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Some of the old stuff was...less smooth and more ...direct, shall we say?
than the new stuff.  You have to be careful reading those older issues.
 

This is from Vol 148 - We'll Always Have Waco
 

I found an old Laura Schlessinger date card.
It has her rates posted in plain English, to avoid confusion.  (Note, these are 1998 prices)

Conversation           One beer every five minutes
Kissing                    One shot of raspberry schnapps
Petting (top)            One shot of discount tequila
Petting  (below)       Two shots discount tequila

Licking Fingers        Add $10
Sucking Fingers       Add $30
Hand job                 Add $40
Monica                   Add $75

Laura on top           Add $100
Missionary             Add $60
Doggie style           Add $75
Half and half          Add $100
Girl on Girl            Add $2
Anal sex                Add $200
(Not available after Mexican food)

Moaning                                Add $5
Screaming                             Add $10
Spanking you                        Add $25
Spanking Laura                     Add $150
Ball gag on you                     Add $30
Ball gag on Laura                  Add $2500
Cheerleader Costume            Add $80
Bo Peep Costume                 Add $75
Tarzan/Jane Costumes          Add $100
Nancy Reagan Mask             Add $600
Margaret Thatcher Mask       Add $125
Jon Benet Mask                   Add $300
NEW!  Bill Bennett Mask     Add $250
Fake orgasm                        Add $30
Real orgasm                         Add $75
Rusty Trombone                  Add $300
Dirty Sanchez                      Add $450
Cleveland Steamer               Add $475

Note: Spiderman is no longer on the menu

All rates based on half hour increments
Whips, chains, ropes, straps, handcuffs, white satin scarfs
and leather parachute harness available for a small hook up fee

Videotape of the encounter $10
Discounts for uncircumsized Palestinians
Laura reserves the right to refuse sex to overweight Republicans

Pictures Available at  bartcop.com
No Condoms
No Smokers
No Refunds

pictures here
 
 

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