Dear Bart,
I hope you are well. Sad news to follow:
On the 19th of March, while I was tucking my youngest
into bed and he said,
"I want to stay in florida 6 more days because
I love poppop so much."
He immediately fell asleep and at the same time
my mom started screaming.
I rushed to her and saw my father, my precious
precious father, on the floor.
We both tried to give him CPR and the EMS finally
came and worked more than 90 minutes,
but it was not to be and a terrific man is gone.
We held a wonderful atheistic memorial for him,
but the intense roller coaster emotions are passing
and we are swimming in a vast pool of sadness.
On the last day of his life, he and i, among other
nice things, scrolled through your page and chatted
about it, a pleasure we shared for years.
He told me days before he died, "I will not live to see my
country get back on track." (He really
was frustrated by your support for Hillary whom we feel can't win.)
The state of america is one of his few disappointments
at the end of his life - he took time with everyone
important to him and was just so damn present,
so in the moment, so devoted - he told us just a year ago
before his kidney surgery that if he died on
the table he died a happy man. It is good to remember that,
and obviously, he had to go through things and
work things out, to come to this resolution. And though
I'd want so many more years for him and with
him, I don't have that power, and it helps to know.
Our oldest, Alex, 13, asked Poppop while they
played in the pool together, only hours before he died,
"Poppop, if you could be dictator of any country,
which one would you pick?"
And my dad thought a moment and then said, "The
Sudan."
Alex was very impressed and proud, and also delighted
with his own answer,
"Gee poppop, I woulda picked luxembourg."
He was so delighted, they'd just brought back
and remastered Carl Sagans' tv show. The night he died,
he explained to me why we are star stuff
- and his eyes shown at the wonder of this universe.
He loved that we are star stuff and I love that
stars are there even when we can't see them
and the light from stars reaches us long after
they've died.
We're going to scatter Dad's ashes at the lake
and I get a bit hysterical thinking about it.
The Big Lebowski is one of his favorite
movies and that scattering scene was too funny to him.
Hopefully that'll help.
Update: Mom is probably not
going to have dad scattered at the lake now. Mom wants to have the
Navy bury him at sea. Family can't attend
and i can imagine all kindsa beauracratic insults, but the Navy
says they'll take him (back) to Honolulu, ten
miles off shore, and bury him there.
Dad sure didn't respect the modern navy personnel,
and had personal interactions with Rumsfeld that
left dad knowing in the 70s that Rumsfeld was
a jerk beyond measure. "A real schmuck," my dad would say.
Dad and mom lost their retirement savings in
Bush's stock market crash a few years back, just as dad was retiring.
After absorbing that he couldn't quit work, he
said, "Well, I'm gonna go work in paradise."
And he got a job in Hawaii, mentored a staff who
adored him, spent a lot of time at the golf course with friends,
and in the ocean with my mom. And so, that's
the reason for bringing him back and letting the Navy bury him at sea..
Mom will sell that lake house - and that will
be hard - he's in the walls there, like my husband said.
Take good care and thanks again for writing back.
You know, we also talked about you (as opposed to just
reading the page) that night, talked about
you and your creation of your page, in the sense that you were one of
the first bloggers, almost before we knew what
a webpage was, let alone a blog.
My son Alex remembers poppop was having this realization
and declaring it - in my memory, i said it and dad agreed.
At any rate, a tribute to your pioneering and
your character (and that hilary thing) was one of the last conversations
we had.
Here's one of the jokes dad loved to tell, "What's
the difference between a duck?"
Another one was told by his friend at his service,
like a call and response.
Friend (in dad's place): "So I said to my girl
with the wooden leg - "
All of us: "PEG!"
take care,
laurie
Laurie, thanks for letting me know.
You dad did me a great favor in 2002 and all he got out of it was a
giant headache
and a bottle of Grey Goose, which is the only time I've ever bought
vodka for a man :)
I think it's good that you decided to bury him at sea. Having
his ashes in the lake
might've been a mistake, because every time you or the kids went there,
it would
remind you of a sad situation and that's no way to enjoy a pretty day
down at the lake.
I'm glad you closed your story with a joke.
I'm sure your Dad would want you to remember the good times
and if one keeps their sense of humor, they can make it thru anything..
A shot of Chinaco for your Dad...