Find it hard to believe that 24's Calamity Kim
(Elisha Cuthbert) has landed a job as a counterterrorism analyst?
It shouldn't be a surprise, after taking
a look at Jack Bauer's daughter's casualty list — er, résumé—
from the
show's first two seasons. Here is a look
at the time-bombshell's curriculum vitae:
Season One
•Kim and a friend meet cute boys and get kidnapped, raising a question: Is abduction appropriate on a first date?
•As an escape attempt fails, Kim's friend is hit by a car. To anyone considering hanging with Kim, a word of advice: Don't.
•Mom Teri joins Kim, making confinement a family
affair. As Jack rescues them, Kim foolishly tries to help her abductor,
setting a world record for contracting
Stockholm Syndrome.
•At a safe house, Kim calls her cute kidnapper/potential boyfriend, Rick. But how can a second date ever live up to the first?
•After assassins kill the safe-house guards, Teri
and Kim escape in a car before pulling a Wile E. Coyote and parking on
a cliff.
Kim is in the car as it plummets.
•Kim survives and decides to seek safe haven:
her kidnapper's house. Surprise! He is working on a drug deal with a psycho
buddy.
Welcome back, hostage.
•Cops raid the house, arresting Kim and others.
•A cleared Kim scores a hostage hat trick when
she is kidnapped while being taken to CTU.
Fun fact: This abduction actually isn't
her fault.
•Kim escapes from the evil Drazens, but Jack mistakenly
thinks his daughter is dead.
He just doesn't get it: Only the people
around Carnage Kim die.
Season Two
•Kim, now America's most dangerous au pair, flees
after her young charge's Psycho Dad threatens them.
When he pursues, Kim subdues him with a
tire iron.
•Kim takes the girl, Megan, to CTU, which explodes. Megan has a seizure. Talk about bad-hair days.
•Kim enlists boyfriend Miguel to help Megan and
her escape Los Angeles, where a nuclear bomb may hit.
He knocks out Psycho Dad and they take
his car.
•Police find Psycho Dad's dead wife in the car trunk. Kim and Miguel now face murder charges.
•Kim and Miguel start a fire in the police car,
causing an accident.
The officer and Miguel are hurt; Kim escapes
into the woods.
•24 potentially jumps the shark when a snarling
cougar stalks Kim, who is caught in an animal trap.
A survivalist rescues her. Arriving at
his cabin, she decides it's time for a refreshing shower.
•When the weirdo woodsman tries to confine Kim
to his bomb shelter, she hits him on the head.
He smartly lets her go but un-smartly gives
her a gun.
•At a convenience store, gun-toting Kim parlays
an argument between two men into a double shooting.
"Cleanup in aisle four."
•Kim, cleared of murder after Psycho Dad confesses, calls Miguel. He's lost that loving feeling, along with his right leg.
•With no immediate risk to her well-being, Kim
returns to Psycho Dad's house to collect her scanty outfits.
For some reason, the confessed killer is
there. He kills Kim's police protector and then pursues Kim.
•Kim calls Jack, who tells her to shoot Psycho Dad. She kills him. Like father, like daughter.
•Kim is finally safe at CTU.
...except that she was kidnapped by a rogue agent last week.
This girl is more trouble than Linda Tripp
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