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I Know Joe the Plumber
by Kerry Grisby
Our local 'JOE THE PLUMBER' charges $55 bucks
per hour, nine times what I made
as a nurse in intensive care! That includes
his travel time to and from his house 30 minutes away.
In spite of my telling him exactly what the problem
is he will fiddle around for 20 minutes scratching
his head (and other places) and finally come
to the conclusion that what I had told him was correct
as though he deduced it himself, forgetting that
I had told him exactly what the problem was, not only
on the phone but when he first arrived.
Then he has to go back out to his truck at least
6 to 8 times or more for some tool like
he was so new at the job he didn't know what
tools he would need on the first trip out.
On his way to and from my door he will make a
concerted effort to step in any and every
mud puddle and/or dog poop anywhere in the area
and grind it into my carpet on his way
to the laundry or bathroom.
If he breaks something it is my responsibility
to pay for the new replacement part and Joe's
travel time to go get it. He will then
fiddle around like he is in a slow motion video and when
finally finished, whatever room he has been working
in will be a muddy mess with gouges in
my linoleum and a few more on the walls.
Joe is so lacking in conscience that he makes
no apology or even the slightest effort to clean up
the mess even with the huge pile of rags which
I have supplied to him since he forgot to bring any.
None of the rags can be washed and used again
because he got glue and other sticky stuff on them
that could damage my washer and dryer.
Then to add insult to injury and with a straight
face he will 'round off' his time spent on the job,
giving himself an extra half hour in the 'rounding'.
IE; Arrived at 9:15, left at 10:45 to Joe the Plumber
is two full hours! Plus an hour travel
time to and from my house! He makes out my bill on a plain
piece of paper (not a business statement) and
doesn't show a shred of guilt as he hands it to me,
knowing full well that I will be cleaning up
the messes he has made for the next hour and a half.
I hand him a check and he asks if I have cash
and when I tell him not that much
he says next time to get it before I call him
so he won't have to pay taxes on it!
Do I know JOE THE PLUMBER, boy do I!
I also know his blood brothers MIKE THE MECHANIC
and EDDY THE ELECTRICIAN
and his half-wit brother-uncle CLAUDE THE CONTRACTOR
who works under his wife's
license since he is too stupid to pass the test
and his memory is about as long as his appendage!
DO I KNOW JOE THE PLUMBER? YOU BETCHA!
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