Who will win American Idol 2006?  With Update 

 Where we were:

>My lady picks are Becky for her Lisa-Marie look,

What's with the "homeless" haircut?
Didn't she know she was going to be on TV?
She couldn't borrow $200 from a friend to get her hair done?
Her singing was less-than, but she's safe tonight.
Oh, and this isn't "Sexy Becky's"  first shot at fame.
 

> Kellie for her Clarkson-likability

Sang better than Becky - faint praise there.
Still has the likeability, girl-next-door; sexy thing working - safe tonight

If I was a betting man, my money would go right here - as of this week.
Like with Hillary, that could change if someone charges ahead of her.

> and Paris has the voice of an angel.

I was wrong.
She has the voice of an angel who made a deal with the devil.
She even sang a suck-y song and sounded better than great.
If this contest was based on talent, she would've already won.

When's the last time you heard a voice like a sweet violin?
But this is about sex, and she's only 17, so we got trouble there.

Great singer I overlooked last week - Katharine:

Sings great, makes it look easy.
Could cause Kellie some problems.

They loved her, I didn't - Lisa.

Decent voice, not much magic - and only 16 - more trouble.
 

Put me to sleep from boredom: Ayla, Heather and Melissa

 

Battling the sex factor: Kinnik and Mandisa.

 

And then there was Opera Girl - Stevie.

Why doesn't someone tell her this ain't opera tryouts?
Lady, Pat Benatar was opera-trained, too, but she left that at home on audition day.
You blew it - and you coulda been a contender.

About 80 percent of the songs are terrible, horrible songs for the singer singing them.
These kids don't understand the ball park they could be playing in (such in Yankee Stadium) this year.

Most of the song choices are "favorites," which is super-stupid, and others are even worse,
such as, "I want to sing my dead Grandmother's favorite song."
That's a nutty reason to throw your singing career away!

Wouldn't Grandma want you to have a fame and fortune - and besides - Grandma is dead.
You threw your career away to sing a song to a dead woman?

Plus, many of the songs are just terrible audition songs.
You can't do an REM song or Nirvana song and make it sound good.
Pick a song that fits your voice - this is an audition worth millions.

Last, ...and least, ...there is  Brenna

She's got some talent, but she also has more baggage than Courtney Love's hungover conscience.
Spending a minute with her on your TV is like watching an hour of Nancy Grace.

So who do we lose Thursday?  Best guesses are:
Opera Girl - Stevie

and Kinnik

Of course, these can only be quesses because we're "betting" on how the public voted.
But knowing America bets with their pants, we have a good shot at being right.
 

The MEN:
I thought they were all terrible.
I didn't want to have sex with any of them - not even one - so I'm flying blind.

That Fred Savage kid Will sings OK, but he belongs on "Teen Idol," not this one.

(Jesus, I feel old...)

You're kidding, right? Bobby, Kevin and Patrick

You're still kidding, right?

Gedeon (God's gift to us) Sway and (swear to Koresh) Bucky,

who does Lynyrd Skynyrd so well, Randy forgot they're called "The Pride of Dixie."
And Bucky, trust me, you need an emergency visit from Queer Eye's Fab Four.

Mrs. Bart (and Ryan Seacrest) liked Ace.

Then there's judge-faves Taylor Hicks, (no kin to Bill, I'll bet) and the coiffed-starved Elliot.

Taylor is channelling John Belushi doing Joe Cocker, but since there's no competition, he's safe.
Then there's Chris, who scares me and David, a 17 year-old Connick-ky crooner.

So the first seven pictured here are total losers, they should all be voted off Thurdsay night.
(This was posted prior to the show)   They should refund Idol's travel expenses.

Elliot and David the Crooner might be the best of what's left, and Taylor's creepy
and the Crooner's just a kid, so yeah - send all the men home and let the girls fight it out.
 

Of course, you agree with me because I'm always right.

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Update 

They kicked off the prettiest girl on the stage?

Is this "Girls only" voting?
Or are men allowed to vote, too?
Is this how Ruben won?

I'd never seen an elimination show before.
It was an exciting 15 minutes jammed into an hour's time.

I remember ridiculing Idol stars as "manufactured," and they certainly are because it makes
FOX look better if you're a star, so you're "a star" as soon as FOX says you are, kinda like
the way Bush's cousin called the 2000 Election for him from the FOX newsroom.

But,

since I wrote that "manufactured" comment, Kelly and Carrie have both had #1 Hits.
So, what to Kelly and Carrie have that Clay, Ruben and Fantasia don't?

Reread sentence one.
 

Next Week: I'll wear my Bizarro hat when I watch.
                     Maybe I'll make better predictions.
 

  Comments?

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