2. Because deficits mean more pools for foreign bankers. And, people have to clean those pools.
3. Because people need more time with their families. How better to get that time than with a good lay-off.
4. Ten thousand fewer dollars a year average mean less taxes for the average person.
5. Because if we don't have our travel papers checked and get strip-searched, the terrorists will come in and take away those freedoms.
6. Because nobody CARES about habeous corpus.
7. Who better to know how terrorists think than two people who have done extensive business with them.
8. Because the Chinese need ANOTHER spy plane...less dented up this time, thank you...
9. Because there are a few children who HAVEN'T yet been left behind.
10. Because he should win at least ONE election, eh?...
11. Because Osama really WAS irrelevent.
12. Because the buck stops...over there...by Clinton...
13. It's one thing for the Kurds to capture Saddam
and put him into a hole and call the U.S. military;
but, it takes
a real man to take credit for his capture...
14. Because we no longer care about Taiwan.
15. Because speaking English is no longer necessary to be president.
16. Because he stands by his statements for at least eighteen hours before his handlers tell us what he REALLY meant to say...
17. Because he holds at least one press conference a year with prescreened questions.
18. Because he keeps those with opposing opinions away from his campaign rallys, thereby giving them more time for other things...
19. Because deserting during a war isn't as bad
as volunteering, serving one tour of duty,
signing up for
a second tour of the most dangerous duty, then getting out after three
purple hearts.
20. Because Cheney and Rush told you to...
21. Because, with a grandfather that dealt with
the Nazis, a father that sold weapons to terrorists and a VP
who dealt with
Saddam, Bush not only knows about terrorism, he has most of their home
phone numbers...
22. Because, sometimes you just need an ignorant religious zealot to run things...
23. Because he gave Texas its first deficit. If he can remember what he did, he just won't do that with our economy...any more...
24. Who better to reform our prison system than someone who's been arrested three times?
25. With a DUI and three DUIs for his VP, he has
shown he can operate heavy machinary under the influence.
Think of
how competent he will be sober...
26. He doesn't trash veterans. His friends trash veterans...
27. He's the first president who has taken the initiative to have torture legalized...
28. He won't leave even if he's voted out of office. Elect him or he'll cause a scene...
29. The first lady has already killed once. Watch out, democrats in congress!
30. Vote for bush because, if you don't, he'll allow other terrorist attacks...
31. There are a million fewer jobs than when he
entered office. This job shortage will keep us from using
super-intelligent
apes to do the work that we cannot get to which would result in them rebelling
and
blowing up the
Statue of Liberty and making Charleton Heston cry…
32. There are so many more reporters he hasn’t given spiffy nicknames to…
33. Drunken daughters can be seen on Girls Gone Wild #8. It’s much more exciting when their father is actively president.
34. Has the decency not to speak to a committee
without Cheney nearby to tell them to “f*ck themselves”…
35. Sometimes, you need the perspective of an
ex-cheerleader…
36. Because only Bush has the courage to stage the daring rescue of Jessica Lynch…
37. He was grounded for not taking a drug test, so we can be sure that he won’t steal a plane and run away during the night…
38. Any person who can get the city of Arlington
to condemn the land of private citizens and buy him a stadium
has got
to be amazingly persuasive…
39. He has full confidence in the voting machines…even the ones that he knows nothing about…
40. If we get tired of him, we can just throw him a pretzel or put him on one of those two wheeled nerd mobiles…
41. You look at an aircraft carrier and you see and aircraft carrier. He sees an aircraft carrier and he sees a photo-op…
