Dear Mr Bartcop

 I know that I might have caused your email system to crash with all my emails this week,
 and i know that you haven't posted any of them yet, so I have a proposition for you.

 You are obviously a very busy man, with your daily tirades and your love for Chivas,
 or whatever that booze is that you have been hyping.  So I have put together all my replies
 to you this week and have created a copy that all you have to do is change it to html and upload.

 Before I get to it, I have some suggestions for a name change for you.
 You could call your tome Bartfart Satirical, or BS for short.

Or maybe Bartfart Art, or BA for short.

 You're a classy guy, Papa.
 Was it your "talent on loan from God," that came up with that?
 No wonder you don't mind Rush's blowjob jokes and tampon jokes.
 

I know that you push the envelope to its limit, so I don't think you will be offended.
But if you ever get to posting porno pixs on your page, I will be unable to visit you to straighten you out.

 Sure, I could refer to your page as "Papa's Sack o' Manure,"
 but Jesus wouldn't be proud me me if I returned your vulgarisms.

I have saved you the trouble of making opening comments.  So here it is.

Some of you have asked about my insanely religious righteous buddy papax7.

 That should read, "religiously insane."

 He has sent me so much email this week that I have
 dedicated this issue to him.  If you want to see him, go to
 http://www.shalomjerusalem.com

 He has not only his picture on the home page, but he has a section with several old photos of
 his ancestors from his papa's side (Magee) to his GGGGgranddad (Sheldon) on his mama's side.

 Here it is.
 You might be able to do a whole Rush Limbaugh-A Heritage Hero for America (RL-AHHA),
 or whatever it is you call your web page.

 I have two things.
 This week, here in MI, we had a story coming out of Manistee, in the heart of Republican country.
 A 43 year old woman and her mother were walking downtown when a Mexican asked the mother,
 in Spanish, if she could please move. The 43 year old woman then said, and I quote,
 "I wish these damned spics would learn to speak English."

 There was an off duty police officer, of Mexican heritage, who overheard this and he followed the
 two ladies to their car, where the 43 year old proceeded to "flip him off". He took down the license
 plate number and filed a complaint.

 The 43 year old got a summons to appear in court for "disorderly conduct",
 but when she got there she was charged with "insulting conduct in a public place."

 Manistee, a dumpy little town in the heart of one of the most Republican districts in America,
 has an ordinance stating "No person shall engage in any indecent, insulting, immoral or obscene
 conduct in any public place."

 It is obvious the Repubs in this area are not compassionate conservatives. I would like some comment
 from you on this incident. I will agree that what the 43 year old woman said wasn't nice, and she
 probably isn't a "lady"

 Suddenly, I'm content to live in Knuckledrag.
 I have no comment other than all those in that story deserve each other.
 I'm grateful there were no children involved.

 Now for part two.
 The following is based on a true story. Some of the names have been changed to protect
 the innocent and some titles have been added to make it more interesting.

 Sen. Papa, junior Constitutional Party Senator from Oklahoma, revealed this week
 that one of his office computers had been used to access some porn web sites.
 Upon being notified of this, Sen Papa, often referred to as being fair, honest and the
 conscience of the senate, immediately installed a porn blocking program to block further
 access to porn sites, and suspended the staffer's Internet access.

 The White House (the one in DC, not the porn site that was accessed) issued a statement
 through their chief propaganda officer, Bart Cop, criticizing Sen Papa's hypocrisy.
 Sen Papa had recently been critical of some White House staffers accessing
 and downloading large amounts of pornography.

 For those of you who live in Rio Linda, this parable is similar to what occurred with Sen Inhofe
 and his office.  Yes, some staffers did download so much porn that it crashed the office computer
 system. But when Sen Inhofe found out, he fired the staffers involved. And he has even been
 somewhat sympathetic with the porngate problem in the White House.

 ...on second thought, maybe you should stick with material written by others.
 For some reason, you wear me out.
 I've been arguing with knuckleheads since 1990, and you just make me tired.
 Maybe because I know deeeeeeep down you're a decent guy that
 I guess I hesitate to run you thru with my terrible, swift sword.
 

 Yes, the White House has said that they have "taken action" against the staffers
 involved in their "porngate" situation. But they haven't said what that action was.
 Were they fired?
 Were they given commendations?
 The Sen Inhofe situation occurred in June 1999. This was about the same time that
 porngate was occurring. And some sources even state that White House people knew
 what was going on about this time.
 I can't wait to see you comment on this in a future issue of RL-AHHA

 Papa, Sean Hannity makes more sense than you.  (Not a compliment)
 What the hell are you talking about?
 Who did Inhofe fire?
 What were their positions and titles?
 What does he consider "porn?"
 Playboy.com?
 Bartcop.com?

