MISTAKES CONSERVATIVES
MAKE,
PART II
We here at bartcop.com got so much mail and comment on "Mistakes
Conservatives Make, we came up with another list!
Paying employees more and giving them benefits hurts the economy.
People feel better about their medical care knowing they are in
the secure
and caring hands of a gigantic, profit-driven HMO.
Family values are supported by forcing rape and incest victims
to give birth
to the children they conceive during these attacks.
The United States and the world would be safer if more people would have guns.
It's patriotic to set up off shore accounts to avoid paying taxes
and anyone
who doesn't think so is a commie pinko fag.
Giving aid to the poor is bad, but giving aid to big business
is good for the
economy.
The US should pull out of Bosnia because we are not the World's
policeman
and Bosnia doesn't have any oil.
When the media doesn't report good things about conservatives,
it becomes
part of the radical liberal left.
Rupert Murdoch is excoriated by the media because his news channels
are "fair
and balanced."
Dan Rather makes several million dollars a year, is watched by
millions and
is part of the liberal elite media, but Pigboy makes multimillions,
has
millions of listeners, and is a "man of the people."
Because the US does not rank first among other countries in education,
the
final solution is close public schools and provide public money
for private schools.
Even though Colin Powell is used as an "incognegro" to support
republican
positions, he's secretly viewed by conservatives as leftist and
they laugh at
him behind his back.
Ronald Reagan is single handedly responsible for ending the cold
war.
It's good for the economy when big corporations "downsize" labor
staffs in
the US and "outsize" them to third world country slave labor
sweat shops.
A woman who wants control over her body, equal pay and thinks
for herself, is
a lesbian feminazi.
The slaughter at Columbine High school can be traced directly
to the Supreme
Court decisions banning coerced public prayer in schools.
Because David Koresh set his house on fire and killed himself,
we now live in
a socialist police state run by jack booted thugs.
The best qualifications to be president are, admitting you were
irresponsible
when you were young, not have much intelligence or experience,
be in the oil
business and hate Washington.
Smoking cigarettes is a harmless personal choice adults should
make, but
smoking marijuana is a national crisis for which the government
should
imprison as many black people as they can catch doing it.
Music and movie sex corrupts children, but violence is okay as
long as the
movie has republican Arnold or Bruce Willis in it.
Family planning which lessens the number of unwanted pregnancies
without
abortion should be stopped so there will be less abortions.
The budget surplus is a problem. The money should be given back
to the rich
while new military spending is done on the backs of working families.
A Left Wing dictator is a "guerilla" while a right wing dictator
is a
"freedom fighter."
Pat Buchannon, millionaire presidential candidate, Mercedes owner,
is a
populist who understands what the working man wants.
Christian white males are the most persecuted group of all time
and should
start fighting back against their oppressors.
Big business creates jobs. Without their benevolence, no one could work.
Because "what the market dictates" commercial television is responsible
for
the immoral character of American citizens, PBS must be eliminated.
Hillary Clinton personally murdered Vince Foster because he was
going to rat
her out on Whitewater, the biggest scandal in US history, even
though Ken
Starr says it didn't happen.
Conservatives believe you should have nothing and be happy about it.
Guns and assault rifles and cop killer bullets are the only thing
preventing
the tyrannical government from putting many of you in concentration
camps.
Promoting World Peace would be to dissolve NAFTA, GATT, withdraw
from the UN
and ban all immigration.
Just because some of the NEA money went to "obscene projects"
the best
solution is to get rid of the whole thing. Besides, we don't
need art anyway.
Federal regulations promoting clean air, water, and good meat
are socialism
and interfering with the free market. Subsidized grazing, agriculture,
mining, logging and defense work are just good government.
Finally, you know if you are a conservative if you don't think this is funny!