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Subject: Tom "Hot Tub" DeLay from 1998
Tom Delay was once a lowly bug exterminator from
Sugarland, Texas.
Some say he's now the most powerful man in the
House.
It begs two questions:
- How the fuck did that happen?
- Why doesn't HE become the Squeaker?
He can't.
Matt Fudge, our roving, gay reporter has filed this story:
Tom Delay is currently paying $12,500 per month
to an attorney in Houston to remain silent. It seems a bug spray nozzle
and
a vacuum hose from a 1978 Ford F-150 are prepared
to file a sexual battery suit against Delay if the payments ever stop.
Delay's defense, if this story gets out, is that he was separated from wife #2 at the time, and "had no other outlet."
The papers that could be filed at any time describe
"several improper, forced sexual encounters between the bug nozzle,
the vacuum hose, and the Lil' Hammer."
The attacks were said to have occurred in Delay's basement.
Delay's problem?
If he gets to be Squeaker, there might be more
money to be made unmasking his sexual kinks than keeping quiet about them.
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