 It's difficult to nail you on something because you're all over the place.
 That "tired" thing you do to opponents is really something.
 It's slick!

 Can you teach me that?

 <<Bartcop wrote:
 White House Denounces Counsel Over Clinton Report
 WASHINGTON (Reuters) - The White House on Thursday denounced the independent counsel's
 office over reports that a new grand jury has been hearing evidence against President Clinton in the
 Monica Lewinsky case. Independent counsel Robert Ray reportedly impaneled a grand jury on July 11.
 Ray took over as independent counsel in the investigation after Kenneth Starr's departure.
 White House spokesman Jake Siewert said. ``The timing of this leak reeks to high heaven,
 but given the record of the office of the independent counsel, it's not surprising.''

 If I was Al Gore, I'd scrap the prepared speech and go with this news.
 "That's all the GOP offers America - peeping into your bedroom. If Bush is elected, they will repeat 1998
 and shut down the government so they can investigate the sex lives of their political opponents." >>

 PAPA REPLIES: I kind of expected this from you and all your lunylib demo cronies.
 Did you see the news where the REAL leaker of this news admitted his mistake?

 Let me tell you about him.

  <snippage>
  We know all about the Democratic judge.

 I was wondering if you plan on issuing an apology for unjustly inferring that the GOPpers were to blame?
 And I am also wondering if you plan on telling your bosses at the White House to issue an apology also.

  Let me see... how should I put this?
 "No," and "No."

 <<The Smirk Smack of the Day.
 Not only that, but the air in Houston today is rated UNHEALTHY! Way to go, Smirk! >>

 PAPA REPLIES: The Facts: Emissions in Texas have dropped.
 Under gee Dubya's governorship, emissions have fallen in Texas. According to the Texas Natural
 Resources Conservation Commission's Industrial Emissions Inventory, industrial air emissions in
 Texas have dropped by 11% from 1994 to 1998.

 Houston does not lead the nation in air pollution. Los Angeles has surpassed Houston this year
 in ozone exceedances. Through July 17, Los Angeles has exceeded the federal ozone standard
 on 17 days, compared to Houston's 13 days. (Associated Press, 8/7/00)

 Now I now that you rarely deal with facts, so I can see why you are just following
 the marching orders of your lunylib demo bosses.

 I don't believe you, on many different levels.

 A.  I made nothing up.
      My source is USA Today.
      Their source is the American Lung Association and the EPA.
      You, of course, will say the scientists are lying because you are anti-education.
      To you, science and logic are "the tricks" the devil uses to confuse the innocent.
      Remember, when Hitler gathered up the Jews, he also gathered the teachers and the
      pointy-headed elites.  Why?  Because education is the enemy to the ignorant.
      I'd like to see you and Adolph disagree on the dangers of having an education.

 B. Are you trying to say Smirk cleaned the Texas air with his "voluntary" program?
     You can't be that stupid - nobody is.
     If Big Oil can make $50,000,000 cleanly, or $50,000,010 by pumping hundreds
     of thousands of tons of toxins in the air every year, they'll make that extra ten bucks.
     I can't explain why they act this way, but it's the same thing that keeps Laura and Pigboy
     screaming at Clinton and whoring for shitty products when they already have a hundred
     million each tucked away safely in the bank.
     That extra nickle is everything to the committed ditto-monkey.

 C. The reason I quote USA Today is NOT because they're a good paper.
      I quote them so people like you can verify what I'm saying.
      If I quote the K-Drag World, you'll say, Scan it and show me" every time.
      Today's USA Today, ONCE AGAIN, shows Houston's air is "UNHEALTHY"
      and they say the air in Los Angeles is "Moderate."
      But I should believe your RNC-faxes instead of the Lung Association and the EPA?

 D.  "IF" (I'm trusting you know the meaning of that word) Texas's air is cleaner,
       I wouldn't credit the man whose fortune and power came from Big Oil.
       I'd assume the liberals with all their "business-killing regulations" were the cause
       until I saw some scientific data on the subject.

 E.  YOUR side is the side that gets an erection talking about what an idiot the
      "tree-hugging, combustion engine hater" Gore is.

       You can't run away from your record at a time like this.
       When Gore starts talking about cleaner air, you guys hoot & holler and play
       grab-ass with each other just thinking about Gore's stupid clean air bullshit.

