From: South's Finest Chocolate

 Subject: Touring our chocolate factory

 Dear Bart Cop,

 You are certainly welcome to visit and tour our facility.
 We are not a very large company, but it is interesting and you will have fun.
 Let me know so I can be here at the factory location.
 We are open 9:30 AM to 6 PM, Monday - Saturday and 1-5 Sunday.
 The factory is operating M-F.

 Let us know.

 (Name withheld)

 The Wrong Chocolate

 From:  jellobrick@disinfo.net

 Subject:  Chocolate Craving Brings Thief 16-year Sentence

 A Tyler thief, whose first crime was stealing Oreo cookies as a teen-ager,
 has been sentenced to 16 years in prison for stealing a Snickers candy bar.

 Kenneth Dude Payne III's tough sentence for a chocolate craving that normally
 would have meant a shoplifting charge is the result of a life of crime, albeit
 mostly nonviolent crimes, prosecutors say.

 "I know it's kind of goofy when people look at it," said Smith County
 prosecutor Jodi Brown. "It wasn't about stealing a Snickers bar, it was about
 a lifestyle essentially. ... It was a lifestyle that he chose and has been
 choosing since he was 16 years old."

 His sentence for the December theft at a Tyler mom-and-pop store was handed
 down last month under the state's habitual offender law.

 The 29-year-old man's criminal history dates to 1987 when he was 16 and was
 first arrested for stealing the cookies.

 "He's a pain in the butt to have in your neighborhood, but he's not dangerous,"
  store owner Bob Castlebury said.

 Brown said she had been concerned the jury might feel sorry for Payne and buy
 his attorney's argument that it was only a candy bar.

 "I think he needed to be taught a lesson," Brown said. "I think that the
 community needs to see that regardless of what you go in and steal, if you
 engage in that type of lifestyle then that's what you're risking."
 

 This is totally insane.
 The only chocolate worth doing time for is Break Up Chocolate
 made by The South's Finest Candy Company of Knoxville, TN

 I don't know how they do it.   Maybe I should go to Knoxville
 and ask them to let me watch them make this amazing chocolate.
 This chocolate causes the pleasure centers in your brain to explode.
 If you've never tasted this chocolate, you've never tasted chocolate.

 The French and the Swiss think they're so fancy with their crap!
 They don't have anything like this chocolate.

 And, just like cocaine, it works double on the women,
 and it's so much cheaper than cocaine, too.

 If you get caught stealing chocolate made my Mars or Hersheys,
 you're probably too stupid to be on the streets, anyway.
 That idiot belongs in Smirk's compassionate, Turkish prison.
 What does it cost to house a prisoner for a year?
 Isn't it $100,000 or more?
 The state of Texas will spend millions to house this dude over a
 goddamn stolen candy bar made from inferior chcolate?

 When you steal chocolate, make sure it's The South's Finest Chocolate,
 the Chinaco of fine luxury chocolates.

 They did not pay me to say that.
 I don't even get a discount from them.
 (hint)