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Mike's Survivor Review
SURVIVOR: Heroes Vs Villians
Episode 8: Russell Wins
We return to Villains camp the morning after Russell’s
double reverse fake with the idol, followed by Tyson
being a blithering idiot totally changed the
game. Boston Rob is cracking up, not understanding how Pavarti,
Russell and Danielle who doesn’t exist can be
so happy, down 5-3 against the majority, but maybe it’s because
it wasn’t Tyson who screwed himself, maybe it
was somebody else, maybe Rob’s alliance is crumbling and
he doesn’t even know it, to say the least Rob’s
pretty rattled by the vote that happened last night.
Courtney gets screen time, (Russell and Rupert’s
agents are frantically calling CBS demanding to know what
mix-up in editing allowed her to talk. This is
the Rupert and Russell show dammit!) where she declares Russell
an ugly troll who doesn’t wash and Pavarti as
willing to flirt with anything, which is why they are such a good alliance.
We are given a shot of Russell acting trollish
so we know who’s side the producers are on here.
Pavarti runs over to Russell and says “My Hero!”
as she hugs him. Oh Russell, you’re so getting played here.
The Pavarti/Russell/Other Girl faction celebrates
their victory at tribal and decides that Jerri is the weak link they can
peel off from Boston Rob’s alliance. Pavarti
doesn’t seem too happy about this, nor does Other Girl, but Russell sells
it hard.
Boston Rob promos that he doesn’t know why Russell’s
group is so happy, maybe it’s cause
they expect to ally with the heroes after the
merger, or maybe Rob’s alliance isn’t so strong.
We’re back and Jerri’s getting the hard sell from
Team Russell, she’s all wishy washy about the whole deal.
Russell declares he’s got Jerri locked up, and
that he’s done it in spite of Jerri’s hatred of Pavarti, and that he
brings people together and is awesome. If Obama
would just send him to the middle east he’d have this whole
Israel/Palestine thing solved before lunch.
Pavarti declares that it’s Rob/Sandra/Courtney
in one camp and Russell/Pavarti/Other Girl in the other camp
and Coach and Jerri are the swing. She also says
that Jerri’s got issues, mad issues.
Over to Heroes Camp, Rupert whines and complains
and then says they voted out a one legged man on their last vote,
and well, he doesn’t know if that was the right
play or not. He grumbles that Colby, who has two legs, had best step
up
and prove himself right quick.
Colby is reborn, saying he’s survived 2 or 3 tribals
that he was sure would be his downfall, and well, now he’s ready
to dominate, well he better he, cause it’s him
or Candice going next for the Heroes, that’s for sure. We then get
more
small talk about the need for Colby to quit sucking
from the Heroes.
And it’s challenge time, the challenge is for
reward and the reward is a picnic with real food! Go food!
The challenge itself is pretty much a water version
of the basketball game James blew his knee out in.
We’re playing to the “number Jeff said off Camera”
of 3. ha ha
Point #1 Colby kicks ass and takes names, we also learn that Coach can’t shoot a basketball to save his life.
Point #2, Colby beats the piss out of Jerri (Man,
the Hero men seem to enjoy beating her down)
and Candice ends up making the point for the
Heroes.
Point #3 Colby again mans up and the Heroes win.
Colby declares this victory to be awesome, amazing,
and a lot of other positive things,
Colby is now totally back in this game, go Colby!
We come back with the Heroes going to their reward.
JT does a promo declaring the Heroes reborn
as a fighting machine that shall crush the Villains,
nothing can stop the Heroes now, victory is assured!
My Rupert hate triggers when we see the Heroes
heading to a feast, and at the feast table is a note, the Heroes
crack open the note and find out that there is
another idol at their camp. This prompts a Rupert promo where he
laments how awful the note was, because man,
they were having fun and were a family and singing “Kumbaya”
and frolicking cheerfully, but the note brings
“The game” back into the picture, that evil awful game.