       "IF" the air gets cleaner,
       only a ditto-monkey would credit the side who voted to relax federal standards for clean air.
       Only a fool would credit the side that claims government should stay out of it.
       Only a soldier in Rush's Army would credit the polluters for the cleaner air.

...........
 

 <<<Subject: Papax7
 From: style_invitational@yahoo.com

 Just curious... Whatever happened to your religious friend "Papax7"?
 WM

 He's still around, and still insane.
 Every week or so he sends a 180 Meg "Papa's Cyber Weakly" to me that contains
 every fax the GOP sent him, but no original material. I'll put a link up to his next tome. >>>

 PAPA REPLIES: Its nice that your readers miss me. I don't know how much of my emails to you
 this week will make it into your RL-AHHA issue 957, but it won't be for lack of trying.

 I do occasionally put in some original stuff, but not too much. The purpose of Papa's Cyber Weakly
 is to report news that the mainline biased media types don't report.

 Oh, poor you!  All you have is
 Fox Whore News,
 the Moonie Washington Times,
 the NY Post,
 the Dallas Morning Whore,
 the Whore Street Journal,
 Matt the Internet Whore,
 Tim the Whore,
 This Whore with Sam & Cokie,
 Face the Whore,
 the McLaughlin Whore,
 Rush the vulgar Pigboy,
 Laura the Martyr,
 Michael Medved,
 William Safire,
 Robert Novak's three shows,
 G. Gordon Liddy,
 the Michael Reagan show,
 The Ollie Traitor show,
 O'Reilly the Whore,
 Hannity the Whore,
 Paula Von Zahn,
 Juan Williams,
 Judas "Stephie" Maximus,
 Chris the Screamer,
 Mancow,
 Bob Grant,
 Lucianne Goldberg,
 The Beltway Boys,
 plus Laura Ingraham, Barbara Olson, Ann Coulter, Paul Greenburg and the
 dozens of we-hate-Clinton-more-than we-love-our-families crowd,

 ...but you feel the need to get the word out due to the "mainline biased media?"

 Now do you see why I question your sanity?

 Each issue has opening comments and closing comments. I know that they are long, and you
 probably are on your fifth bottle of Chinaco by the time you get to the end of each issue.

 Actually, I send out Papa's Cyber Weakly twice a weak, but I know how busy you are
 putting out ten issues of RL-AHHA a weak and getting 964 emails a weak.
 And you forgot to put in the link to Papa's Cyber Weakly. Its
 http://www.egroups.com/group/papax7

-----------------------------------------------------------------
 PLACE YOUR REBUTTAL HERE, IF YOU CAN COME UP WITH ONE)

 Rebuttal to what?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

 First off, let me apologize for neglecting to keep up with your web site stuff.
 I went to your link page and was a little bit sad that your favorite right wing zealot wasn't listed.
 But never mind that.

 Secondly, I couldn't help but notice from reading a couple of your latest rantings that you don't
 like Fox News and its cadre of reporters and reporterettes.

 I can understand why you don't like them. They actually ask the tough questions of your lunylib
 demo bosses and they aren't reporting just the "left of center" (far left of center) side of an issue.
 As you should be aware of, in my twice a weak Papa's Cyber Weakly I carry examples of the
 mainline media types left wing bias.

 And lastly, you seem to be of the mind that the most recent Grand Jury investigation is into
 BC's sexual escapades, or "peeping into your bedroom".

 It saddens me that your feel that his being found in contempt of court, his perjury,
 and his upcoming disbarment are considered "peeping into your bedroom".

  You are such a fake.
  The whole point of Linda Tripp working with Ken Starr was to create a situation
  where they knew Clinton couldn't use his Constitutional powers to refuse to answer.
  So Clinton did just what the American voters would've done, and that's why you guys
  lost seats and why Clinton would kick your ass again if he could run.

  No one in American history has ever had a taxpayer-funded, never-ending witchhunt
  like the way your bedroom peepers came after Clinton.  You still think Clinton's cock is a crime.
  Can't you see how out-of-touch that religio-inspired revenge crap has hurt the GOP?
  It's one of the reason Smirk's going to lose this election.

  Papa, will you ever get off Clinton's cock?

 I know that the chances of all me emails being read from me are slight, but I
 feel an obligation to your readers, like  style_invitational@yahoo.com  of making
 my presence known. It appears that I am the balance to your left wing rantings.

 I acknowledge that 99% of the time that you fairly represent me to your readers
 and are AOK for a lunylib BC loving demo.
 _______________________
 PLACE YOUR REBUTTAL HERE

 I disagree with your assertion that you are sane.

