I was taking a gander at the headlines over the last few days.
It’s amazing the stuff those damned old Demoncrats
are pulling, and boy, aren’t the Hannitys and Limbaughs giving them
hell for it! Let’s listen in:
Some judge named Patrick Couwenberg in Los Angeles was forcibly removed
from office after it was discovered
that he lied about his education, falsely claimed he had served with
the Armed Forces and the CIA in Vietnam,
and was late for court because of shrapnel in his groin. (Those
damn liEberals and their fascination with their groins!)
His lawyer says he has a mental condition that causes him to lie uncontrollably.
You know Limbaugh’s on the air now,
howling about how every Democrat must have this condition. Haw
haw! He says he won a Purple Heart when he
never set foot overseas? You sure his name isn’t Cowardberg?
Stop, Rush, you’re killing me!
Oh wait. Couwenberg is a Republican. Rush isn’t mentioning him. Oops.
Let’s move on. Here’s a good one. They’ve determined that
the young intern who died in Democratic Rep.
Joe Scarborough died due to head trauma caused by a blunt object.
Oho! Murdering thug Democrats!
Scarborough’s already said he won’t run for another term in office,
supposedly because he can’t keep his
hands off his interns. Looks like he can’t keep them alive, either.
Man, is Chris Matthews ripping him a
new one or what? It’s All Scarborough All the Time on Fox News
and MSNBC. You go, media watchdogs!
Oh wait. Scarborough’s a Republican.
No mention of him in any national media outlets that I see.
My bad.
Wheee-oh! Some damn liberal state congressman from North Carolina
is showing his true colors by circulating
an e-mail he received that says, “Two things made this country great:
White men & Christianity.”
It’s like I’ve always said, the damn liberals are the real racists
in this country.
What? Rep. Don Davis is a Republican? And the source of
the quote is a Website who claims that the world
is going to hell in a handbasket because of a conspiracy between “liberal
Jews” and the Masonic Illuminati?
Um, gee, no wonder it isn’t on Fox Prime Time.
Here’s another one. Looks like the Democratic governor of Massachusetts,
Jane Swift, lied on her marriage license.
She said her husband had been married only once before, when in actuality
he’d been married three times.
Oh yeah.
Democrats lie even when there’s no palpable reason. I see the
McLaughlin Group is having a field day with
Little Miss Swift. They’re even wondering if her hubby’s ex-wives
aren’t still hopping in and out of bed with
the poor sex-crazed fellow. Git em, boys!
Wups. Swift is a Republican.
The media pundits aren’t talking about her and her four-time hubby
at all.
Sorry.
Turn the page. The damn Demoncrat Attorney General John Ashcroft
is intervening in a court case against a guy
who defied a restraining order to threaten his wife and child with
a gun. Ashcroft wants to claim that the hubby
has an “inalienable” right to own and brandish a gun, no matter what
a court has told him (the restraining order
forbid him to bring a gun around his family). How sick is that?
Even more interesting, Ashcroft is trying to get
the court to admit a personal letter he wrote on office stationery
to the NRA as a “legal opinion,” even though
such a letter cannot be a “legal opinion” under the law. Yowsah!
I ought to submit this article as a legal opinion;
hell, it carries as much weight and is more fun. Good thing the
media is making hash out of Little Liberal Johnny
and his idiotic attempts to subvert this court case. He needs
to be reminded that it’s his job as Attorney General
to enforce the law, not rewrite or interpret it. Tell him, O’Reilly.
Hah? Ashcroft is a Republican? The media is paying no mind
to this at all?
O’Reilly’s never mentioned this on his show? Er, okay, next bit.
Let’s try again. Here’s a juicy little bit: the Wall Street Journal
is tearing a piece off of Miss Hillary.
Let her have it, Wall Street Journal! She wants to stop the interstate
selling of roosters. What’s this about?
Trampling over states’ rights by getting federal regulators involved?
Typical Democrat. Trying to hamstring
the perfectly legitimate, honorable poultry industry with smothering
regulations? Boy, we hear this all day,
every day, from the Dems. It’s about time someone stepped up
and whacked Hillary out of the park.
But wait a second. Senator Clinton wants to pass an amendment
to the Animal Welfare Bill that makes it illegal
to transport live roosters across state lines for the purposes of,
um, cockfighting. Cockfighting? Isn’t that illegal
in 47 states? Isn’t that one of the most disgusting excuses for
a “sport” that this country has ever produced?
Is the Wall Street Journal actually supporting cockfighting in order
to oppose Senator Hillary? And did the
Journal forget that the amendment was originally written and proposed
by a Republican, Senator Wayne Allard,
two years before Hillary even joined the Senate? And that 29
other Senators are co-sponsors of the bill, with
Hillary Clinton being one of the last to join? Gee, it seems
that this bill really has very little to do with Hillary after all.
My head hurts. Let’s move on.
Let’s see. Those idiot Dems want to make charities and public
services providers part of the “faith-based” network
of private church charities. Yeah, right. How about that
little girl who died while locked in a church day care van
on August 10 in Daytona, Florida? Thank God this tragic loss
is being spread all over the national media as an
example of just how stupid this whole idea of shifting the burden of
public service provisions to private “faith-based”
providers. What about the tax-exempt Youth Vision program in
Houston, that was gutted of funds by its church
leadership and left to rot? Great place to dump some tax funds,
I’d say.
Excuse me? It’s all a Republican idea?
No wonder I haven’t heard a word about any of this on Hannity and Colmes.
Or anywhere else.
Wow, here’s one. That damn worthless goateed fatso President of
ours is already campaigning for re-election
in 2004. He spends half of his time on vacation when he ought
to be working, and half of that time is spent going
to electoral battleground states and making campaign speeches.
What a loser! Barely in office and already
campaigning for the next election! Good thing the media is hanging
all over him and criticizing his every word.
He deserves it for putting politics over statesmanship. Just
like a typical Democrat.
Oh, back up. Bush “won” the election, not Gore. Strike that
stuff about being goateed and fat. And strike
the stuff about the media critizicing him; the coverage I’ve seen has
been fawning and obsequious, not critical;
hell, the Chicago Sun-Times is carping at Bush for actually working
too hard over his vacation.
Um, we’ll let that go, okay?
Now we’ve got one. That liberal bitch Katherine Harris is speaking
on voter fraud to a party convention
in Oregon. Ha ha! How dare she, after she stole a legitimate
election by rampantly illegal means and gave it
to her Democrat buddy? After all, she was the Democratic chair
of the Florida Election…what’s that?
Harris is a Republican? She stole the election for Bush and not
Gore?
No wonder the media isn’t paying any mind to her Oregon appearance.
OK, I’ve got a good one now. That damn Democrat tax refund isn’t
a refund at all, it’s an advance on
next year’s taxes. Worse, according to the IMF and other respected
economic advisors, the tax “refund”
is going to cost this country yea billions more than we were led to
believe – possibly as much as
$2,500,000,000,000. That’s twenty-five hundred billion for you
non-plutocrats out there. We knew them
damn Dems wanted to torpedo Medicare and Social Security all along,
and don’t even get me started on
what they want to do with all that surplus money lying around.
Good thing the media is screaming like
burnt cats over this multi-billion dollar tax fraud.
What? It’s a Bush tax “refund?” It was concocted and put
into motion by Republicans? And the media is
paying no mind at all to the fact that not only will this tax “refund”
gut the US government’s ability to pay its
bills and fund critical programs, but it has to be paid back?
Liberal media?
With CNN slobbering all over Rush Limbaugh to jump onboard?
My ass.
Copyright ©2001 Black Max