This lovely woman has complaints about her landlord, Al Gore.
Pigboy said yesterday she was "trying her best" to keep the place
up,
but her "limited means" and "credit situation" prevented that.
Translation?
White trash with bad credit doesn't have the brains to stop pouring
bacon grease
down the sink, and doesn't have the pride it takes to keep a
job or pay her bills
so she can afford a goddamn $40 plumbing bill.
But, this woman, Tracy Mayberry, right out of Toothless Central
Casting,
has been on Fox Whore TV every night this week whing about the
"terrible smell" coming from her sink.
Hey, lady, or, more precisely, hey, woman - stop complaining!
You're not living with the pigs in the barn anymore, that's a
plus, right?
Besides, I hate complainers, don't you?
I once knew a guy who rented a really, really nice place,
but all he could do was bitch and complain and moan and complain.
Even tho this was a brand-new, billion-dollar property,
Like to hear it?
here it go...
Top Ten Reason's to Avoid the Brand New Mandalay Bay Casino
10. The Coke Machine on Floor 32 is "Out of Product."
I don't mean to be the type of guy who might complain,
(cough)
but I don't like paying $279 for a night in a hotel room just
to see a "Sorry" sign on the Coke machine when it's party time.
For $279, this hotel should provide patrons with oral sex.
09. It wouldn't hurt to have coathangers in the closets, Mandalay.
If I was a member of the Christian Coalition I might travel with coathangers,
but I'm not so I don't.
08. The elevators should go DOWN, as well as up.
(We had a private floor, but we saw those poor people in steerage.
These poor people were trapped on their floors instead of
being free to roam around and gamble, which is why they came.
Let me ask, Mandalay Resort and Casino:
Do you make more money when the people are gambling,
or do you make more money when thousands of them are
waiting for an elevator, cursing your time-wasting ass?
07. Mandalay Bay is the southern-most attraction on the strip, so they
built a tram
to the northern casinos because parking in Vegas is worse than parking
in Washington DC.
The tram wasn't working.
Gee, I'm always suspicious when the exits are blocked.
06. Once you spend a billion, yes, a BILLION DOLLARS to open a resort,
why not spend another eleven dollars for two more busboys to clean
tables
so the people waiting a goddamn hour at the buffet could get back to
gambling?
Let me ask, Mandalay Resort and Casino:
Do you make more money when the people are gambling,
or do you make more money when thousands of them are
standing in the buffet line cursing your time-wasting ass?
05. Have the expensive rooms face the attraction.
Jesus Heche Christ, am I the only one left with a brain?
All casinos are the same, by law.
They odds are the same, the machines are the same,
everything is the same but the theme of the park.
We had the Executive Suite in this brand-new, billion dollar casino,
and we couldn't
see their fancy man-made bay, so I call the desk and say, "What is
this bullshit?"
and she says, "Sorry. None of the Executive Suites face the Mandalay
Bay."
So, why call it "Mandalay Bay?"
Why not call it "View of the Strip?"
04. Koresh as my witness, to close the bathroom door in the
Executive Suite you have to straddle the toilet to make room.
Hey, I admit my degree isn't in architecture, but I've been in bigger
outhouses than this.
If you've only got 27 inches of bathroom width, you better be Callista
Flockheart
if you're going to enjoy your stay.
03. The hot tub never got very hot,
the A/C never got very cold.
This is Las Vegas, and I'm spending the Republican's money.
Money is nolo objecto ejaculato.
At $279 per night, my room ought to be so goddamn cold,
I should wake up next to Walt fucking Disney.
02. Little things... the refrig in our room froze the 7-Up,
the phone had directions to everything but long distance, etc.
In 1983, when Mrs. BartCop and I were poor, we stayed at the "Tam O'Shanter"
farther north on the strip in Las Vegas and we had fewer complaints.
At least the Tam O'Shanter let you escape your room.
...and the Number One Reason to avoid the Mandalay Bay Casino,
01. We heard soooooooo much about Mandalay's "Moscow Bar."
This was an "Ice Bar," with vodka on tap.
They had a 12-foot headless statue of Lenin, swear to Koresh, it was
really from
Red Square, they paid $2,000,000 for it, (with no head, and no explanation
why
we had a headless Lenin) and they also had a "Wall of Fire" that did
something - I forget.
The bar was imbedded with a longways-running, six-inch band of ice.
Since I'm from Oklahoma, I have no goddamn idea what an "Ice bar" is,
but if expensive vodka is involved, so am I.
They boasted they had "hundreds" of kinds of vodka.
You know what I was really looking for?
Somebody sells ice cubes cut from 20,000,000 year old glaciers.
Absolutely perfectly clean and pure ice cubes, frozen before pollution
was invented.
This Uber-Vodka bar should have the world's finest vodka over absolutely
clean ice.
I was looking for the drink of a lifetime.
So, me and Mrs. BartCop wandered in and what did we see?
I couldn't believe it:
Of all people, we saw Dr. Laura and Betty Ford getting drunk with two
cowboys.
I thought Betty Ford was supposed to be sober...
And Dr. Laura had on some terribly-short skirt, which didn't look
very good on her 55-year old chicken legs, I must say.
Dr. Laura was all over her cowboy, too.
The bartender had to tell her to "knock it off," twice!
And this wasn't Spread 'Ems first time "riding the bull."
I heard one cowboy tell the other, "She bangs like a truck."
So, we pony up to the bar and I whip out my $100 bill and said,
"Two shots of your finest on the good ice, Cubby,"
hoping his finest wouldn't cost more than $100 for two shots.
The bartender looks at me and says, "We're closing."
Huh?
I'm in a Las Vegas casino bar with a hundred dollar bill and I can't buy a drink?
Were we invaded?
Did we lose a war?
Bartender says, "The tile people have to finish the floor,
so we're closing early tonite, if you don't mind."
Mind?
Why would I fucking mind?
Hey, Cubby!
I got a hundred dollar bill stuck to my forehead and I want vodka.
...and you think I might mind if Las Vegas shuts down early tonight?
Mrs. BartCop later told me Cubby was in distress at my outburst.
This is where my Buddhist training came in handy...
I was going to let Cubby have it, but there was no point.
It wasn't Cubby's fault.
This casino just wasn't ready to open.
They charged "ready-to-open" prices, but they weren't, so we bailed.
I went to the front desk the next morning and said,
"I'm not happy, I want out and I don't want to pay some damn penalty
for leaving early."
The lady said, "OK."
Funny, she didn't want to know what my problem was?
I'l bet she's seen LOTS of angry people storm out.
So, if you go to Las Vegas this year, skip the Bay.
What's the moral of the story?
Anyone can complain about anything.
And if a Clinton-hating network puts it on the air,
it might even seem legitimate to the other Clinton-haters.
Is sewer-lady has a problem - she should fix it.
If it's a major, thousand-dollar problem, the landlord should fix it.
But this example continues to prove my theory:
The press built up McCain against Smirk so they'd have a story.
They built him up to create the illusion he could compete with
Smirk's
multi-millons-per-week old-time GOP elite political machine.
Now, even with Smirk ahead on some polls,
(The Fox News Whores have Smirk ahead by forty points)
the press KNOWS Gore is going to wipe the floor with whoever
the eventual GOP nominee is, so, to make it a contest, to give them
something to write about, they're building up Smirk to create the
illusion
that this is a contest - anything to avoid working for a goddamn
living.
Those lazy press whores - you can't put anything past 'em.