 <<<Rush is whining about Social Sucurity being in trouble.

 Hey, Pigboy!
 If what you say is true, (snicker)
 why is Smirk calling for a trillion dollar tax cut for the rich?
 According to you, the country can't afford it! >>>

 Its obvious that you don't understand the complexities of our tax system.
 The SS system is separate from the rest of the tax system.
 The GOPpers have a lock box plan that your bosses, Clinton/AlphaGore version 8.0
 are trying to claim as their own. So every few weeks when the surplus number keeps growing,
 it is a surplus that is separate from SS.

 Social Security, at this time, has a surplus. But it is heading for trouble.
 At some time in the future expenses will far exceed income.
 There is a fundamental problem with SS that needs to be addressed
 within the context of  the SS system. Your bosses Clinton/AlphaGore version 8.0
 want to just throw surplus money at it.

 That won't fix the long term problems with SS.
 You're welcome for me straightening you out.

------------------------------------------------------------------------
 YOUR REBUTTAL HERE

 I'm beginning to think this is a hoax.
 Is that you, Artie?

 First, you said, Social Security is heading for trouble.
 Then you follow that with, Clinton/Gore want to just throw surplus money at it.

 See?
 You're better at arguing my side than I am.

 ...are we getting close to the end?
 I'm really tired...

<<<Great Confirming Quotes

BartCop said:
Why don't you whip your Bible out when you're alone?
Oh, that's right.
You want to be seen praying.

The prayers mean nothing in and of themselves, it's being seen praying that
gives them that special thrill. That's why they want to pray in schools and
football games and every other damn place - so other people can watch them.
"And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray
standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men.
I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full.
But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your
Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret,
will reward you.

And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans,
for they think they will be heard because of their many words.
Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.
(Jesus Christ, thru Matthew 6:5-8) >>>

Quoting Scripture. I Like that. Too bad you really don't know what you are talking about.
Let me quote some more scripture right back at you.

MT.:13: Ye are the salt of the earth: but if the salt have lost his savour, wherewith shall it be salted?
it is thenceforth good for nothing, but to be cast out, and to be trodden under foot of men.

14: Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid.

15: Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick;
and it giveth light unto all that are in the house.

16: Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works,
 and glorify your Father which is in heaven.
 

 You see why snip Papax7's e-mails?
 He can go for days like this...
 

Mk:4:21: And he said unto them, Is a candle brought to be put under a bushel, or under a bed?
and not to be set on a candlestick?

Lk:11:33: No man, when he hath lighted a candle, putteth it in a secret place, neither under a bushel,
but on a candlestick, that they which come in may see the light.

Now those of you who oppose any kind of public prayer always use the verses you use to
attack public prayer. I don't mean to sound like I am forcing my beliefs on you and your readers,
but I do have an obligation to defend the faith.

When those of us who believe that we should be able to pray before a football game,
or meet before or after school to pray, don't want to "pray so as to be seen."

As the Bible also says "1Thes:5:18: In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God
in Christ Jesus concerning you."

The context of the verses you quoted was that there were many religious Jews during the first days
of Jesus who wanted others to see them praying, etc. They did that for selfish reasons.
Its all a matter of the heart. Jesus Christ looks sees the heart attitude and knows the motivation.
HE knows what we want and need without us asking, but HE does command us to "ask"

I can see you now, saying that the verses I used don't mention "prayer". You are right.
They mention "light" and "salt".

 I don't know how many of these I have to write before you acknowledge me.
 But I will keep it up when I get the chance.
 And another thing, when Jesus fed the multitudes, he publicaly prayed and gave thanks for the food.
 And in Luke chapter 3 Jesus prayed publically at his baptism.
 

 Nobody said, "You can't pray."
 No power on Earth can stop you from praying.
 Say it after me:

 No-body Can Stop Me From Pray-ing.

 Say it again.

 No-body Can Stop Me From Pray-ing.

 You see how easy that is?
 But you want to pray with a microphone and speakers
 in a setting when schoolkids are expected to be present.

 You already have that which you claim you need.

 I have an idea:
 Why not go to Radio Shack, but a mic and some speakers and then
 invite the neighbors over for some old-fashioned snake-handlin'?

 You do a lot of talking about Jerusalem.
 You know, if a Jew grabs the microphone,  he might say Jesus isn't God.
  Then what happens?

 You don't have the sense to realize the Supreme Court ruling protects YOU
  from having to hear some crazy person go on and on about his superstitions.
 
 

 By the way, when Jesus prayed,  he didn't use the school's PA system, did he?