Subject: Forensic analysis of Pretzelgate

BC -

We have been told by the White House medical staff that Mr. Bush's facial bruising
is due to hitting his head after being put in an unconscious state from choking on a pretzel.

The likelihood of such an occurrence is so remote that it can barely be calculated - if such
a thing were to happen so much as one time in a million, there would be an infant choking
hazard warning on every bag of pretzels sold in this country.

As it stands, pretzels are right up there with Cheerios and bananas as leading teething-infant
-to-toddler age snack foods.  Humans who have just learned to swallow are not at risk of
choking on pretzels according to medical professionals, but the President of the United States
- a man who has been swallowing for well over 50 years - blacked out after choking on one.

This medical diagnosis is thoroughly inconsistent with the facts of the case as we know them.
Excuse me...  I feel a sneeze coming on... ahh... Ahh... AHH... KLAUSITIS!

Excuse me.

We'll never know all the facts,
so the truth of the White House Medical Staff's official diagnosis will forever be conjecture.

Sincerely,

Carl Knorr