Yeah you’re right Rupert, you thought you were
going on an island just to hang out and make friends,
you had no idea there was a game called Survivor
to be played. Of course unlike the other 19 people
on the show, Rupert’s been given a million dollars
based on kind editing, so maybe the game really is lost on him,
since he’s the only person to win at Survivor
without having to win it. It just drives me up a wall listening to
him
lament “Oh why must Survivor creep into Survivor?!”
you know who never asks that? Russell, or Boston Rob,
or JT, or Amanda…OR ANYONE WHO IS GOOD AT THIS
GAME…Argh I hate Rupert so much,
he broke his toe day one, why didn’t these idiots
keep Sugar over him, at least she’s pretty. I hate everything.
The note reveals that there is another idol at
Heroes camp, the Heroes take the Villain pledge to find it as a team
and use it as a weapon Vs the Villains…Of course
if Candice or Colby had any brains at all they would just make
a mad dash for that thing as soon as they got
back to camp, they are on the outside of the Amanda/Rupert/JT alliance
and clearly have nothing to lose, what can they
be threatened with? Being voted out?! Oh no, that was gonna happen anyway.
Back at Villains camp, Jerri pledges her vote
to Russell, Russell promises a new and improved final 3 of Russell/Coach/Jerri.
Coach is brought over to the conversation and
Russell gives him the same speech. Coach does a promo saying that Russell
is full of crap, and that Jerri’s stupid for
buying it. This is like some alternate universe where Coach
is a voice of logic and reason.
I half expect to wake up tomorrow and find out
that Obama’s ACORN armies are in fact marching door to door, using
information gleaned from the Census to gather
up the enemies of the new Muslim socialist republic and herd them into
FEMA death camps. We’ll all be listening to Glenn
Beck frantically crying out “I was right, I told you all! I knew this
day would come!” before FOX News goes forever
silent, and the age of Sharia law dawns in America.
Jerri pulls on Coach’s heartstrings, Coach looks
sad as hell, since he knows Jerri’s making a deal with the devil and it’s
a huge mistake for her, and he doubts he can
talk her out of it. Coach does a promo about how he’s honor bound to
play the game with Jerri, and that if she’s with
Russell, that he’s pretty much stuck having to follow her lead. Jerri and
Coach talk, she declares Russell’s play last
night really swayed her, and that Rob is disloyal and can’t be trusted,
because he’s done everything he said he’d do
so far this season. Coach brings this up, that Rob’s played a straight,
honest game this time around, but he’s really
hurt that Jerri trusts Russell as much as she trusts him.
A quick rewind here, Jerri and Rob played on All-Stars
and Jerri was voted out by her idiot tribe, who tried to
curry favor with Rob by keeping Amber over Jerri.
This failed and they all went home and were very bitter about it.
Yeah Rob snaked the hell out of them, but that
was that game, it’s like saying a poker pro bluffed all the time last time
you played him, so this time you’ll call him
all the time, and suddenly he’s always turning over the nuts, crazy how
that works.
Jerri does a promo about how Coach is an idiot
who doesn’t get that you have to cut throats to win this game, and that
Russell cuts throats, cause he wants to win,
which is clearly why you should ally with him, cause man, people that are
hell bent on winning are exactly the people I
want to keep around. I don’t want to keep honor believing idiots like
Rupert and Coach around, nah, keep the stone
cold killers like Russell in the game for as long as possible,
that’ll serve you well. Jerri is of course a
moron.
We’re dumped right into the immunity challenge
which is once again ‘run around to get puzzle pieces, and then solve the
puzzle’.
The Villains, having been screwed by the producers
into sitting three women on the reward challenge, have to sit three different
people this time, and thusly have to sit out
a man, and lose Russell, so their physical activity people are Pavarti,
Courtney and
Coach, going against Rupert, Candice, an Colby
for the Heroes, JT and Amanda on puzzle duty Vs puzzle masters Boston Rob
and Sandra for the villains.
The Villains get a lead on the first lap, as Candice
and Colby suck at running the course, but everything falls apart when Courtney
goes for her second bag. She not only loses the
lead, but falls way behind Candice, and allows the Heroes to get a solid
head start
in the puzzle phase. JT and Amanda quit sucking
at puzzles for once (Or Rob and Sandra choke) and the Heroes win immunity.
