For me, this time is marked by several alarming symptoms: a
rapid increase in heart rate, a subtle sickness in the stomach,
sudden bursts of anxiety.
No doctor can help me. There is no pill I can take.
These symptoms first appear about mid-April, when the
country starts talking seriously about who the next president
will be. Super Tuesday has come and gone, as well as most
of the other major primaries. Each party has pretty much
picked its candidate. The conventions are only a formality.
I'm afraid the symptoms will torment me until about 10 pm on
November 7, when I hear the words "The next president of
the United States, Al Gore," just as I heard for Jimmy Carter
and twice President Clinton.
Because once every four years, I face the possibility that I
might be forced to endure another Republican presidency,
and the very thought makes me sick.
I am a child of the 80s. I remember Watergate, to be sure
(though I am aware that this is unusual among people of my
age group), and I, like most people, welcomed Nixon's
resignation. I became acutely aware of politics in the
mid-70s, and really goddamned angry about it in the 80s.
This was a time when children growing up in America – and I
speak from experience here – weren't "troubled" by
American-Russo relations; weren't "concerned" that there
might be a nuclear war.
We were sure of it. To us, it was a foregone conclusion.
We were so sure, in fact, that we became Generation X.
They wrote articles about us – said we didn't care about our
future, had no goals. Well, if that is to any degree true, it is
because we believed we had no future. Convinced that it was
only a matter of time before Brezhnev dropped "the big one,"
we figured, "Why bother making something of ourselves?
We're all going to die anyway."
I spent a lot of time lying awake at night, fighting the panic
rising in my throat, thinking about the massive explosion I
was sure I was going to die in any day.
My only source of hope had come from Jimmy Carter. He
was doomed to fail in the minds of the people because of the
problems he inherited. And yet, he gave us peace between
Israel and Egypt, tried to bring us cleaner, safer sources of
energy, and gave everything he had to free our hostages. It
hurt him so much, I could see his heart breaking, and that
made me love him all the more.
I learned a lot from Jimmy Carter. I learned that it was safe
to hope, noble to dream, and courageous to reach out our
hands in friendship to our adversaries.
I learned that your word means something. He said he would
not negotiate with terrorists, and no matter how much it hurt
him politically, he never did. He never sold arms to the
Iranians, so he never had to lie about it later.
Then came Ronald Reagan.
All my new-found hope came crashing down on my head,
and I found myself plunged into Ronald Reagan's world: a
world of greed, racism, xenophobia and blindness to the pain
of those around him. When told by his aides that the gap
between the rich and poor was widening, Reagan said, "Oh,
I don't believe that." Was he that stupid? Or did he just not
care? Either way, this was discouraging.
It turned into a 12-year nightmare. I found myself ashamed to
be American.
When American-Soviet relations warmed and the Berlin Wall
fell, I began to breathe a little easier, but still I added "liar" to
the list of epithets following Ronald Reagan's name, because
he and George H. W. Bush laid claim to these things as their
success. But I knew they were lying, because the architect of
perestroika and glastnost was Mikhail Gorbachev, and
Reagan was stealing his thunder, and I hated them for it.
I've gotten comfortable under Clinton.
Did I say comfortable? Happy! Proud to be an American,
something I was afraid I would never feel again, and I can't
bear the thought of going back.
I was in my early twenties the last time I had to live with a
Republican in the White House. Still a kid, pretty much.
They say that things always seem bigger and scarier when
you're a kid, and when you look at the same thing as an
adult, it never seems quite so bad.
Funny, not this time.
For the next six months, I will have to endure the constant din
of Republican rhetoric: "It's time to put an end to the politics
of…blah blah blah."
End? End to what? An end to peace and prosperity? An end
to the assurance that I can trust my president to do the right
thing with my money and our troops? That he cares about
people, even if they don't have money to contribute to his
campaign? That he wants to give kids an education, make
sure everybody has a good job, and health insurance, and
maybe a chance to own a home?
"Americans long to go back to the days when…blah blah blah."
Go back? Go back to what? Back to lying and corruption?
Back to the days when political chits meant more than American lives?
Back to secret break-ins, and auctioning our leaders off to the highest
bidder?
Back to the days when big tobacco and the NRA and the Christian Coalition
ran the White House?
Reading back what I've written so far, I thought 'Perhaps I'm being unfair.'
My grandmother always told me that to be fair about an
issue, you should dispassionately list the pros and cons, then
look at the lists and make your decision based on the facts.
So I tried it. I made a list of things I've learned from
Democrats and a list of things I've learned from Republicans.
Here goes:
Democrats:
From FDR: Be strong and have courage.
From Jimmy Carter: Keep your promises.
From all the Kennedys (except Michael): Even if
you're rich, you should still care about poor people.
From JFK: Dream.
From Bobby: "Make gentle the life of this good world."
From Teddy: Learn from your mistakes. And don't
drink and go to meetings.
From Harry Truman: Tell it like it is. And always wash
your own underwear.
From Edwin Edwards: Okay, yeah -- if you do the crime, you have
to
do the time. (I had to give them that one, though I still don't see how
kickbacks on casino licenses gets you 200 hundred years in prison,
while selling arms to terrorists and lying to Congress and the country
about it gets you nothing!)
From Al Gore: Sometimes changing your mind is the brave thing to do.
From Bill Clinton (how do I pick one thing?):
1) With hard work, you can do anything.
2) Take the high road.
3) No matter how much they insult you, just keep smilin' -- it drives 'em
crazy.
4) Know what you're willing to compromise on to make progress, and do it;
know what you won't compromise on and fight for it 'till you drop.
5) Stand up to bullies.
6) Nice guys don't always finish last.
Republicans:
From Richard Nixon: Just because somebody's in
charge doesn't mean he deserves the job.
From Henry Hyde: Infidelity is perfectly moral in the first person,
such as
"my infidelity." It is only in the third person, such as "his infidelity,"
that it is immoral.
From the United States Supreme Court (admittedly not all Republican
appointees):
Even really smart people can do really, really stupid things.
From the House Managers of the Impeachment: Even if somebody
says they're going to be fair and unbiased, they probably won't.
From Trent Lott: It's okay to have your picture taken
with members of the KKK, as long as you say you
didn't know they were in the KKK.
From Newt Gingrich: It's okay to divorce your wife if
she's in the hospital suffering from cancer.
From George Herbert Walker Bush: No new taxes means new taxes.
From George W. Bush: Murder isn't a crime if it's the state that's committing it.
From Ronald Reagan: It's not lying if you say you can't recall.
And that's just off the top of my head.
So now let's see, from the Democrats' list, we have hope, honesty, honor,
courage and compassion. From the Republicans, we have lying, bigotry, burglary,
hate, treason and murder. You know, my grandmother was right.
When you put it down on paper like this, it's much more fair.
And as I look back on this list of things I've learned from them,
I wonder how Republicans could possibly still expect me to vote for them?
One last thing: I make no apologies for my extreme point of view.
Why should I? No Republican has ever apologized to me.