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The GOP Sex Crimes List

I think it's time to make a list.

I'm going to make the list PG-rated so it can be reproduced, copied,
re-distributed and kicked around by everyone who wants to be fair.
 

Well, the GOP and Fox News, with nothing positive or constructive on
their agenda, have decided dragging Juanita Broderrick back into the
spotlight is a good thing because, after all, it takes a little pressure
off the Blow Monkey and his once-certain presidential aspirations.

You see, if they can get the red-meat crowd to focus on the Clinton "rapes,"
what's a little alcohol abuse and Peruvian marching powder up the nose
of the candidate of the party of "law and order," compared to rape?

They want you to think Bill Clinton invented extra-marital sex.
I'm here with a list of religious conservatives to prove he didn't.

Like to see it?  Here it go:
 

 1. Ronald Reagan got a no-name starlet pregnant and had to marry her,
     and was also accused of rape by another young starlet before such matters
     were bandied about with such glee by Fox News reporters.
 2. Pat Robertson got a woman pregnant and had to marry her,
     and regularly accuses Clinton of sex crimes.
 3. Evander Holyfield has nine kids by six different women.
 4. Former Dole aide Dick Stone took out ads in several newspapers offering
     to let stray men "date" his wife. (I told you this was cleaned up.)
 5. Trent Lott advisor Dick Morris was caught sucking the toes of a ho
     who was not his wife, and regularly accuses Clinton of sex crimes.
 6. Newt Gingrich divorced wife #1 when she was recovering from cancer surgery
     and dumped wife #2 when he got caught with his newest "girlfriend," and ordered
     the nation-paralyzing orchestration of accusing Clinton of sex crimes.
 7. Tom Delay is still paying hush money to the vacuum hose of a 1968 Ford F-150
     pickup truck  to keep a sexual harrassment charge off the front pages,
     and regularly accuses Clinton of sex crimes.
 8. Henry Hyde broke up a family with his alley cat behavior,
     and regularly accuses Clinton of sex crimes..
 9. Bob Barr admitted paying for his wife's abortion, but, "It was OK,"
     because they shared a checking account, so he regularly accuses Clinton of
     not being truthful about his bedroom antics.
10. Super-Christian Amy Grant dumped her husband like her maiden name was Gingrich,
      so she could ride the pony of the very-married family man Vince Gill.
      I wonder how his kids are doing without their daddy?
      After all, Amy's orgasms are important, right?
11. Pigboy Rush Limba is on wife three, meaning twice he's sworn to God
      that he'd stay with those other women, "till death do us part,"
      and accuses Clinton of sex crimes every minute, on the minute.
12. Almost-speaker Livingston (forget his first name) had to resign when
      news of his sexual infidelity was about to come to light,
      who used the impeachment spotlight to accuse Clinton of sex crimes.
13. Governor Blow Monkey has a Margarita and a secret Habenero on the side.
14. Jim Bakker raped Jessica Hahn while claiming he was, "God's tool."
15. Jimmy Swaggert was banging prostitutes and paying them with church cash.
16. Out of respect for the Catholic Church, I won't mention what dozens
      if not hundreds of priests have been doing to innocent altar boys
      under the cloak of, "God wants you to do this for me."
17. George Roche III, president of ultra-religious Hillsdale College
      resigned after admitting a longtime affair with his son's wife,
      who earlier shot herself to death in the campus arboretum.
18. Former president George Herbert Herbert Bush was accused by conservative
      uber-icon Linda Tripp of having sex with a "Jennifer" who was not his wife.
19. Bob Dole dumped wife #1 for the Bag O' Hairspray, leaving his young
      daughter to be so without family values, she became pro-choice.
20. Kenneth Starr was said to have semen stains on his copy of the impeachment referral,
      and accused Clinton of numerous sex crimes, including a/o sexual contact.
21. Bob Packwood was accused by over THIRTY Republican women of having
      forced himself on them over a period of years, and resigned in disgrace.
22. Paul Harvey?
      Since this is PG-rated, I cannot discuss his sexaul perversions, other than to say
      I heard it from the "horses mouth,"  but he constantly accuses Clinton of sex crimes.
23. Dr. Laura - do you really want to see that picture again? 
      She constantly accuses Clinton of sex crimes.
24. Pat Boone, got milk, smiled while he sodomized a shoe box. (Link)
25. Clarence Thomas had his problems with Professor Hill, and owns a
      film and tape porno collection Larry Flynt would walk for.

    Because Bill Clinton whipped them so damn bad at the ballot box,
    the GOP has decided they want to fight a sex war with Bill Clinton.

    Don't fall for it.
    Stay with the facts.
    Screw Rush and the Fox News spin, look at the facts.

    Bill Clinton's biggest problem is he's young enough to still have a sex drive,
    and that's just another in a looooooong list of reasons why they hate him.

    When someone tells you Bill Clinton has a zipper problem, ask, "Compared to whom?"

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