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District 9 - movie review
This was the worst movie I've seen since there's been a bartcop.com
I didn't know much about the film when I talked Mrs Bart into going.
All I know is it was produced by Peter Jackson (King Kong,
the Lord of the Rings movies)
and it involved a giant space ship so I figured it was going to be
like Independence Day meets
Star Trek and it was produced by one of the biggest names
in show business.
You've seen the trailers for the film?
The spaceship is in maybe one percent of the film.
The rest of the film takes place in a garbage can the size of a football-field.
They should be ashamed of themselves for stealing my money by making
me think
this was going to be an outer space, action-adventure kind of science
fiction film.
But no, it's all preachy, preachy with the ugliest cast in the ugliest setting you could ever imagine.
Sidebar:
The last movie we saw was Perfect Getaway, about a supermodel
without pants in Hawaii.
That's my kind of movie - but this was the exact opposite.
Want to spend two hours in a Calcutta sewer? If so, you'll
love this movie!
Want to see a man pull his own fingernails out? If so, you'll
love this movie!
Want to see a man pull his own teeth out? If so, you'll love
this movie!
Want to see a man take a hatchet to his own arm? If so, you'll
love this movie!
Want to see a man forced to murder? If so, you'll love this
movie!
Want to see a man gobble down canned cat food because it tastes so
good? If so, you'll love this movie!
Oh, the "expert" film critics loved it - they gave at an A+ for some goddamn reason.
You know why I never saw Papillon ?
Because I didn't want to spend two hours watching Dustin Hoffman eat
cockroaches.
You know why I never saw Mystic River ?
Because I didn't want to spend two hours with child molesters.
You know why I never saw The Shawshank Redemption?
Because I didn't want to spend two hours in a prison.
You know why I never saw Schindlers List?
Because I didn't want to spend three hours in a concentration
camp.
Oh, and there's star power by the truckload!
It stars Sharlto Copley, Jason Cope, David James and Mandla Gaduka.
So if you want to spend two hours watching the ugliest aliens in film
history
pawing thru garbage cans and eating what they find, you'll love
District 9.
I wanted to walk out, but I didn't want to ruin it for Mrs. Bart.
I've never walked out of a movie before because I don't go to movies
blind.
But I trusted Peter Jackson and I got fucked real hard for trusting
him.
Peter Jackson, thy name is whore.
You should be ashamed of the misdirection you put on your fans.
If I wanted to spend time in a Calcutta sewer I'd fly to fucking Calcutta.
Oh, by the way, the hero of the movie gets fucked to death in the end.
It opened at Number One because people liked the trailers and they trusted
Peter Jackson.
It'll be intresting to see what word-of-mouth does to week two's box
office.
Peter Jackson, thy name is whore.
You accepted money to put YOUR NAME on this horrible,
ugly movie?
You've got a hundred million dollars and you still sold us out.
Thy name is whore.
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