Coach is the voice of reason, and the Heroes
win back to back challenges, this really is the “Glenn Beck is right” universe.
Coach lets us know that Courtney is weak, and
that he believes in keeping a tribe strong, blah blah blah.
This is the magic of Coach and all the intelligence
he has to offer. “Vote out weak, keep strong.”
Back from the break we have Russell letting us
know that Rob choked, Courtney sucked, and Sandra did nothing, thanks for
recapping what I already said Russell. Rob asks
Russell who he wants to vote out, and Russell, to Sandra and Courtney’s
faces,
says he’d vote one of them out, and this is why
for all his great planning and scheming, Russell will never win. You have
to keep
in mind that this season happened before the
live finale of last season, so he thinks he won that season, and he thinks
being a jerk
to people will have no real negative impact on
him, that he can just be a scumbag and in the end, he will be handed the
check for
a million dollars anyhow, because he’s just so
awesome.
Great point.
Russell thinks he won last season and he thinks
stabbing the jurors in the back is a smart move.
Also, I wonder why none of the heroes or villians
are curious about Russell.
He's a "villian" they've never seen play the
game - yet they trust him?
Didn't they wonder how he got his villianous
reputation?
Of course the other reason he says this is because
Sandra and Courtney are Rob’s core alliance, and he knows that if he flipped
Rob’s vote, that Rob would be in the minority,
so again, his tactics for winning the vote are sound, but they are tactics
that insure
he’ll be left begging the person who wins this
game to give him the title of ‘sole survivor’ after it’s all said and done.
Russell again re-caps the “If I got Rob to vote
out Courtney he’s doomed” part of what I just said in his re-cap,
he’s doing my job for me, thanks Russell, you’re
a peach!
Rob and Coach meet up, Coach wants Pavarti or
Courtney gone, Rob says it has to be Russell. They argue about Courtney,
Coach says she’s weak, Rob says she’s loyal.
They reach an accord with fist bumps and other such foolishness.
Rob promos that he’s attacking Coach on his supposed
honor and being loyal,
and that he better come through and vote out
Russell or he’s a liar.
Coach goes to Russell, who wants Courtney or Sandra
gone, calling them ‘snakes.’ Coach says that Russell’s awesome
for not taking Rob’s burning hatred of him personally
and that Russell puts the tribe above the personal issues. Of course a
few seconds later Russell says to blindside Rob,
and he and his ladies all agree that Rob’s going home, so Russell was a
big man
for about 45 seconds there, Coach whines that
he would really rather it be Courtney, but now Russell, who was moments
ago
all about team strength is 100% for booting Rob.
Coach blubbers that he wants to be true to both
Russell and Rob, well guess what Coach, you can’t. You have to pick a side.
Coach declares Rob deserves to keep playing,
but he gave Russell his word. Coach is like a conservadem, who wants
health care reform to pass, but only sorta kinda
maybe.
Rob and Jerri talk, Rob lets Jerri know he’s cool
with her voting to further herself in the game, and the understands that
she
doesn’t trust him, and that’s cool also. He leaves
her and then she and Coach have a talk, where Coach again tells her Rob
shouldn’t leave, he’s needed for challenges.
Jerri laments “I’m not a good Villain” and that’s our title for the show.
Off to tribal, blah blah blah.
We go to the votes, and we end up tied at 3 votes
Rob, 3 votes Russell, when suddenly a random vote for Courtney is cast,
now we’re 3 votes Rob, 3 votes Russell, 1 vote
Courtney, final vote is for Rob, and with that Boston Rob is defeated.
As Rob leaves Coach goes for a hug, Rob calls him a “Little man” and leaves. Oh burn!
Next Week: No merger and the Villains implode!
Heroes unified!
The narrative of the season shifts again!
