Warning

There's a shitload of bad words in this issue.

This will forever be known as the "bad language" issue.
If you don't like the language most Americans use,
click on the little "x" in the upper right-hand corner.

I know I'll lose some subscribers this time,
but this is war, and I don't give a fuck.
This issue was published before I could re-consider.

There's a chronic masturbator by the name of Matt Drudge.
When he's not too "busy," he writes tales about liberals.

Drudge wrote a story about Clinton's black bastard son.
I read the story myself, so I don't want some piece-o-shit
ditto-monkey claiming I made this story up, OK?

So this cock-sucker Drudge wrote a long story about how
"everyone" back in Arkansas knew that Clinton fathered
a boy named Danny with some black crack-whore.

Cock-sucker Drudge said the baby looks "just like" Bill Clinton,
as everyone who's seen the pictures of him agree "100 percent."

At the very end of this looooooooong story, the cock-sucker wrote
"Of course, if the DNA comes back with no match, there's no story."

For some goddamn reason, whenever the CS Drudge runs a story,
no matter how outrageous, no matter how bizarre, no matter how many
aliens land on the White House lawn, the dirty press ho'res
feel obligated to run with it on page one.

Yep, it happened again.

The New York Fucking Times,
once considered a serious newspaper,
ran every goddamn, untrue Drudge slur on their front page.

Same for the Washington Fucking Times, a Moonie newspaper,
and the New York Fucking Post, who's editorial content makes
the writing in RL-LNW look goddamn Sheakespearean by comparison.

...swear to Koresh.

Donkey-boy Drudge makes up a story,
and the American press treats it as gospel.

Every fucking time.

Welcome to Whore City.
There's no effort to fact-check, dammit.
There's no need to be accurate, dammit.
After all, we're talking about Clinton's cock.

You know what?
They can alllllllllllll get in line to eat me.

Remember last issue I said that President Bill Clinton is
a big old boy and he can take care of himself just fine?

As long as they don't put a goddamn bullet in his brain,
he's going to be just fine, no matter what happens.

The same cannot be said for Julie Hiatt Steele.
She's the innocent, defenseless, single-mother who was asked
to support Kathleen Willey's lies so Willey could extort
money from the President of the United States.

She refused.

Wait a minute:

Look at EVERYONE involved in this whole fucked-up mess.
Everyone involved is a "player" except Steele.

She didn't tape her best friend.
She doesn't have an agenda.
She isn't a whore.
She's not looking for a book deal.
I don't even know if she's a democrat or a knuckledragger.

But that disgusting bastard Ken Starr has indicted her.
She was indicted for several "crimes" such as:

1. Saying Kathleen Willey asked her to lie.
2. Swear to Koresh, and you new subscribers should know when I swear to Koresh
it's always 100 percent true and accurate,

...she was charged with "making false statements on Larry King."

This is not a BartCop gag.

Making false statements to Larry fucking King is a crime?

This is not a BartCop gag.

Ken Starr is such a despicable slut-whore.
Steele is the lady whose adopted son was a target for Starr.
Starr's goons asked Steele's neighbors,

"Where did Julie get the money to adopt her child?"
"Was it a legal adoption?"
"Does she really love her son?"
"How did Julie get to Romania to adopt this child?"

...and so on.

Welcome to the conservative's America.
Let's ALL narc on each other, for Ken Starr.

Starr wants to take her son because she wouldn't
help Kathleen Willey extort money from Bill Clinton.

Christ!

Even Linda Tripp said Willey "was smiling from ear to ear"
when she left the Oval Office that day.
So, Linda Tripp should be indicted too, right?
After all, she didn't agree with Willey's version of events.

But noooooooooooooooooooo.

Linda's in on the fix.
She's not going to be indicted.

Linda the Pig taped and betrayed a friend to ruin Clinton.
Lucianne Frankenstein was looking for a juicy book deal.
Monica was blowing a married man and telling all her friends.
Clinton was cheating on his wife and trying to hide it.
Starr is a white-power tobacco whore who hates free elections.

The list goes on and on...

But Julie Steele is guilty of knowing a whore named Willey.

THAT'S her crime?

And Starr's Gestapo has come to take her boy?

Trust me, if you came to take BartCop's son from me,
you better be able to defeat a Glock .40.

I know I'll catch shit for this, but if they end up removing
Clinton from office, we'll just have to admit he was guilty of
cheating and trying to hide it, but Julie Steele hasn't
done anything wrong besides answer her goddamn phone.

Is this America?

Oh, by the way, Michael Isakhov can eat me, too.

He's the lying prick from Newsweek who SWORE the interview
with Steele was "off the record," then he fucked her.

Hard.

He just might've fucked her out of her freedom and her son.

Ho'res, ho'res, ho'res everywhere.

Sometimes,

...it drives me to drink.

time out...

BartCop, ...take a deep breath.

Remember,
...it's the comedy that people want.

They don't subscribe for your great I.Q. of 67,
...they're looking for the bonehead humor.

Inhale...

exhale...