My muse has been inspired
by things that have transpired
from election day and what's happened in between.
You may not want to hear it,
(You're smart to even fear it)
But I'm forced to pen the funny shit we've seen.

Gore was pretty boring
and inspired mucho snoring,
his attitude and speaking style were wrong.
But learning from his rival,
his campaign became a revival
and he went on to beat Bill Bradley like a gong.

But he couldn’t get away
from the things that others say
‘bout Clinton’s lying, flagrant whoring and what-not.
He said, “Trust me... All my life
I’ve been faithful to my wife,
I won't fool around... 'cuz then I might get caught.”

George Bush seemed kind of brash,
and he spent a lot of cash
to buy the nomination of his party early.
With sentences disjointed
and a head that’s slightly pointed,
he’s a candidate that came off looking squirrely.

He said that back in college,
he “learned a lot of knowledge”
And, as governor, he had a real good record.
He said, “Just look at what I’ve done!
And forget about that run
of bad decisions that made my past seem checkered.”

So Bradley quit it early,
and McCain left feelin’ surly
and Keyes.. ..I think he’s somewhere out there preachin’.
It's been whittled down to two,
and they were okay guys, it’s true.. ..
But to say that they’re the best just might be reachin’.

I mean, come on... Look at Gore.
And then look at him some more...
you’ll notice that he’s gotten somewhat balder.
But he proved that he’s still young,
as he kissed his wife (with tongue).
And then, right on the convention floor...  He mauled her.

He said he volunteered
for a war in which he feared
that he might be coming home inside a casket.
He said, “I’d never shirk
my sworn duty, like ole Smirk.
(George Bush heard this and he promptly blew a gasket)

And George, I want to know
- yes or no - do you do blow?
‘cause my buddy’s out and I was kinda wonderin’...
Never mind... Hey! No offense.
We’ll just say that’s all past tense.
But then, what the hells the reason for your blunderin’?

Is “subliminable”, a word?
Is an “ostrix”, a big bird?
And “Is our children learning?”... What the heck?
Your mispronunciation
shows a lack of education
And it’s NUCLEAR - not NUKE-YOO-LAR, you feck.

Gore, in self-defense,
used chest-beating arrogance
to battle evil obstacles like... facts.
Bush put out some ads
And was heard to cry... ”Egads!”
when the “RATS” came back to bite him in the ass.

So, who’s to say who’s best?
They’re just guys, like all the rest.
Either one will be just like the one we had.
And I’m really not delighted
That this election may be decided
By the tiniest little dimple on a chad.

Reprinted courtesy of  NetWits Magazine
I am a staff writer for them and the poem is included in their current November issue.

 www.netwitsmagazine.com

Also,  www.LoPhatHam.com is due to debut in December.

Thanks for your support,

Lo Phat