THOUGHTS
Using one of my allowed bad words for the recap,
honestly, how is it in a tribe with 5 women that Coach is the biggest pussy
in the Villains? He knew 4 votes were going at
Rob, and 3 were going at Russell, and he votes "abstain". How gutless,
as if
Rob's blood isn't on his hands. Pick a side and
own your vote. Rob had every right to call him out for that crap.
Was booting Boston Rob the right play? The more
I think about it, I lean towards no, both politically and strength wise
I think it was a mistake. The major problem for
the Villains is that they are divided; they have a 4-2-1 situation, with
Sandra
and Courtney next to go, with Coach on the outs
of the 4 person alliance. If the merger did hit on the next show, Sandra
and
Courtney would have flipped almost instantly
to the Heroes and given them the majority, and hell odds are Coach would
flip
to join good old JT and totally honorable Rupert
and Colby. Russell’s alliance would have been taking on more water than
the Titanic.
Seems to me that voting off Boston Rob is like
the Indiana Colts voting off Payton Manning.
Rob was the only guy on the whole team who knew
how to win - and they fire him?
Now let’s say you vote out Courtney and merger
hits, yeah Boston Rob is far more likely than Courtney to win immunity
for himself, but he’s still got to win it, and
JT’s a strong threat, Colby’s getting back into form, Candice beat all
of her tribe
to win an immunity that saved her, so there’s
a lot of people out there that can win it to stop him, and also people
know
he’s a threat to win immunity, so the odds that
people would want to keep him around are less.
Finally, he’s Boston Rob, Jerri couldn’t trust
him, he’s a snake, if he ran to the Heroes and said “Russell’s got control
of
the Villains camp, I need you guys to help me.”
He’s a snake everyone knows it, he’s not nearly as believable as Sandra
and Courtney are on the issue of how evil Russell
and his Russellites are. He could be voted out the first time he loses
immunity just for being such a physical threat.
And the merger won’t hit, so now the Villains
are out one of their best players for the challenges and will be scrambling
to win
them, if they lose this one odds are Courtney
goes home next, because as fun as it is to believe that ‘The Villains implode!’
as the
preview stated, odds are the alliance will hold
up, there are smart moves that both sides should make, but I doubt they
will.
Jerri and Coach’s smartest move is to make Russell
vote out Pavarti. Prove that he’s serious about them being the final 3,
get rid of his day 1 alliance mate. Coach and
Jerri can swing a vote with Sandra and Courtney and they’ll have full control
over the game, after they vote out Pavarti, they
can swing right back to voting out Courtney, and then again, they can go
to
Sandra and vote out Russell or Other Girl, or
they can stick to the Russell alliance and vote out Sandra. This would
be the
best of plans for them, but Coach is so ‘strength’
and ‘honor’ focused he won’t do it most likely.
Have you ever, in your whole life, seen someone
lie to themselves as big and as often as Coach?
He's absolutely delusional in that he thinks
he's some "warrior" with "honor."
By the same token, Russell and his alliance need
to vote out Coach, he’ll run to JT in a heartbeat after the merger.
Russell is in trouble already in that he’s going
to have to do something to keep the Villains united after the merger,
but clearly Sandra and Courtney aren’t going
to be huge fans of ‘Operation mow down the Heroes till we can get
back
to sending you two home.’ His work is cut out
for him. The last thing he needs is more people defecting. Coach will defect,
he hates Russell, he loved Rob, he needs a new
man-crush, the Heroes will give him that, Coach has to go yesterday.
If he'd just humored Coach and voted out Courtney
this time, maybe he wouldn't have run to JT. Now the bridge is burnt,
and Coach is a dupe, JT knows he can use him,
Sandra and Courtney have less credibility with the Heroes than Coach will.
But odds are Russell thinks he can control Coach,
and odds are he’ll stick to his plan of booting out Courtney and Sandra,
whatever happens, the next Villains tribal will
be interesting.
Of course this means they’ll win the next immunity
challenge and we’ll have fake drama before the 4-1 Candice boot is read.
Unless Candice isn’t an idiot and just goes and
digs up the idol to prevent being booted. People, not be idiots on this
show?! Impossible!
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