleting of
the Captain Codpiece was, “As far as the adverse
impact on the nation around the world, this
administration has been the worst in history.”
You can practically see the Bushes (son and dad)
laughing about Carter afterwards, and then
Junior strutting around his Oval Office, his
chest puffed out. “I been in two terms, he ain’t even
barely did one term...I am the Decider…how does
Peanut Man get off sayin’ that shit about me?
Condi…git in here and say some good stuff about
me…Hell, Laura, don’t even answer my phone
calls now and ain’t figured out how to do them
whatchama callems, electric-mails doohickeys.”
After he calmed down, he and his brain trust (Rove)
decided to respond to Carter, because failing
to respond would mean the terrorists have won.
So they sent out Tony Fratto to make their statement.
Are you kidding me?! Tony Fratto?! What is this,
Godfather VI?
The lapdog press, of course, framed it just as
the White House wanted: “In a biting rebuke,
the White House on Sunday dismissed former President
Jimmy Carter as ‘increasingly irrelevant’
after his harsh criticism of President Bush.”
A “biting rebuke”???!!!! They sent out TONY FREAKIN’
FRATTO! Who the hell is Tony Fratto?
No, a “biting rebuke” would have been Captain
Codpiece responding personally, instead of hiding
behind obscure lackeys. The proper lead on the
story about this should have read, “In a toothless
gesture of their own irrelevance, the White House
on Sunday dismissed former President Jimmy
Carter as ‘increasingly irrelevant’ after his
harsh criticism of President Bush.”
Great way to start the week, though.