42. If you don’t vote for Bush, Ann Coulter will come to your home and beat you to death with her penis…
43. With four more years, we might actually get to see him testify under oath…JUST KIDDING!
44. Because large corporations are still at the mercy of survivors’ lawsuits whenever their negligence kills us…
45. Because, after failing at every business venture he has ever tried, he’s almost got it right…
46. Because he’s an OIL MAN and he knows how to
talk those OPEC guys into charging us an astronomical sum,
then charging
slightly less than that…
47. Because he was for a patient’s bill of rights
as governor of Texas. That’s why he threatened to veto the bill,
then let it become
law without his signature…
48. Because, if he doesn’t pull American troops out of Korea, how can North Korea overrun the South?
49. Because his mother is a male impersonator and so is his father…
50. Because our children need to understand that,
in America, any multi-millionaire, no matter how corrupt
and incompetent,
can grow up to steal the presidency…
51. Because he bravely defended the Gulf Coast from the Vietnamese during the war.
52. Because he does a great impersonation of women
who have been condemned to death. Almost as good
as D'Amatto’s impersonation
of Judge Ito…
53. Because Christianity needs his help. God can’t do it all on his own…
54. If we vote bush out, the NRA will have to find another office in Washington, D.C…
55. The same goes for the KKK…
56. You saw him in that flight suit…he WAS happy to see you!
57. Because, if we vote him out of office, he’d have to interrupt a vacation to get his things out of the White House…
58. Because Haliburton has been growing in his bedroom moaning “Feed me”…
59. Because, if he’s not president anymore, Cheney will quit hanging out with him…
60. Because we need a president who will bravely fly secretly into Iraq, stay at the airport for a few hours, then run away…
61. Because, if you don’t disqualify over a million people from getting overtime, the terrorists win…
62. Because who else can answer a prescreened, benign question with a well-rehearsed, but poorly-executed humorous response?
63. Because Powell won’t work for someone smarter than he is…
64. Because two out of eight retired four-star generals agree that Bush is the man for the job.
65. Because women carrying signs saying “Get Rid of Your Bush” are a lot sexier than women carrying signs saying “Get Rid of Your Kerry”…
66. Because, if you don’t, he’ll drop the dog AGAIN…
67. Because he’s a regular guy and he knows what it is like to struggle day after day to convince other people to buy him a baseball stadium…
68. Because his father didn’t completely wipe
out the Kurds…
69. Because the “Blame Clinton” tactic will still
be effective for two more years…
70. Because his “Let My Contributors Steer the Submarine” initiative has already proven effective against Japanese fishermen.
71. With all the resignations in Bush’s administration, it’d be a shame if he were to have to leave as well…
72. If Bush goes away, we’ll have to get a National Security Advisor whose name DOESN’T sound like that of an Asian porn star…
73. Bush knows what it is like to suffer from hunger, having presided over a state with a huge number of impoverished children…
74. Bush would be the only two-term president to have actually swallowed the umbrella in his mai tai…
75. Because we don’t want gays to be promiscuous and we don’t want them to be monogamous…
76. Because hearing him speak reminds one of Eliza Dolittle…and who didn’t like “My Fair Lady”?
77. Because being allowed to invest one’s own
social security money will provide our retirees with the same returns
that our IRAs
did when invested the same way…
78. Because billionaires need to eat too…
79. Because our teachers need to be held accountable…so do our students…for that matter, so does everyone but Bush actually…
80. Because he believes that marriage should be only between a man and a woman of the exact same race…
81. Because drilling in Alaska will provide America with that one percent of oil that we need to break away from OPEC…
82. Because the average person had it too easy under Clinton…
83. Because the term “Tax cut” causes a Pavlovian response in neocons…
84. Because he's not as stupid as he looks...no one could be...
85. Because the rest of the world was on the verge of thinking that they were just as good as we are...
86. Because this time, he could actually WIN Florida…
87. Because the twins need Secret Service agents to hold their hair back while they vomit curbside…
88. Because, if we don’t elected GW, Scalia is just going to have to get out of bed in the middle of the night and APPOINT him president…
89. As long as Bush is president, Bill Mahar stays off commercial television and gets to swear as much as he wants.
90. Because we truly weren’t getting enough arsenic in our water…
91. Stop looters? Sorry…he thought that they asked him to “Stop at Hooters”…
92. Because, in the next term, he might actually manage to organize an election in at least one of the two “democracies” he’s created.
93. Because he has given the world a single unifying dream…of his gruesome demise…
94. Without President Bush, Ricky Martin will have to go back to selling his body at truck stops…
95. Because we really don’t want to know if there is a dangerous amount of asbestos in the air…
96. Because somebody competent would just put Jay Leno out of a job…
97. Because four years is just enough time for
Neil Bush to eliminate all witnesses to his shady and unsavory practices.
This will involve
nuking a large portion of Asia…
98. We know that he won’t run away because every other country hates him…
99. Fool him once, shame on him. Fool him twice………………………..
100. He’s into recycling. He’s already recycled
many of Saddam’s killers into his police force…