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Fuck the South
Fuck the South. Fuck 'em. We should have let them
go when they wanted to leave.
But no, we had to kill half a million people
so they'd stay part of our special Union.
Fighting for the right to keep slaves - yeah,
those are states we want to keep.
And now what do we get? We're the fucking Arrogant
Northeast Liberal Elite?
How about this for arrogant: the South is the
Real America? The Authentic America. Really?
Cause we fucking founded this country, assholes.
Those Founding Fathers you keep going on and on about?
All that bullshit about what you think they meant
by the Second Amendment giving you the right to keep your
assault weapons in the glove compartment because
you didn't bother to read the first half of the fucking sentence?
Who do you think those wig-wearing lacy-shirt
sporting revolutionaries were? They were fucking blue-staters,
dickhead. Boston? Philadelphia? New York? Hello?
Think there might be a reason all the fucking monuments
are up here in our backyard?
No, No. Get the fuck out. We're not letting you
visit the Liberty Bell and fucking Plymouth Rock anymore
until you get over your real American selves
and start respecting those other nine amendments. Who do you think
those fucking stripes on the flag are for? Nine
are for fucking blue states. And it would be 10 if those Vermonters
had gotten their fucking Subarus together and
broken off from New York a little earlier. Get it? We started this shit,
so don't get all uppity about how real you are
you Johnny-come-lately "Oooooh I've been a state for almost a
hundred years" dickheads. Fuck off.
Arrogant? You wanna talk about us Northeasterners
being fucking arrogant? What's more American than arrogance?
Hmmm? Maybe horsies? I don't think so. Arrogance
is the fucking cornerstone of what it means to be American.
And I wouldn't be so fucking arrogant if I wasn't
paying for your fucking bridges, bitch.
All those Federal taxes you love to hate? It all
comes from us and goes to you, so shut up and enjoy your fucking
Tennessee Valley Authority electricity and your
fancy highways that we paid for. And the next time Florida gets hit
by a hurricane you can come crying to us if you
want to, but you're the ones who built on a fucking swamp.
"Let the Spanish keep it, it’s a shithole," we
said, but you had to have your fucking orange juice.
The next dickwad who says, "It’s your money, not
the government's money" is gonna get their ass kicked.
Nine of the ten states that get the most federal
fucking dollars and pay the least... can you guess? Go on, guess.
That’s right, motherfucker, they're red states.
And eight of the ten states that receive the least and pay the most?
It’s too easy, asshole, they’re blue states.
It’s not your money, assholes, it’s fucking our money. What was that
Real American Value you were spouting a minute
ago? Self reliance? Try this for self reliance: buy your own
fucking stop signs, assholes.
Let’s talk about those values for a fucking minute.
You and your Southern values can bite my ass because the
blue states got the values over you fucking Real
Americans every day of the goddamn week. Which state do you
think has the lowest divorce rate you marriage-hyping
dickwads? Well? Can you guess? It’s fucking Massachusetts,
the fucking center of the gay marriage universe.
Yes, that’s right, the state you love to tie around the neck of anyone
to the left of Strom Thurmond has the lowest
divorce rate in the fucking nation. Think that’s just some aberration?
How about this: 9 of the 10 lowest divorce rates
are fucking blue states, asshole, and most are in the Northeast,
where our values suck so bad. And where are the
highest divorce rates? Care to fucking guess? 10 of the top 10
are fucking red-ass we're-so-fucking-moral states.
And while Nevada is the worst, the Bible Belt is doing its fucking part.
But two guys making out is going to fucking ruin
marriage for you? Yeah? Seems like you're ruining it pretty well
on your own, you little bastards. Oh, but that's
ok because you go to church, right? I mean you do, right? Cause we
fucking get to hear about it every goddamn year
at election time. Yes, we're fascinated by how you get up every
Sunday morning and sing, and then you're fucking
towers of moral superiority. Yeah, that's a workable formula.
Maybe us fucking Northerners don't talk about
religion as much as you because we're not so busy sinning, hmmm?
Ever think of that, you self-righteous assholes?
No, you're too busy erecting giant stone tablets of the
Ten Commandments in buildings paid for by the
fucking Northeast Liberal Elite. And who has the highest
murder rates in the nation? It ain't us up here
in the North, assholes.
Well this gravy train is fucking over. Take your
liberal-bashing, federal-tax-leaching, confederate-flag-waving,
holier-than-thou, hypocritical bullshit and shove
it up your ass.
And no, you can't have your fucking convention in New York next time.
Fuck off.
This gem is from annotatedrant.com.
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