If you are a reporter with a story that your editor won't let you run, contact me.
 If you're "just a nobody" with some information and you have no way to get it out, contact me.

 You heard it here first

 Rumor is that as Enron and Halliburton implode, Cheney will step down "for health reasons" in March,
 ...and you won't believe who they're looking at to take Cheney's place.

 Condi Rice
 They say Condi could fill the much-needed intelligence void that Cheney's absence would create.
 It also puts Weak & Stupid in the position of being the first to "APPOINT" a black and a woman as VP.
 They figure Condi can bring blacks and women over to the dark side for November 2004.

 Down side?
 The hard right is fuming that "a spear-catcher" would be a heartbeat away and let's not kid ourselves.
 Between pretzels and impeachment, Bush may not last another three years.
 The idea that "one of them" might be president is causing turmoil for Team Smirk

 ...and

 Rudy the Impaler
 Well, he's out of a job, and since Bush knows Rudy will always be remembered as the man
 who stood tall when America's president went AWOL on September 11th, he's a net plus.

 Down side?
 Rudy's still working on that whole adultery angle.
 Since they impeached Clinton for catching a little tongue, how do they justify VP Rudy
 banging his adulteress while his wife and kids are back in New York?

 Further down side for both:
 If Bush is impeached or loses a battle with a Saltine, we'd have another unelected republican president.
 Think now - Bush stole his throne after losing the 2000 election, his Daddy and Saint Reagan took power
 my making an illegal deal with Islamic Jihad, and Gerald Ford was appointed by the third-biggest crook
 to ever occupy the White House.

 That means you have to go back to 1968 to find the last legally-elected Republican.
 (And boy, what a winner he was, too)
 

 Oh, God, why are you punishing us this way?